A/N: Just a little crack story I wanted to write. Don't worry, next chapter of Old Fashion Wedding should be up soon. Okay, before we begin, this is totally humor and a crack fic, don't take anything too seriously. Just take the time out to laugh at my jokes, or my pathetic attempt at writing humor.

Okay, lots of pairings here you guys! PrussiaxAustria, RussiaxAmerica, SwedenxFinland, GermanyxItaly, EnglandxCanada, mentions of past EnglandxAmerica. Multi-chapter, human names used.

Sometimes it felt nice to complain, or that's what Alfred thought. The blond All-American, needed a break from his lover, Ivan. He loved the tall man very much, but sometimes he needed to get away to complain about his lover. He had found some other nations wanted the same thing. So he being the awesome guy he was decided to get them all together. Sometimes it felt like a wives club, they would all go to someone's house, start drinking tea or soda, bitch about their lovers, and end up getting smashed. It was quite the good time, and the blond had recently found out their stranded lovers had started hanging out together too. Alfred shook his head and laughed at the idea. The idea of that group of men getting together had to be a riot!

He smiled as he knocked on the large mahogany door, today they were meeting at Austria's. The brunette had the nicest place by far, and it was funny to see him get drunk. The only problem was him sober, he had such a stick up his ass! It was hard to imagine he was dating Gilbert Beilschmidt. The Prussian was an unpredictable pervert, who enjoyed drinking, smoking, and gambling. It seemed he and Roderich were complete opposites, but hey, apparently opposites attract.

Alfred whistled to himself as he waited for the aristocrat to answer the door. What was taking so long! He wanted to go in and have a drink, plus, he was getting a creepy feeling. A feeling like he wasn't alone. Afraid it might be a ghost attempting to steal his soul, the blond whipped his head around, taking a few minutes to see what was causing that feeling of unease. "Oh my God! Mattie, how long have you been standing behind me!" Alfred cried out, seeing his slightly older brother behind him.

The Canadian sighed as he held onto Kumajirou, looking at his brother. "I've been standing behind you since you got here Alfred." The blond said quietly, shaking his head. Why did no one ever notice he was there? He was important, he did lots of things like…make pancakes, play hockey, have cheap prescription drugs. Yeah… he really wasn't that important.

"Damn, I'm sorry Mattie, I totally didn't notice you!" The American cried out, shrugging his shoulders.

"It's okay, I'm use to it." The Canadian said in a sullen voice. "One day we'll get noticed, right Kumajuma?" Matthew asked, looking down at the white bear he held.

Said bear blinked his eyes and looked at the strange boy holding him. "Who are you?"

Matthew sighed again as he watched the door open. "I'm Canada."

Roderich raised an eyebrow as he watched the two North American brothers speak. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Come in, you two are late, everyone else is already here." He said, moving aside so they could enter the manor.. He led the pair to the living room where the others were already gathered. Tino and Feliciano were on the couch, chatting about something in a low tone. Alfred smiled as he greeted the pair, taking a seat on a chair and watching as his brother sat on the ground. It seemed someone forgot to set a place for him.

Roderich slammed a tea set on the coffee table as he moved to grab a wine bottle from the bar, moving to open it. It was obvious the regal brunette was upset. The room was silent for a few minutes, before the small Fin coughed softly.

"Um Roderich, is something the matter?" Tino asked, watching as the brunette took a sip of wine. The angelic blond smiled, he loved alcohol, nothing was better than having a few, or several, shots of whiskey.

"Gilbert is a moron." He stated simply, taking a seat on black leather chair. "In that idiotic blog he writes, the one he thinks people read because he actually has something intelligent to say." Roderich scoffed out, raising a hand in the air. "He decided to post the contents of our…relations a few nights ago." The brunette said, trying to hide his blush.

Feliciano smiled and nodded his head. "Oooooh! I read that! I didn't know you liked Gilbert too…" The small Italian was cut off by Roderich's hand covering his mouth.

"Why were you reading it! If I trusted you not to talk, I would play Mozart's Requiem to display my disgust!" He snapped, shaking his head and taking the hand off of Feliciano's mouth.

"I think this time I will actually kill him." The aristocrat said sharply, watching as the others eyes went wide.

Tino coughed and looked over to Italy who seemed rather scared. He had lived with Austria when he was a child, so, he had a feeling Roderich wasn't joking. "What do you mean by…actually killing him?" The small blond chocked out, watching the brunette take a large sip of wine.

"I mean sometimes, after we have had…relations, I just look at him while he's sleeping. He has this smug look on his face, and I just want to smash a brick on his face. Is that so wrong?' The brunette asked, finishing up a glass of wine and pouring another. "And sometimes, I dream of just strangling him, or punching him and wiping that smirk of his face permanently."

Again, silence filled a room before Alfred laughed and went to pour a glass of his own. "Dude, that's hardcore!" He cried out, clapping the aristocrat on the back. "Remind me not to get on your bad side!" He yelled out again, taking a sip, or gulp to better describe it, of his drink. "Yeah, sometimes Ivan pisses me off too. Like one time I wanted to go to a movie, but I didn't want to go alone. Everyone knows the only people who go to movies alone are weirdoes who will never be loved." Alfred pointed out, shaking his head as though his statement was a fact. "Anyways, like I said I didn't want to go alone so I ended up calling Iggy! He's always saying how my country makes horrible movies, so I decided to show him we are number one at making flicks!" He said, giving the group the number one finger. "So, we go to the movie and after that Arthur takes me to some fancy shmancy restaurant and I don't get home till late. Well, Ivan is in my house! I locked all my doors and I find him their sitting in a chair in the dark! He had that water pipe he likes to drag around with him, so I started explaining. I mean, I didn't get what the big deal was. So what if I went to a movie and dinner with an ex-boyfriend." Alfred said, taking a gulp of his wine. He was so oblivious that he didn't see the other's blink and his brother stand up, looking quite pissed.

"You went to dinner and a movie with my boyfriend?" Matthew cried out. Kumijuro covered his eyes with his paws, shaking his head.

"Yeah, what's the big deal Mattie, it's not like we did anything." Alfred said, missing the point of why his brother was mad.

"Arthur took you to a nice restaurant! He doesn't even do that for me!" The Canadian exclaimed, walking over to his brother. "You've gone too far this time Alfred! You two use to date, how do you think that makes me feel that you practically went on a date! No wonder Ivan was upset, I'm surprised he didn't kill you."

Alfred laughed and patted his older brother on the head. "Mattie, calm down, geez. I would never get back together with Arthur, he was horrible in bed." The blond pointed out, missing that his brother was practically fuming.

Matthew pinched the bridge of his nose and watched as Kuma-whatever the hell his name was, move away. He was a pretty quiet guy, and pretty passive. But with being passive came passive aggressive, and the North American had a pretty mean side to him. "Alfred, I can understand why you don't get why your boyfriend and I are upset. I mean you put so much effort into your looks you often forget your brain. Your tiny pathetic excuse for a brain. So you wear some tight pants or short shorts and you get all these men after you. Too bad they can already see how stupid you are, and the only thing you could ever be good for is a good fuck. That's probably why Ivan hangs around you." He pointed out, taking a deep breath. "Alfred J. Jones, you are an idiot, a slut, a oblivious moron. You eat crappy food, then go work out for like two hours and complain about your weight! It's not a mystery how it got there fat ass!" He snapped, clenching his hands together. "And you are a slut, how many baby daddy's have you had! What are you up to now, 50 states!"

3 Hours Later

"You also have a pet whale! Who has a pet whale and then names it America Whale? I mean, how narcissistic can one person be! And your roommate is an alien, an alien! Who has a roommate who is an alien, obviously not a sane or intelligent person! Who knows if Tony is even peaceful! He already tried to probe Lithuania!" Matthew had been yelling at his little brother for three hours and his voice was starting to crack. He grabbed Rodreich's wine from his hand and chugged it in one swallow. After that, he grabbed his bear and sat on the couch, taking in a deep breath. "Maple!" He yelled, getting the last of his anger out.

The others were quite shocked to say the least. No one had ever heard Canada speak so much, not to mention go on a three hour long rant! The three other men then snapped their heads to look at Alfred, who was just standing there, shocked. They watched his lower lip quiver and then the man starting to sob.

"Mattie you're so mean!" The American cried out, tears frantically falling from his eyes. He sniffed and continued sobbing, taking off to run to the bathroom, locking himself in.

Tino got up from his spot on the couch and started to walk over to the restroom. "I'm gonna check on him, hopefully I can get him out of there within the hour."

Feliciano was still pretty shocked about the event that had just happened. He looked over at Matthew and blinked his eyes. "Ve, Matthew don't be so mean to your brother. Romano and I get in fights all the time, but he's one of the few people I know would always be there for me."

Matthew sighed and nodded. He knew his brother would always be there for him, but sometimes he was just so damn annoying! "You're right, it's just frustrating sometimes. Everyone always pays more attention to Alfred. He has always been the one to get noticed, and people always forget I exist." He said softly, looking down at the floor.

The bathroom door had opened and Alfred had heard everything his brother had said. He sniffed and walked over to him, giving the Canadian a hug. "I'm sorry Mattie, sometimes I just don't think."

The Canadian smiled and returned the hug. "I'm sorry Alfred, I didn't mean to yell at you. I just…I get nervous when you and Arthur are together because sometimes I think he'd rather be with you."

Alfred shook his head and looked into his brother's eyes. "Nah, we were over long ago, and during dinner, he talked about how much he loved you." He said kindly, watching as Tino let out an 'aww'.

1 Hour Later

The five men were already a little buzzed as Roderich looked over at Feliciano. "How is Ludwig doing? I know it must not be easy living with my lover." He said, taking another sip of wine.

"Oh we are doing great! Lately I've been trying to convince Ludwig we should get married!" He cried out, causing the other's to stare at the small Italian man.

"What! Feliciano, you do realize if you do that, you would be signing a union with Germany." Tino pointed out, watching Feliciano's eyebrow raise.

"Aren't you married to Berwald? He always tells me you're his wife Ve."

Tino sighed and shook his head. "No, he just…says stuff like that."

Roderich walked over to his old protégé and put a hand on his shoulder. "Feliciano, marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. I've been married twice, and each one ended on bad terms."

The Italian shook his head. "No, Ludwig and I will be okay, it's just that you aren't good in relationships." The smaller brunette said, not noticing how angry the aristocrat looked.

"What is that suppose to mean Feliciano?" He asked through gritted teeth.

"Well, you are dating Gilbert, I think that shows you don't have a good taste in men Ve."

"Excuse me but no one is allowed to insult my lover except for me! Mein Gott, he is the most stable out of all of our lovers!" Roderich cried out, watching as the other nations glared at him.

Tino shook his head and crossed his arms. "Gilbert is incredibly unstable Roderich! He drinks too much and smokes like a chimney. And didn't he stalk you for like 3 months before you actually started to date him?" The small blond asked, looking at Roderich narrowed his eyes at him. "But, I have to say, the most unstable is Ivan. He is so creepy!" Tino cried out, thinking back to his time when he had to live with the man. He physically started to shake as the images started to flash through his mind.

Alfred scoffed and went over to Tino, poking his chest. "Please, Ivan is just misunderstood! Berwald is the least stable! No one can understand what he says, and he purposed to you the first day he met you!" The American cried out, looking at Tino blush.

"Berwald is a sweetheart Alfred! He can just be a little too…affectionate." He said, feeling it was a little strange to call Berwald affectionate. He was to him, but anyone else, he barely made a grunt of acknowledgment.

Feliciano coughed slightly and shook his head. "Ve, Arthur is the least stable. He sees green flying bunnies and tries to do witchcraft. Ludwig says I'm suppose to stay away from him." He said, looking over at Matthew. "I'm sorry, he just kinda scares me…a lot."

The Canadian shook his head. While Arthur could be somewhat scary, he didn't think his lover was the least stable in the group. "I think Ludwig is the worse. He is so easily angered, I fear one day he may snap. What do you think Kumajoro?" He asked, looking at the small white bear.

"Who are you?"

'I'm Canada." He said once again, shaking his head.

The group proceeded to get in a fight, arguing over whose lover was the worst. It didn't seem the fighting was going anywhere, each nation knew what the other's had said had been true.

A/N: Just a little crack fic I wrote up. Their will be two or three more chapters. The next chapter deals with the seme's, and the third chapter has them all meeting up. I hope you enjoyed! If interested, I have another PrussiaxAustria fic called Old Fashion Wedding three chapters in, and RussiaxFem!America fic called American Girl in the works. Thanks for reading!