CHAPTER 7

A few hours later, Ray was clearing away the remains of their meal. He was feeling pretty proud of himself. He'd managed to cook a decent, edible meal with chicken, vegetables and rice. Gloria had very kindly helped out with the ingredients and some advice, but even so, the actual cooking over an open fire had been all Ray. Fraser had been desperate to jump in and help on a few occasions, but he had resisted the urge as he could tell that Ray wanted to do this on his own.

So now Fraser was playing his guitar, strumming a few chords and picking out tunes. Ray recognised some the songs, but not all of them. One in particular, Ride Forever, always made him smile as he remembered a time he had walked into the Canadian Consulate back in Chicago and found Fraser, Constable Turnbull and Inspector Thatcher all singing it together. Apparently it was some sort of unofficial Mountie anthem? It was one of the strangest things he'd ever seen, not so much Fraser and Turnbull as they often did strange things, but the Ice Queen? Ray laughed a little at the memory. Fraser stopped playing. "What's so funny Ray?" he asked.

"Nothin' buddy," replied Ray. He finished the clearing up and Fraser went back to playing his guitar. Ray picked up his rucksack and placed it on the floor nearer to the fire. He stretched out on the ground using the bag as a pillow and crossing one foot over the other. He sighed. "Well this was not exactly how I imagined this weekend would go," he said.

"Agreed," replied Fraser, placing his guitar on the ground. "It feels like we've been here much longer than two nights."

Ray nodded. "Kinda packed a lot in, huh?" Fraser smiled and looked at the fire. "I'm, er, I'm sorry about the other night Fraser," he stared at the fire too, the flickering flames were putting him in a reflective mood.

"Ray, please, I told you, I'm fine." Fraser looked at Ray, "you really don't have to be sorry. What happened the other night was, well, I don't think I can express it in words, but I do know that it had to happen sooner or later and I know that if you..." he paused for a moment, before trying to continue, "...what you did for me was..." he stopped again.

"Er, Fraser," said Ray, turning his head towards his friend, "you're not gonna get all, er, mushy now, are ya?"

Fraser cleared his throat and cracked his neck, first to the left and then the right. "No Ray," he said, "of course not."

"Greatness," said Ray, grinning, "in that case, sing me a love song."

"Ray?" Fraser laughed, a little confused, "I thought we talked about that earlier?"

Ray laughed too. "No Fraser, I told ya, I love ya like a brother." Fraser nodded. "I want you to sing a particular song. It's Eric Clapton, Wonderful Tonight. D'ya know it?"

Fraser thought for a moment, "Yes Ray, I believe so, just give me a minute." Fraser picked up his guitar again and began humming the tune under his breath. His singing voice was much lower than Eric Clapton's, so he was going to have to put it into a different key and he hoped Ray wouldn't mind. "Why that song, Ray?" he asked.

Ray took a deep breath, "It was our first dance, y'know, at our wedding," he began, "it was one of Stella's favourite songs so I picked it as a surprise for her. You should've seen her face, Fraser, she was so happy..." Ray's couldn't finish that sentence and he bit down hard on his lower lip and closed his eyes for a moment.

Fraser immediately stopped playing. "Ray, I'm not sure about this..."

"Fraser, c'mon," encouraged Ray, opening his eyes, "I cannot go through the rest of my life like this," he said. "I have to be able to, um, y'know, hear a song or see a picture of somethin', or smell some kinda smell without it remindin' me of Stella. I just want to, er, um, move on, y'know?"

"Ray," replied Fraser, "I don't think you should try to erase the memories of your time with Stella. You shared a large part of your life with her, you should try to remember the good times and if a particular song, or a smell, or an image helps you, then you should embrace that. The hardest part is allowing yourself to remember the past without it affecting your life in the present and the future."

Ray sat up and looked at Fraser. "Remember when I first met ya, I was followin' her around, I couldn't let her go. It was like I still thought that maybe we'd, y'know, we'd get back together or somethin'" Fraser nodded, he remembered the pain he'd seen etched on his partners face as he'd watched Stella falling for another man. Ray sighed. "That was creepy, wasn't it? Stalkin' her like that, I mean."

Fraser considered this for a moment. "It's possible that Stella saw it like that at the time," he said, "but I completely understand why you were doing it."

"Thanks buddy," replied Ray, "I don't think I'm, er, I'm not quite that bad now."

"Agreed," said Fraser, "I think you should take that as a positive sign that you are, indeed, moving on."

"I can't help thinkin' that if I ever met another woman that I really thought I could get serious with, that maybe I'd always be comparin' her, y'know, comparin' her to Stella all the time?"

"Have you met such a woman yet Ray?" Fraser asked him.

"Nope," replied Ray shrugging.

"In that case, how do you know how you will react to that particular situation?" Fraser said, enquiringly.

Ray shrugged again. "Some stuff just hangs around though, doesn't it? I mean, until I shake Stella outta my head, I cannot even think about, y'know..." Fraser wasn't sure what Ray was trying to say. Ray continued. "Do ya think, maybe, that's why you can't, I mean, why ya have, er, have so much trouble with women?" he asked his friend, gingerly. He hadn't meant to swing the conversation around to Fraser again, but it had sort of slipped out.

"I don't think I have trouble with women?" replied Fraser, a little indignantly.

"Oh c'mon Fraser," said Ray, getting a little braver now, "d'ya not think that the way you were, um, the way you got hurt before is the reason why ya can't even look a woman in the eye sometimes?"

"I'm sure I have no idea..." began Fraser, but Ray interrupted him.

"Fraser you know what I'm talkin' about," he said firmly. "Ya can't even look at Frannie sometimes when she's talkin' to ya. OK, so she's a bit, um, intense sometimes, but it's not just her."

Fraser's eyes had widened as he listened to his partner speaking. He tried to think of something to say in his own defence, but the truth was he knew Ray was right. He was very uncomfortable speaking to almost every woman he ever encountered, but he didn't really understand why that was. He'd always assumed that his rather solitary upbringing had been the reason. He'd never really considered that his previous experiences with Victoria had somehow contributed to those feelings. Ray had become very good at getting inside Fraser's head in the last couple of years and Fraser was actually very comfortable with that idea. More comfortable than he ever imagined he would be.

"The funny thing is, buddy," continued Ray, "the Ice Queen is exactly the same around you. Maybe it's a Canadian thing?"

Fraser suddenly dropped his plectrum on the floor and fumbled around trying to pick it up. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Ray," he just about managed to say, as his face turned a delightful shade of scarlet.

Ray laughed. "Fraser, you cannot pretend ya haven't noticed," he said.

"I thought we were talking about you and Stella," said Fraser, cracking his neck again.

"Sorry buddy," replied Ray, "but I don't think I wanna, um, that is, I think I'm done talkin' about Stella. How about that song?"

Fraser hesitated and looked at Ray. He couldn't tell exactly what was going through his friend's mind at that moment. From the look on his face it appeared to be a mixture of regret and sadness together with happy memories and some hope for the future. He wished he could say something that Ray would be able to draw strength from, but Fraser was really out of his depth. He didn't have any personal experience of a long term relationship, so he couldn't share any of his own thoughts on the subject. "Are you sure you want me to do this?" he asked Ray as he began strumming the introduction.

"Just sing the song Fraser," replied Ray, settling himself back down on his rucksack. He closed his eyes and put his hands behind his head.

So Fraser sang...and Ray cried.

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The next morning, Fraser was up early again. He began tidying up their campsite, packing things away ready for heading back to Chicago later that day. Last night, before they'd fallen asleep, Ray had suggested they go fishing before they left. Fraser had agreed that they should have time if they made an early enough start in the morning. It seemed that Ray was determined to try fishing as it was a traditional thing to do on a camping trip. Fraser had found this quite amusing. To him, fishing was simply a means to an end, a way to obtain food to eat and while you were waiting for the fish to oblige, you could use the time to whatever end you wished. However, he also realised that many people considered fishing more of a pastime, usually one shared between family or friends so he was pleased to be going fishing with Ray, his partner, his friend, his brother. He still thought Ray would get bored though.

Fraser was pleased that Ray had been able to talk to him about his feelings over Stella. Ever since they'd met, Fraser had realised that Ray had allowed the break up of his relationship with Stella to overwhelm him. He hoped that Ray was finally beginning to let go of that.

Ray crawled out of the tent with a scowl on his face. "Coffee, Fraser," he said.

"Good morning Ray," smiled Fraser, "don't worry, the water has almost boiled. How did you sleep?"

Ray considered this question for a minute. "Um, good," he said, "I'm good today."

"Are you sure Ray?" Fraser wasn't entirely convinced by Ray's assertions.

"Fraser," Ray croaked, "ask me when I'm awake, OK?"

Fraser laughed. "Sorry Ray," he said and went to make Ray's coffee. Ray disappeared back into the tent to get ready.

Despite the emotions that Ray had displayed last night, Fraser thought that his friend was generally more at ease with his thoughts, more accepting of the situation, much calmer and more focussed. He was pleased for Ray, he felt that he had been holding back, still clinging on to something that he once had with Stella, but that had been over for a long time. Maybe now Ray had finally let go of that. Fraser really hoped so.

They ate breakfast in relative silence, enjoying the early morning sounds of the countryside. They packed away the tent and carried everything back up to the house. As they were loading their things into the car, Dan Buxley came out of the front door. "Are you leaving so soon?" he asked.

"We're gonna get in some fishin' this morning before we, y'know, gotta get back to Chicago," explained Ray.

"I just wanted to thank you again for everything you've done for us, for my family," said Dan, shaking both of them warmly by the hand.

"Please," Fraser insisted, "we were happy to help out." Ray nodded in agreement.

"I wanted to tell you something," continued Dan, "Maria and I did a lot of talking last night and we have decided that I have to stop going away all the time. I was only trying to make as much money as I could so that we could buy a place of our own, a home for the three of us, but I didn't realise how hard it was for Maria. I thought I was the one finding it difficult. I was the one separated from my family for weeks at a time. I thought she was fine here with my folks."

"Maria is a strong person," Fraser said, "but I think that having a baby is probably one of the biggest challenges anyone ever has to face. I'm sure she would gladly make sacrifices for the chance to have you home, for the chance to be a family together." Fraser closed his eyes briefly as he spoke. They were so lucky to have that opportunity, he thought.

"I think that what happened to her before, back in Brazil I mean, I think maybe it has affected her more than either of us realised." Dan sighed.

"There are various support groups she could get in contact with," suggested Fraser, "perhaps talking it through with people who have had similar experiences may help?"

Dan nodded, he thought that sounded like a very good idea. "I'm going to talk to my Dad," he said, "I thought maybe he would let us build a house on some of the land down past the orchard. This place is far too big for him to manage on his own and I'm afraid I have no desire to be a full time farmer like him. That sounds disloyal, doesn't it?"

"No," replied Ray, "ya gotta do whatever it is that you wanna do. Don't let your Dad force you into doin' something, coz you'll just end up resentin' him for it." Ray glanced at Fraser as he spoke. His friend knew how difficult Ray's relationship with his own father had been, although Ray was starting to rebuild that relationship.

"I'd be happy to keep the place running, but I think we should scale it down a bit, that's all. I hope to be able to write," continued Dan, "I should be able to write articles for publication in science journals and magazines. I already have a few contacts. I will still do some lecturing, but I can work more locally."

"That sounds like an excellent idea," agreed Fraser. Just then, the door opened and Maria came out carrying Wendy.

"I hope you weren't going to leave without saying goodbye," Maria smiled.

"We wouldn't dare," grinned Ray. He stepped forward and held out his arms. "Can I hold her?" he asked. Maria was a little surprised, but she handed Wendy over to Ray. Ray was a little awkward, but he was over the moon when the baby smiled at him. He began pulling funny faces at her.

Fraser glanced at Maria and smiled. "I think Ray is attempting the puffin face," he said.

"What d'ya mean attemptin'?" Ray said, a little offended.

"Ray, it looks more like a different seabird entirely," said Fraser shaking his head. Ray looked at him in disbelief. Dan and Maria laughed. Ray handed the baby back to Maria and just then, Milford and Gloria appeared.

"I'm glad we caught you," said Gloria, "I've packed a few things for you, in case you get hungry on the way home." She smiled and handed a huge bag of food to Ray.

"Greatness," grinned Ray, lifting the bag high in the air as Diefenbaker tried to jump up at him and get his nose in the bag.

"Thank you kindly," said Fraser, "at least Dief won't starve." He glared at his wolf.

Milford stepped forward to shake both of their hands. "I cannot thank you enough for what you did," he said. "We're going to visit Jorge in the hospital this afternoon. I'm going to make sure that he knows what you did for him. I'm sure he'll want to meet you and thank you personally. You must come back and stay with us again."

"I think we will," replied Ray with another grin, "I enjoyed camping, at least it didn't rain."

Fraser laughed, "We'll have to come back for the trial anyway," he said, "and this is a beautiful part of the country, there are a lot of things we had planned to do that we didn't get time for, so you may see us sooner than you imagine."

"We'll all look forward to it," smile Gloria. Ray, Fraser and Dief got into the car and with a final wave, they headed off.

A few hours later, they were sat by the riverbank. Fraser had picked a suitable spot about an hours' drive out of town and had set up two fishing rods. They were both sat back on some rocks and Fraser was enjoying the sunshine with his eyes closed. Ray, on the other hand, was fidgeting. He couldn't get comfortable and kept shifting his weight about. "Ray, will you please keep still," Fraser said, his eyes still closed, "you'll frighten the fish away."

"Sorry Fraser," said Ray, sarcastically, "I wouldn't want to frighten the fish. Maybe I'm not cut out for country life," he continued, "I mean I don't think I'm cut out to be a cop, but I don't think I'd make a good fisherman, or a farmer or nothin' like that."

Fraser sat up and opened his eyes. He turned to look at Ray. "You are an excellent officer of the law Ray," he said, "do I have to remind you of all of your citations?" Ray looked away, embarrassed. "Why all the talk about a change of career?" Fraser asked, slightly confused.

"I never wanted to be a cop, I told you that before," said Ray, looking out across the river, "I just sort of, y'know, ended up bein' one. I don't think I can do it forever. I mean, if I ever do have kids, I'd give it up, do something where I wasn't out on the streets risking my ass all the time."

Fraser was a little shocked by this revelation. "I don't think you'd be very happy behind a desk all day," he said. He was a little concerned about his friend's sudden despondency. "Are you alright, Ray?" he asked.

"Yeah Fraser," replied Ray with a smile. "Maybe all this thinkin' and talkin', I dunno, maybe I'm going a bit soft?" He tapped the side of his temple with one finger. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine Ray," Fraser replied, warmly.

"Greatness," replied Ray. "So, when are we gonna catch a fish, anyway?"

"Ray, there's a good chance we won't catch any fish today," replied Fraser, looking out across the river.

"Oh," Ray sounded disappointed.

"I told you that you may be bored," Fraser turned to look at his friend again.

Ray sighed. "Well it's a good job I brought these then," he said, grinning and producing a pack of playing cards from his jacket pocket.

Fraser couldn't help laughing. "You want to play poker here?" he asked.

"Sure," replied Ray, arranging a few rocks to make something vaguely resembling a flat surface for them to play on. "Usual rules." Ray dealt the cards.

"What are we playing for this time?" enquired Fraser.

Ray looked around, "how about these rocks?" he suggested, picking up a handful of small rocks and passing them to Fraser.

"Alright, rocks it is," agreed Fraser.

They played a few hands of poker, each one of which Fraser won, of course.

"Fraser," said Ray, squinting as his partner, "do ya have to win all the time?"

"Do you want me to let you win?" asked Fraser, a little puzzled.

"No Fraser," Ray shook his head, "it's just that I thought I'd be able to read your poker face by now."

"I don't have a poker face," replied Fraser, matter of factly.

"Yes ya do!" exclaimed Ray.

"I most certainly do not," replied Fraser indignantly.

"Oh yeah, I remember now," replied Ray, grinning, "ya don't have a poker face and ya never said ya were no longer emotionally possessed."

"Repressed," Fraser corrected him, for the second time in as many days, "and you are entirely correct on both counts."

Ray shook his head, laughing and threw down his cards. "I fold Fraser," he said, "you win all the rocks. C'mon, pitter patter, let's go home."

THE END