Chapter One: Hope for the Hopeless

One Month Later

"I'm getting worried about her." Sookie Stackhouse peeked into the living room that had been transformed into a war zone over the past month. "We need to do something."

"What are we supposed to do?" Sam Merlotte sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Godric is gone, he's dead. It's been a month; we have to stop her from doing this to herself." Sookie shook her head sadly as she watched her frazzled friend on the phone, trying desperately to find any news of Godric's whereabouts. But they all knew there were no whereabouts. Godric had died in the unexpected bombing of the New Orleans palace, murdering everyone in the vicinity, including their beloved Godric and even the Queen of Louisiana, Sophie-Anne. Ellie however was refusing to believe this. She had worked herself into a frenzy the last month, tracking down whatever lead she possibly could. They had to almost physically restrain her from going to New Orleans herself to check the site of the bombing. Instead, Sam had gone in Ellie's place, and he hadn't brought any good news back. But that hadn't stopped Ellie. She wasn't facing reality, facing the fact that Godric was gone, and she needed to come to terms with that.

"But what if he isn't?" Sam couldn't help but want to believe that Godric was still alive. Ellie didn't need another ounce of pain in her life, not since Eric had left her nearly two months ago. "What if he really is alive?"

"How, Sam? You went there, you saw how it looked. How could Godric possibly have survived?" Sookie looked doubtful. She wanted to support her closest friend, but how could she when it looked too unbelievable? "It's not healthy for her, Sam. It was hard enough for her when Eric left."

"That's just it, Sookie. It was hard enough for her when Eric left. How can we possibly put her through more pain by making her stop this? If this helps her, if searching for him, believing he's alive, helps her in anyway, then we should just let her do it." Sam tried to reason. "I don't want to see her locked up in that bedroom again. And that's all that's going to happen the moment she realizes he truly could be dead."

"But do you really think this is better?" Sookie nodded into the room.

"No, but what else are we going to do? And hey, stranger things have happened. We all though Ellie was dead and she ended up not being." Sam pointed out. "Maybe we just need to have some faith. The universe can't completely hate her; it couldn't rip away Godric from her just after Eric left."

"The universe works in cruel ways, Sam; we know that better than anyone." Sookie sighed as she ran a hand through her hair. "But I guess you're right. I don't want to see her like that either. I guess for now we can just go along with this. But eventually she's going to have to come to terms with the fact that he may not be alive at all."

"And we'll deal with that when the time comes." Sam wrapped his arms around Sookie in comfort. "I just can't believe this is happening."

"You and me both." Sookie held onto Sam tightly, enjoying his warmth as it spread through her. "I feel so sorry for her. She's never going to be happy, Sam."

"One day, I'm sure of it. Forever is a long time for someone who will live an eternal life."

"I just hope she won't have to live that life alone. Maybe this will pull her and Eric back together." Sookie prayed that would be the case. She couldn't imagine what would happen to their dear friend should Godric truly not be alive and she was left alone for all of eternity.

"All we can do is wait and see." He brushed his lips across her forehead. "That's all we can do now."

"Thanks Isabel, let me know if you hear anything."

A sigh emitted from my lips as I set the phone back down. I ran a hand through my tangled hair, trying to tug out the knots before giving up and looking down at my list of potential leads. There were lines through every single one of them however, my hope of finding Godric diminishing. But I refused to give up. How could I? Godric couldn't be dead, he just couldn't be. He was 2000 years old. He couldn't just die, not like that. He had survived the bombing in Dallas, so who says that he couldn't have survived this one? They may declare that everyone had died, but how can they be sure? It's not like they could identify the bodies; vampires turned into a bloody mess when they met the true death or were just burned to ashes. There was no possible way to know for sure that Godric was in the palace at the time of the bombing, that he had been one of the deceased. He could have left. He could have found shelter somewhere and was just unable to reach any of us. Maybe he was hurt and had to slowly make his way across the state. I just needed to be able to track him down somehow and find him so I can help whatever state he was in.

I couldn't for one minute think the opposite. I could hear Sookie and Sam talking in the other room. Sookie thought this was unhealthy, by obsession with finding Godric. But there was just no way I could believe he was dead. Because the moment I did, that would be the worst moment of my life. Eric had left on his own accord, he had walked away but at least he was still alive. At least there was still a possibility that he could come back one day, that we could run into one another during our long lives. But if Godric truly had died, that would just destroy me. I would never be able to lean on him, to hear his wise words, to search for his comfort. And I needed that. I needed Godric. I couldn't lose him. I've lost everything in my life. I lost my parents, my brother, and Eric had walked out of my life. I couldn't damn well lose Godric too. I refused to accept that.

So I kept looking for him. I asked everyone I knew to listen out, to keep an eye on anything that could help me. I've called Maggie in Chicago, Isabel in Dallas, and even spoke with Alcide without Sookie knowing. I went to such lengths that I spoke to every single vampire that walked through the doors of Fangtasia, much to Pam's displeasure. She, like Sookie, thought this search and rescue attempt was futile. But that was just fine. Because I wasn't giving up, not anytime soon.

"All we can do is wait and see. That's all we can do now."

I glanced over to the doorway leading to the front hallway, catching a glimpse of Sam and Sookie embracing. Normally I would have found myself smiling, enjoying the sight of them together. But I hadn't been able to bring myself to smile since that night Pam came to Merlotte's and told me the news of Godric's supposed death. How could I possibly try and be happy when my closest friend in the world could be out there, in pain, and in need of help?

But I also knew just how worried Sookie was. I hadn't stopped to think for more than a few minutes, hardly taking breaks from my mad dash to find Godric. I knew Sookie didn't believe he was alive, and that was alright. She was only concerned for me, and I did appreciate her caring. I knew there was a chance that I could be wrong, that all of this could be for nothing. I just couldn't let myself believe that, not yet anyways. I needed to do everything in my power to try and find him, to know that I didn't give up on him.

Because Godric had not once given up on me. I couldn't damn well give up on him when he needed me the most.

And during this past month, I had hardly thought of the tall blonde Viking that had left me. Searching for Godric proved to be the best distraction from my heartache, though it was a distraction I never wished to have in the first place. Though I couldn't help but wonder if Eric knew of this, if he knew that his maker could potentially be dead. He would know though. He would feel the moment that Godric met the true death, that was how blood bonds worked with a maker and their progeny. I was sure, as long as our bond was open, that I would feel if Eric ever met the true death, and vice versa. It was how Eric knew I wasn't dead in the first place. He had still felt me, felt the bond that we shared. He had had faith that I was still alive, and now here I was, having faith that Godric was still roaming around somewhere.

"You should eat something." I hadn't realized Sam had come into the room until his voice broke through my thoughts. I looked up at him, stared into those worried eyes, and silently nodded. He laid a hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently before he helped me off the couch. "We'll find him, Ellie, I know we will."

"We have to Sam." my voice was soft, pleading almost. "We just have to."

"And we will. I have faith in that." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders as he led me out of the room and into the kitchen where Sookie was placing dinner on the table.

"Do you really? Or are you just saying that for my benefit?" I asked suspiciously.

"I really do." He assured. "Miracles have happened, Ellie. You're one of them. You should have died in that warehouse, and hell, even I believed that you did. But you didn't. You took all of us by surprise when you woke up. If it's possibly that you didn't die that night, then I truly believe that Godric could be alive."

"What about you, Sook?" I gazed over to the blonde.

The tense expression on her face softened as she walked around the table, pulling me into an embrace immediately.

"I so desperately want him to be alive, just so you won't have to go through anymore pain." She held onto me tightly. "You've just gone through so much; you can't go through this too."

"Thanks Sookie." I returned the embrace, relieved to know that these two hadn't abandoned me just yet. I knew they must have thought I was nuts for behaving like this, for refusing to believe the facts. But sometimes the facts were wrong. I hadn't died, just like Sam had said. I had woken up in the In-Between and eventually I woke up in this world, alive and well. If that could happen, then Godric can be alive. He was a smart vampire; he was wise and stronger than any other vampire in the world. He would have been able to escape, to survive such a horrible tragedy, I was sure of it.

I couldn't very well believe anything else.

"She's going to end up getting herself killed if you don't control her." Pam felt a headache coming on as she watched Ellie zoom around Fangtasia, hassling each and every one of their customers in her pathetic attempt to find the vampire that was no more. She didn't want to admit defeat, that her master's maker was truly gone, but it was reality. From what she had been told, no one would have been able to survive the attack on the palace. Not the queen, not any civilian, and certainly not Godric. He was gone, and the sooner Ellie came to terms with that, the sooner Pam would be rid of her.

"It's better for her to do this." Sam reasoned with the tall vampire, looking uneasy as he sat at the bar with Sookie at his side. He hated being here, in this vampire bar. But he didn't like the idea of Ellie and Sookie coming here alone, especially since there was no one to protect her. He didn't believe that Pam would go out of her way to ensure Ellie wasn't attacked or taken advantage of. There was now no Eric or Godric around to keep the vampires in the bar under control. While most may know that she has been claimed by Eric, and may be too afraid to try anything, there was still the risk that a new vampire could come along and try and kill her without knowing who she was.

"Godric is dead." Pam narrowed her eyes as she stared down at the shifter with distaste.

"Maybe not." Sookie shrugged. "Maybe Ellie is right."

"Do you really believe that?"

"I don't know what to believe anymore." Sookie admitted.

"You're a fool." Pam shook her head. "He's gone. The sooner she comes to accept that, the better. Just get her out of my bar. Before I physically remove her.

Sookie sighed as Pam strutted away angrily before grabbing a dancer and hurrying off into the backroom. Shuddering, Sookie turned her attention over to the brunette, keeping an eye on her to make sure she was alright. At the moment she was chatting with one of the regulars, and a loyal underling to Eric named Clancy. Sookie had only met him once before in the past, but he certainly wasn't a vampire she would want to be around alone.

"I hope Pam is wrong." Sookie glanced over at Sam, her fingers intertwining with his. "She has to be wrong, right?"

"She is." Sam assured her with a nod of his head.

"She just has to be. I can't imagine what this will do to her." Sookie shook her head, trying to imagine the pain Ellie must be going through, even as she searched for the vampire no one seemed to know was dead or alive.

"Everything will work out." Sam squeezed her hand. "We just need to keep thinking that."

"I know. I'm trying to be positive, it's just hard." She sighed. "She cries some nights, Sam. when you're not there, I can hear her through the wall. It's just so sad. She lost Eric and now she's losing Godric forever."

"Just keep faith."

"How? How can we keep our faith that everything is going to be alright when it's a bunch of crap?" Sookie couldn't help the anger swelling inside of her. She was just so angry. Not with Sam, not with Ellie, and not even with Pam. She was just angry with the universe, with god even. How could she believe there really was a god when all of these terrible things kept happening to Ellie? She had loss after loss, agony after agony and not once has she been allowed to be happy. How could God do this to her? How could the universe just be turned against this poor girl who had done absolutely nothing wrong to begin with?

"I know it's hard to understand. And god knows I don't understand it. But all we can hope for is that there was a reason for all of this to happen, that eventually everything will turn out to be alright and we can all be happy again. Including Ellie." Sam offered her an assuring smile before leaning over and pecking her on the lips.

"I hope so." Sookie's shoulders slumped forward in defeat. "I just don't know how much more of this she can take."

"You should go to bed, Ellie." Sookie plopped down beside me on the couch later that night.

"I'm not tired." I shrugged as I flipped through the channels, searching for something better than infomercials on TV.

"You look exhausted." I could feel her eyes on me.

"I'm fine, really I am, Sook." I tried to assure her, though I knew it was a feeble attempt. Sookie knew better. She had gone through so much with me that she knew when I was lying. And I was. I couldn't sleep, but that was of my own accord. Because every time I closed my eyes, I would have another nightmare. And it wasn't just some ordinary nightmare. I would watch Godric's death play out time and time again in the worst scenarios possible. And I just couldn't handle that. It was worst than having those erotic dreams of Eric and wishing I could be sleeping in his arms. This was just plain torture. I couldn't handle it. So I made sure I wasn't asleep for longer than I had to be. I would go to bed late at night and wake up some mornings before the sun even rose. It was the only way I could continue to function, to not find myself locked back up in my room.

I knew those weeks I spent in my room after Eric had left hadn't been healthy. I knew that better than anyone. And it had been Godric who had gotten me out of that room, who had held me as I broke down. He had given me words of wisdom, urging me to move on with my life and just be happy. And the moment I had tried to do just that, to take a step forward and leave the past behind, this happened. I never should have encouraged him to go to New Orleans. He hadn't wanted to. He didn't think it would be a good idea and I realize now that it hadn't of been. He wasn't dead; I refused to let myself believe that. But if he hadn't gone, then he would be here right now instead of me having to search every nook and cranny of this earth for him.

"I know it's hard, and I know sleeping must be difficult for you, but you need to sleep." Sookie wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"I have nightmares." I admitted to her. "I just...I can't deal with those, Sookie. I can't take watching Godric die before my eyes every single damn night."

"I know sweetie." She squeezed my shoulders. "But I don't think he would want to see you put yourself through this. Eric wouldn't either."

I scoffed at the sound of Eric's name. "Eric doesn't give a crap. He doesn't care about me, and he doesn't care at all that his maker is missing."

"I don't think that's true." Sookie shook her head. "Have you tried to get into contact with him?"

"His phone as been deactivated. I tried the night Pam told me about the bombing." I admitted.

It had been a weak moment. I had tried to forget Eric's cell number. I had tried to forget everything I could about the man. But the moment Pam had told me the news, that Godric could be dead, everything had gone out the window. But he hadn't answered. I couldn't even leave a message. I suppose it was for the best. What was I going to say to him? He probably wouldn't have spoken two words to me anyways.

But that also angered me. His maker, the one he claimed to care so much about, who he had been sobbing over that morning in Dallas when Godric wanted to meet the sun, was missing and potentially dead, and he didn't even seem to care. I had asked Pam over and over again if she had gotten in touch with him, and her answer had been the same as mine. No one knew where he was. No one could reach him. If he knew something, he certainly wasn't sharing it with us. And that pissed me off. How could he just not care? How could he just pretend that this wasn't happening? It's been a month since the night of the bombing. It's been nearly two months since he had left. Didn't he care enough to at least call, to at least get in touch with Pam to find out what was going on? I knew he would know it if Godric had died. If he had felt that inevitable pain, that agony, couldn't he have at least told us, so I would have spent this past month searching for a vampire that I might never find?

"He's an asshole." I mumbled, crossing my arms as I turned off the TV and all but threw the remote across the room.

"Well I agree with you there." Sookie nodded, a look of amusement on her face.

"Why the hell doesn't he care? It's his fucking maker!" I couldn't control my anger, all of the emotions building up inside of me finally boiling over. However, instead of crying, I found myself wanting to find Eric Northman and bash his face in. over and over again. Until I was satisfied. And even then some.

"I have to say, I'm much happier to see you angry with him then upset." Sookie told me honestly.

"He's just so frustrating!" I jumped right off of the couch, unable to stay still. "He says he loves me one minute, then the next he's running off like some friggin pansy! And then his maker goes missing and he doesn't give a rat's ass! What the hell is wrong with him!"

"Maybe he's upset and doesn't know what to say to you." She offered half heartedly. She was attempting to be the voice of reason, but she would always be the first on the 'I Hate Eric Northman' train.

"Bullshit! When the hell does Eric ever shy away from something? God this is just like him! He gets me to fall in love with him, to care about him and then he just damn well throws it all away! What the hell was the point then? He was mourning my death, Sookie. He bought be a fucking ring!" I threw my hands up in frustration.

"He bought you a ring?" her eyes grew wide and I realized I had never her told her that before.

"I saw it while I was in the In-Between." I nodded. "He got me a ring, and you would think once I was back he would give it to me. But oh no, he's too much of an asshole to do that! And now he's gone, and no one knows where he is! Doesn't he think? Doesn't he realize that something could happen and no one would be able to get a hold of him?"

"It's probably why he did it. He didn't want to be reached, for anyone to interrupt his time alone." Sookie shrugged as she watched me begin to pace the length of the room.

"Pfft, I doubt he's alone. He's probably off fucking anyone who has two legs. Or maybe even one, who the hell knows his standards. It's a good thing a vampire can't get an STD, because some of the women he's slept with..." I trailed off with a shake of the head.

"He'll call when he's ready." She reasoned. "Or at least I hope so."

"Knowing him, he'll just sulk and brood for eternity." I frowned. "Well fuck him! He can fucking be alone for all I care!"

"We both know you don't mean that. You still love him, no matter how angry with might be with him right now."

I knew she was right. Of course I still loved him. I was an idiot of course, but I couldn't help how I felt. I had fallen in love with him unwillingly, not wanting to ever find myself in a relationship with that vampire. And now all I wanted was for him to be here, with me, and to be my lover for the rest of our long lives. But will he get his head out of his ass for that to happen? Of course the hell not! He was too stubborn. He was too much of an asshole. And I desperately wished I could just forget about him, lock him into some mental prison deep within my brain and throw away the key. But that wasn't about to happen. I don't think it ever will. I was doomed to love a man who may or may not love me back.

"I wish he was here." I found myself admitting, my shoulders slumping forward as I felt the anger leave my body. I shuffled back over to the couch and sat down beside Sookie, my mood taking a drastic change. "He would know what to do."

"I know." She wrapped an arm around my shoulders again. "As much of an asshole as he was, he did always seem to know what to do, even if it was dangerous and life threatening."

"He would believe that Godric was still alive. I know Pam doesn't. And I know you don't, at least not completely." I sighed.

"That's not true." She tried to defend herself.

"It's okay Sookie." I patted her hand. "I know I sound crazy, I know I do. But I just...I can't let myself think he's dead. If I could end up living, why can't he?"

"Miracles do happen sometimes." Sookie nodded, squeezed my hand. "We'll find him, Ellie."

"What if we don't though?" It was my fear talking.

"We will. Or we'll track down Eric, kick his ass, and get him to help us. I promise you that. Especially the kicking Eric's ass part." She offered me a smile.

"I like the sound of that."

A/N: As promised, the fifth installment! I couldn't leave you all hanging, not for long anyways. though you don't find out much about what happened in New orleans in this chapter, but that's all to come shortly! I know most of you hate that I supposedly killed Godric off. But from the reviews I've gotten, it seems some of you are refusing to believe it much like Ellie lol. and that's good. because who knows what I have up my sleeve!