Dear Diary,

The last time I wrote anything in here must have been four months ago. Things have changed so much I can't believe it. Gil is so…I don't know, it feels like a dream being with him. How did I get here? Being with the guy I was crushing on so hard in high school I could hardly get up the nerve to look at him.

He's so open. I know what it means when they say someone wears their heart on their sleeve, except maybe with him it's even more extreme. It's like I'm holding his heart right in my hand and I could crush all his happiness so easily. I've never felt so powerful. It's scary. He looks at me like I'm the sun and without me he would just stop shining. I guess that makes him the moon, huh? Ha!

Anyway, I'm worried that I'm getting myself in too far. He said he loves me.

No one has ever told me that and seemed to mean it the way he does. And that sad, hopeful look he gets, I know it's because he's just waiting for me to say it back, but God, what do I really know about him at this point?

He's such a good brother. How Ludwig could treat him that way, what a way to pay him back. I guess it's typical. Loyalty and personal sacrifice for your family not only isn't repaid, it seems like half the time it's resented.

He's so gorgeous. Every time I'm with him I just want him so bad. I've never felt such strong feelings of lust. Even just sitting next to him on his bed, feeling the warm press of his thigh against mine, I imagine running my hand up it, between his legs. That tender flesh. The heat right there at the center of him. I want to unzip his pants, smell the musky scent, and caress the firm flesh. There's something so appealing about feeling his cock through the thin fabric of his briefs. To touch without touching. The anticipation of it. And when I take it out, the sheer size! So thick I can hardly imagine being able to fit around it, and yet, oh how I want to try. I get so wet just taking it in my mouth. The scent and the taste intoxicates me. He's like a drug I can't get enough of. Does it mean something, to feel so strongly about someone?

He loves me, it's clear. And, he seems so sincere, so serious, so vulnerable. How can I not give him a chance? He deserves that much, doesn't he?

-Madeline

Dear Diary,

Today we went to the beach. Gil didn't want to go at first because of having to stay covered up, but I managed to convince him. We snuggled under the umbrella and people watched. He told me I should go swim and that he would just watch me. I did a little bit, but I couldn't help but feel bad for him. He misses out on a lot of things because of his condition. Also, I couldn't help but notice people looking at him. It must be hard to attract so many stares all the time. I wonder how it makes him feel. He always tries to act like it's just, I don't know, like the most natural thing in the world for people to stare at him. He even said that they can't help but admire his good looks! He's so funny!

-Madeline

Dear Diary,

Gil and I had a fight today. I'd offered several times to pay for his impounded car, but he kept refusing. I felt it was getting more and more urgent because the longer it was impounded the higher the fee becomes. Finally, I just asked Ludwig what to do and he gave me the license plate number and offered to drive me to the impound lot. I guess I should have realized something was up after seeing the smirk on his face.

I drove Gil's car back to his house expecting him to be happy, but when he saw it he turned around and stormed off into the house. When I tried to follow him he turned on me and yelled at me saying why couldn't I leave things well enough alone, that it was his responsibility and he doesn't want to owe me any more money. I tried to explain that I don't care about that but he didn't want to listen. He told me I should go home. I didn't want to but I didn't know what to do. I'd never seen him so angry.

I got home and tried calling but no one picks up, he's not online so I can't IM either. I just don't understand why he was so angry.

-M