I have decided to try my hand at an epicly hilarious multi-chapter story starring the Nordics! I got this idea from looking at the cover of a video game. Seriously.

Disclaimer: This fic is a comedy/parody and is NOT meant to represent accurate history at all. Also Hetalia is not owned by me, but the idea is mine (since I've never played the game in question it's not really based on the game) Also this is not intended to offend anyone. If it offends you please PM me so I could apologize.

Oh and no Vikings, Aliens and World Leaders were harmed in the making of this story...probably.

The Lost Nordics

Prologue: The Lost Nordics get lost!

It had started out with a world meeting since, well, all epic stories start with those. There wasn't anything important to discuss as all important meetings ended in complete utter chaos, so the host of this one, America, decided to have everyone put in any random topic into a hat and then the chosen topic would be discussed. Let the world leaders' deal with the political stuff. That's what they were for. The topic that wound up chosen had been "Aliens' ability to time travel". No guesses as to who put it in. (Or pulled it out).

Now these kinds of meetings did not usually end in complete utter chaos; however they still ended in chaos. Why? Because no one actually wanted to discuss aliens for the however many hours they were stuck there (meetings ended when the leaders were done…when the choice is between dealing with other leaders or your personified nation, said meetings tended to be stretched out for long periods of time.) No body could protest the topic because the one who had picked it was the loud, childish, militarily superior host, America. If America wanted to discuss aliens at his meeting, then they were to discuss aliens. (The next host nation would get their revenge later of course when the topic was to be America's fear #238: Dumbledora the Explorer)

"For the last bloody time, aliens do not exist!" England yelled. He was quite possibly the only one still taking part in the discussion. Everyone else had wisely decided to agree with America three hours ago.

"They do exist! Don't you remember the pict?" America argued back.

"THAT WAS A BAD DREAM!" As we all know, nations dealt with such unusual experiences by claiming that they were dreams. For the record the F*cking Island that everyone was getting stuck on during WW2 (also known as Seychelles) was also a dream. Really! This had been decided at World Meeting #5,318,008 two years ago. (This number is not very credible as it was calculated by England, Prussia and Denmark after a night of heavy drinking in Amsterdam. The calculation itself had been the topic of World Meeting #5,178,009 where it was unanimously decided to be never spoken of ever again.)

Now England and America were so wrapped up in their argument that they didn't notice the absence of a certain trio. No one else noticed it either as they were either sleeping or playing on the iPads they snuck into the meeting room. The people right next to the missing trio didn't even notice their absence. Iceland and Finland were completely oblivious to the three empty seats between them.

Now all meetings had their little unspoken rules. Don't make a mess of your area, don't hurt anyone enough to cause diplomatic problems, don't attempt to become one with Russia (Not even as a joke. Belarus will murder you. Screw Diplomacy.), and don't let certain people out of the room together. Ever. Certain groups tended to stay away from meetings for extended periods of time (Nations, like teenagers, could spend hours discussing nothing). Several escape attempts had also been made in the past (World Meeting #5,305,154 stood out in particular) so it was best to always keep certain groups in sight. At. All. Times.

So what exactly happened to Denmark, Norway and Sweden? Oh, they slipped out of the room some half hour ago when England and America were debating the existence of Area 51 ("Just because I've never seen it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!") There was an unspoken tradition that if a meeting got too boring (or if England was just being a pain) the Scandinavian trio would try to liven it up a little. So far this tradition had only been implemented once (at the aforementioned World Meeting #5,305,154) but it was never too late to do it again. So the first chance they got, they slipped out and Denmark made a few phone calls to the Museum of Viking History and requested a few little toys from there. As they were very efficient people, the "toys" arrived about five minutes ago (from Europe).

Denmark, Norway and Sweden had gone over the plan many times. These kinds of pranks required a lot of planning if they were to be successful and a lot of priceless humiliation was riding on the success of this prank. Iceland and Finland were somewhat in on it too of course; they had just chosen to stay out of it. A lot of practice and preparation had gone into this, but it was always good to go over the plan a few times. As Denmark put on his fake beard, he asked, "Now do you guys remember what to do?" Denmark was the cheerful, loud ringleader of the Nordics. He came up with the plans and did most of the preparations. No one bothered questioning where his plans came from because the stories behind them were often more ridiculous than the plans themselves.

Norway adjusted his horned helmet; it had been (literal) ages since he last worn the thing. "Yes. We go in, traumatize England and post photos of his horrified face on Facebook," the nation recited flawlessly. Norway was what could be called the rational one of the trio. He seldom liked to get involved in things and maintained a neutral opinion on everything. However, he had a rather sadistic side that everyone knew about but seldom saw…he had made no objections when Denmark proposed this ploy.

"Good job Norge. Sverige, is the camera ready?"

"Yes." The tall nation replied and pulled a small digital camera from the sleeve of his tunic. Sweden was the stoic of the group. Everyone was afraid of him and all thought of him as mature and above these things. However, he had a mischievous playful side that the Nordics were well aware of. Those his face didn't change at all when Denmark had told him the plan, his eyes lit up and agreed instantaneously.

"Okay then, places everyone. Three…two…one…"

And that was to be the story of how two giant Vikings (and one not so giant Viking) burst into the meeting room with giant medieval weapons grunting in Old Nordic. They had jumped onto the table and stomped their way over to where America and England were. The screams of terror broke the windows. All of the screams belonged to England.

Now life is full of funny little coincidences. For example, it is pure coincidence that the person you meet on the very first day of school is the one who becomes your best friend for life. It is pure coincidence that the one day you come to work early, there happen to be free donuts. It is pure coincidence that the very meeting the Nordics chose to dress like Vikings for, America decided to show off Tony's alien time travel powers…by bringing in real Vikings to scare the crap out of England (who as we all know, is terrified of them due to his less than pleasant experiences during his early days)…It's really a coincidence people!

America, despite being a clueless lovable oaf, was really a chessmaster whose Germanic blood caused him to have exact schedules for his master plans against England. He had planned for Tony to drop in his Vikings at a very specific moment in the conversation. He had not gotten to that moment yet. So he was not happy.

"Ack! Tony! You're too early!" America yelled into his phone, "We planned this for months! MONTHS! Quick pick up these Vikings and use your alien memory wiping powers to delete the last few moments of this meeting! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE NO SUCH POWERS!" At any other time, the other nations would be listening to what America was saying and preparing to beat him into a pulp for pulling an idiotic stunt like this. However, England had gone blue with shock and promptly fainted, France was trying to make a move on him, Hungary was taping the spectacle, the formerly sleeping nations were trying to figure out what was happening, Belarus was trying to jump Russia, Italy was crying, Romano was cursing his head off, Iceland was trying to pretend that he wasn't related to these idiots, Switzerland was trying not to shoot anyone, Germany was trying to restore order and…you get the picture? Everyone was too busy dealing with the excitement in their own way to really give a crap about America's very strange telephone conversation.

The "Vikings" by the way were reveling in the photos they took and the panic they instilled. They really weren't expecting the windows to break (hopefully no one outside the building got cut up by the falling glass) but it was a nice bonus. Any moment the furious world leaders would come in and declare the meeting over! They could all go home and post their beautiful pictures of England on Facebook.

Unfortunately for them, they would not be going home soon…for by another pure coincidence, America's phone call had startled Tony so much that up in his spaceship stationed on the roof of the meeting building, his hand slipped and hit the big red "Release" button. The Vikings he had kidnapped were free!..And running around the building now trying to figure out where they were and what was with all the shiny technology.

Tony was a very proud alien. He did not like to admit to making such mistakes so he decided to go find the Vikings he accidentally released and teleport them back to his ship before America noticed they were there. Or before the President of the United States noticed them…Tony was already in enough trouble with him (make crop circles in the White House garden one time and suddenly your Presidential enemy #1! It was for a cultural holiday! Wasn't America supposed to be accepting of all alien cultures?) This search was what brought him straight to the meeting room…where three Vikings identical to the ones he had unleashed were dancing on the table. Bingo!

At that moment, no one had been aware that there were three real live Vikings loose in the building. They wouldn't realize it for another few seconds when the President of the United States would suddenly start yelling profanities directed toward the troublemaking teenager he had to deal with on a daily basis. What they realized then and there was that there was a little gray alien in the room…with a ray gun. Before anyone could blink Tony pointed the ray gun at the Scandinavian Trio and shot a yellow beam at them. They vaporized instantaneously. Tony himself vaporized a second later.

For a moment, no body spoke. There was complete silence in the World Meeting room. Finally, a very confused Japan asked, "What just happened?"

"I don't know," Germany said slowly surprised at the absolute silence in the room, "On moment there were Vikings…and then there were no Vikings." This silence continued until a loud yell could be heard from the other side of the building.

"ALFRED YOU IDIOT! IF YOU DON'T GET OVER HERE AND EXPLAIN WHY THE HELL THERE ARE THREE VIKINGS POINTED SPEARS AND AXES AT US, I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!"

While America and the other nations were busy dealing with the Vikings that had decided to point their weapons at the world leaders (as it would be truly difficult to explain how every world leader somehow managed to get assassinated by real 9th century Vikings, the Nations decided to avoid the situation by just saving them) Denmark, Norway and Sweden awoke in a dark cell surrounded by bars made of green electricity. Outside of their cell was a bunch of high tech panels with many buttons. It was definitely not the World Meeting room anymore.

"What just happened?" Norway was the first to speak. It was rare for the nation to begin conversations (especially if Denmark was around) but he happened to have been the first to awake. He "gently" kicked the other two awake to ask.

"I don't know…" Denmark muttered looking around, "One minute we were dancing around watching our chaos unfold and then this little gray dude comes in. There this *ZAP!* and then this *KSHA!* and then we all woke up here." Norway scowled.

"Oh yes that's very helpful," he snapped, "Where is here?"

"Th' basemen' of Tony's spacesh'p," Sweden answered looking straight ahead.

"How do you figure that?" Denmark asked. Sweden just lifted a finger to point to a sign hanging above a set of stairs going up. The sign read "The Basement of Tony's Spaceship". "Oh that's convenient." Denmark muttered, "Now who's Tony and why does he have a spaceship?"

"Am'r'ca's al'en," Sweden explained and began observing the bars. They would be very difficult to break through electrified. The nations wouldn't die from the shocks (probably) but it was better to avoid pain where it could be avoided. "How d' we g't outta 'ere?"

"Allow me." Norway snapped his fingers and his trusty companion, the troll, appeared beside him. Norway, being the man of few words that he was, quietly held up his hand in the direction of the bars. The troll instantly leapt at them; not being physical matter allowed him to pass right through them; and lunged at the control panel. He slammed his giant green fist straight into it. The panel fizzed for a moment, and then promptly exploded. The electric bars disappeared and the troll reappeared beside Norway, completely unharmed. With a wave of his master's hand, the troll disappeared.

"Nice work buddy!" Denmark cheered gently slapping Norway on the back as the younger nation passed by him, stepping out of their cell.

"Come on." Norway said sharply, an intimidating aura surrounding him. Denmark was confused.

"What? Where?" the Dane questioned innocently.

"Deal wit' Tony." Sweden supplied the answer, the same aura surrounding him. It was a little known fact that the Nordics did not take kindly to being kidnapped. None of them were damsels (including Iceland) and dealt with their kidnappers well (especially Iceland). (Finland, Sweden and Norway were still regretting not getting their revenge on those cat people in that bizarre dream they had last Christmas.) Tony was going to regret zapping them to a cell in his spaceship. They were ex-Vikings, they had sharp weapons (and a troll) and they were pissed.

"I like that idea," Denmark smiled and let the evil aura surround him too. The Scandinavian trio revenge plot had begun!

Now Tony's spaceship, like a certain house in a certain book*, happened to be bigger on the inside than the outside. On the outside it was a small flying saucer that could easily rest on the roof of a World Meeting building without being noticed by anyone on the ground. On the inside however, it was a giant maze full of platforms, stairs, puzzle locks, and little alien blobs to defeat…it could make a great level in a platformer.

Unfortunately, the Nordics were greatly over-leveled for this kind of platformer and were just able to smash their way through everything. Denmark had kept his axe with him and cheerfully broke down all the doors in their way. Sweden had a sword and a spear (that had previously been in Norway's hands but he had other methods of fighting) and easily dealt with all the little alien blobs. Norway had his troll for any electrical locks that needed dealing with from the other side and his nisse for scouting ahead.

By the time the Scandinavian trio reached the top of the spaceship, the rest of the ship was completely thrashed…it was a miracle that it hadn't exploded or broken down yet really. That's alien technology for ya. Tony's eyes narrowed when he saw his escaped Vikings. He had been waiting for them. No one thrashed Tony's ship. These Vikings were going straight back to the century they came from.

Now you're probably wondering why no one bothered speaking to explain the misunderstanding between them. Tony clearly thought that the Nordics were his 9th century Vikings and the Nordics had no idea that there were actual 9th century Vikings running around the World Meeting building. Tony spoke English, America had taught it to him of course. The Nordics spoke English; it was the de-facto language of the world after all! But the problem lay in the misunderstanding. 9th century Vikings didn't speak English; it didn't exist yet so when Tony spoke to them he spoke to them in his Alien language that was still incomprehensible to the human (and nation) ears. The Nordics, having never dealt with Tony before, didn't know that he spoke English and therefore preferred to speak their own respective languages to each other (after millenniums of living together, they understood each other well). So the misunderstanding continued.

"Tony, it's so nice to see you," Denmark said (in Danish obviously) and held up his beloved axe. "I believe we owe you a Thank you for the hospitality you've shown us." Sweden held up his weapons and Norway summoned his Troll and Nisse. Tony was not unprepared either (he had to have captured these Vikings in the first place somehow). He took out his ray gun, which upon closer inspection resembled one of those early 1980's cell phones. It had a long antenna with a yellow pompom at the tip, a little green LCD screen and a giant yellow dial in the middle. This ray gun will have more significance in a few paragraphs, but for now, I'm sure you want to see an epic Vikings vs. Alien battle.

The battle, if it could even be called that, was unfortunately not very epic as Denmark, Sweden and especially Norway didn't fight fairly. The first chance he got, Norway sicced his troll on Tony and the Troll held up the little gray alien in his giant fist. The Nisse pulled the ray gun out his hand by the dial (accidentally dropping it in the process) and handed it to Norway. Denmark and Sweden just decided to have a bit of fun with the rest of the control room. They couldn't attack a non-nation with real weapons after all…murdering America's friend would be in violation of one of the unofficial meeting rules after all (and no matter how one felt about the kid, no one wanted him as an enemy).

Tony was screaming Alien profanities at them as Denmark took the remote from Norway and began observing it and playing with the dial. He tried to squirm out of the troll's giant hand but it was no use. Denmark suddenly pointed the weapon at the alien. "So this is that *KSHA!* device is it?" Denmark asked, his finger dangerously poised on the button the dial doubled as. "Now how would you like to be vaporized into some weird electric cell?" Tony began screaming something in his language. If he wasn't being squeezed by a troll he would have been making wild hand gestures to accompany his screams.

Denmark just took his discomfort with a smile. "You wouldn't like that would you? Well neither did we! Take this, Alien Scum!" With that he pushed the button.

At that moment something weird happened. Remember how the Nisse dropped it on the ground? Well for all its impressive durability, Alien technology had a nasty habit of malfunctioning if it hit a hard surface. When it hit the ground, the ray gun rewired itself a little bit. Instead of zapping Tony, the antenna ball started jumping wildly and blasted a mirrored surface. From the mirror, the beam hit another mirrored surface and then another one and another one (and a bunch more after that. Denmark and Sweden's "fun" created a ridiculous number of shiny surfaces at weird angles) until it finally hit a non-metallic target…

…That target was Denmark, Norway and Sweden.

There was a *ZAP!* and a *KSHA!* and the trio instantly disappeared. The Troll, the Nisse and Tony just froze in place with wide eyes and open mouth. The Troll's grip slackened and Tony managed to free himself. The first thing he did was slap his forehead. For, as America said, Aliens do have time travel powers (as evidenced by the real Vikings currently attacking the world leaders). All of Tony's ray guns were identical. The very ray gun that Denmark had mistaken for a teleporter just happened to be a time travel ray gun…and those three had used it on themselves! Tony had programmed it for 9th Century Scandinavia…but Denmark had fiddled with the dial before pointing it at Tony…so just where had those three idiots sent themselves?

It has got to be illegal to have this much fun writing something...where have the Nordics sent themselves? We'll find that out in the next chapter.

I realized a bit too late that this story could have worked just as well with the BTT...oh well. Any excuse to write Vikings and Trolls works for me ^^

*The word "house" is meant to be in blue but FF doesn't allow color -_-

The World Leaders in this story are not supposed to be the actual world leaders of today. You can pretend they are whoever you want but none of them are getting actual names.

Oh and I have a reader's challenge for you: How did three drunks (who were most likely stoned as well) manage to get this calculation "5,318,008"? Believe it or not, it is not a (completely) random number. You may use a calculator.

Hasta la Pasta! XD