Three Dialogue Only Crossover Minifills

(Prompt: Sherlock doesn't know it yet, but his little 'network' of homeless people has earned him the attention of the people of London Below.

What happens from there is up to you.)

Network

"...Looks like someone's in trouble."

"You know you're not supposed to be able to see me?"

"Really?"

"...I think so. They keep telling me that's how it works, anyway."

"Mm. So, do you want help? I don't quite have the power necessary to get you out of this without any consequences whatsoever but I'm sure my brother could-"

"Your brother?"

"Mycroft."

"...And what will he ask in exchange for his help?"

"A favour, probably. To be held until whenever convenient."

"Sorry, no deal."

"Why not? You're not getting out of this on your own."

"We've already got a bloody Marquis, thanks. Two of them is just tempting the universe to collapse."

"Well, then, in exchange for the mess I'm going to be in, helping you out, do you have any objection passing on information from time to time?"

(Prompt: Sherlock meets the Nac Mac Feegle)

Family

"Sherlock. Help."

"John? What is going on here? What - just what are those?"

"Ye ken this 'un, Big John?"

"Uh. 's my flatmate."

"Yer what?"

"Shoul' we chib 'im?"

"Wai', wai', this one's verra big..."

"John. What is this?"

"Erm. Nac Mac Feegle?"

"That doesn't answer my question. At all."

"Well, yes, it does because - don't frown like that Sherlock-"

"Why shouldn't I frown when I find my flatmate accosted by dozens of six-inch bright blue little... Glaswegians?"

"Wha' did ye call us, ye big heap o' jobbies!"

"Stay back, boys, the knees o' this scunner are mine!"

"Bang went Saxpence!"

"Doon wi' big-jobs!"

"...They'll take it as a challenge."

(Prompt: When John was five, Harriet accidentally wished him away. She won him back, of course, but John remembered everything. Jareth decides that just because one Watson won't have him, doesn't mean the younger one won't. He shows up at 221B Baker Street looking for John.

Sherlock is not amused.)

Confrontation

"Fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave."

"Not interested."

"...'Not interested'? What do you mean, 'not interested'?"

"Just that. Sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry!"

"Look, it's not that you're not gorgeous and all-"

"Well then-"

"I mean, I get that there are probably hundreds - thousands - millions? -"

"My, your kind has had a population explosion since last I looked..."

"-of women - and men - out there ready to tear those tights off if you just happen to look in their general direction but-"

"But?"

"You're not my type."

"I'm everybody's type!"

"I'm gay!"

"So?"

"So? You've got the wrong equipment!"

"You only say that because you haven't tried it."

"I like boobs!"

"Mm, so do I. At least we have something in common."

"See? That right there! You don't know anything about me!"

"...I know your dreams. Everything you've ever wanted, everything you've ever asked for, everything you've never dared to ask for. Every... secret... little... thought. And you say I don't know you?"

"Stop waving your balls in my face! I'm trying to let you down gently here!"

"Oh, do go on."

"Okay. Look. I can appreciate, you know, it's very impressive - actually, I think I've got one at home about that size-"

"...I'm not going to ask."

"-but I still don't want to see it anywhere except in your pants. Different pants. I mean, have you heard of leaving anything to the imagination?"

"Harriet, my dear, there are succubi who would be ashamed to wear what you do."

"Right, fairy boy, I have six words for you: piss off and give John back!"