It's too much pain to have to bear, to love a man you have to share.

Inspired by the Sugarland song Stay.

Neal was curled up on his side, back to Peter. He had been staring at the clock for fifteen minutes, watching it tick away from 12:45 to 1:00am. Peter was fast asleep, totally unaware of the way he was feeling. Neal knew that El would expect Peter home at some point tonight. The late nights at the office were in the job description and that's what made Peter's being here somewhat safe. Neal also knew that meant that soon she would call just to make sure Peter was ok and wondering when he would be home. Peter would tell her twenty minutes, and then get out of his bed, kiss Neal goodbye and leave.

No one ever stayed. Not Alex, not his dad, not Kate.

Neal wasn't really one to cry, but something inside him felt like it was breaking when he thought about sleeping alone tonight. This something hadn't really moved since he was with Kate. Before he even realized it was happening there were tears rolling over his nose and over his cheek. He tried to wipe them away but as soon as they were gone new streams were taking their place and pooling on the back of Peter's hand. The older man stirred and, upon noticing the tears on his knuckles, whispered Neal's name so sweetly it had the kid crying harder. Neal sat up quickly, keeping his face hidden from Peter. He could feel his shoulders rattling with little tremors as he tried to calm himself down. The more he tried to gain control the worse it got.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?" Peter asked sounding very alarmed. Who wouldn't be alarmed to wake up to a sobbing lover? He touched Neal's shoulder, tried to get him to look him in the eyes, but he wouldn't. He couldn't.

"Neal, please, talk to me." He pleaded. The boulder in his throat made it almost impossible for Neal to speak. So he didn't he faced Peter and buried himself in his chest.

"Shh, hey, calm down. You're gonna make yourself sick." Peter soothed, rubbing his back.

"I'm so tired of being lonely. Don't I give you what you need?" Neal asked in shuddering breaths. Peter's throat tightened.

"Shh, shh, shh." Peter pushed the hair way from Neal's forehead, and softly wiped his cheeks, "Let's not talk about that right now." He whispered, kissing the crown of his head.

When Neal woke up again he heard Peter on the phone with El. He had cried himself to sleep on Peter's chest. The clock on the wall read 2:47am.

"I'll be there in twenty minutes, sweetheart." He heard him say. Neal cleared his throat and rolled over. He rubbed his eyes and stumbled to the bathroom, not sure he could talk to Peter without crying again. His reflection was somewhat terrifying. Puffy red eyes, cracked lips, tear streaked cheeks. Neal turned on the cold water and splashed his face, relishing in the relief that washed over him both physically and emotionally. Peter came in quietly behind him and kissed his shoulder.

"I have to go." He whispered. Neal dropped his head.

"I know." He slipped his fingers through Peter's as he tried to leave and pulled him back. He pressed his forehead to Peter's.

"I love you," he whispered, "but I can't do this anymore.." Peter pulled back slightly to look the younger man in the eyes.

"What are you saying, Neal?"

"I can't stand being left alone night after night while you get to go home and be held. I know that sounds selfish and childish, but I just can't take it anymore. I need all of you or none of you at all."

"Neal.."

"Please, just go." He whispered. Neal kissed him deeply, sweetly, tenderly, like it was the first and last time he would ever kiss those lips again. He looked away when Peter turned to leave the bathroom, unable to watch the man leave. He heard the door open, and his name being called for the last time. It took everything in him to ignore it. After a painful 30 seconds he heard the door close quietly, and he crumpled to the floor where he cried himself to sleep for the second time that night.