The man said nothing, just went to the chair and sat down, ignoring his left knee that knocked up against Harry's right shoulder.

Snape picked up the book to read again. They sat in silence until Harry leaned his head back against the chair arm.

"I am sorry. You never let me apologize."

"I accept your apology. Is that enough?"

"No. Talk to me. I know you're angry. I'm not running away – I'm ready to discuss what I did. Usually you just explode and . . . get on with it."

"Why should I?" Snape said, his voice suddenly sharp. "Why should I participate in this – whatever this is? You've made it perfectly clear that you don't want to be here with me so why stay? You turn seventeen in a few weeks. Feel free to leave early and take whatever you like."

Harry turned to look at him, but Snape clapped the book shut and got up. "I try to be agreeable, I really do. It isn't easy for me, compromising with another person. Sometime I hate having to change. I was doing fine until you showed up here five years ago, but you made it clear you wouldn't leave."

Harry didn't bother correcting Snape's version of past events that always involved Harry intruding on Snape rather than being kidnapped. Right now there was something worrisome about the man's face and tone that Harry thought it best to just stay still.

"I changed. I worked hard to change, but now that's not enough for the famous Harry Potter. Oh, no. You had to run off to the Weasleys and fool around with hexes and get cursed. Then when I tried to help, you complained and complained, even when I tried to make the best of your bad choices. Do you think I liked spending these days at a health spa where I had to hide my magic and lie constantly so I didn't give us away?"

Harry's mouth opened a little, but his eyes were round with shock.

"I did all that and then you healed yourself up and rather than tell me, you ran around with that red-headed miss, all carefree. You do not want to be here so I offer you the door. Feel free to take whatever you like and live wherever you like. I would ask that you leave me my dog, but I won't protest if you take him, too."

"I'm not going anywhere," Harry sputtered as he stood. "Just holidays and school. I'm sorry about everything, really sorry. I didn't see it that way. I didn't like being that helpless and it was scary, but I should have told you once I was healed. I owed you that much. I just liked the freedom after the confinement."

"You don't let me do anything for you anymore," Snape said in a low voice.

"What?"

Snape sat down on the edge of the sofa and looked down as he said, "You're almost grown up. I'm glad you're healed but it was nice for a bit to be needed like that." Snape clasped his hands on his knees and for a moment he looked worn and defeated. "You took over this house and you did a better job of improving it than I ever could. You're supposed to be the child, but you manage our meals and the landscape and the additional rooms without needing help. Each summer we come back here and I find myself more and more useless because you don't need help. I'm glad you're so capable, but I missed most of your childhood. I was glad to be needed this last week, to take care of you for a change. I never get to do that anymore."

Harry couldn't think of a word to say so he made a move with his arms that was half-shrug and half-shock and full astonishment.

"So I'm not fighting you," Snape's head dipped a little more. "The outside world has to be more exciting than staying here with me. You can go to London, you can travel. I'm sure the Weasleys would give you a room since you can talk them into anything you like. I would ask that you come by on Christmas but I don't want to burden you."

"I'm not leaving! Look at me. Hey, Dad, look up here," Harry clasped his upper arms until Snape looked up. "I'm not leaving. And I am grateful for when you take care of me. And I'm not grown up, not completely."

Snape looked so unsure that Harry rushed on, "If anything, I think this last week proved I still need help. If you hadn't been here, I would have been helpless and paralyzed."

"You would have gone to St. Mungo's with Ron," Snape said, and his tone was so hopeless and empty that Harry had to swallow back his own tears. "A few days and you would have been fine. And then you and Ginny could have spent time without me there to ruin it."

"I didn't hide my recovery from you because you were going to ruin it."

"So why did you hide it?"

Harry stepped back with an exasperated expression. "Because I'm almost seventeen and spending time with a girl sounds like the most exciting thing in the world. Sneaking around just added to the danger and the excitement. Tell me, at my age, if you had had a chance to spend a few days alone with my mother, no adults around, would you? Of course you would have. I'm not some uncaring son who's done with his father – I'm a sixteen-year-old bloke who thinks about girls nonstop. That's not being uncaring – it's being normal!"

Snape frowned. "But she came to you –"

"Because she's a girl who thinks about boys. We're young – we don't think about consequences like that. Yes, I'll save the world from evil but you can't expect me to resist sneaking around with a pretty girl. Even I'm not that strong."

"You handled the Weasleys fairly well."

"Because I didn't want to embarrass them by implying they can't keep up with their family. They feel awkward enough so I handled them, but a lot of that handling I learned from you. I got them to dinner, but you got them to agree to stay in our place. That takes maneuvering."

"Molly looked like a woman who could use a little pampering," Snape said.

"Yes, and though I urged the dinner, I had to trust that you had the money to pay for it or at least a way to get that money."

"I always have money available from your bank account in case I need to get you out of a bind. I had to transfer it from Wizard money. The dinner cost nearly three hundred pounds."

Harry blanched. "Good grief – but no, see, if I hadn't had you, I'd be in the restaurant kitchen, trying to work off my debt. I need you still – this all started because Ron dared me to touch the box and he said Ginny would have touched it and I couldn't lose to his sister even though she wasn't there. If that doesn't guarantee that I need your help, I don't know what does."

"Oh, Harry," Snape shook his head, but his voice wasn't hopeless anymore.

"I think I'm in love with her," Harry admitted. "I just want to hold her and kiss her and walk beside her and give her gifts and run away with her so we can be together forever. I should have told, and I didn't. But it was only two days and-"

"Just two days? When do I get two days off? When do I get to be free and careless? You are obsessed with this girl – I understand that. I don't really like it, but I understand it. And if you had just done that, sneaked off with her it would be different."

"Because we were at the resort?" Harry asked, confused.

"Because of the whole matter. I hated seeing you in pain, but I stepped up and arranged this whole trip, and I thought it was helping you. Yesterday morning, when Ivan wheeled you out, I noticed you moving your left arm, and I thought 'Good, he's healing.' I was actually proud of myself for helping in your recovery, but no, you were already healed not because of what I had done but because of the magic of two teenagers."

"We're not supposed to do underage magic," Harry agreed ruefully.

"No, it's just one more way you prove me irrelevant. You are so selfish sometimes. Everything is about you. You, you, you – the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived, and you dash around and leave me to pick up the pieces. I shouldn't care but – but . . ."

"But what?" Harry searched Snape's face carefully.

Snape kept his expression blank, but his voice hitched as he admitted, "It still . . . hurts."

Harry felt the weight of the world crush on top of him as he watched Snape struggle with his own pain. There was nothing in the world worse than watching a parent fight back tears, and it caused Harry's own eyes to fill up.

"Don't be sad. Please, Dad, don't look like that. I won't be selfish, I'll be good, and I'll do everything you say. Here, here I am," Harry held up his arms. "Go on – hit me. I know you want to."

"Don't be ridiculous," Snape swallowed, sniffing once. "You can't even let me feel a moment of –"

"No, I'm serious," Harry braced himself. "Punch me as hard as you can. We'll both feel better, and I won't use magic or potions to heal myself. I hit you three years ago, and I have it coming now. Hit me, hit the Golden Boy."

He closed his eyes, and he heard the floorboards creak and felt the air move as Snape came near. Harry cringed the smallest bit, but he waited for a sudden blow and shock of pain. Pain came, but not from a punch. Snape grabbed him by the ear and dragged him over to the sofa and bent him over the arm.

The barrage of slaps that Snape landed on his rear caused Harry to gasp and stiffen as he braced himself over the sofa arm, digging his fingers into the cushions so he wouldn't accidentally react and kick Snape in the kneecap.

"I'm sorry," Harry burst out.

"For what?" Snape spoke in a growl, the tender gone. "Start listing them and if I don't think you're contrite enough, I'll go fetch the razor strop. And don't you dare leave something out or I will get a cane."

Nothing like a little added pressure while getting spanked. "I – I fooled around with that box."

Whap! Whap! Whap!

"And?"

"I got cursed, and instead of notifying you, I tried to come home by myself."

"Deep breath."

"What? Why do I need a deep-"

The immediate slaps that followed were so sharp and quick that Harry forgot to breathe. The spanking paused, and he sucked in a long breath and rushed out an apology, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."

"What else?"

"I complained while I had the pox. I fought you taking care of me and I tried to bear it out on my own instead of accepting that you knew best."

The words made him cringe – so weak and submissive – but he wasn't in a place to stand up for himself. He just had to weather this punishment and then they would be back to normal.

"Deep breath."

"Oh, no, Snape, please!"

Another round of spanks came like lightning, and Harry let out a howl and stomped his foot.

"You're fine," Snape barked out. "Continue."

"I didn't want to go to the health resort, and I didn't want to go for treatment with Ivan, and as it turned out, I didn't need it."

"Accio razor str-"

"No!" Harry yelped. "No, no, I'm sorry. I fought the treatment. Then Ginny arrived and I didn't tell you."

Harry hitched himself as far forward as he could over the sofa, just his tiptoes still on the floor. The anticipation of the smacks was almost as bad as the smacks themselves.

Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap!

Almost, that was.

"Agh," Harry twisted back and forth to relieve the burning. "You've never sp- punished me this long before."

"You've never abused my trust or hurt my feelings this bad before."

That brought the start of tears. They came fast and hot from Snape's words and stung in a way that no amount of swats could.

"Pull yourself together and keep going."

Harry gave a hoarse cry and managed, "All right, just give me a second. We were at the resort, Ginny came. She flirted with me and I liked it and we used magic to heal me. It hurt and I passed out, but when I came to, I was whole again."

"Deep breath."

Obediently, Harry drew in air deep into his lungs. When the swats started, he blew out the air, and it gave him just enough control to keep from attacking Snape as the sting mounted.

"I can't take much more," Harry moaned when Snape paused. "Please, stop."

"We're almost done. What did you do after you were healed?"

Harry buried his head in his arms and groaned in pain.

"Harry? Go on."

"I sneaked around with her, letting you think I was still sick. I kept telling myself, and her, that I would tell you soon. But I didn't for two days. I cared more about being with her than about your feelings."

He waited for another round, but it didn't come. He lifted his head to peer around, but Snape stood still. "You're – you're going to get the strop?" Harry blinked, sending several tears down his cheeks.

"No, we're done. You feel better after a spanking because you feel you've paid for your crimes, and I've forgiven you. Most boys your age would refuse this type of punishment, but you're not like most boys, and you carry around too much guilt. But I'm not going to punish you for that last bit. That last bit you get to carry around with you, and you get to feel it. Sometimes punishments don't wipe away everything. Sometimes you have to live with what you've done."

Harry had half-stood, but tears streamed down his cheeks and he closed his eyes as the words slashed at him. He didn't understand why he felt this raw and vulnerable in front of Snape. Each year he kept saying he would learn to be strong and resolved around Snape, to be a real adult who didn't crumble at the least criticism, to be a man who acted like a man. He wished he could pull himself together but he couldn't stop the flood of tears that kept his chest heaving and the air catching in his throat.

"Oh, for goodness sake," Snape put a hand on his shoulder, "this was supposed to make me feel better, not feel like I've – oof!"

Harry tackled him in a tight hug, burying his face in Snape's shoulder. He squeezed tighter and tighter, trying to stem the tide of his rising emotions.

"All right, all right," Snape wheezed from the embrace. "I forgive you."

"No, I hurt you," Harry cried. "I really hurt you, Dad, and I can't stand hurting you."

"Settle down," Snape maneuvered him gently to the sofa and pressed him to sit down.

"Ow, that hurts, too," Harry smeared tears against his face with a swipe of his hands, knocking his glasses aside. "Why'd you have to wallop me so hard?"

Snape didn't answer. He felt Harry's forehead and then took his glasses off. "Calm down. Lie down and rest. I'll bring you some food."

Harry opened his mouth to tell him not to worry, but then he nodded and stretched out on the sofa. He could let Snape take care of him for a bit. He accepted the quilt that Snape draped over him, and he even swallowed the potion that Snape handed him which would ward off a fever.

Vampyr had been cowering on the other side of the sofa through the whole ordeal, but he came to the sofa and laid down beside it, content to rest if Harry was going to rest.

Harry lay there thinking while Snape moved around the kitchen. Fifteen minutes later, the man emerged with a tray piled with enough food for three people: sandwiches, soup, crackers, cheese, fruit, biscuits, lemonade, and tea.

Harry managed to sit up without too much wincing, and as he tore into the food, he said, "You should, you know."

"Should what?"

"You should take a few days off."

Snape gave a snort of disbelief. "As if I could. You're spilling the soup."

"Oh, sorry," Harry licked the side of the bowl where several drops rolled down. "But seriously, why can't you take a few days off? If not this summer, then next. How hard would it be to a take a week off? I'll be almost eighteen next summer. I can stay here with Vampyr and you can go on holiday. You can go anywhere you like."

"You'd burn the house down," Snape handled him a napkin.

"I would not. You should get a chance to be selfish and do whatever you want. I will swear to keep out trouble for then – we can set up a spell that will bind me to a door post if I start to get into trouble and keep me there until you return."

Snape chuckled in spite of himself. "Oh, you do keep me working. A holiday might not be a bad idea. I deserve it after all these years of keeping you hale and healthy. You're leaving crumbs everywhere."

"That's why we have a dog," Harry leaned back as he continued to eat. Vampyr was up, licking the cracker crumbs Harry had dropped.

"Keep showing me cheek and we'll repeat this at bedtime," Snape gave him a stern look before returning to the kitchen.

"Not likely," Harry said under his breath. "Even you're not that cruel."

"What was that?"

"I said the food is good," Harry raised his voice. He ate more food, reflecting that Snape remembered that he liked creamy soup rather than tomato-based or thin broth. Snape remembered he liked pumpkin juice and when it wasn't available, lemonade would do. Snape even used turkey on the sandwiches because Harry had said he liked the flavor better than ham.

His rear end hurt a little, but his chest ached even more. He had been so thoughtless, so careless over Snape's feelings because, honestly, he often forgot that Snape could have feelings. Mainly that was because Snape was such a grouch most of the time but still –

Harry took the potion vial and gently poured the last drop of the brown potion out on the floor. Vampyr sniffed it and then backed up with a shake of his furry head, refusing to lick it up.

Harry smiled and put the vial on the floor beside the spill.

"Oh," he said loudly, "I'm so clumsy. Snape? I dropped the vial. I can't do anything right today."

"What?" Snape came in, glancing at the floor and then up at Harry who wore a pained expression. "Don't worry about that – I'll clean it up. Do you want more food? No? You just rest for a while and then maybe go upstairs for a soak in the bath. You look worn out and I did punish you hard."

Harry nodded and took a deep breath. "Sometimes I feel like I can't do anything right."

"None of that. You were upset, and it's the last of the pox. I don't want you exerting yourself any further today."

Harry let Snape put a pillow under his head, tuck the quilt over him, and take the tray away. Harry hid his smile until Snape was gone.

Maybe it wasn't so bad being taken care of. At least once in a while. As long as Snape didn't make a habit out of it.