Friday
It had been a long day that was the end to a long week. Emily Prentiss entered her expensive condo overlooking the Washington Mall and felt her remaining energy drain as she finally allowed herself to realize the full extent of her exhaustion. Letting her guard down, even momentarily, in her line of work could mean the difference between life and death so she was careful to constantly remain alert when on assignment. On assignment is where the team had been for the past six days, assisting a Sheriff's department in identifying and apprehending a serial killer. Emily couldn't even remember the name of the town, only that it had been in the Midwest. This was due partly to her current exhaustion and partly to her thorough compartmentalization. There were some things that always stayed with her, of course: the unsub, the victim, the victim's loved ones. But in order to keep her sanity, she had learned to immediately let go of the more insignificant details.
A creature of habit, Emily followed the same routine every time she returned home from the office or a trip. She paused at the table in the entryway to her condo and carefully placed her ready-bag underneath it before setting her keys, Glock, and badge on the table's surface. The objects may only be hardware but going through this routine of removing them helped her draw the line between Supervisory Special Agent Prentiss, profiler in the FBI's elite Behavior Analysis Unit, and Emily, a homebody and self-described nerd.
Emily felt and heard her stomach grumble and suddenly realized she was starving. She turned her palm up to look at her watch. It had been almost 12 hours since she had last eaten. She could make a show of opening her fridge and pretending to search for something to eat, but she knew it quite literally would end fruitless. She rarely kept her kitchen stocked, since she never knew when and for how long she'd be gone. So instead of putting on the charade, she picked up the phone and dialed the pizza parlor down the block.
She finished ordering a pizza and then made her way up the stairs to her bedroom. She had thirty minutes before the pizza would arrive and she planned to use as much of that time as possible under a hot stream of water in her shower.
Forty-five minutes later, she plopped down on her couch and turned on the TV. She had changed into sweatpants and a Yale sweatshirt and selected a moderately expensive red wine to pair with her pizza. She casually flipped through the channels, hoping to find something light and funny, stopping on a romantic comedy she hadn't seen. She set her wine glass on the end table and settled back into the couch to eat her pizza. As Friday evenings went, this was about as exciting as they got for her.
As the movie progressed, so did the amount of times Emily reached over to refill her wine glass until she reached over one last time as the credits began and realized the bottle was empty. The bottle was small enough that Emily reasoned that she had more of a buzz than being actually drunk. She moved to stand up, intending to move to her bedroom for the night. Upon standing, she had to reach out a hand to steady herself as all of the blood immediately rushed to her head. Or at least it felt that way to her.
Realizing she was more than just buzzed, Emily sunk back down onto her couch. After turning off the TV and the lamp on the end table, she stretched out on the couch, pulling down the blanket draped across the couch's back. The moonlight from the night's full moon came in through her picture window and basked the room in a white glow. Emily lay on her side looking out the window at nothing in particular.
Her complete exhaustion combined with her apparent intoxication made it impossible to keep out the thoughts she had so carefully buried within her.
If Emily could describe her childhood and ascension into adulthood in one word it would be solitude. The child of an Ambassador, she was in a constant state of moving, and not just within the United States. Growing up in Moscow and Paris and a variety of other international cities may sound exciting but to a child of a parent unconcerned with involvement it meant only loneliness. Having a friend had been just a concept, not something that was actually tangible. Once, when her mother was briefly stationed in Rome Emily had what she considered two very good friends. For a brief period of time she entertained the thought that she may even have a best friend. But time and circumstances beyond her control had been cruel to those connections and even they had frayed until they became non-existent.
Through those experiences Emily had learned to depend only on herself. To be reserved and in control at all times. To never let relationships develop to the point where she exposed herself to the potential for pain or rejection. Nothing was ever personal to her, just business. Which is why she made such a talented profiler, but at a great cost to her personal life. Emily always assumed it was worth it, because she didn't know any better. She had never experienced what being in a family meant.
Until she came to the BAU.
Her relationship with the team had started off timid, each hesitant to let the other one in. But over time things had changed, become more comfortable. The team looked out for each other, had each other's back. They had become the family Emily never had but always longed for. As with any family, they had their rough patches but in the end Emily completely and unwaveringly trusted each and everyone one of them.
But it wasn't the team Emily was thinking about as she lay on her couch, alone and drunk. At least not the entire team. Rather, Emily was thinking about a specific team member.
Outside of Hotch, JJ was the first team member Emily had met upon her arrival at the BAU. They immediately had connected and shared a strong friendship ever since. Emily trusted JJ more than anyone else in the world and would do anything for her. She would never do anything to jeopardize their relationship.
Which is why the secret Emily hid from the team and the rest of the world was that her feelings for JJ were more than just platonic. If she was being honest, she felt it the moment she first met the blonde media liaison. What exactly it was that she felt, she didn't know. Or maybe was just too afraid to define. All she knew was that when she thought of JJ she felt a warmth unlike anything she had ever experienced before.
Naturally, given her reserved nature, the unfamiliar feelings had terrified Emily. It rattled her so deeply that she had labored over the implications of making her feelings known and sadly had concluded that it was best to keep her emotions to herself. There was the no-fraternization policy of the FBI, for starters, not to mention that it was entirely possible, and even likely, that JJ's sexual orientation did not include women. Emily told herself these were the reasons she needed to bury her feelings, but deep down she knew the real reason was fear of the unknown, fear of letting someone past the walls she had built up.
So, Emily did her best to forget that any such feelings existed within her. For the most part, she was successful, with the exception of a those times when the stress of circumstances and the nature of their work made Emily wish, just for a moment, that she could allow herself to feel something. Or times like this night, when the exhaustion was so complete and the liquor so strong that she simply couldn't summon the strength to keep it all out.
Emily sighed and she tossed and turned, struggling to get comfortable, as she thought back to the day's events.
The team had just boarded the plane and were preparing for their return flight to Quantico. It had been a long six days, as evidenced by the dark circles and weary expressions on each of their faces. There were plenty of spots from which Emily could choose to sit but she chose the one opposite JJ, her instincts telling her this case had affected the blonde more than she had let on. Emily knew JJ always felt most comforted by just having a physical presence near.
Emily took the window seat directly opposite the blonde, throwing her ready bag onto the aisle seat next to her. Before Emily could ask JJ how she was, the media liaison's phone began ringing.
Emily noticed a quick flash of recognition in JJ's eyes as she stared at the caller ID and briefly hesitated before she pressed a button on the side of the phone, effectively silencing it. She placed her phone back into the pocket of her ready-bag.
"Don't you need to get that?"
"Huh?" JJ looked confused as she turned her gaze to the brunette, as if she had been lost in her thoughts and her brain hadn't interpreted the words of Emily's question, only recognized that they were being spoken to her.
"You phone. Do you need to answer it?" Emily's eyes moved to JJ's ready-bag as she motioned towards it slightly with her head.
"Oh, no. It's just Will. I can call him back later."
"Are you sure?" Emily remembered Will, or rather Detective LaMontagne as the rest of the team knew him. They had met him a few weeks earlier while in New Orleans on a case. Emily thought he seemed nice enough and while he had been professional and courteous with the rest of the team, it had been obvious that JJ had caught his eye. Emily knew JJ and Will had exchanged numbers before the team left Louisiana and had been wondering if anything had happened after that. Obviously, given his phone call, it had.
"Yeah, I'm sure we'll be taking off any minute." This sounded like a weak excuse to Emily but JJ waved her hand, as if physically dismissing something, to reinforce her point so Emily let the matter drop.
"How is it going with him?" Emily didn't really care to know, but she knew it was the polite thing to ask.
"Good, I think."
"You think?" Emily arched her eyebrows. She had not expected this response.
"Yeah, I mean Will seems like a great guy, it's just..." As JJ trailed off, she turned to look out the window of the plane.
"What is it, JJ? Do you want to talk about it?"
JJ continued looking out the window a few moments before shrugging as she turned back to the brunette. "I don't know. I just feel like something is missing. It's hard to explain. Have you ever felt like that?"
Emily pondered the question a few seconds before responding, an apologetic look on her face. "I don't know JJ, my experience with relationships is limited." JJ noticed that Emily seemed internally to be considering something. Finally the brunette asked, "Do you think he's the one?"
"I don't know," came JJ's immediate response, the unexpected question catching her off guard. She thought a few moments before continuing, "I mean, I barely know him so how could I possibly know?"
"You'd know." Emily responded immediately, almost before JJ even had finished speaking.
"How?" The blonde's eyebrows knitted together, her curiosity peaked.
Emily paused and turned to look out the window. JJ opened her mouth to say something else when the brunette answered.
"You just do. You know because when you think of them, you can't help but smile, for no particular reason other than just the mere thought of them makes you happy. You know because you could be in a room full of people and see only them." Emily paused and sighed before finishing, her voice soft yet full of certainty, "You know someone is the one because the first time you lay eyes on them you can just tell that no thing and no one else will ever come close." Even after finishing her little speech, Emily remained looking out the window, almost forgetting she was in the company of someone else and not alone. "Wow, Emily." JJ's words snapped Emily out of her trance. Emily's heart raced as she panicked. She had gotten carried away. Had she said too much? Did JJ know? She cautiously turned her gaze from the window back to the blonde. JJ was looking at her with a strange expression, a mixture of amazement and something else, something Emily couldn't be sure of. To Emily, JJ almost looked jealous. But why?
"Sounds like you have experience." JJ continued when Emily didn't say anything. Emily blushed as she looked at her hands, unable to hold the blonde's intense eye contact. Unable to form complete sentences, she mumbled, "No, not really." "Don't be embarrassed." Emily assumed JJ must have noticed her flushed cheeks. Her voice was kind and Emily, mustering the courage to look, saw her eyes held the same kindness. The blonde's mouth opened to speak. "I like what you said." "It's a fairytale, JJ. It's never going to happen." Emily unintentionally scoffed, her voice suddenly coated in disappointment. Before JJ could respond, Emily was out of her seat. She started towards the back of the plane, mumbling, "I'm going to get some coffee before we take off."
Now, as she lay on her couch, looking out her window at the beautiful landscape before her, Emily thought of JJ and the past few years at the BAU. As the memories of times spent with JJ and the rest of the team washed over her, memories full of warmth, comfort and acceptance, Emily made a decision. It was time for her to to let go of the bitterness and the jealousy that came with hiding from what she truly felt and wanted. It was time for her to let go of her fears and tell JJ exactly how she felt.
But when? She already had made plans for Saturday and, as much as she wanted to break them, she knew she couldn't get out of them now. Spending an extended period of time interacting in a social setting was not something she wanted to do but a commitment was a commitment to Emily Prentiss. She would have to wait until Sunday.
In those last moments before sleep overtook her, Emily could think of only one thing. Sunday. Sunday she would tell JJ everything.