It's been a while guys, but someday, somehow, I will finish this story!

Disclaimer: Not Jo.

Chapter 11:

"Kat?"

I jumped, looking up to see Hermione. She sat next to me, frown illuminated by the fire. "Did I scare you?"

"No," I said, wiping my eyes. "What time is it?"

She glanced out the window. "Late," she said simply, opening a textbook. "Potions essay?"

I nodded. "For the past three hours."

A few other people sat around us. A second year boy snored quietly in the corner, cheek pressed against the wrinkled pages of his open transfiguration book. I thought of sleep and yawned. But I hadn't slept since Saturday. It was only Tuesday, and the not sleeping gave me extra time to read. And be bothered by Hermione.

"I noticed you switched dorms. Again," Hermione said.

"Seventh years are obnoxious," I said.

She nodded. Then she frowned at my sweater. "Is that Fred's?"

I nodded. "It smells like him."

Her frown grew into a grimace. "Disgusting."

"It helps me sleep," I said, staring down at the parchment in front of me. Usually.

"You're having trouble sleeping?"

I looked back up at her, tip of the sugar quill in my mouth. "I didn't say that."

She took out a piece of parchment. "Something happened last weekend, didn't it?" she said.

For a moment I considered telling her. Then I thought of Snape's rules, and how much effort it had taken just to spend a little quality time with Fred. I stood up. "Goodnight, Hermione."

But once I was in bed, I knew sleep would not come. Under pounds of blankets, snuggled in Fred's sweater and a pair of red and gold socks Mrs. Weasley knit for me, I felt cold at the thought of Malfoy's threats.

You think you're safe up in that castle.

I clenched my eyes shut and concentrated on happy things. Summer. Kissing Fred. Long showers. Kissing Fred. Kissing Fred in summer. Kissing Fred in a long shower in summer.

I drifted off, only to have Malfoy's laughter cut through my dreams like a hot knife. I woke up, panting and sweating. I ripped off my socks and made my way back down to the common room, where night had wrapped itself around every shadow. The fire was slowly dying as I opened my DADA book and began to read.

By the time the sun rose, my eyes were only half open. I dragged myself back up to shower as the earliest birds came down for breakfast. I tried to imagine kissing Fred. It just made me miss him more. I went to the Owlery and sent him a letter. I didn't mention Malfoy, but I did tell him that I needed to see him soon.

I rushed to lunch after classes, and sat down in disappointment. "Shepherd's pie." I said it like a curse.

Ron frowned. "What's wrong with Shepherd's Pie?"

I shoveled some onto my plate. "Nothing. I just." I leaned in a little bit. "I'm supposed to be making predictions, and I predicted stew."

Hermione raised her eyebrows and took a few thoughtful bites of the pie. "Well I'm sure it takes time," she said. Her eyes found someone behind me and I turned to see Harry glaring my way.

After some hesitation, he sat down next to Hermione and pretended I didn't exist.

"Hermione, can you help me with my transfiguration later?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Kat and I are going to the library to…"

Harry let out a long sigh.

"It's fine, Hermione," I said. "We can do that another night."

"No." Harry said, getting up. "Forget it." He stood up and moved to sit next to Ginny.

The entire week was a blur of incorrect lunch predictions, animosity from Harry, and a short-tempered Snape.

"Don't waste my time," he said as I stood up from a particularly nasty fall. "You're not even trying."

"I'm sorry," I said, yawning. It was Wednesday, and other than the half an hour of nightmares, I hadn't gotten any sleep.

"You must maintain a strict practice regiment. You haven't even done your reading, have you?"

I had. But instead of words, I kept seeing Lucius' cold grey eyes.

Snape shook his head at me and healed my elbow, which had bled on no less than three desks. "Make sure you practice while I'm gone."

I stopped rubbing my elbow. "Gone?"

He nodded and headed to the potion room. I followed him, my stomach twisting into knots.

"But you never leave," I said, my voice smaller. The idea of Snape leaving left me in a daze of fear and worry.

"I do now," he said. "Minerva will look after my classes, and I'll be back by breakfast Monday morning."

"Is it a mission?"

"You know better than anyone that I can't discuss it," he said, but he nodded.

I hugged myself. "Could you. Could you maybe not go?"

He looked up from his potions, and his eyes were full of concern and suspicion. "Are you alright?"

I nodded quickly. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I just. I feel like I'm falling behind and I don't want to miss practice tomorrow."

Snape looked at me a little longer. "I trust you'll get along just fine missing a class. Maybe you can use the extra time to rest. You look exhausted. Perhaps I should give you some dreamless sleep potion."

"That would be great," I said.

He frowned, lowering the flame on a green potion. "You've never liked that potion."

I shrugged. "Well, you know. Between classes and quidditch, I haven't been sleeping much."

"Very well," he said, stirring the ruby red potion.

He handed me the blue potion and I slipped it in my bag. "Next time I see you, you had better be more prepared for class."

I nodded and threw my arms around him before he could protest. After a moment of hesitation, I felt his arms around me. "Be safe," I said.

"Of course," he muttered.

Hermione was already in the library, laboring over a book in a language I couldn't understand. The paper was old and stained, wrinkled from centuries of readers flipping through its pages. The cover was dark green, so dark it was almost black. It had chains attached to it, from a time when books were so valuable, their owners took insane measures to prevent theft.

"Ancient runes?" I asked, though even upside-down, I could tell the script looked different.

"It's Latin," she said.

I frowned. "What are you doing with a book in latin?"

"It's from the restricted section," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

I dropped into the seat across from her. "I don't suppose that's on House Elf rights?"

She glared. "No. Actually, it's on Horcruxes." This time, her voice was even quieter.

"Learned anything new?"

She shook her head, staring down at the book. "It's a bit difficult to translate, so it's taking longer than I thought it would. So far, I've read what Horcruxes are, and how to make them."

"What a treasure trove of information that must be," I said, unpacking my occlumency book.

"What?" she said.

I shook my head. "I mean, I just. You can't expect to learn that much about horcruxes that I haven't already told you. There aren't many ways this can all play out. Please trust me. It'll work."

Hermione shut both the Latin book and the dictionary she'd been referencing. "Really?"

"Yes."

"How does it happen? In your visions, I mean."

I sighed. "I mean, Voldemort hits Harry with the killing curse, and Harry pretends to be dead."

Hermione raised her eyebrows. "Harry tricks one of the cleverest wizards alive into thinking he's dead?"

I pursed my lips. "In the vision, he saved Draco and Draco's mother lies to protect Harry and her son. It's complicated."

"How fortuitous," Hermione said, opening the large, leather-bound book once more. "But you said everything is changing, and we can't afford to rely on the kindness of others to keep Harry safe. Especially when you keep killing those people."

I glared at her for a minute and decided to study elsewhere. But I couldn't concentrate. In my mind was a blur of Malfoys, Snape, Harry, and Dumbledore. I didn't want Snape to leave Hogwarts. I didn't want to worry about Lucius or Draco. I didn't want Harry to be mad at me, and I didn't want to be mad at Dumbledore. I thought about Aberforth's words and tried to imagine holding a grudge for the better part of a lifetime. My chest heaved with the weight of all that disappointment.

With a heavy sigh, I closed my book, went up to the dorm, took the sleep potion Snape had given me, and fell asleep. The next day, instead of going to the library during fifth period like I had been all year, I trudged up to Dumbledore's office. I knocked three times, surprised when the door opened. Dumbledore sat in his desk, a book open in front of him.

"Are you busy?" I asked.

He shook his head. "I keep this hour free every week."

I nodded holding my back awkwardly. "So uh. What's this seminar supposed to be about?"

Dumbledore smiled and removed his bifocals. "Well. It could be about a lot of things. It could include a lot of yelling, if you wish. Or perhaps we could discuss your father, or horcruxes."

"What about Sirius?" I asked.

Dumbledore's smile faded a little and he shook his head. "Sirius, yes. But that prophecy is of no use to you. It doesn't matter."

I nodded. "Ok."

"Ok?"

I sat down. "I don't want to be angry. I'm so tired of being angry. You and Snape are all I have left."

Dumbledore closed his book and set it aside. "Are you worried about your uncle?"

"Maybe. But I can't talk about that either."

He nodded. "Of course. Tea?"

I nodded. "I want to talk about dad," I said. I could remember his face, but I couldn't imagine him as a wizard at Hogwarts.

Two hours later, the bell rang for dinner, and I headed down to the Great Hall. I laughed with Neville and played Wizard Chess with Ron, and when I fell asleep, I felt happy, lighter. Of course I'd forgotten to take my dreamless sleep potion.

It started like normal nightmares, with Lucius. He was cornering me in Hogsmeade, and I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. But the alley became a bedroom, and suddenly my voice was back. I screamed so loud, over and over, that the world crumbled around me.

Then it was crystal clear, and Snape was bloody and sweaty on his knees at Voldemort's feet.

"Did you think I wouldn't find out?" Voldemort hissed.

Bella grinned ear to ear, teeth shining in the darkness. Snape looked down, silent.

"You must think you're very clever," Voldemort said, smiling a little. "And you are, I suppose. However, clever men so often end up dead."

"Then kill me," Snape muttered. His voice was hoarse, as if he'd been screaming for hours.

Voldemort laughed. "Well that wouldn't be much fun, now would it." He nodded at Bella, who raised her wand.

Snape fell to the floor, convulsing and screaming in pain.

I woke up in Hermione's arms, screaming. "Kat!" She cried, the other girls whispering to each other. "Kat, wake up. Kat!"

000

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