Pairing: Shizuo/Izaya

Prompt: Totally want a shizaya fic, where izaya trolls the hell out of shizuo while in an established relationship, and it leads to a very pathetic, immature fight where shizuo leaves to stay at tom's, or kasuka's, or whoever's place while izaya tries to figure out why the fuck they're both mad.

"Tch, Shi-zu-chan~…you still don't last much, now do you?"
Izaya pouted in mockery and giggled as he slid off Shizuo's flagging erection unto ruffled sheets. In his afterglow Izaya was often possessed by a certain need to be mean. Some people mellowed out as ecstasy receded into sweet bliss but not Izaya. Instead his playful ways took a turn for the jeering.
Shizuo knitted his brows and wiped warm semen from his well defined abs.
"You don't have to be a bitch about it. You came first and all."
"That's got nothing to do with it. Ah, you're such a manly man and it's all over in what, five minutes? It's disappointing."
Thundering darkness seeped into Shizuo's mind.
"It was more than five minutes."
"Four minutes. I feel so let down and sad…Izaya is a sad kitty, nya."
Izaya rolled in bed as if toying with a yarn of wool. His back shone with a layer of sweat.
"Why do you have to always ruin it."
"Ah? What do you mean~?"
"And now you're playing stupid. Fuck you."
"I wish you would! A bit better."
Izaya burst into a fit of giggles. Shizuo got dressed and glowered, towering high above and casting a shadow over Izaya who was still tossing and turning in his ill timed hilarity.
"You're a fucking bastard, you know."
"And you're an idiot. I bet you can't even tie your shoelaces, your palate is that a five year old to go with the intellect of one."
Izaya did not really mean it. Whenever he was in a flippant mood he tended to go into hyperbole. Snarky comments called forth sheer vitriol.
"At least I'm not creepy, Mister I'm so bloody smart."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
Izaya rolled on his belly, his eyes flashing with actual anger for once.
"You heard me. You are creepy, you talk creepy, smile creepy, do creepy shit, you're a bloody creepo."
"Oh really? Still good enough for you to screw, though!"
Shizuo produced a cigarette and slowly lit it, making sure that he took a long slow drag with plenty of smoke blown in Izaya's face.
"-shit, I told you not to smoke indoors!"
"Like I care."
Izaya tried to snatch the offensive cancer stick away but Shizuo fully expected it and needed only to extended an arm for it to be beyond Izaya's reach.
"You're shorter than a girl."
Izaya gave up standing on tip toe, naked as he way, and jumping as he felt like doing because it occurred to him that it made him look ridiculous.
"Better be short than be like you, you're not even human with that body of yours."
"Good enough to fuck you, though."
"Hardly. You suck in bed. Honestly, you're the worst fuck I ever had."
"And that's saying a lot, since it includes every single guy in 'bukuro. Hell, Tokyo."
Izaya did not expect this to take him aback but it did.
"Who died and made you guardian of morality?"
"Dunno, doesn't change the fact that you're a slut."
Shizuo did not mean this but in his case it was hopeless to guard off anger. That it was merely verbal already spoke volumes. Izaya should have seen this but being unused to being genuinely riled he found himself flailing beyond control.
"Take that back."
"No way. It's the truth, you're a cum dumpster and everyone knows it."
"Get out of my house right now."
Shizuo took another drag.
"Or what? You'll scream like the little girl you are? Wave your arms about? Make me leave."
"I'll call the police."
"Go right ahead."
Izaya grabbed Shizuo's wallet from the bedside table. Shizuo had forgotten to return it to his pocket.
"Oh look, someone got paid today! How much do you make a day, a yen? Two? Three on a good day?"
"I make my money working, you make yours sucking dicks. And since you got such a fancy house that's gotta a be a lot of dicks."
Izaya had only planned to rub some salt in the wound of their unequal economic standings but this infuriated him beyond belief. He tossed the wallet out of the window, ID, money, pictures and all.
"Woops, it slipped from my girly grip. So sowy…"
"Izaya…!"
Shizuo took a step in his direction and suddenly seemed to change his mind and walked out, the door banging loudly on his wake.
"And stay out, you inhuman brute!"
Izaya stood panting for a long time before he realized that he was still naked. A trickle of Shizuo's semen sliding down his tights.