A/N: I really tried not to write this, I'm not much of an author but it wouldn't leave me alone so I had to get it out of my brain. I do hope that if anyone actually reads it, it's not too terrible. Although an avid reader, this is my first attempt at a Dr. Who fic. I have written some other fic before though. Also, I feel I should mention that I don't have an original idea in my head so there are a few sources I have to acknowledge (I'm sure this list will grow as the fic completes): Dr. Who Doomsday Episode, Van Halen - Love Walks in, Chicago – Will You Still Love Me, Linkin Park – Waiting for the End, William Cowper, Grey's Anatomy, Jon McLaughlin – So Close

The maelstrom of emotions that assaulted the Doctor in the last few minutes was nothing short of excruciating.

Triumph in knowing that once again he saved the Earth and mankind.

Fear because nothing ever truly goes as planned and there was always the possibility that the enemy could appear at any moment and end his victory.

Resignation because he always knew she'd have to leave him and even though being right was powerful, just this once he really wanted to be wrong.

Pain when she disappeared because Pete pressed the button.

Startled joy when she reappeared at his side and even after he grabs her far too harshly she simply says "I made my choice a long time ago, and I'm never gonna leave you."

Exhilaration as the void opens and Cybermen and Daleks begin being sucked in.

Abject terror as she reaches for the lever, releasing the MagnaClamp, and the void opens again.

Horror as she screams and loses her grip on the lever.

Incomparable relief as Pete appears to catch her.

Shock as she once again disappears into Pete's world.

And finally desolation as the void closes and he realizes she is gone. Forever.

He walks slowly up to the wall that has just sealed. He lays one palm flat against it, and then rests his head there, empty. He feels as if somehow the wall between the universes is still thin. That he can feel her on the other side of this wall, like she's not a universe away. He doesn't really know how long he stays there, it can't be long, but for a Time Lord to not quantify time to its precise nanosecond is a monumental feat.

At last he lets his hand slide down the wall and turns to make his way back to the TARDIS.

When onboard, he talks to the TARDIS. Or maybe to himself. "I knew she'd be gone one day." He reasoned. "Read it in the timelines. Only way to keep her safe. I planned it this way. It was all part of the scheme, the victory, part of the spoils of war, consequences of the actions, the equal and opposite reaction, the moral at the end of the story." He stops. The will to babble has left him and he wonders how this world will carry on without her.

Or maybe he wonders how he will carry on. But that is ridiculous isn't it? President of the High Council of the Time Lords, Keeper of the Legacy of Rassilon, Defender of the Laws of Time and Protector of Gallifrey, The Bringer of Darkness, The Oncoming Storm, surely the loss of one pink and yellow human wasn't going to affect him that traumatically. He would go on.

"What is this feeling? This emptiness. Is this heart break? It's stifling. It's hard to breathe and impossible to think." And he is overwhelmed. Clutching his stomach he doubles over in pain. In regret. In longing. Tears he didn't know he was capable of shedding were rolling down his face in rivers.

"I didn't get to say goodbye." He gasps.

"I didn't get to say goodbye." He whispers.

"I didn't get to say goodbye." He shouts.

"I didn't get to say goodbye." He screams.

Crumpling to the floor, he huddles into himself, overcome.

"There must be a way. Just a moment. A message. Closure. I have to have that much." And suddenly he is obsessed with it. With the idea that saying goodbye could relieve this unbearable ache. "How?" He asks no one and everyone. Asks the entire universe and no one at all, "How can I say goodbye?"

An idea tickles his brain. His expansive, superior, Time Lord brain. And he's almost able to stop shaking. Almost.

x13x

"Rose." He whispers. It's the first time he's been able to say her name. It's more painful than he feared.

"Rose..." She's far from this place.

"Rose... Rose... Rose." A mantra, a prayer to gods he didn't believe in.

It took ages he was sure. But she was close now.

"Rose..."

"Where are you?" she asks as he materializes somewhat translucently on the deserted beach.

"Inside the 's one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I'm in orbit around a super nova." He laughs softly. "I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye." He's torn. Not sure what he's feeling. Relief that he could accomplish this, a bittersweet happiness that she is near him, a hope that he will somehow survive when the hole closes and a burning knowledge that he won't.

She shakes her head "You look like a ghost."

"Hold on..." He takes his sonic screwdriver and points it at the console hoping that the adjustment will strengthen his projection.

Rose walks over to him and raises a hand to touch his face. "Can I t-?"

If only…"I'm still just an image. No touch."

"Can't you come through properly?"She asks, her voice trembling.

"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse."

"So?"

The Doctor smiles and they watch each other for a few moments before he looks around at their surroundings.

"Where are we? Where did the gap come out?"

"We're in Norway."

"Norway. Right."

"About fifty miles out of Bergen. It's called 'Dårlig Ulv Stranden'."

"Dalek?"The Doctor is surprised.

"Dårl-IG." She enunciates. "It's Norwegian for 'bad'."

The Doctor is still slightly confused and continues to stare at her. She continues "This translates as 'Bad Wolf Bay'."

They both laugh. Although the Doctor feels like fate is having a laugh at him even now.

"How long have we got?" Her voice is breaking. He's breaking inside.

"About two minutes." Not long enough. Never long enough.

"I can't think of what to say!" She laughs a little as she says this. He does too and then glances over to her , Pete and Mickey are waiting by the Jeep.

"You've still got Mr. Mickey, then?" He tells himself he said it so that he knows she's not alone. But it tears at him. To know that Mickey is there with her and he can't be. Not ever again.

"There's five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey... and the baby."

It CAN'T be. "You're not...?" He's afraid to finish the sentence. But he has no claim on her.

"No." She laughs, "Its mum."

The Doctor laughs with some relief and looks over at Jackie.

"She's three months gone. More Tylers on the way."

He can't help but pick at the wound "And what about you? Are you...?"

"Yeah, I'm- I'm back working in the shop."

He nods but expected more. She's so brilliant to him. "Oh, good for you."

She laughs at him "Shut up. No, I'm not. There's still a Torchwood on this planet, it's open for business." Tears start to form in her eyes, "I think I know a thing or two about aliens."

He's so proud of her, "Rose Tyler. Defender of the Earth." He stares at her a moment longer. "You're dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you've gone missing. You're on a list of the dead." Rose begins to quietly cry. "Here you are." He says with a small smile. "Living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have." He's breaking.

Rose is sobbing more powerfully now. "Am I ever gonna see you again?"

His reply is soft and full of despair "You can't".

"What're you gonna do?"

He can't tell her the truth, that he doesn't know how to go on alone anymore. So he tries to brush it off. "Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old of the Time Lords."

But she sees through him. She always does. "On your own?"

He just nods silently. Knowing that he can't keep up the pretending. She watches him, heartbroken, tears falling. "I lo—" She chokes on her tears before she can finish. She takes a moment. "I love you." Then shudders as she sobs.

Somehow he knew that. "Quite right, too." He always knew. She nods, smiling at him through her tears. He looks at her longingly. "And I suppose... if it's one last chance to say it..." He pauses, gathering himself and locking eyes with her. "Rose Tyler..." But the crack closes before he can finish and she's in her universe and he's alone again in his. His time is up. Time that he is Lord of, his play thing, has finally and resolutely bitten him.

The Doctor stands alone in the TARDIS, eyes filled with tears which are spilling down his cheeks, his mouth already open to form the words he never got to say. He swallows hard, closing his eyes with a heavy heart. He rubs his hands over his eyes, wiping the tears away, takes a deep breath and then turns his attention to the TARDIS console, pushing the buttons and levers as he walks slowly around it without any of his former enthusiasm.

x13x

A/N: If anyone is actually reading this, I feel the need to explain: I know this is where Donna makes her grand appearance and I LOVE Donna (my favorite character) but it wouldn't work with the story. So I humbly apologize for rewriting DW history in this way.

x13x

For the Doctor, time went by in agonizing slowness. To say he was more aware of the constant and irreversible ticking of each second was an understatement. Minutes took hours. Hours took days and it was a lifetime ago that he was even close to a smile.

He took to sleeping in her room. It was the only way he could sleep, even long after the smell of her disappeared, he still imagined it there and that alone comforted him. If there was ever a doubt in his mind that he loved her, it was long erased, along with his hope. Life lost its color. Everything was in shades of grey. And he knew exactly what William Cowper meant when he said "Absence from whom we love is worse than death, and frustrates hope severer than despair." He would embrace death now and began to wonder if a Time Lord could die of broken hearts. But as he seemed to be fate's fool, he'd probably just regenerate.

He ventured into civilization when there were worlds to save, or he felt the TARDIS walls closing in on him. Companions came and went. No one actually stayed on. They couldn't. He was locked in his own pain and the silence was deafening. He of the endless gob was quiet as a tomb.

The Doctor thought of her constantly. He wondered what her life was like now. How did time pass in that universe? Would she have moved on and forgotten him? That notion brought fresh pain to his ailing hearts. But the alternative, that she was in as much pain as he was, that thought was too much for him to bear. He wanted her life to be fantastic, whether or not she was by his side, although he was absolutely sure which one he preferred.

The TARDIS played silent vigil to his desolation until, she intervened.

x13x

The Doctor was roaming the halls of the TARDIS and came upon the library and was compelled to enter. Having not had the slightest interest or impulse to do anything at all in so long, feeling anything other than lonely and helpless was welcome, so he crossed the threshold and sat in the oversized chair he used to share. With her.

Just as an even deeper emptiness was filling him he realized he sat on something. He pulled a book on astrophysics and wormhole theory from under the seat cushion. The text was in terrible condition and covered in dust and he wondered how it could possibly have gotten in its current location. He picked the book up and carefully put it in its rightful place, took another turn around the room and with a sigh, left.

Trying to convince himself that a cup of tea could help thaw his insides, he made his way to the galley. He banged cupboards searching for the kettle, which somehow manifested in the refrigerator and then sought the tea. He was mumbling to himself about seeing that things are placed in their proper spots when he came across another book. Oddly enough, it was the same book on astrophysics and wormhole theory. Pondering how the book got into the galley and wondering why he had two of them, he forgot his tea and walked back to the library to put the book away.

He again emerged from the library and made his way to the console. Not really having the urge to go anywhere, but feeling the need to move from his spot, he begins to flip switches and press buttons. Once finished he collapsed into the jump seat, his limited momentum spent. But he jumps up again when he realizes that once again he has landed on something hard. Again, he's sat on a book of astrophysics and wormhole theory, the same book of astrophysics and wormhole theory. Staring at the book and grabbing the back of his neck in confusion, he thinks he may have finally lost his mind. He doesn't remember having three copies of the same book, and even if he did, wouldn't he remember leaving it on the jump seat? He could excuse those under the cushion in the library and in the galley, but the jump seat he was in more often than not.

Again he went to the library to return the book. Just as he turned from the shelf, which now contained three of the same book, all three fell on his head. He would later swear that the TARDIS harrumphed at him.

"Trying to tell me something were you? You know there are easier ways than trying to brain me."

Sitting on the floor he opened one of the books and started reading.

Two hours, thirty seven minutes and sixty eight point three four seconds later he sprang up from the floor and bounded out of the library, taking all three copies of the book with him.

He placed the books around the console, knowing that he could be in any spot when he needed to reference the material within. Darting around making adjustments, banging with his mallet, speaking in little outbursts, finally showing signs of life again. Stopping occasionally to read a passage or two and muttering "of course!" or "Brilliant!" as he dances around the console.

Nearly four days later he stops and his melancholy returns as he realizes that although he now has the means to get her back, he has no idea how to find the universe she is in. "The possibilities are endless. It's like having the road but no destination. I could try until the end of time and never find her."

But the TARDIS isn't done yet. She has one more piece of information. On the console monitor she flashes a picture of a key. He stares at it for a time before grinning maniacally and exclaiming "Brilliant! I can track her TARDIS key!"

Finally a purpose. A direction and momentum. A problem he could solve that could save him.

x13x

As the Doctor finished modifying the TARDIS to suit this need, he read on about a portal to be constructed. The book stated that although communication was possible utilizing this doorway, the being opening the portal could not be the one to pass through it. Unlike cracks in the universe which could be passed through on either side, doing considerable and irreparable damage to both sides, this dimensional wormhole transport was accomplished through a coordinated effort between universes, leaving both intact. However, opening a gateway of this type consumes considerable energy from both the environment and the traveler and the larger the portal and the longer it remains open, the more energy is necessary to fuel it. It went on to lay out plans for this doorway but did not explain how much energy was necessary, or the ratio of energy to time and size except to say that it would detrimental to life sustaining planets to operate this mechanism in their vicinity.

He worked tirelessly, relentlessly, without regard for anything beyond accomplishing this feat. It HAD to work, there was no other possibility. He was meticulous, alarmingly so. Measuring and remeasuring and remeasuring again. Calculating and recalculating and just to be sure, calculating again. There were times he was disgusted with himself for taking so long to construct the gateway, his impatience and longing getting the better of him. Then he'd finally move on to another aspect of the project and wonder if he had checked his work enough. After all there was no room for error, he was going to transport her here and he couldn't afford any mistakes, not now, not when he finally found hope again.

Power was a problem. He wasn't sure how much power was enough and what the consequences of using that power would be. He decided to try another supernova, one far from any planet that could observe his interference, to see what that gave him the ability to open and for how long. If he had to find more fuel he'd move on to black dwarf stars, maybe even white dwarfs and hope that would be enough. These stars would be close to the end of their lifetimes anyway. He wanted to think he wouldn't succumb to burning up larger and younger stars, possibly creating black holes, just for his own selfish need to feel whole again, but he wasn't sure he was strong enough to promise that to the universe.

The console room was nearly unrecognizable by the time he was finished. Wire and cable littered the room, strung from every imaginable surface and connected to countless machines. The portal itself stood near the door, looking a lot like a mirror, the frame without the glass.

He realized that he'd have to either try to find some way to communicate with the other side, or somehow place the portal so that she'd fall into it. A thought hit him hard, in the gut. "What if she doesn't want this? What if she's moved on?" Stopping abruptly he closed his eyes and pondered whether it was better to leave well enough alone, try to forget the past, maybe they were never meant to be.

This was fear stopping him. Fear of rejection, the same fear that probably stopped him from telling her how he felt for so long that now it might be too late. And he got angry. But the anger was properly directed. Right back at his own chest. "Knowing is better than wondering, waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst rejection, beats the hell out of never trying."

With his words echoing around the TARDIS, he flew around the console room and all the obstacles in his way and pointed the TARDIS towards the nearest supernova.

x13x

A/N: I was writing reluctantly writing this story just to get it out of my head and stop plaguing me when I came across unfolded73 's "The Lostverse" at Teaspoon (who won't accept my fic, apparently I don't know how to properly punctuate speech). It's MUCH MUCH better than this story and in fact made me rethink writing it. But I'm selfish and the story wouldn't go away so I 'm continuing it and I apologize to anyone who reads it.

x13x

The light given off by the portal was silver and surreal. The image began like a dream sequence, cloudy, muffled and faded. People and places flew by quickly and it seemed as if the apparatus was searching for something. It was. It was seeking the TARDIS key.

The Doctor didn't expect her to still be wearing the key around her neck, but when the image cleared he saw her and his hearts stopped. She was being held closely to Mickey's chest with her face buried in his neck. He felt sick. "Why did I do this? What possessed me to torture myself with this? She's obviously moved on! How could I expect differently. I'm a fool." He ran his hands through his hair and paced in front of the portal. It took him a moment to realize that she was sobbing.

"I still miss him so much." She choked out between gasps. "I have to try to get back to him, there must be a way to cross into his universe, I can't just give up." As Mickey tried to quiet her, the supernova expired and the image was lost.

Seeing her, hearing her say that she still thought of him, that she was trying to get back to him, feeling her pain, brought him to his knees in front of the portal. "This has got to work." He whispered. "It's got to."

x13x

After calculating the time the supernova gave him to see into Pete's world and deducting how much time it took for the portal to 'find' the TARDIS key he began tabulations to give himself enough time to try and get a message through. They'd have to coordinate somehow. He wasn't sure if her environment would suffer because of the gateway. The book didn't say much about the side the traveler was coming from, but the Doctor didn't want to take a chance that other could be affected or injured by this.

In the back of his mind he also had that same fear of rejection still nagging him. Somehow he still felt that she wouldn't come through. He didn't want to convince her either. It was her choice for once. He was not dictating this decision. If she refused he'd carry on somehow. At least that's what he told himself.

Having a time machine at his disposal was handy, at least in terms of finding stars to use for power. He just had to find a relatively deserted area of the cosmos and fast forward or rewind time to the point of a star's final days. He was using a black dwarf star this time, hoping that it would give him enough time to talk to her and explain this. He wasn't going to bring her through with this attempt. But if she wanted to, the next time he opened the gateway she would walk through and into his arms, if there was such a thing as justice in these universes.

His hearts were pounding in his chest as he opened the portal for the second time. Again, the image was fuzzy. As it cleared he realized that he was looking into her bedroom and she was blessedly alone, sleeping. The image drifted closer to her and he could see the chain that held her TARDIS key around her neck, the key itself hidden inside her shirt. Her hair was loose and tousled and it was spread like a halo over her pillow. It struck him in that moment that she was beautiful. It was something that both always and never occurred to him. It was both a simple fact and awe inspiring, something like a bird flying, commonplace, accepted, yet filled with wonder.

Shaking himself from this musing he tried to wake her. "Rose," he whispered. Trying her name for the first time since that day so long ago in Norway. He realized that he never even used her name in his mind, somehow it was too painful, it made her absence too real, too raw.

"Rose," he tried again, a little louder, not sure if his voice was even carrying through the wormhole. She didn't stir.

"Rose," he tried a third time, losing some of his optimism when she still didn't wake up. Pulling on his ear, he started to look around, not entirely sure what he was looking for, inspiration perhaps.

"Doctor?" Her voice was sleep ridden and soft, and the most fantastic sound he had ever heard in his 900 plus years.

"I'm-" his voice cracked, "I'm here Rose." He was breathing heavily, fighting back tears.

She sat up in bed, looking around her room. Her face fell. "Must be dreaming again. After all this time, you'd think I'd learn." Tears welled up in her eyes and she covered her face. "I guess I'm not finished crying for you yet Doctor."

"Oh Rose, please don't cry."

She gasped and dropped her hands. "I heard that, I know I heard that."

"I'm here Rose."

"Doctor? Are you really here?" She jumped out of bed and started turning in circles, looking, searching desperately for him. "Please Doctor, where are you?"

"I'm not actually there Rose, I'm still here, in this universe, in the TARDIS. I figured it out Rose, I know how you can come back." He continued, getting more and more excited, "The TARDIS, she showed me. Well, actually there was a book in the library that I found, well, found me. Knocked me on the head it did. Still hurts-"

"Doctor!" She interrupted, "What do you mean I can come back?"

"Rose," He was tasting her name now, it was a bittersweet flavor, it felt so good to be talking to her, really talking to her, and yet it still stung because she was still far from him. So close, yet still so far. "All this time I thought that breaking through was the only method, but there's a way to construct a portal and pass through to this universe without damaging them. But it takes coordination, teamwork from both sides."

"Guess it's a good thing we always made a good team then Doctor."

He closed his eyes in relief. Even though he thought he knew that she still wanted to return to him, he needed to hear it from her mouth, her voice telling him that she still wanted to give him her forever. He still had to warn her though. "It might be dangerous Rose. This gateway, it takes a lot of power to work, and there may be consequences to the traveler. You can't open it from your side, but I can't open it and pass through it. You'll have to come back to me."

"Don't I always Doctor?"

He laughed just a little at this, he hadn't laughed in so long "Quite right." Then he sighed. "We don't have much time left."

"What do I have to do?"

"I need you to go somewhere deserted. As I said I don't know what the portal does to the traveler or the environment and I don't want to do any more damage than necessary."

"What do you mean damage?"

"It takes an enormous amount of energy to open the portal and if my calculations are correct, and they always are, Time Lord you know, it will take even more energy to allow you to pass through it. I'm getting the energy from dying stars in this universe, but as I haven't brought anyone through, I don't know if it will drain energy from your universe as well. So, I'm thinking open field or deserted beach, this way the worst we could do would be dead grass or a few jellyfish. Although I'll feel badly for the poor buggers"

"But how will I find the portal? How will you know where to open it?"

"I'm using your TARDIS key to track you. No matter where you go, as long as you have that key, the portal will always open right in front of you."

She thought about this for a moment, then asked "How long?"

He really didn't know. Time there and time in his universe didn't exactly line up. She looked the same as she did when she left him, but when he caught that glimpse of Mickey the last time he opened the portal, he looked like some time had passed. "I'm not sure."

She breathed deeply, then said "I have to say goodbye, to my mum, to Mickey, to Pete."

They were both quiet, the Doctor didn't know what to say, he wanted to apologize for ever getting her into this whole mess, but the words stuck in his throat.

Rose finally broke the silence, "Is this the first time you opened a portal to this world?"

"No, I did it once before, a test run, to see if I could find you and figure out how much power I'd need."

"I think I felt you then. I was falling apart again, and Mickey was there, trying to pick up the pieces. You were there, weren't you?"

"Yes, I saw Mickey holding you and nearly aborted the whole thing. I thought-" He stopped, unable to continue. "How long ago was that?"

"A little more than a month."

"Time moves faster in this universe than ours." He did some calculations quickly, trying to get an idea of how soon he could open another portal, one large enough to bring her through. "Rose, are you sure you want this? I don't think I'd be able to bring you back once you were through. Like I said, it's a team effort and I don't know anyone on that side who could open one of these for us."

"I'll go back to Norway. Seems appropriate. It'll take me a few weeks to get there." A look of determination passed over her features. "That enough time for you?" She stressed the word 'time" a little, almost as if she were digging at him and his Time Lord status.

The star had already gone supernova and was dying fast. He was running out of time. "Rose, I don't think I can say exactly when I can open the portal in your universe. The timelines run differently when the universes are separated. I think the soonest I can open another gateway would be in about five days here, which I think would translate to about six weeks in your universe." The image started to get blurred and he realized his time was nearly up.

"I'll be ready Doctor." The portal closed.

x13x

A/N: Well, this is what I've got so far. I'll finish it, but again, reluctantly.

x13x