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Severus Snape VS. The Call Centre

"Yes, what do you want?"

"Hello, my name is Maximilian Broomhead and I'm calling on behalf of Fanfiction to do a little survey on the characters of Harry Potter. Now, just to make sure, are you an original character of Harry Potter?"

"Of course I am and how did you get my number?"

"The phone numbers are randomly generated by my computer. Now, just to know which questions to ask: what was your house at Hogwarts?"

"What? You don't know what it is? Did you even read the books?"

"Of course I did sir! Who hasn't?"

"A few choice people. Put Slytherin!"

"Alright... Now, where you alighted to the side of the light or dark?"

"You know, I really don't know what to answer for that. It was a mistake in my youth but I eventually joined the light."

"So, which one would you like me to put?"

"This survey must be stupid! It doesn't even have a grey option. Put light!"

"Alright... Now, could you explain to me your opinion on the dark lord?"

"Is this a trick question? What did you say your name was?"

"My name is Maximilian Broomhead and we just want to know your opinion."

"If you haven't realized by now let me tell you: an opinion is a dangerous thing... You don't sound like a death eater."

"I wasn't even born in that time sir."

"Watch that cheek of yours kid. Do you still want my opinion or can I hang up now?"

"I would still like that opinion but please keep in mind that I am typing your answers."

"What does that mean? Never mind I don't want to know! The dak lord used to have good ideas for the wizard population but he got caught up in that blood purity shit! So, other than that, he was pretty good guy."

"Ok... Now please explain to me your opinion on Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore."

"What can I say other than he's a wise man who sometimes acts childish."

"Alright, for the next few questions I'll say two names and I would like for you to tell me which person you would rather be on an island with."

"This is the stupidest survey ever written! I'm not answering!"

"Please sir, your opinions are important to us. We're just looking for your opinion on certain topics. So, the first two names are: Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger."

"You have got to be kidding me! Ugh... Hermione Granger, at least I'll get a decent conversation!"

"Albus Dumbledore or Minerva McGonagall?"

"You know what?"

"What is it sir?"

"You woke me up. Did you know that?"

"Ummm... I'm very sorry for waking you up sir. Would you like to continue with the survey?"

*click*

"Sir?"