A/N: Like "Wondering and Wishing", this is a ficlet set in season 7 where a family member misses Adam. It's set during the episode "Home from the Sea".

Where we are: "Gilly Maples", an imposter of a shipmate of Adam's (one that saved the cowboy's life), shows up on the Ponderosa. Apparently he's just looking for a bit of land on his own. (They don't know his plan is to rob them blind. But of course, as happens to a lot of bad guys around the Cartwrights, their kindness wins him over.)

Ben opened the door to his house with a small sigh, feeling his body relax with the relative safety that his home offered. He took off his hat, placing it on the long table by his son's hats, and then reached down to remove his gun belt and vest. He was only thinking of how good it was to be home, perhaps sparing a thought to what he would have for dinner. His mind was partly on business, and partly on his sons, Joe and Hoss…

But the last thing on his mind at that moment was Adam.

Until he looked up and saw the back of the dark-clothed man in a sailor's hat, touching the rifles against the wall.

His eyes grew wide, and Ben's heart thumped against his ribs, and he couldn't stop the first word that flew out of his mouth:

"Adam?"

It wasn't possible, of course, and if Ben had stopped to think one second, he would've known that. But his poor father's heart beat so quickly in that moment, when he thought his oldest boy had come back home at last.

Ben had forgotten how much he ached at Adam's absence until that man how looked so much like his boy from behind turned around.

"No, sir," said the youth, who really looked nothing like Adam.

Wishful thinking, Ben realized.

The man continued: "I'm a shipmate of his."

Ben stopped the crushed expression before it even made it to his face, changing it swiftly into a welcome smile.

Gilly Maples. That was the man's name. Ben pretended, to himself and to everyone else, that it didn't hurt a little to see Adam's friend instead of Adam. He pretended again when Gilly was in Adam's shirt and hat, working on the ranch like Adam did, thirsting for something different than what he had like Adam did. Ben didn't have to pretend that he wasn't hurt when there was a bloody hole in Adam's fine shirt, when Gilly took the bullet meant for Ben; he just had to reshape the grief.

He could never let anyone know that each time he hurt, Ben felt like he lost his son again in some uncanny way.

Because no one would understand that.