Three Swordsmen and a Baby

Disclaimer: Nothing's changed; Nintendo owns everything but this fic. -_-;
Author's Notes: Fungaah! The final chapter to my favorite characters' MISadventures in Babysitting! Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me through this! ^_^,v,,  (ß peace sign)

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"Who would have thought that lightly patting your hand against a baby's bottom would eventually lull him to sleep?"

"You know, Loki is cute when he's not pulling our ears off, or vomiting down our backs, or throwing food at us, or wailing, or poopi---"

"Roy?"

"Yeah, Link?"

"We get the picture."

The redhead smiled sheepishly. He and his two allies in this ordeal breathed with relief, looking down upon the peaceful face of the infant in his slumber upon the couch. The past hour had been as equally serene for him, Link, and Marth thanks to some *hired* help. In fact, the entire mess that had become of the hotel lounge room was cleaned and no traces of a few chaotic hours were evident. One could have entered and assumed that the baby Loki had been asleep the entire time and no one would argue.

Of course, only the three swordsmen knew of the actual horror they had experienced with the infant. They were also keen on not letting anyone outside of the trio learn about it.

Marth carefully pulled the baby blanket over Loki's diminutive form as he spoke, "Why are babies so perfect and cute and angelic when they're asleep but when they're awake, they're little Gremlins?" he rhetorically asked.

"Gremlins?" Roy twitched his lip in thought. "I dunno. I always thought Gizmo was kind of cute…"

Roy glanced to Marth and Link. They were regarding him with the same dubious glances from before, when he had mentioned reading Motherhood Magazine. "…Oh, come on! Like you never found yourself humming his cute little song before?" he asked them, defensively.

Link opened his mouth to voice his opinion on the matter but was interrupted by the sound of three familiar Princesses returning from their lengthy shopping trip just down the hall from the lounge. Alarmed, Roy reacted by leaping onto the recliner and crossing his legs, pretending to read the Super Smash Brothers directory. Marth shot up to a stand and scurried to the folding table where his freshly cleaned cloak awaited him. Link, however, was left with nothing to do so he began scurrying about the room like a chicken with its head cut off as the other two whispered harshly toward him.

By the time the key card was inserted into the door's slot, Link had found a sudden 'interest' in a potted plant.

Daisy was the first to enter. Her cheerful voice sang out for all to hear, "Hi guys! We're ba---"

The three male babysitters, however, interrupted that cheerful voice, curtly. "Sssssssssssh!"

The remaining females entered quietly after Daisy, numerous shopping bags in their hands. No wonder they took so long. They paused and gawked at the sleeping Loki and clean room, their jaws slack agape with amazement.

Roy placed the directory aside. "Hey girls," he said softly so as not to wake the child. A dulcet, albeit fake, smile was plastered on his face. "Have fun on your trip?"

The girls were too stunned to even respond to that.

Zelda noticed Link standing next to a potted plant. She couldn't help but wonder what was so interesting about it…and why in the world he was standing next to it. "Link?"

"Yeah?" his voice came out like a suppressed squeal.

"Why are you standing beside that plant…?"

"Because… I…" Link fumbled around for an adequate response. His eyes were kept on the same level as Zelda's but he knew all eyes were on him. Daisy and Peach peered at him in question while Roy and Marth were shooting him looks that revealed malicious intent if he were to spill the beans.

"Because I…am a child of the forest. Isn't it natural for me to have a green thumb?" he hastily countered.

"Well, yes," Zelda said with a blink, "but that's a synthetic plant."

"…Zelda, Zelda, Zelda." Link held his hand against his sternum, looking positively affected by the Princess's words. "My love for plants knows no…er…texture. I love *all* plants. Synthetic and authentic alike."

Zelda had nothing to say to that and Link wasn't about to give her a chance to dwell on her suspicious thoughts, either. He turned his gaze to Princess Peach, smiling.

"Peach, your cousin is a little…" Link swallowed the lump in his throat. Demon was what he desperately wanted to say, but his masculine pride was at stake here. As were his personal safety and long-term health. "Angel. Not a trouble for any one of us."

"Isn't he?" The blonde Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom smiled. She glanced around the suspiciously quiet room and spotted a cloak-less Marth from the corner of her eye. Like Link, there was something odd about the way he stood beside the folding table but she couldn't put her finger on it.

Marth noticed Peach's gaze and immediately reacted. "What?" he asked her, blinking. He 'innocently' gazed around him and 'just noticed' the cloak on the table. "Oh, that? Heh heh! There was a little case of Loki spilling prune juice on it, but it's okay now!"

"But there's no prune juice in the baby bag…"

Uh oh! "Ah, grape or something. Sometimes, you can never tell what with all those similar colors!" Marth hoped he had made the save.

Peach's face, however, still revealed her doubts. She squinted at him. "The juice was---"

Suddenly, Roy leapt to his feet. "Holy gibblefritz!!" Everyone turned to him. "Free facials with the purchase of a Gerudo Press-On Nail Kit at Nabooru's!" he stared at the yellow-paged directory in his hands.

Daisy's attention was snagged instantly, as were Zelda's and Peach's. "Let me see that…!"

The three women crowded around Roy to get a good look at the advertisement in the directory. It was then Marth and Link realized that the witty Roy had made the save for them.

Some time later, Peach had Loki placed in the crib in her own hotel room, allowing the infant some rest within a peaceful boundary. The six adults were gathered in the boisterous hotel lounge once more. That signaled the end of the trials and tribulations of the three swordsmen.  Luckily for them, neither of the three Princesses were aware of what had *exactly* went on; every time a question came up, one of the three lads would respond with some outlandish interruption or a clever excuse. All to save their manly honor and dignity.

"You know," Peach said as the group was settled down for a night of watching movies, "I must say that I am terribly impressed with the three of you."

Daisy bit down on a potato chip. "Yeah. I seriously thought you guys were going to ring one of us up and beg like puppies for our help."

"I think I speak for the three of us when I say: we stand corrected," Zelda chimed in.

Humble smiles and faint blushes graced the handsome faces of the three men. Although Link and Marth maturely took their compliments quietly, the youngest of the three, Roy, was never one to skip out on a chance to speak his mind. Or brag, or whatever. "It was as easy as pie!" he said with a big ol' grin.

"It was?" Daisy smiled at him.

"Yep! Nothing us three can't handle, right guys?" Roy nudged his two friends with his elbows.

The false smiles they wore threatened to remain frozen forever on their faces.

"Is that so?" Peach smiled.

"Natch!"

Peach clapped her gloved hands together. "Oh, that's great! My triplet cousins Baal, Beelzebub, and Mephisto are coming over to visit and that falls on the same day as this Duran Duran reunion concert we want to attend!"

"Nothin' to it, Peachy," Roy said with complete and utter disregard to the origins of the names of the triplets.

To this, Marth glanced to Link. The blonde Hylian nodded once in return.

"Um. Can you ladies please excuse us?" Marth asked politely.

Link stood. "We need to have a word with Roy."

The three Princesses nodded. Link and Marth grabbed onto Roy's respective arms tightly, evoking a wince and a confused glance from the young redhead as they led him out of the door.

"Hey guys," Roy began, his eyebrows arching high up on his forehead as he was dragged through the hallways of the hotel, "mind telling me what's this all about?"

Along their way, the three males spotted Samus Aran. She passed by them, smirking and audibly counting the wad of bills she carried in her hands. "Twenty dollars, forty dollars, fifty dollars, seventy dollars, eighty dollars…"

"I'M GONNA BE HERE ALL NIGHT!!! SOMEBODY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!"

Those were among the *cleaner* words poor Roy shouted out at the top of his lungs from his position on the HAL Flag Pole. It turned out that Link and Marth didn't share any words with him, much to the youth's initial surprise. They quietly and callously proceeded to handcuff Roy to the pole, which was in the very center of the Super Smash Plaza. Come morning ceremonies, everyone would see him.

Not only that, Link decided to use this opportunity to take a stab at revenge (for revealing his Martha Stewart secret) and stripped the poor boy down to just his heart-patterned boxers.

When their work was done, Link and Marth returned to their appropriate hotel rooms, preparing to turn in for a well-deserved rest.

Roy was left out to possibly rot in the breezy summer evening. He desperately tried to pull himself free but was restrained to the rattling handcuffs tightly bound about the sturdy steel pole.

"YOU GUYYYYYYYYYYS! THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE! LET ME GOOOOOOOO!!!"

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A/N: The end!  ^^;
Sorry if this seemed lame and/or a bit rushed, but I had some pressing matters to deal with, so I had to dish this out as soon as possible before I'd end up neglecting it.
I had a blast with this fic; I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. A special thank you and a Chic-O-Stick go out to everyone that has given me feedback on this fic! Your comments are what drive me to write! ^_^ I couldn't have done it without you. Thanks!
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(read my other stuff please? =B)