Disclaimer: This is a story about characters who don't belong to me.

"What if we get them confused?"

"What?"

Leslie was burrowed under the covers, tired and sore and thrilled to be back in her own bed. She needed to hoard these next few hours of sleep, and a nervously pacing husband was not helping her reach that goal.

"We planned for everything, right? But what if we can't tell them apart?"

Leslie groaned into her pillow. There would be no sleep unless she humored him in this. "We have color-coordinated onesies, socks, hair bands, hats, you name it. Madeleine is green, Annabeth is blue."

"It's more a purple than a blue—"

"Fine! Purple! Whatever! Ben." Leslie sat up in bed wearing her best glare. "The day before yesterday, I gave birth to two human beings. You need to let me sleep now."

"Oh." He was instantly contrite. "I'm sorry, Les. Go to sleep. I'll go panic in the other room."

She rolled her eyes. "Ugh. Get over here." When he was close enough, she tugged him into bed with her. "Take off your shoes. We are going to sleep, right now, because in a few hours we are going to have two hungry, screaming infants."

"Right. Yeah, that's probably the better idea."

For a while, it seemed like Ben's fears would remain unfounded panic. Which didn't stop him from worrying.

"I wish one of them had a birthmark. That would make things so much easier," he said one day a few months after they'd brought them home. He and Leslie were in the nursery, he trying to get Madeleine to burp while Leslie fed Annabeth.

"We're not going to get them confused. Besides, I can tell them apart. Maddie's such a smiley girl, aren't you, sweetheart?" Leslie cooed at the baby in her arms, who giggled in response.

"Leslie, that's Anna."

"What?" She looked up, startled, and then back down at her daughter's little blue socks. "So she is. Hi, Annabeth!" She turned back to Ben. "So both of our girls are smiley. That's good, right?"

"Well, yes, just not for our purposes." Just then, Madeleine let out a satisfying belch, and Ben lowered her from his shoulder to grin at her. "That's my girl!"

"Ben, our purpose is to raise two happy, healthy children. We are not going to get them confused."

Of course they got them confused.

Though, Ben would later maintain, it was completely not their fault.

Ann had come over to give the new parents a break. Like any parents of infants worth their salt, Ben and Leslie had immediately gone to take a nap. Leslie possessed the impressive ability to fall asleep the instant her head hit the pillow. Ben was a lighter sleeper. He drifted for a little while, but never really dropped off. After exactly twenty minutes, Leslie stirred next to him in bed.

He smiled at her. "Hey there."

"Hi."

"So I don't think we've ruined their lives yet, do you?"

"Naw. But we've got lots more time to do that. Don't worry."

"I just don't want you to feel that you're failing. I know how you hate that."

"Aw, that's so sweet of you, honey." She scooted over to lay her lips on his and smiled partway through the kiss. "We're going to be good parents."

"The best."

"We are good parents."

He chuckled. "The best."

"Alright, let's go get those babies." She stood up, straightened her clothes, and headed for the door.

"Good talk, Knope."

"Back atcha, Wyatt."

They found Ann in the kitchen. She'd gotten out the little bathtub and fitted it into the sink. She smiled at them as they walked in. "Hey, guys! I know you were planning on doing bath time later, but I figured since I was here and I've got experience with it..." She trailed off at the looks on her friends' faces. "What?"

"Ben, don't panic."

Ann looked down at the two infants, one swaddled in a towel, the other splashing in the tub. "Shoot."

"Oh, God." Ben started to back away; as if his two naked babies were a wild creature he could run from.

Ann looked from the babies to the two little stacks of clothes—one green, one lavender. "Well, let's see, I started with Annabeth—no. No, I started with Madeleine, because her clothes are further away.

"Are you sure?" Ben demanded.

"Relatively."

"Oh, God."

"Okay." Leslie stepped in. "Okay, I'm going to take Baby Number 1" she lifted up the swaddled infant "and Ann will finish with Baby Number 2. We'll get them dressed, and then we'll think of something."

"Well, Tom will be pleased you used the Snake Hole t-shirts he gave you."

The two little garments were the only things the girls had which were neither green nor blue.

They were sitting in the living room brainstorming. Ben gazed down at the baby in his arms, terrified that he would go the rest of his life uncertain which daughter this truly was.

"Come on guys, think," Ann urged them. "You've spent every waking hour with them for months. There have to be some things they do differently."

Ben wracked his brain. One of them slept like Leslie did, dropping off like a rock, while the other fussed and gabbed for a while before falling asleep. But which one was which?

"Wait. Wait. Yes!" Leslie eyes lit up in triumph. "We need to call Andy."

"What—" Ann started to ask, but Ben cut in.

"Yes! We call Andy! Leslie, you are a genius!"

Twenty minutes later, Andy was at the door, cheerful but curious. "Hey guys! He little dudettes! What's going on?"

"Andy, you need to smile at the girls!" Leslie announced.

"Sure! But why?"

"No questions; just do it." Ben dragged Andy over to the two carriers.

He still looked confused, but obligingly, Andy smiled.

Ben shook his head. "No no no, you need to make the face, remember?"

Suddenly, Ann clued in. "Ooooooh, right."

The first time Leslie and Ben had brought the girls to City Hall, Andy had amused himself making faces at them. For the most part, the babies responded as babies do—waving arms, some giggles. Nothing earth shattering. However, there was one face that Andy made and for some reason it made Madeleine laugh uproariously. Andy loved her response, so he kept making the face, over and over, and Maddie laughed at it, over and over. It attracted a crowd, at which point someone pointed out that every time Madeleine laughed at the expression, Annabeth's reaction was completely different.

"Oh!" Andy exclaimed, and turned back to the babies to deliver. The baby on the right broke into hysterical laughter.

"Madeleine!" Leslie cried, and swooped in to pick up her daughter. Ann handed her a green hat and a little pair of green socks.

The baby on the left immediately scrunched her face up. She didn't cry, but she glowered at Andy angrily until he stopped making the offending expression.

Ben laughed and bent to lift her. "Hello, Annabeth. You know, she only makes that face at you," he informed Andy as Ann handed over the corresponding blue garments.

"Really? Awesome," Andy laughed. "Wait. Did you guys forget which baby was which?"

"What? No, that's ridiculous."

"No, of course not! What kind of parents do you think we are—"

Both Ben and Leslie exclaimed at the same time. Ann chimed in. "It was completely my fault."

"Oh. But…" Andy continued to look confused. "Why didn't you just look at their footprints, like they did on that one episode of Full House?"

Both parents froze. "Wow, that would have made a lot of sense, actually," Ben said.

"Whatever, this worked just as well. We're going to have to keep you on speed-dial, Andy," Leslie said, "If you don't mind."

"Naw, I love the dudettes." He turned to the baby nearest to him and stuck his tongue out. The baby started to wail. "Oh, that one's Annabeth."

"Yeah, thanks, dude." Ben carried the crying child out of the room.

"And that's the story of how Andy came to be your nanny. Well, the beginning of the story, anyway." Ben looked at his kids. All three were staring at him wide-eyed.

Madeleine was the first to break, dissolving into laughter. "Of course it is."

"You hired him based on his ability to make a baby angry?" Lucas looked like he didn't want to believe him.

"That's the beginning of the story, Luke. Lots of other things happened between then and now."

Annabeth still hadn't said anything.

"You okay, Anna-banana?" Ben asked.

"Um." She blinked at him. "Are you absolutely sure you got it right? Are you, you know, positive that I'm Annabeth and Maddie is Maddie?"

Ben smiled at his daughter, who of his children was the most like him. Of course the thing that would concern her in the story would be the same thing that had concerned him while he was living it. "Oh, Annabeth. Nobody in the world hated that stupid face of Andy's as much as you did. Trust me, you're you."

A/N: Does anyone else remember that episode of Full House? Because for some reason it is indelibly inked in my mind. The title of the story is obviously brazenly stolen from it.

I could write volumes about the fictional Knope-Wyatt offspring. I kind of have; actually, counting the notes I've made for future reference. And if this is the sort of thing that interests you, their names are Madeleine Ann Wyatt, Annabeth Knope Wyatt, and Lucas Andrew Wyatt (I told you that Ben would get his Luke, you worrywarts).

Filename: "angryface." (Annabeth inherited her mother's angry face, btw.)