A Heart Torn In Two

Dean, Jax, Opie, and Haley were the dynamic four in their younger years. Three crazy rebellions with one genius to help them keep their heads on straight. All through high school it had been them. Them against the world, before the world came knocking on their door and real life began. Dean and Jax were brothers, one year apart, and as close as brothers could be.

Growing up in a family where some of their closest loved ones dropped likes flies, the brothers learned to lean on each other, and build a bond nothing could come between. Heirs to a well known biker club, and trouble makers alike, but they held soft hearts hiding underneath. Opie, the son of one of the founding members of the club, he had grown up around Dean and Jax. Same age as Jax, the three had been best friends since they were small kids. He was the big teddy bear of the group, gentle with those he cared for, but fierce to defend them.

Haley was the unlikely member of that club. She didn't come from biker blood. In fact she came from normal breeding, when you discounted her parents free loving eccentricities. Two years young then Jax and Opie, three years younger then Dean. They met when Dean went out with Haley's older sister Taylor. The tryst didn't last longer then a few good times in the backseat of Dean's mouthwatering Impala, the sweetest first car any teenage boy ever got, but Jax was hooked after the experience.

From the moment he met Haley, he found himself falling hard and fast for her. Mature at heart, her age never came into play, not for him. He saw her past the young girl body she hadn't grown out of yet. Others questioned it, especially in the beginning when she was only fifteen and Jax was seventeen. A firecracker at heart, Haley made Jax earn her, win her heart before she gave it to him.

She wasn't like her older sister, she didn't want his sexy sculpted body to drive her wild, she wanted his heart to take her to new depths. Show her what love was. When Jax caught her, made her his own, and they fell in love, he respected her in ways no one would ever have believed. Like the way he waited until she was ready to ever sleep together. While most assumed they had hit the sack in the first month, what with the rate she'd sneak into his room, and Jax's past history with girls, but they were all wrong.

Jax waited almost a year until Haley was ready to take that step with him. He'd always hold sacred memory to the night like so many she spent at the club house, where he moved as soon as he turned eighteen. They were tangled up on his bed, kissing slow and tender when Haley softly whispered 'I'm ready' against his lips. Jax had pulled back from her, sought out her eyes, making sure her words came from her heart, and not the heat of the moment. When she promised him this is what she wanted, Jax had made slow sweet love to her that night. Careful like she was made of porcelain, his heart even ached inside his chest when they came together for the first time, and she cried out in pain, because he loved that girl with every beat of his heat.

High school sweethearts is the coined term and they lived it. It was the four of them hanging out, getting into trouble. They all cared for each other in their own way, but it was Jax and Haley at the end of the day when everyone else went home. Everyone thought they'd get married, but they took their time.

Haley wanted to get an education, Jax became heavily involved in the club. They had their moments, their rough times like everyone does, but they always pulled through. That is until Jax and Opie were charged and convicted of a botched arson, and sent to prison for five years when Haley was barely twenty-three.

They had been engaged at the time and she would have waited for him forever. Dean like the devoted big brother he is watched over Haley like a hawk for his little brother. Dean's protective streak never showed stronger then when Jax was gone. He took care of Haley like she was his own, and while they had always been friends, suddenly he was her shadow, and soft place to fall too.

It all began to change when two years into his time served Jax broke things off with Haley. Saying he loved her too much to let her wait for him. She cried she'd wait forever, and with tears in his own eyes, Jax told her if she was still free when he got out then forever is what she'd have, but he couldn't bear keeping her here with him. Her life on hold as if she was trapped behind these bar too.

Heart broken, for the first time ever Haley felt truly lost. She had been with Jax so long she scantly knew who she was without him. That's when Dean stepped in. He picked her up off the dirty ground, dusted her off, and reminded her how amazing she truly was. How her magic didn't come from Jax and wasn't lost without him.

In a quiet moment Dean once even muttered about always being envious of Jax, because of what they had, and that his brother was a damn fool for letting her go. Her friend, her family, and so much more. Dean and Haley forged a bond that went past norms and titles. Like high school all over again, it was them against the world. Until everything got so complicated it was hard to tell which end was up. Until lines were crossed that once you step over them, you can never go back.

Today is gonna be the day That they're gonna give it back to you

By now you should've somehow Realized what you gotta do

I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do about you now

Today was the day. It started out like any other day. Felt just like any other day. Nothing discernable made the start of this day sparkle and shine with importance, but it should have, because today would be different then the others. It would set wheels in motion that could change the landscape for as far as the eye could see.

Dean and Haley knew it from the moment they woke up. The impending feeling growing in strength inside their bellies.

By the time Haley left her bedroom and entered the kitchen that morning the unspoken knowledge held so thick in the air it was almost choking.

Dressed in a figure flattering, but modest outfit for her job as an high school instructor, Haley caught Dean out of the corner of her eye as soon as she entered the kitchen. He stood leaning against the opposite kitchen counter. Flannel shirt open, simple cotton shirt that held close to him in all the best places underneath, topped off by plain old blue jeans.

He was sexy without trying, but today that was beyond the point. Today held a space between them with everything they didn't know how to say, with everything that suddenly seemed so uncertain. Pulling a mug from the cupboard, without a word she went to the coffee machine. Feeling his eyes on her like hot coals, Haley waited for Dean to speak up first. Waiting to see what he'd say and what he'd dodge around like a speeding bullet.

Dean's emerald eyes couldn't help, but wander over Haley's figure. Her curves always had a way of making him zero in with a desire that had a mind of its own. He could hear the hot caffeine pour into her mug as his eyes drifted and held onto her round behind that appeared almost on showcase in that pencil skirt.

That's when the guilt began to hit his heart, for the first time in a very long time, and Dean couldn't ignore the inevitable anymore. Clearing his throat loudly to dislodge anything that might try to choke him, Dean's deep gritty voice filled the kitchen with human sound. "Jax gets home today." He stated vaguely. Heart guarded, Dean forced himself not to interject his own feelings into this.

Finally Haley turned to face him, her big honey eyes bigger then usual, and for a second Dean was terrified they would swallow him whole. Though he knew drowning in her wouldn't be such a bad thing either. Haley's captivating orbs steadily gazed upon Dean for a moment as a slow forming simple smile curved her lips. "I remembered." She answered him back with the same lack of revelation and feeling he had done with her. Something between them edgy and nervous.

"Are you going to see him?" Dean found himself spitting out before his brain could tell his mouth to shut. Swallowing hard, Dean battled to keep his feelings restrained in his eyes as they held hers.

Locked with Dean's eyes Haley could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She always knew this day would come, and if she was honest with her herself she would have known how weird it be, but her choices couldn't be undone, so here they were. Taking a deep breath, Haley broke from his gaze and tried her hardest to sound casual about this.

"Yeah, your mom's throwing him that home coming party. I'll see him then." Haley's lips moved smooth, but she was fumbling inside.

The air felt thick around them and the longer this carried on the worse it got. Suffocating, like the room was slowly being drained of all oxygen. This is what neither of them wanted, for it to be weird, for it to ruin the magic of the closeness they had shared almost all their lives.

Backbeat the word is on the street That the fire in your heart is out

I'm sure you've heard it all before But you never really had a doubt

I don't believe that anybody feels The way I do about you now

Seeing that she couldn't meet his eyes, the tension between them, Dean found himself reaching out to her from a good place inside. A place that would always care about her in the most innocent and deep of ways. "Haley…" Dean started, but she abruptly cut him off.

Sensing like an on coming cold that Dean was about to say something she wasn't ready to face, Haley quickly jumped in. "Look at the time. I don't want to be late." Quickly she made up an excuse as her heart raced. Taking a big gulp of her coffee, Haley placed the cup in the sink, and stepped to Dean. Her eyes caught his fleetingly before she leaned into his strong sturdy body for a hug. "I'll see you tonight." Haley spoke on a hushed breath as her face leaned in against his toned chest. His distinct scent filled up her nose, and it terrified Haley the way it made her want to burrow in closer to him and never let go.

Breaking the spell his closeness could bring as his arms laced around her and his grip settled in, Haley pulled back with a quick peck on his cheek.

Just as she tried to slip from his grasp, Dean's hand at her lower back held her tighter, holding her to him. His other hand found her cheek, cupping it gently in his palm as his eyes found hers, and held them captive. "Haley…" His breath came off thick and dewy. There was so much he wanted to tell her, needed to tell her, but he couldn't, because it wouldn't be right. Everything he already wanted with her wasn't right.

That look in his eyes froze Haley. She could barely breath with the weight of it and how it sunk into her depths. The feel of his hand touching her skin could almost break her down. Almost, but Haley's will and strength kicked in. "I'll see you tonight." She reiterated as if trying to reassure and convince them both. Without another word, Haley wormed her way out of his grasp and disappeared out the front door as quickly as her legs could take her.

As he heard the front door close and he was finally left alone with his thoughts again, Dean found his eyes falling closed as he cringed inside. What had he gotten himself into? Haley was like a force of nature, and a forbidden fruit, he should have known better. Should have known if she got too close without a word she'd challenge every loyalty he held, every principle he lived his life by with nothing more then the simple joy of her presence..

Haley had been nervous about seeing Jax again all day. It hung heavy on her heart and yet excitement dwelled there too. There was a part of her that was dying to see him again. A part of her that had missed him more deeply then she could ever describe. A part of her that would always love him and long for him. The boy who first stole her heart.

After work she went home to change not wanting to appear too dressed up for his arrival. After rummaging through her closest, unable to find the outfit that felt just right, she settled for a pair of worn in jeans that fit her figure just right, and a plan white tank top. Looking in the mirror Haley still didn't feel certain, but she knew it was really her heart that was holding the uncertainty, and no outfit change was going to alleviate that.

And all the roads we have to walk are winding

And all the lights that lead the way are blinding

There are many things that I would Like to say to you

But I don't know how

Entering Gemma's home the house was packed full with people. Wall to wall, filling every corner. All their close friends and everyone from the club showed to welcome Jax and Opie home. The prince and loyal sidekick home at last. As they should considering Jax and Opie had served time to protect the club.

Immersing into the crowd Haley moved about the room like a fly on the wall. Trying to prepare herself before she saw him. Opie found her first, a smile warm and soft like a teddy bear filled his face with the sight of her. They embraced tight and long like old friends do. With her deepest sincerity Haley told him how happy she was that he was home again before setting him loose on the next round of people who arrived.

She spotted Dean next, standing across the room from her. Leaning against a wall, beer in hand. Their eyes caught and held with the weight of the moment. A slow forming smirk filled his sexy pout for her, as a cute little grin turned up her lips for him. Normally he would have gone to her, spent the night by her side, but not tonight. Tonight he stayed on his side of the room as she did the same.

Instantly an image stepped in-between their eye line. Engulfing her vision, sucking the breath right from her lips as her smile faltered against the impact of his sudden appearance. Long blonde hair that settled at his shoulders, sterling blue eyes that pierced into her soul with a glance, Haley couldn't move.

For brothers Jax and Dean didn't look a lot alike at first glance. Dean kept his hair short, clean cut. His face held only a little stubble. While Jax wore his hair long, kept a mustache, and prickled hair along his jaw line. However underneath it all they shared similarities. Same coloring, eyes that could look deep into the soul, big soft hearts hidden deep inside. Both were exceptionally good looking men, clearly good genes ran in their line.

"Haley," Her name slipped sweetly off Jax's husky breathe as he gazed upon her mesmerized and captivated. His favorite girl finally standing before him in the flesh, not a dream he would wake up from.

Her heart began to thump in her chest with the old feelings. That morning she didn't know how she'd feel seeing him again after so long, but standing before him now it amazed her the way the spark between them instantly ignited. Seeing him now she wondered how she could have ever doubted. This was Jax, her first love, her first everything. "Jax," Haley called back with the sweetest of smiles.

The biggest toothy grin filled his face as he gazed upon her, like a kid in a toy store, before the moment unfolded beautiful and timeless. Jax instantly pulled her into a hug. His strong safe arms engulfed around her body, as Haley's arms wrapped around his familiar shape. An indescribable feeling swelled in her heart to having him near again. Something close to heaven, but even sweeter.

Her chin settled against his shoulder, and just for a second her eyes caught Dean from across the room. Strong and stoic, but there was something in his eyes. Something also a little wounded, before he broke her gaze and walked off, disappearing in the crowd. Haley's heart stung, but only for a moment before Jax stole her attention.

His arms still tangled around her, his face pulled back to find the beauty of hers. His forehead rest gently against her own as he gazed deep into her honey eyes from just inches again. Haley had to fight to breathe against the feelings and emotions bursting inside her. Here he was, the man she had loved almost all her life. The one who had been ripped from her arms, gone for so long. Here he was, back in her arms, holding her tight, lost in her eyes. His scent filled her senses with a feel of intoxication as his eyes sent her somewhere deep that only they knew.

I said maybe, You're gonna be the one that saves me

And after all, You're my wonderwall

Foreheads connected, skin on skin, inches apart, so close they could have kissed, but they didn't. Haley tilted her face down, keeping distance between their lips. There was a part of her that longed for the feel of his mouth against hers again, a part of her dying to taste him again, but she couldn't. It was too soon, something in her heart told her to hold back. It wouldn't be right to just fall back into his arms.

It was like the world disappeared, the room full of people vanished as Jax and Haley found a quiet corner to talk. Covering the simple basics, nothing to touchy or deep. His sterling blue eyes hung on the woman he loved every second. A silly grin like that of a little boy on Christmas perpetually stuck on his face.

Haley kept the topic on Jax. How he felt now that he was a free man, what he planned to do now that he was out. The answers were simple enough. She wasn't surprised in the least when he said he'd return to working at the garage, that he planned to stay at his room in the clubhouse until he could find his own place. The words fell easy and held comfort in a way they always seemed to move.

Jax eventually got to ask Haley a question she couldn't turn back on him. A question that would leave her squirming where she stood, and force her to reveal a piece of who she was today. A woman different from the young woman he had left years ago. "So you're staying with Dean?" Jax asked casually, no implication held on his tone.

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little surprised when he learned his ex-girlfriend and greatest love was living at his brother's house. But he also couldn't say it was completely out of the realm of possible. Haley had known Dean as long as Jax, and while they held a three year difference in age, they had been friends since childhood. He had also asked his brother to look out for her while he was gone.

Haley held Jax's eyes for a moment of uncertainty, her heart racing. She knew she shouldn't be surprised by the question. It was bound to be asked, but it did surprise her the way it felt inside… terrifying. "Yeah, we're roommates, but I've been thinking about trying to buy my own place now that the school has hired me on a permanent basis."

Jax took her answer wholesale, without a shadow of a doubt in his eyes, because he trusted her completely, she'd never given him a reason not to. A joyous smile widened Jax's beautifully handsome face to good news. "Yeah, I heard you became a teacher. That's great Hales. I always knew you'd make your dreams come true." Jax congratulated her, his hand reaching over to grasp hers. Taking it as his own, he gave it a good gentle squeeze.

There they stood side by side lost in a magic that came so easily to them. Despite the weight that had held on her heart when she came there tonight, Haley found the comfort of Jax's company slowly sent that weight far away. The chemistry and comforting ease between them alive and thriving now that they were together again. Haley knew there were things that still stood between them, things that would plague her tomorrow, but tonight gazing into Jax's breathtaking eyes as they shared stories and he made her laugh like he use to, none of that mattered, because it felt like just them again.

To let myself go, To let myself flow

Is the only way of being, There's no use telling me

There's no use taking a step back, A step back for me...

The night dwindled down, drunk people dominate the furniture while others began to leave. Haley found herself in Gemma's kitchen getting Jax another cold beer from the fridge. Just as she let the door swing closed, she spotted Gemma looming behind it. Heart racing from the unexpected company, Haley gasped slightly as her hand jumped for her heart.

"Scared the crap out of me, Gemma." Haley laughed at herself to a woman who had always been like a second mother to her.

A curt brief smile touched Gemma's lips, but she didn't say a word. A silent tension coming off her, etched across the features of her face. Undeniable in nature, Haley knew Gemma too well not to see it. "Gemma is everything ok?" Haley asked with genuine concern. Always there for a woman who had always had her back in return. Closer to her then even her own mother.

"You know you're like a daughter to me Haley, but I expect you to make your choice, and quickly. Do not pit my boys against each other." Gemma stated firmly, seriousness palpable in her gaze in a way she had never spoken with Haley before.

Haley swallowed hard, nerves fluttered inside her chest against the tone in Gemma's voice, the look in her eyes. "I don't understand…" Haley tried to play naive. She couldn't be certain of what Gemma was talking about in such vague terms, but she had a pretty good idea, and that idea was startling. No one had ever brought this up before, and to have her secret thrown in her face out of the blue left Haley unprepared and fumbling.

"Don't play cute. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Jax or Dean, one or the other, but do not play them, do you understand." Gemma's patience was running thin and it was easy to detect in the tone of her voice. She lived her life by the most brutal of loyalties and she would protect her family at any cost. While Gemma considered Haley family, her boys came first.

Haley's heart started pounding, as she stared stunned at Gemma for a moment, hardly able to believe what she knew. They thought no one knew and to find out Gemma of all people had found out, Haley was unsettled and humiliated almost speechless. "Gemma, Dean and I aren't…" Haley tried to cover even if her breath barely sounded believable under the stress she was in.

Abruptly Gemma cut her off, not in the mood for games. Not on the night of her son's return, in the middle of his homecoming party. She didn't want to be having this confrontation with Haley, but she'd do anything to protect her boys. "You two might have everyone else fooled, but Dean's my son, and there's nothing that goes on around here that I don't know about. Screwing around while you and Jax were apart was your business, but he's home and you two look pretty cozy. So make your choice." Gemma was getting to the point in the most blunt of terms, with deep brown eyes that held a gaze that silently said she meant business.

Without another word Gemma turned and left Haley in the kitchen, giving her words a chance to sink in.

Standing in that florescent lit kitchen, beside the stainless steal fridge as a cold beer still held in her hand, Haley felt speechless. Her heart pounded out of control. Humiliated she had been found it. Horrified what kind of woman it must make her look like. And for the first time that night Haley finally admitted how torn in two her heart truly was. How deep her feelings ran for both of them. How big of a mess she had actually gotten herself into.

Ryan Adams,"Wonderwall"

Ane Burn, "To Let Myself Go"