Crossed Over

By Ohara Pirate

Chapter 3 – I'm Supposed to Teach Ninjas?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters who are originally from Ranma ½ or Naruto… even if I could own them, I'd much rather prefer to just create my own characters that can rival them in every shape and form.

This is an independent oneshot, and its characters and storyline have nothing to do with the other chapters of 'Crossed Over.'

Summary: An invitation to teach a bunch of ninjas was too enticing for a martial artist to refuse.


"characters talking"

'characters thinking'


"This better be the place or else I'm kicking someone's ass." Ranma growled as he looked around the mixture of trees, plants and wild life in the secluded mountain peak, and of course he couldn't forget the behemoth of a gate right in front of him. They had just walked into a thick fogbank that appeared out of nowhere, which set his danger senses off right away, and ended up at the base of a long flight of stairs that led up to this huge mountain. Another odd fact was that it seemed to be winter all of a sudden, if the snow and ice were any indication, which was bizarre because as far as he knew it was supposed to be summer.

Ranma's face contorted in annoyance. "Oi, P-chan. Did you get us lost again? We're already three days late as it is! I'm still confused over what happened that one time; how did we get to Times Square in New York City? We were just crossing the freakin' street!"

"Ranma, don't you dare call me P-chan!" Ryoga yelled furiously, "Where the hell did you go, you coward!" He had his back turned away from the others and was facing the opposite direction towards the road they had just walked down from. He frantically looked around for his hated rival, ready for another heated battle.

The lost boy's two companions watched the all too familiar scene with dull expressions; they couldn't understand how a person's sense of direction could be so damn awful.

"Hibiki, you're an embarrassment to those of us who wish to represent Nerima with pride and honor." Mousse said with barely held contempt. Of course, his own statement would have gone over better if he wasn't talking to a monkey statue near the entrance. "Honestly, how could you get lost when we're right here?"

Ranma groaned and looked up at the sky in exasperation. For once he actually wished that both Akane and Shampoo had tagged along for this little trip. Sure, it would have meant extra trouble for him in the long run, but he really didn't want to be the one forced to babysit the lost and blind over there.

"Mousse, put your glasses on, ya moron! You're talking to a freakin'…" Ranma cut his sentence short when a glint of light caught his attention. Finally, the prospect of a fight lifted up his spirits after spending a few days with his pathetically useless friends. The martial artist had to admit that whoever was attacking him had some impressive aim. The angle at which the weapon was thrown from was aimed to pierce the side of his neck. It was odd they would go for such a sensitive area though; did they want him to choke to death on his own blood?

Before the pigtailed boy could react though, a bandana quickly intercepted and knocked the kunai out of the air. A kunai, a weapon of that sort usually indicated a ninja. Ranma glanced to the side at the lost boy, who was readying a few more bandanas and his umbrella. "Oi, P-chan, what'd ya do that for? I had it handled."

Ryoga put on a devious smirk. "I'm not taking any chances. The right of beat you down once and for all belongs to me only."

"Then you'd be mistaken once again, Hibiki. If anyone is going to finally put an end to that annoying bastard, it's me." Mousse scoffed as he put his glasses on, and promptly balked when he saw the statue he was previously talking to.

"Yea, yea, how about both of you learn not to suck so much, and then we'll talk." Ranma rolled his eyes at the string of threats he constantly heard every day. All everyone seemed to do nowadays was run their mouth and talk smack; that was supposed to be his shtick, dammit!

Ryoga and Mousse scowled at the laid back retort, but before any more harsh words could be further exchanged two people appeared in front of them in a gust of wind and leaves. Both were male, but one had black shaggy hair, a goatee, and a bandage across his nose; the other had brown hair that was combed over his right eye.

"Dammit, they're three weeks late and they had to show up today of all days? We were so close to our break too." Hagane Kotetsu complained as he scratched his head in irritation.

Kamizuki Izumo sighed at his partner's antics. "Come on, this is supposed to be our job. The least we could do is take it more seriously."

"I don't see why, it's not like they're actual enemies. This is all just Hokage-sama's elaborate tes…"

"Will you shut up already? We're not supposed to let them know that, you idiot."

Ranma yawned and stretched his arms out as the new arrivals continued to argue with each other. Judging by their body language, he could tell they were no strangers to combat. Now if only they would stop bickering like an old married couple and start the freakin' fight, he could have some fun already.

"Alright, enough of this, let's just get this mission over with." Izumo seethed as he threw his arms into the air in exasperation. The ninja held no grudge against these people, but the Hokage's orders were absolute. He took out three shuriken from his vest, and fired them at the kid with the pigtailed hair. Just as the weapons were about to hit their mark, all three vanished right before their eyes.

Kotetsu had to smirk at whatever took place just now. It was impressive, but he was accustomed to such things from the elite ninjas of the village. "Well, looks like you lot aren't as weak as I thought. You still look like absolute jokes though, dressed in those stupid clothes but I guess you really can't judge a book by its cover."

'My clothes are stupid?' Ranma looked at himself in wonder and his eye twitched agitatedly. He was about to violently disagree with that judgment when a hand on his shoulder forced him to a stop. Looking behind him, Ryoga and Mousse seemed equally ticked off at being so casually insulted.

Ryoga cracked his knuckles and snarled fiercely, "Sit your ass down, Ranma. We'll handle this."

Mousse nodded tightly in agreement.

On any other occasion, Ranma would have told the deadweights to take a backseat, but he'd never seen those two look so motivated outside of a duel with him, so he'd figured it would be best to just relax and enjoy the show. He plopped down on the ground and got out some of his snack provisions and a can of green tea, and then waved a banner around with the words 'Go Porky! Go Daffy!' written on them.

Luckily for the pigtailed one, the aforementioned pig and duck were too busy sizing up their respective opponents to see the insulting monikers. Ryoga glanced at Mousse who nodded in affirmation; he nodded back and quickly threw his umbrella at the one with the bandages around his face.

Kotetsu inwardly shook his head at the stupidity of it all. 'Is this guy for real? What kind of idiot uses an umbrella to attack someone?' He jumped up to avoid it only to become wide-eyed when the parasol shattered the stone ground into multiple pieces. Before he could recover from this shocking revelation, the bandana-boy reached him before the blink of an eye. 'Fast…' was the last thought he had before he was hit with a shoulder strike that smashed him hard into the wall.

'What the hell…' Izumo was blown away at the young man's speed. There were very few jounin who could move that fast and even then, what the hell was with that strength behind that attack; Kotetsu's entire body was deeply imbedded within the thick wall. Because he was so busy gawking at his partner's unconscious form, he was caught off guard when numerous chains wrapped around his body and flung him towards the forest. He roughly hit one of the trees head first and blacked out immediately.

Ranma paused his popcorn gorging and sweatdropped at how easily his friends dispatched their playmates. He expected a long drawn-out battle with plenty of fancy techniques and skills being thrown out everywhere, but this pathetic exchange lasted only a matter of seconds.

"Unbelievable, I give you two the benefit of the doubt and you stupid lamebrains couldn't even make the fight the least bit entertaining." Ranma put the food and banners away, and jumped to his feet in a huff. That was the last time he'd let those jokers ever take the lead. They never did know how to put on a good show, way too serious for their own good.

"Shut up!" Ryoga and Mousse were flushed with embarrassment. It was bad enough that they inadvertently picked a fight with a couple of weaklings, but they also made a fool of themselves in front of their archrival.

As the three travelers made their way to the giant doors, a sudden hail of kunai and shuriken rained down on them. Ryoga hastily picked up his umbrella and used it as a shield to block the incoming objects. Mousse pulled out two swords and with incredible precision, deflected anything that would have hit him. The most remarkable thing was how Ranma handled the incoming danger. He stood perfectly still, with a bored look on his face and his hands in his pockets, and anything that came near him disappeared; the weapons seemingly vanished into thin air. By the end of the barrage, the pigtailed martial artist was in the middle of a barren circle surrounded by excess weaponry.

It was at this point that the ANBU Captain decided it was time to personally handle this and made a clear signal with his right hand.

In an instant, the Nerima fighters were confronted by seven people wearing masks over their faces. While two of martial artists looked ready for a battle, the third one simply looked uninterested with what was going on.

"Wow, we're being really underestimated here if only this few came." Ranma spoke unexcitedly. His body language conveyed a lack of concern about the group of… what the heck were they supposed to be anyway? "Hey, are you guys apart of the circus or something? What's with the animal masks?"

This was confounding to the ANBU present. They were supposed to be elites among the elite, ninjas who were personally hand-picked by the Kage of their respective villages. The Ansatsu Senjutsu Tokushu Butai of Konoha was especially well known among the ninja world, and for someone to not even know what their masks symbolized was absurd.

The guy wearing a white cat mask with green and red markings stepped up causing Ranma to shudder as he took a few glimpses of the mask before quickly turning away in disgust. It looked feline but one could easily confuse it for a fox, which is what he purposely did, a fox was infinitely better than a c-c-a-a-a…

Yamato, also known as Tanzou to a few, wondered why the pigtailed kid seemed to be shivering every time he looked at his direction before replying. "Our identities are of no concern to you. Right now you are all in violation of Konoha law, and are hereby ordered to step down peacefully and be taken back to the village for interrogation."

Ranma's only surprise about this turn of events was that it took this long for the shit to hit the fan. Nevertheless, he had hard evidence that they were all invited to come here, so the least he could do was try some diplomacy before being forced to kick everyone's ass. He took out a piece of paper and flicked it to the guy in the cat-mask. "Yea, well ya see, I was sorta asked to come here, and these guys are my plus ones. Apparently this place is short on teachers or something, and they want me to educate the brats, uhhh… I mean the students."

The ANBU captain pretended to scan over the contents of the letter, as he already knew what was written on it, and put it away into his armor. "The letter does indeed state that you are a guest to Konoha Academy, but that doesn't excuse the fact that you attacked two members of this school, and that is a criminal offense here regardless of your stature."

"Yea, what else is new. Even though none of this is my fault, I'm still getting the shaft." Ranma groaned in frustration. He watched curiously as the man went through a set of bizarre hand motions.

"Mokuton: Mokusatsu Shibari no Jutsu!" The ninja's arms morphed into giant wood tendrils that immediately rushed forward to bind Ryoga and Mousse and lifted them into the air. When the timber tried to wrap around Ranma, his body faded away into thin air.

Yamato's eyes widen in disbelief. As he discretely looked around to try and locate the missing boy, he felt a sudden weight on his left side.

Ranma eyed the tree bark curiously, with his head slightly tilted. "That's a nice technique ya got there. How the hell did ya pull it off?" He was idly leaning his elbow on the guy's shoulder, trying to figure out how a person could transform their arms into wood. It was a pretty cool skill, even among the other weird shit he's seen in his life.

Yamato didn't know what to do in the face of this unexpected development. It should have been impossible, but the pigtailed boy had just moved across at least a few dozen feet, past highly trained ninja, and slipped right past his tight defenses and into his personal space, all in an instant and without him noticing. Yamato would have understood if this happened to a genin fresh out of the academy, but he was an elite jounin and the captain of a Konoha ANBU squad. Nobody should have been fast enough to completely elude his vision and invade his personal space so easily.

Ranma made a few 'hmming' noises while continuing to stare at the man's wooden arms. "Ya know what though. Those trees are gonna be pretty useless against those two, so I hope ya got something stronger to tie them down with than that."

Yamato disregarded that comment. His jutsu was far tougher than even the strongest trees in Konoha and took an absurd amount of strength to break or cut, it was absurd for anyone to break it outside S-Class level jutsu. Just then the wood around his captured prisoners blew up into hundreds of little pieces.

"Damn it, Hibiki! I could have just cut us free!"

"That would have taken too long, my way was faster!"

"Look at me, my clothes are ruined and I have abrasions everywhere. Not all of us went through that ridiculous boulder training, you know."

"Well, whose fault is that, you blind moron!"

"Who are you calling a moron, you lost imbecile!"

Ranma threw himself between the two combatants and kept the dumbasses from mauling each other. He figured it wasn't a good idea for the group to fight amongst themselves, at least not while surrounded by unknown enemies. Although honestly, what he really wanted was to prevent Mousse from bringing out his unique array of weapons. It was pretty embarrassing to be associated with a person who used a swan toilet-training potty as one of their signature weapons.

Ryoga was about to punt the pigtailed idiot out of the way when several chains wrapped around him and roughly pulled him to the ground. "Damn you, Mousse! Attacking me while my guard was down, you coward!"

"What are you going on about, piggy? I'm not doing anything."

Ryoga blinked confusedly when he noticed Ranma and Mousse were just standing in front of him, looking at something behind him. He tilted his head back and saw that the culprits responsible for his entrapment were three of the masked people who were pulling on the shackles, dragging him towards them. He growled irritably, and rolled forward onto his feet and then ripped the steel chains apart like it was paper.

The lost boy charged the three ANBU like a stampeding rhino. They tried to force him off his path by throwing kunai and shuriken, but all of it harmlessly bounced off his umbrella. The ninjas sprung into the air as the boy leapt forward and made a huge crater in the ground upon landing. One of them prepared to release a fire jutsu, but he was interrupted when Ryoga threw his heavy umbrella at his stomach. The sudden impact of the unbelievably heavy apparatus caused the shinobi to fly back and black out almost instantly.

"Bakusai Tenketsu!"

The second ninja, a kunoichi, was equally unlucky as the ground beneath her exploded and sent her high into the air. She moaned in pain after landing awkwardly, her body was riddled with cuts and abrasions from the shrapnel of the rock pavement.

The third shinobi jumped out of the debris left over and successfully landed a punch, but his attack had virtually no effect and he winced as the bones in his hands were clearly broken, fracturing at once upon contact with the lost boy's thick skull. The bandana boy grabbed his wrist and twisted his arm so hard that his entire body spun around rapidly multiple times; the pain was excruciating enough that the ninja lost consciousness before he even hit the ground.

Ryoga sighed disappointedly at the one-sidedness of these fights. If this was the level of skill in the adults here, then he could only imagine how weak the students must have been. This place desperately needed someone like him to whip them into shape; after all, nothing made a person tougher than having a giant rock smash into their body a few hundred times. But he did promise Ranma that he wouldn't interfere in any way. Speaking of whom, he noted that Mousse was in a fight of his own but that pigtailed bastard was nowhere to be found.

The remaining three ANBU engaged the bespectacled martial artist in close combat, hoping to use their weapons and superior numbers to overwhelm his defenses, but all of their slashes and thrusts were either dodged or parried. Suddenly the male amazon's hands blurred forward, and the three shinobi gawked dumbly as their blades fell apart into several neat little pieces.

"Hakucho Ken!" Mousse's hands blurred again and his adversaries collapsed in an unconscious heap. He put his weapon away and glanced at Ryoga, who looked even more bored than he felt. It was understandable after all; years of fighting against Saotome made other challengers seem like a joke. He was fully aware that Ranma had left just moments before, but where exactly that pigtailed bastard went to was a mystery.

Perched on a tree branch in the deep forest, Ranma shook his head in embarrassment. "Oh god, I hate that move, 'Fist of the White Swan'. I still can't believe I got hit by that once." He turned to the side and addressed the person hidden behind him. "Believe me, if you knew what he just used for a weapon, you'd be pretty ashamed for those guys too."

Silence acknowledged his words.

"Oh come on, don't play coy with me now, I know you're there. Ya see, unlike most people who are too dumb to run from danger, the natural instincts of animals are to run away and not stick around taking pictures and videos to post on Youtube. So you pretty much screwed yourself over by coming into a desolate place like this."

The fact that any animal in a nearby radius was long gone basically screamed to him that any noise had to have been made by a person. Ranma wisely chose this location to fight because he knew even those silent bastards couldn't prevent the tiny crunching sound snow made when a person stepped on it. Gotta love Mother Nature, she made ninjas her bitch.

Not seconds later, kunai were launched at him from all directions, but the martial artist easily avoided them by rolling forward. Cat-mask ran out from the shadows and attempted to shove a kunai into his heart, but Ranma pivoted his body around using his hands and tripped up the ninja with a low kick. He then executed a roundhouse kick that was barely avoided but did knock the guy's mask off.

Ranma took a moment to examine his now unmasked opponent suspiciously. He couldn't be too sure, but the guy didn't seem to be…

"You're not human, are you?"

"What makes you say that?" Yamato-bushin arched an eyebrow. It had to be a bluff, there was no way this kid could have known he was a wood clone.

"For one thing, you're not breathing." Ranma let out a deep huff through his mouth, and the hot air could clearly be seen in the cold atmosphere. "See, you're not doing that."

It was disturbing how perceptive the boy seemed to be. Yamato never encountered someone who could differentiate a clone just from its lack of breath even in this type of environment. The wood copy tried to buy some time and argue that point, but Ranma instantly disappeared and reappeared in front of him and shattered his jaw with a wicked uppercut causing the fake body to degrade back into wood.

Ranma grimaced in disgust and shook his hand of any mulch left over. "Ew, yuck, oh that's just nasty. What the hell were you?"

The real Yamato dropped down from above and swung down his sword to try to lop Ranma's head off, but that attempt backfired when his wrist was roughly grabbed without so much as a backwards glance, and then he was casually tossed away. The Konoha ninja quickly recovered by flipping over and rebounding off a tree and engaged the boy in hand-to-hand combat.

Yamato was considered no slouch when it came to taijutsu. During his time serving under Hatake Kakashi as Tenzou, he proved to be fully capable of dismantling his enemies in any type of fight. He was no Maito Gai or Sarutobi Asuma, but he was still recognized as one of Konoha's premiere taijutsu experts. However, this boy was undeniable proof that there still existed a level of skill and technique well beyond anything he was trained in. It was especially a hurtful blow to his pride and ego how obvious it was that the young man wasn't even having the least bit of trouble fighting evenly with him.

Yamato handsprung backwards to put some distance between them, and quickly used a jutsu that would hopefully gain him some leverage.

"Mokuton: Daijurin no Jutsu!"

The ninja's arm transformed into wood and dozens of thick branches darted through the air, stabbing back and forth trying to fill Ranma's body with hundreds of holes. Unfortunately for Yamato, this technique was child's play for the martial artist to dodge since he was used to avoiding thrusting attacks on a much quicker level, courtesy of Kuno Tatewaki. The pigtailed boy fluidly moved around the sharp pieces of wood, and gathered ki in the palm of his hand for a counterattack.

Yamato regarded the bright yellow light with apprehension, and stopped his intense attack to form hand-seals for a defensive jutsu. "Mokuton: Shichuro no Jutsu!" A cube-shaped box made of wood erupted around Ranma, trapping him within. This confinement was specially made to be coated with the user's own chakra, so it was extremely durable and hard to break out of. However, what made this jutsu nearly impossible to break out of were the roots of the tree prison sapped away at the captive's energy, making them fatigued and sluggish almost instantly.

"Moko Takabisha!"

The shining glow leaking from the edges of the box, followed by a loud explosion peaked Yamato's interest, but at the same time gave him a feeling of forebode. 'There's no way he can break out of my prison, right?' The mere fact that this was the first time he ever questioned his own jutsu was not a good sign of faith.

"MOKO TAKABISHA~~~!"

A much brighter glow shone this time, and the ninja barely leapt out of the way as a huge wave of energy ripped open the prison wall and traveled all the way to the Konoha Gates. It was a testament to how powerful the blast was when a burnt mark was made on the surface of the chakra-reinforced doors. Those doors were designed to keep out S-Class ninjas so it was remarkable the attack had damaged it at all, even if it was only minimal.

Ranma panted heavily as he fell on his hands and knees, he had to pump out a lot more ki into his attack than usual. His first attempt at breaking out was an absolute failure; the energy infused in the walls and ceilings of the wooden structure was too much for his normal level of attack to do anything. So for the second try, he let loose an energy beam that would have made even Prince Herb of the Musk Dynasty shed a tear in pride. Unfortunately, Ranma looked ready to keel over by this point; the exertion from the two powerful blasts and the jail's draining feature made his stamina dangerously low.

'What the hell was that?' Yamato silently wondered, shell shocked by the turn of events. As a jounin of Konoha it was a requirement for him to have an extensive knowledge of all the jutsus that existed in the world, including forbidden ones that have long since disappeared from everyday use. This technique however was unlike anything he'd ever encountered before.

Hearing his opponent's pain filled moan, Yamato recovered from the shock of Ranma's grand escape and hurried to take advantage of the fighter's tired state. He went in for quick knockout with a punch to the back of the neck, but was once more denied victory when the martial artist deftly evaded his attack by leaping to the side and rolling in mid-air and then kicking down to introduce his face through several tree branches. The young ninja finally received sweet unconsciousness when he hit the ground with an ugly thud.

The pigtailed boy landed in a crouch and sluggishly fell down on his behind, panting tiredly. "Shit, even though I hate to admit it, gotta give credit when credit's due. Ya got some good stuff there, but when it comes to fighting I ain't conceding to nobody." After a few more seconds of catching his breath, Ranma stood and picked the ninja up securely under his arm, but just as he made ready to jump back to his friends, he came to a screeching halt when an insanely huge aura appeared out of nowhere and nearly overwhelmed his senses. Sweating profusely, he peeked over his shoulder and warily looked on as an old man wearing funny looking robes and a hat casually strode towards him.

'How long has he been standing over there?' Ranma privately wondered, and glanced down to notice that gramps seemed to be walking over the snow judging by the lack of footprints. 'That explains why I couldn't hear him. Probably heard what I said about the animals earlier. Definitely no amateur, that's for sure.'

"Saotome-san, the rumors I've heard did not do you justice." Sarutobi Hiruzen smiled at the boy who reminded him of a tiger ready to pounce. It was unsettling how one of his best people was systematically dismantled by a child of such young age, not to mention that energy technique which was strong enough to damage one of the impenetrable defenses of the Konoha. Still, the Hokage had to admit he was inwardly pleased by what he had witnessed. His young ninja were sure to become even greater with a teacher of this caliber guiding them.

Ranma narrowed his eyes, immediately distrustful of the new presence. The old man was strong enough to be identified as an extremely dangerous foe, and that meant a lot of trouble for him in this exhaustive state.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I am the man who requested your services. I must thank you for taking it lightly on my ninja there."

The martial artist pursed his lips and furrowed his brow. "Yea, well… I always hold back when I can, so whatever. Wait, you're the guy in charge of my internship?"

Sarutobi nodded. "That would be correct."

The pigtailed boy narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Then you would know why these ninjas suddenly attacked me, wouldn't ya?"

"I have a slight idea as to the culprit responsible, but I assure no harm was meant against you, Saotome-san."

Ranma hmphed and looked away, more than a little annoyed. "Yea whatever, this might have been good exercise but it ain't exactly the best way to gain my trust there, boss man."

"I promise you all will be explained in time. Now if the pleasantries are over with, shall we move onto business?" Sarutobi smiled as he began to walk towards the gates, and was pleased when the young man followed him without much hesitation. "This position requires you to sign a very extensive contract, listing what you can and cannot do while in the village. There are many important rules that must be followed and cannot be broken under any circumstances or else there will be dire consequences for all the parties involved. Understood?"

Ranma nodded.

"Very well then, now you are aware that you will be teaching nine rookies that have recently graduated to Genin status this year."

"I read that part in the letter you wrote to Seta-sensei. If you have genins here then I suppose you have other ninjas who are chuunin and jounin too?"

Sarutobi was stumped by the inquiry. It would appear that Ranma was all too familiar with the ranks and titles of a ninja which was disturbing. It would seem that ninjas were a common occurrence in this young lad's life. "Indeed we do, I'm not sure about your world but a genin here is a low-ranked ninja. Typically they are only beginners in ninjutsu and are lacking in many areas, although a few are exceptions to that rule. There are two more ranks indicating advanced ninjas, the chuunin and jounin; each far more superior to that of a Genin. I'll go over these ranks with you in more depth once you're settled in."

"Gotcha, so far things here are pretty on par with the ninjas where I come from then. Anything else I should know about these kids before I meet them?"

"There is one particular student I'll ask you to look out for, but I shall fill you in on his situation later." Sarutobi hoped the young man wouldn't discriminate against Naruto because of his 'special' friend. "This is an unpaid internship but you will be given housing, food, and a daily stipend to pay for other necessities. We also allow for part-time employment if you wish to seek a job with benefits and more money."

Ranma nodded aimlessly as he looked around, admiring the regalness of the forest. "Yea, I went over all of this with your secretary already. I think her name was Anko."

"Ah yes, Anko…" That confirmed his suspicions about who was responsible for the assault on his newest employee. She must have snuck into his office at some point and pretended to be his secretary. He really needed to talk to that girl about channeling her anger and frustrations in a proper manner; she couldn't just throw a temper tantrum every time she didn't get her way. "I still have a few more things to go over with you but for the time being, welcome to the Konoha Academy for Ninjas, Saotome-san. My name is Sarutobi Hiruzen, and I am what you would call the Principal of Konoha Academy among other things."

"Uh, yea… nice to meet ya, I'm Saotome Ranma but I guess you knew that already."

"It's a pleasure, I'm sure we'll get along just fine. Now if you would be so kind as to join me back at the gates with the rest of your companions." Sarutobi took a single step and vanished in a burst of wind and leaves.

Now that Ranma had the chance to observe the technique more carefully, he saw that it wasn't speed movement; rather it was more akin to teleportation. That would explain how all those ninjas kept arriving without him noticing.

Ranma gently laid Yamato down on the ground and turned around to face the trees. "Hey, if you're just going to slink around in the shadows, you mind being useful and take this guy back with ya? I don't feel like carrying him anymore." With that said, the pigtailed boy leapt into the forest.

Not moments later, Hatake Kakashi appeared next to his friend and picked the younger ninja up. He looked deep in thought as he stared towards the direction that Ranma jumped off to before disappearing back to the village.

As Ranma got close to his destination, he could hear furious yelling that echoed throughout the forest causing him to groan outloud. Why, oh why did he let those idiots always follow him everywhere; he should have known they would cause him nothing but trouble. Tsu-chan was right, maybe he did have masochistic tendencies after all. He wondered if that's what attracted his ex-girlfriend to him in the first place; she always was kind of a sadist, especially with the way she treated her little sister.

He quickly hastened his pace and inwardly sighed at the sight of his friends glowering at his employer.

"Oi, what's going on here?"

Ryoga turned around in outrage and pointed at Sarutobi. "Do you know what he just told us?"

"Our getting ambushed was apparently some test to prove our worth." Mousse grunted. He looked at everyone with disdain.

"Yea, we come here at the request of this bastard and this is the welcome we get!" Before the lost boy could physically assault the old man, Ranma booted him into a tree then promptly ignored his outraged cries.

"First of all, morons, I was the only one asked to come here. The invite said I could bring some guests along, so I let you rejects tag along."

"You take back that lie, Saotome!" Mousse screamed at a tree causing Ranma and Sarutobi to sweatdrop.

"You're as blind as a bat, and Ryoga gets lost in a freakin' closet. Do you honestly think I couldn't have lost ya if I wanted to?"

"Shut up Ranma, don't you dare make fun of me!"

Ranma rolled his eyes and shifted his attention back to his new boss. "So, you really were the one who told those guys to attack us?" He had a feeling earlier that this might be true, but didn't want to push it too much since the old man was his benefactor here. Right now he didn't really care much who did what, he just wanted to get all the facts straight; besides it's not like this would have been the first time ninjas had tried to kill him.

The pigtailed martial artist held back a disgusted shudder at the image of Konatsu's stepmother and stepsisters.

Meanwhile in the background, Ryoga and Mousse were still complaining about their harsh treatment.

"Ugh, hold on Jii-san." Ranma strongly punched his companions to shut up their bitchin', and sharply exhaled in relief at the peaceful quiet. "Now where were we?"

Sarutobi didn't pay attention to the question as he was too deep in thought at how effortlessly Ranma handled the two people who dominated his ANBU. The attack on the bespectacled boy was nothing special, but the one to the bandana boy was nothing short of extraordinary. From what he saw in that one motion, hundreds of punches were thrown out with inhuman speed; it was so fast that to the untrained eye, it would have looked like a single punch. The Hokage never imaged that he could feel this rush again, but the thought of engaging this young warrior in battle made him forget his old age and worn-out haggard body. Right now, he felt more like the God of Ninjas he was once revered as.

"Oi, Jii-san?"

Ah, back to the matter at hand, how to explain this 'exam' that Ranma and his assistants were forced to partake in. Sarutobi didn't want to leave them with a negative impression of Anko, so he decided it was best to take the blame himself. "My apologies, I meant no harm. I suppose the time for explanations is now. You see, my village isn't an easy place to live in for combatants and I simply wanted to make sure you had what it took to properly defend yourself if it was necessary. I am proud to say that you have exceeded my expectations."

Ranma resisted the urge of answering back with a sarcastic 'thanks.'

"Well, I don't really give a crap about that. It was pretty fun to fight against that masked guy who did all those weird tree things. Besides I'm pretty much stuck here until I complete my internship with Seta-sensei. Those two idiots, on the other hand, are going to need some extra incentive to stay or else they might just leave. Not that I mind since they just followed me here because of the special pay."

"You mean the Jusenkyo water?"

Yup, that was the exact reason why Ranma chose this place over all the others. The incentive of finally curing his curse was too strong a temptation to resist.

There were a lot of schools that wanted him as a teacher, and still did in fact, but the martial artist chose to intern at the ninja school mainly because of the one unique offer they gave that nobody else did. Sure, there were a few other places that seemed cooler than here like the Mahora Academy of Magic or the Hogwarts School of Wizardry, but what the Hokage had in his possession was a rare commodity that wouldn't exist for quite some time thanks to the Phoenix King Saffron.

"JUSENKYO?" The formerly unconscious duo shot up to their feet instantly, which stunned Sarutobi as even he wasn't too sure if he could get up so easily after getting barraged with so many punches.

"So it's true, you really do have it?" Ryoga was ecstatic at that news. When Akane-san complained to P-chan about how Ranma was leaving to get a job as a teacher and the Jusenkyo water, he immediately searched out the pigtailed boy and demanded that he be allowed to come with. After hours of fighting, threatening, bargaining, and pleading he was finally permitted to tag along as an assistant teacher with the sole condition that he wouldn't meddle with Ranma's training methods, to which he reluctantly agreed.

Sarutobi nodded in affirmation. "If you mean the waters of the Spring of Drowned Man, then yes."

"So what's the holdup, give it up already." Mousse brazenly demanded.

The Hokage shook his head in a decisive negative. "I'm afraid that's not possible. It has already been agreed that the water would the final paycheck for Saotome-san after his internship is completed."

Mousse understood entirely what that meant…

"So you're telling me if I take his place in this internship, then I'll get the water instead of him?" The duck-cursed martial artist nodded to himself, and prepped for a sneak attack on his rival.

"Ummm… that's not what I meant at all." Sarutobi was perplexed by the answer. How the young man came upon that odd conclusion was beyond him.

Ranma groaned and rubbed his nasal bridge in irritation. "Oh geez, you are one dumb duck, Mousse. Is your hearing getting as bad as your sight now? It must blow pretty hard to be you."

"Shut up Saotome, I know what I heard! That ol' geezer said if I kick your ass right now, then I'll get the water!"

"That's not what I said…"

"Say no more! I hear you loud and clear!" Mousse flung out steel chains that tightly bound Ranma's forearm. He forcibly hauled in the martial artist but was startled when his target disappeared in midair. Just then, he felt an odd sensation and was floored to see that his own chains had somehow gotten wrapped around his body and kept him immobilized. The near-blind amazon was puzzled by what the hell just happened when he heard the pigtailed boy's voice behind him.

"Looks like you need to start training with Jizo-chan again. You've gotten really slow lately, kamo-chan." Ranma mocked before landing a kick to the small of duck boy's back that sent him clear across the ground. Almost immediately, he turned around to deflect the heavy umbrella that was thrown at him but was caught off guard when Ryoga, who was closer than he anticipated, belted him across the jaw with a devastating punch.

"Ranma, don't think I didn't hear that! If I beat you in a fight then I'll get the Jusenkyo water!" Ryoga shouted as he raced towards the pigtailed boy who was still flattened against the ground. All of a sudden, a blur came between him and his eternal rival, and before he knew what hit him, he collapsed to the ground in agony.

Ranma was dumbstruck by the scene that played out just moments before. The veteran ninja had just crossed a good sized distance in an instant, and then elbowed Ryoga in his Solar-Plexus, landed a palm strike on his chin, and finished up with a devastating kick across the face. He knew P-chan wouldn't be knocked out that easily, but it was still impressive to see a person catch one of his greatest rivals off guard and effortlessly manhandle him like that.

While the old man's martial arts skill was remarkable, the pigtailed boy was more in awe by the incredible control that Sarutobi had over his ki. The Hokage released incredibly quick bursts of energy with each of his attacks; it was done so fast that if he wasn't paying close attention then he would have missed it completely. It was scary how all the old people he met in his life were so brilliantly talented in fighting; Happosai and Cologne being the most prominent cases he could think of, not to mention Genkai-obaachan and Hunter Committee's Chairman Netero.

"I'm sorry Ryoga-san, was it? I can't allow anything to jeopardize the safety of one of my teachers, especially before he's even been officially welcomed to the school." Sarutobi stated unapologetically. Not a moment later, he was shocked to discover that his attack was all for naught as the boy he landed three vicious strikes on just sat up right away like nothing happened. It was inconceivable, but the young man looked more annoyed than hurt at the assault.

Ryoga moaned a little in pain as he got up, and glared at the person he knew was truly responsible for his suffering. "Ranma, you bastard, how dare you manipulate that sweet old man to attack me!"

Ranma palmed his face and let out a noise of exasperation. "You've gotta be kidding me. Are you freakin' kidding me?"

"For this humiliation, I'll make your life hell, Ranma!"

Sarutobi cleared his throat to get their attention and privately noted to do more research on the Ryoga fellow later. It wasn't very often he came across someone who could shrug off his attacks. "I'm sorry to interrupt but our time is very limited right now, so are there any other matters to attend to before we proceed?"

Ryoga just continued to stare menacingly at his hated foe, while Ranma thought about any questions that he still had. "I have a few more things to ask actually. For one thing, where the hell are we? This idiot over here…" He pointed at the red-faced lost boy, who demonstrated a rare show of composure by not responding back with violence, "…has gotten lost all over Japan, and he didn't recognize any of the sights we've seen here."

Sarutobi took out his pipe, filled it up with tobacco, and began to take a few deep puffs. "Well, one thing about Konoha Academy is that it holds many delicate and precious secrets that must remain hidden, and as such is located in a reality independent from the outside world to maintain that secrecy."

"Huh?" Both martial artists eloquently responded.

The Hokage sweatdropped; maybe his former students were right after all, he needed to learn how to better communicate with the younger crowd.

"Simply put, we are in a pocket dimension that's located in the Saitama Prefecture in the Kanto Region of Japan. That invitation in your possession is actually a teleportation scroll that allowed you to enter this sacred realm once you walked to the address written on the letter."

Ranma blinked at the revelation. This wouldn't be the first time he traveled to another dimension, but it was always strange nonetheless. Wait a minute, Saitama…

"You mean to say that we're right above Tokyo? As in we could have walked here from Tokyo in a few hours?"

"Yes…" Sarutobi was a bit confused why that mattered at all.

Ranma turned to Ryoga with his eye twitching erratically, and a large angry aura exploded around him. "I can't believe it. You knew this gig was important to me, but you got us lost for three weeks! THREE FREAKIN' WEEKS! When we could have gotten here in less than a day by foot…"

The lost boy sputtered nervously and before he could get a word out to properly defend himself, he was TKO'ed when a punch struck him with enough force to blow down a house.

Sarutobi bigsweated as the young man made a split-second switch in personality by going from an angry savage to a calm and collected individual. "Saotome-san, is everything alright?" He was concerned for the young man's mental stability, but more importantly he wanted to make sure that he didn't accidently hire a person who had rage issues to teach his impressionable genin.

Ranma laughed sheepishly when he realized what this must have seemed like to his sole audience. "Oh yea, sorry about that Jii-san; I just wanted to make sure Ryoga didn't get lost again. I finally got to this place after being late by three weeks, so I didn't want to waste any more time looking after this moron."

The aging ninja was confused by that. "Does he have a tendency to get lost often?"

"Yea, you can say that." Ranma snorted irritably. "Think of it like this, he couldn't find his way out of a small room with four doors to exit from."

Sarutobi sweatdropped.

Ranma nodded in sympathy. "Yea, that's usually my reaction too. The best way to make sure Ryoga doesn't wander off is if you just knock him out, and the easiest way to do that is to catch him with his defenses down. He knows I don't usually get pissed off like that, so he tends to get freaked out when I do."

"Hence that performance you just put on?"

"Exactly."

Sarutobi glanced from the bandana boy who was knocked out cold to the long-haired young man who was in a similar state. "Saotome-san, are you sure these two are people you want to help teach children? They seem very… unstable."

"Nah, don't worry about it." Ranma waved off the concern. "They're jackasses but they're still good guys at heart."

"I'm more worried about if they'll start to attack random people if they don't get their way." Sarutobi pointed at the two unconscious figures. "Those gentlemen demonstrated that they'll resort to violence to manipulate the situation to their advantage, which will not be condoned in my school. There are teachers here who will not hesitate to take drastic measures if confronted with that type of intent."

The pigtailed martial artist reflected on that. Most of the people he personally knew certainly wouldn't think twice about beating a person of threat into ground meat, so why should anyone here be different. He took into consideration that the natives here were all ninjas though, and there wasn't any doubt in his mind that a fight instigated against them wouldn't end in bloodshed.

"Well, I could have a talk with them, but I doubt it'll help. If anything, they might try to steal the water themselves and just take off." That's what Ranma would have done if he was faced with the same problem.

Sarutobi pondered on this dilemma and came to the only conclusion he could think of. He took out two stacks of papers and handed them over to Ranma. "I made up these documents just in case they were needed. If you could get them to sign it, then that would put my troubles at ease."

"Oh, that's easy to do." Ranma took out an ink case from inside his shirt and put Ryoga's palm onto it, and then he pressed it against the contract to make a perfect hand print; he repeated the same process with Mousse. He had on a wide smile on his face as he handed the 'signed' papers back to the Hokage, who had a rapid twitch in his eye. "There's no problem now, right?"

"I'm not quite sure this is quite ethical." Sarutobi didn't know if a contract was binding if the people who signed it were unconscious at the time.

Ranma scoffed humorously. "Of course it's not, but who cares. Those two are nobodies, their opinions don't matter."

The elderly man's eye tick became even worse at the remissive comment. In his younger days, he spent much of his time in the outside world so he knew enough about democracy and laws to understand that this wasn't how a citizen of the outside world was supposed to be treated.

Ranma went on unhindered by the fact that the old man's face was going through wild spasms. "Besides, this kind of stuff happens to me all the time, so it must be okay. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've gotten engaged to a random chick because my pops was a complete brainless sack of shit. Or how many times he's stolen my food and left me to starve. Not to mention, he's pushed me out of planes, kicked me off mountains, thrown me to wild animals, and worst of all, all the debt collectors we had to run from. Plus there was the Neko-ken where he threw me in a pit of starving cats wrapped around in sausage links when I was just a kid."

Sarutobi's other eye started to develop a nasty twitch now. Maybe this was the proof that he finally needed a hearing aid in his old age. There was no way he heard that correctly, the boy was thrown in a pit of cats…

"Don't even get me started on my mom who let me sign a contract of death when I was just a baby. It pretty much said that me and my dad would have to commit suicide if I didn't fit her image of being a real manly man."

Sarutobi really wished he did more thorough research on the young man's life before deciding on him for this job. Obviously, the boy had a sordid past that must have affected his mental psyche for him to think that this type of deranged way of living was normal. It should have been a hint of bad news when even the famous Detective Conan he tried to hire refused to go anywhere near Nerima.

"Believe me, my parents are saints compared to my fiancées…"

Sarutobi hastily cut in, "Excuse me, did you say fiancées, as in more than one?" The elderly man didn't think much of it when the boy mentioned it before, but Ranma's body language didn't seem to indicate a lie. "You mean to say, that your father truly engaged you to multiple women?"

"Oh yea, it wasn't just my pops either. My mom actually set up an arranged marriage for me with my ex-girlfriend. But we broke it off when we realized that we didn't have much in common but we still have feelings for each other, even though she's married to another man now." Ranma didn't really like Tsu-chan's husband all that much. That wimp of a loser didn't deserve to be with someone as powerful and beautiful as the former heir of the Shinmei-ryu School of Swordsmanship. Although he knew the reason why he held such hostility towards the poor man was because of jealousy, not that he'd ever admit that outloud.

Ranma put thoughts of his beautiful ex on the back burner, and carried on with his life story. "The fact that I'm engaged to a bunch of girls isn't the real problem here; it's who the girls are. Oh man, a lot of those chicks are genuine psychos. Ya know one of them is actually reincarnated from a giant gorilla named King Kong…"

"Okay, I think I heard enough." Sarutobi interrupted again. He wasn't sure if he could listen to another word of this adolescent teen's insane life, especially since he couldn't be too sure if it was all exaggerated or not. But right now for the first time in his life, he was considering the all too real possibility that there existed other people in the world who had a worse childhood than Naruto. And quite frankly, that was a very frightening thought to him considering the absolute hell the blonde genin was forced to endure on a daily basis.

"Ya sure that's all you want to hear, Jii-san? I didn't even get to all the juicy parts yet." Ranma cocked an eyebrow, bewildered by the older man's reaction. It wasn't the first time he's gotten such a reaction from a person either, something that he never quite understood; after all his life was pretty bland. "Like the time I died during the Neko-ken training and I met this cute Shinigami named Botan. Don't you want to hear about the friendship that crosses the boundaries of life and death?"

"Really, I think that's quite alright." Sarutobi responded in a deadpan tone.

"Aw man, cutting me off before I got to the real bat-shit crazy parts, like my Jusenkyo curse. Seta-sensei told ya about that right? Just making sure cause I don't want to end up giving you a heart attack or anything." Ranma didn't want to cause another incident like the one he created by mistake at the retirement home. It wasn't his fault, how was he supposed to know the old folks wouldn't be able to handle the shock of seeing his curse? Just because he sent a few dozen people to the hospital emergency ward, he wasn't allowed to volunteer again for extra credit at school. He had to go to summer school in his senior year because of that! What a crock!

Sarutobi nodded. The elderly ninja was no fool. He knew that the only reason why the martial artist decided to come to Konoha was because of the Jusenkyo water to cure his curse. It was incredible to imagine though, a person who had the ability to alter their own gender with the application of cold or hot water. It sounded like something out of a fairy tale. He wondered… "Saotome-san, if it isn't too much trouble, would mind giving me a demonstration of how your curse works. I must admit, I've never seen or even heard of such a phenomenon before."

Ranma shrugged aloofly. "Sure, it's no big deal actually but if you're really itchin' to see it, could ya wait until later. I might as well show the rest of the teachers and the student body so nobody get surprised when my curse gets turned on by accident."

The last comment got the attention of the Hokage's curiosity; things just seemed to get more and more fascinating about the boy. "Do you often get splashed with cold water? It is cold water that activates it, yes?" Sarutobi waited until Ranma nodded in affirmation before continuing, "Is it often that you come in contact with that much cold water? You make it sound like it happens all the time."

"Yea believe me, unfortunately it does. At least, only to me it does!" Ranma sighed depressingly and rubbed the back of his neck. "I just don't freakin get it, nobody else gets splashed as much as me. I just walk in a room and SPLASH! All of a sudden, I'm drenched from to head to toe. There's this little ol' ladle lady that I swear can give your ninjas a lesson in being stealthy."

Sarutobi chuckled amusedly, he was understandably skeptical about that. "You give my ninja too little credit, Saotome-san."

"Maybe, but from what I've seen so far, none of your people would be able to sneak up on that ladle lady. I swear she never misses to hit me or any of the others."

If this was said by anyone else other than this young man, then the leader of Konoha wouldn't have given it any merit. But this was a warrior of such high magnitude that he was recommend to him by highly reputable sources including Cologne of the Chinese Joketsuzoku tribe and Netero of Hunter Committee, both of whom were close friends.

"Such an interesting life you've led so far, Saotome-san. Especially amazing considering that you have many, many more years ahead for you." The elderly ninja uttered. "I'm not sure whether or not I should be in awe at the incredibleness of it all, or fearful that a person can survive such a harsh environment and come out with their sanity intact."

Ranma made a rude sound at that. "Please my life is heaven compared to some of the people I know. I'm actually quite thankful that even my life isn't as messed up as one of my friend's is." The specific person he had in mind was a kid he met face-to-face in the 288th Hunter Exam, Killua Zoldyck. He could never understand how that punk had turned out to be so normal given that he was essentially tortured day in and day out. Not to mention that messed up family of his, especially the older brother. Ranma's fist clenched when he remembered the first time he met the assassin prodigy during the 287th Hunter Exam. Illumi may have changed his outer appearance but there was no way the man could fully hide that twisted dark aura of his.

The Hokage remained silent. He always knew there were people who suffered such horrors that made Naruto's life seem like a paradise, but so far he had never met anyone who had such a sad existence as the young blonde's.

Ranma was so deep in thought that he didn't notice Sarutobi wanting to ask more questions, but just as the old man opened his mouth to do so, he was interrupted by Ryoga who stirred awake and groggily sat up. "Where am I now?" were all the words the pig-cursed boy could get out before a fist came flying towards his face, and he was sent back to dreamland.

After wiping his hands off his pants, Ranma slung the once more unconscious Ryoga over his shoulder, then grabbed Mousse by the back of his shirt and dragged him along. "Hey listen, if you have anything else you wanna know about me, would ya mind asking after me and my friends settle in? I'm exhausted after three weeks of globe hopping, plus I really want to make sure P-chan over here doesn't get lost again."

Sarutobi took a few seconds before he could shake himself out of his stupor. He didn't think he would ever understand the unnatural friendship that Ranma had with his companions; not even Kakashi and Gai had such an eccentric relationship. "My apologies Saotome-san, it was rude of me to take up so much of your time." He signaled to someone above them, and immediately the giant gates creaked and moaned as it slowly opened just enough for their small group to pass through. "If you'll be so kind as to follow me, I'll direct you to the apartment where you and your friends will be staying for the remainder of your internship."

As they were walking into the village, Sarutobi turned to ask Ranma one more question that's been plaguing him in the back of his head for quite a while now. "Is one of your fiancées really descended from a giant gorilla?"

Ranma chortled humorously. "Nah, I was just joking around with that. I like teasing her, it's a lot of fun. But really, if you knew her like I did, you'd swear she's got some type of ape blood in her."

As they continued their slow paced walking towards the village, Sarutobi suddenly remembered all the rumors he had heard about the boy's love life, while he had dismissed them as crazy fairytales, he felt apprehensive when he thought about what Anko's reaction to the handsome young lad would be. The snake mistress' reaction to the news of an outsider teaching genins may have been severely negative, but the Hokage had a feeling that would change the moment she saw what the new teacher looked like.

"There is one more thing I'd like to you about Ranma-san."

Ranma quirked an eyebrow as he balanced Ryoga on his shoulder. "What's up?"

"While you are a guest in the village I would appreciate it if you wouldn't seduce any of my kunoichi. I'd prefer for as many of them to be on the active list rather than be pregnant."

The pigtailed boy choked on air and dropped his friends out of shock. He ignored their moans and groans as he went through various facial expressions to represent what he was feeling at the moment.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

Then again, what better to best express one's emotions than with words?

"Well I have heard many unsettling things about your love life. Before I would have just ignored it because of the sheer absurdity of it all, but after hearing about it first hand from yourself, I feel it best just to make sure you won't try anything with the women of the village, ninja and civilian alike."

"You got it all wrong! I've never done anything perverted with any of the girls I know!" Ranma sputtered indignantly. Well, that wasn't exactly true, but it wasn't his fault all the crazy chicks of his life kept going to him for their stress relief.

Tsu-chan and he were responsible adults who were loved each other and them taking their relationship to the next level was a mutual decision, and he couldn't think of a better person to have his first time with. She was pretty much the only normal lover he ever had, despite her unusual friskiness in bed.

Set-chan, now that was definitely not his fault. It was their weekly tradition to get stone-cold drunk and release some pent up frustration through alcohol and complaining, but then that blasted senshi decided to switch things up and caught him off guard by shoving her tongue down his throat and her hand down his pants. That night started a brand new tradition for them, a weekly one night stand that lasted as long as she wanted or else she would go into the past and convince his father to engage him to even more women.

Ryoko was just scary and demanded some well deserved lovin' since Tenchi still couldn't choose between her and Ayeka, what the hell was he supposed to do against an alien who could blow up half the planet if she wanted to. Because of his bi-weekly 'sleepovers' at the Masaki home, he had to suffer the grubby tiny perverted hands of that pink-haired demon mother of hers too. How he rued the day he came across that flyer for a free therapy lesson for all Jusenkyo-cursed victims.

Hild-chan, well let's see anyone say no to the ruler of Hell when she was in the mood! Urd only jumped him after hearing that her mother got to him before she did. Peorth was for the same reason, only she wanted to get one up on her fellow goddess. Even Skuld got in on the action, yelling that if those hussies were gonna get some then so was she.

Mana, well shit, she was so excited, what qualified as excited for her anyway, when he told her that her school was one of the final choices he narrowed down. He had to do something to appease the half-demon gun-toting assassin after he told her that he wasn't going to be teaching at Mahora Academy! Let's just say she made it perfectly clear what he was going to do to make it up to her; either die a horrible painful death or make long passionate love to her whenever she wanted. Gee whiz batman, what great choices those were.

He didn't even want to remember Evangeline. Eva-chan was the one who got him that recommendation to teach at Mahora in the first place, she was really looking forward to having him at her disposal 24/7. He shuddered when he remembered how disappointed she was that he decided to go elsewhere for employment… away from her… for a year… away from her… someplace far away… AWAY FROM HER… Yup, the things he did to make her happy after that were memories he wouldn't mind forgetting forever.

Oh hell… alright, so maybe he was a manwhore, but that didn't justify the old man accusing him of sleeping around, even if he did!

Wait, did that make sense?

Who cares!

"Dammit, I am not going to seduce any of your kunoichi, if anything it's going be the other way around!"

Sarutobi spun around and pointed an accusing finger right at the boy's face. "That's exactly why young man! There are going to be some very insistent women in the village who are going to stop at nothing to try and get you into their beds. It is your responsibility to say no and fend off their sexual assaults!

"I try!" Ranma cried out, and he had to fight to keep from bursting into tears. "It's not my fault that all the women threaten me into submission! They're fuckin' scary!" Botan especially, how was he supposed to argue with someone who could sneak access to the list of when and how people died? He shuddered when he recalled what she said one day, 'Alive or dead, it doesn't matter to me what form you're in when you make love to me as long as you make love to me, got it bub!'

The Hokage shook his head sadly as Ranma curled up on the ground and rocked back and forth. He could understand the reasoning though, women of all shapes and sizes were scary as hell. The young man couldn't be blamed for things that he had no control over, despite the fact that it did seem to be entirely his fault.

"Be warned, there will be quite a few women who might decide to pursue you during your stay here, no matter the cost." Most definitely was going to be Anko, perhaps Kurenai as well. Not to mention if some of the rumors were true then the pigtailed boy had no problem with the age barrier so that meant Tsunade might get involved as well if she ever came back to the village.

Speaking of age…

"Ranma-san, while I have no real problem with you starting a relationship with women, I will absolutely not stand for you seducing underaged girls, do you understand?" Sarutobi ended with a glare that could freeze over lava.

Ranma shot up like a rocket and instantly appeared right in the Hokage's face. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean! Just because I've slept with a few women here and here, that doesn't mean I would ever start anything with a little girl! I have morals and self-respect, Jii-san!"

Sarutobi quirked an eyebrow. "Is that right? According to Cologne, her great-granddaughter and several others caught you and a very young girl engaging in what could only be called animal-like behavior."

Ranma's anger deflated like a balloon as he recalled that day. He knew it was a bad idea to accept Hinako-sensei's 'special' graduation present that she could only give to him in private, but he didn't even get a chance to decline before he was knocked unconscious from a sudden lack of ki. When he finally woke up that little vampire teacher was doing something to him that wasn't very ethical or professional; okay it was very professional, only in the manner that a hooker would be behaving in. Much to his horror, Hinako shrunk to her younger age in the middle of the act and well… let's just say his reputation for college life became that much more notorious after that day.

"Okay, I can totally explain that, but it's gonna be hard to take in. Just trust me when I say this, I have never had nor will I ever have personal relations with anyone younger than what is absolutely appropriate."

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, but be assured that I will be keeping an eye on how you interact with my genins." Sarutobi bluntly stated.

Ranma nodded, completely understanding. "Alright, fair enough but can I say something in my defense now?"

"Yes."

The martial artist dove to hug the old man's legs and began shouting deliriously. "It's not my fault that all women want to take advantage of me! You gotta believe me, Jii-san! Those women just won't leave me alone, they're all crazy, and horny, and lonely, and desperate! They're all desperate old hags! It's not my fault! It's not my fault!"

The Hokage sweatdropped as the boy continued to babble away. He had a feeling this was going be one long, long year filled with countless headaches.

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Author's Comments (R&R)

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Okay, I feel that I have to apologize for several things. First was the amount of time it took for this chapter to come to fruition, this was actually done a while back but I was too busy wondering if I should add on everything I had in mind or just cut it off here and turn this into a full story. In the end I felt it was easier to just turn this into a story rather than turn this into a 50,000 word one shot.

Second is the ending, I needed to create a new ending after deciding to cut this chapter short so this was made at the last second. I tried to do with it what I can but I still feel like it was too rushed, so sorry all.

Anyway, this isn't necessarily going to be final product for my story's first chapter. This is more like a blueprint as to what I want it to, like Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse becoming teachers to the Rookie 9, the Narutoverse being in another dimension. Other than that, I'm not sure what else from this chapter will make it into the final product.

It's probably gonna be a while before I turned out a real story anyway since I don't know how to write Ranma into the Narutoverse without him being overpowered. His physical statistics seem to be just too high for anyone in Naruto to really handle. I mean there are some jutsus that can do a lot of widespread damage, but Ranma has experience fighting people who can dish out attacks of that level in Cologne, Happosai, Asura Rouge, Kumon Ryuu, Herb, Saffron, and a few others I think.

So when I do write this story, it probably isn't going to involve Ranma as a fighter, rather he's gonna be more of a teacher influencing the Naruto world through his words and actions instead of his fists. I mean everyone already knows Ranma kicks that much ass. Do we really need to read another story where he dominates any and all challengers?

So, this was it…

Next chapter is going to be a crossover that I don't think anyone has ever done before, involving lots and lots of Fairies.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Now for the list of cameos in this story; there was a single mention of Detective Conan. I also included the name of two schools from other works of fiction, and that is Mahora Academy from Negima and the Hogwarts School from Harry Potter. Tsu-chan is Aoyama Tsuruko from Love Hina, but that was blatantly obvious. Genkai is from Yuyu Hakusho. Netero, Killua, and Izumi are from Hunter x Hunter.

I have to apologize for one more thing and that was essentially turning the ending into a harem-type Ranma fanfiction, I thought I've outgrown this phase but I guess I was wrong. The list of women he slept with is my personal preferences for romantic interests in those particular Ranma crossovers. Set-chan is Meiou Setsuna from Sailor Moon. Ryoko and Washu are from Tenchi Muyo. Hild, Urd, Peorth, and Skuld are from Oh My Goddess. Mana and Evangeline are from Negima. Botan is from Yuyu Hakusho.

I don't know if I missed any other cameo mentions I wrote, but if I did I'd appreciate someone telling me.

As with everything else in this story, none of the above mentioned characters belongs to me, only to their respective authors.