Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba & Takeshi Obata. All other characters belong to Christopher Moore.
A/N: I do not expect you to understand this story at all. It was merely inspired by the fact that I wanted L to go outside. Then The Emperor (not the Digimon Emperor), one of my favourite characters of all time, decided to come into the story. This was originally going to be a Watari and L centered story, but it didn't turn out that way. And Presidio is an actual park in San Francisco. I just used 'Aaron' as L's alias because it sounded suitable. In the English translation of Death Note, shinigami are referred to as reapers, which fits nicely.
The Emperor is basically an eccentric homeless man from some of Christopher Moore's books. He believes it is his duty to protect San Francisco, generally from supernatural beings. All of the citizens of San Francisco seem to know him, and will address him as "Your Majesty." Along with his faithful Labrador Lazarus and his Terrier (or Terror) Bummer who don pie-plate helmets, The Emperor is the sole protector of his city.
"What a nice day," Watari said as he looked out the window of the detective's San Francisco penthouse suite. "Don't you think you Ryuzaki?"
"I haven't looked out a window in 84 hours and 23 minutes Watari," L replied as he tapped a few keys on one of his five computers. "According to the local weather channel it is 75 degrees Fahrenheit, give or take approximately 5 degrees considering the slight breeze in the forecast. The chances of it raining in San Francisco today are approximately 5% and the chance of it snowing is about 0.00001%. I suppose in the eyes of most it would be considered a nice day."
"Why don't you enjoy it?"
L's head snapped up, causing his neck to crack. Go outside? Was Watari mad? Criminals were dying left and right in an unexplainable chain of events and Watari wanted him to GO OUTSIDE? Perhaps the man was going senile. That would be inconvenient.
"The chances of me leaving this hotel room are approximately 2%," L mumbled as he shoved a lollipop into his mouth. "On the off-chance that I do go outside, the probability of me getting a sunburn is approximately 55%."
Watari reached over the detective's head and dangled a tube of spf 100 sunscreen in front of his face. He dropped it with a harmless clatter on the keyboard, ensuring that none of the detective's data would be erased. It did however hit a bunch of random letters thanks to gravity. The detective's eyes narrowed as he hit Backspace for 10 seconds.
"Go outside," Watari said, unplugging L's laptop. "At least complete some of your work out there. I'm sure there's accessible Internet outside, so your work will not be affected. You know that whatever work you complete will automatically be transferred here anyway." The old man patted a computer monitor. "Now go and enjoy the day."
L scowled as he stalked off to his unused room so he could slather on some sunscreen.
There'd better be an ice cream truck around, L thought before applying the lotion.
The sun blared down on L as he stalked through the nearest park. Watari had recommended a place called Presidio; a nice place with green spots and quaint restaurants surrounding it. There was also a very nice view of the Golden Gate Bridge according to Watari.
Unfortunately…the wireless Internet that allegedly was present was very hard to come by.
Attempting to find a secluded spot to do his work was extremely hard. He had to avoid the restaurants and cafes; someone could recognize his work. Besides, he wanted to keep his promise to Watari and stay outside. He had stuck to park benches, trying desperately to catch a signal. Unfortunately this was all in vain. He had checked all of the park benches save one. He could already tell there was WiFi access near it.
The only problem was…someone else was also there.
L raised an eyebrow as he looked at the grizzled old man sitting on the bench. He was wearing torn and ragged clothes, a long tattered coat hanging from his unkept body. A wooden sword hung out of his waistband as well. He was munching on a bagel and judging by the harshness of his chewing it was probably a day-old from a local bakery. Two dogs were at his feet; a rather handsome Labrador Retriever and a small yappy mongrel.
The small one bounded over to L and started tugging at his pant leg. L shook his foot, causing his shoe to fall off and smack the dog in the head. The little menace took the shoe in his mouth, covering it in saliva. L fell on his butt, holding his laptop aloft so it wouldn't get covered in dirt and dog drool.
"At ease men," the old man said, kicking the small dog aside. He gave L an awkward hands up as the two dogs watched. Both 'men' were wearing aluminum pie plates on their heads and roasting pans on their sides, more than likely to simulate armor. "We don't want to scare away our new friend now do we? Welcome to my city."
L raised an eyebrow as the…he supposed homeless…man walked towards the park bench. He gestured for him to follow, and L regrettably complied. The crazy dog still had his shoe and bounded after his master. L sighed and made his way to the bench, sitting as far away from the man as possible.
"I am The Emperor and welcome to my city," the old man smiled, his yellowed teeth showing. He gestured towards the Labrador. "This is one of my troops, Lazarus. Loyal to the end and a wonderful soldier." He gestured toward the small rat-like creature as he wrestled the shoe out of his mouth. L grimaced as he took the shoe, wiping it on his pant leg. "And this overly eager fellow is Bummer. His heart is in the right place, but not necessarily his brain. Would you care for a bagel?"
"No thanks," L said as he shook his head. He took the lollipop out of his mouth and held it up. "I prefer sweets myself."
Bummer promptly jumped up and gobbled up his lollipop.
Before L could protest, they were interrupted.
"Hello Your Majesty," a chipper voice came from in front of them. A Goth girl with about twenty piercings smiled and handed him a dollar bill. "How are you?"
"Just wonderful," the old man nodded. "We were just getting acquainted with the newest addition of the population. You are…?"
"Aaron," L said abruptly. It was one of the aliases L usually used in the United States, especially after the L.A. BB murder cases.
"Nice to meet you Aaron," the girl nodded, then smiled at The Emperor. "Good-bye Your Majesty."
"Good –bye," he waved, cracking another smile.
The moment the girl left...Bummer started to whine. The Emperor's face fell and he patted the dog absently. The old man turned to L and shook his head.
"I'm very sorry for Bummer's behavior," he said, his voice rather sad. "The Troops and I have been on edge ever since this Kira business started."
L's eyes widened as he set the laptop aside. This obviously disturbed individual was following the Kira case? Of course the rest of the world was as well…but how would he access the information? Surely this man didn't have Internet access.
"The Troops and I don't condone criminal activity," The Emperor said, munching on his bagel again. "However, the last criminal who was apparently killed by this Kira character was from my city. Law abiding or not, that man was one of my citizens. I suspect that something supernatural is the cause of these deaths and I fear that once again a Reaper has gone rogue in my city."
"There's a 0.000001% chance that Reapers exist," L mumbled to himself. "There is also a 99.324% chance that this man is completely insane."
"We had the unfortunate luck of an inexperienced Reaper appearing in the city," The Emperor continued. "It resulted in demons invading and the unnecessary death of many as well as the loss of several souls." The man shook his head again. "Not to mention our recent vampire infestation. Supernatural forces are on the rise."
"There's no such thing as Reapers," L said firmly, getting up from the bench. "Vampires don't exist. The chances of there being vampires and Reapers are equivalent of you being the actual Emperor of San Francisco. That is 0.000001% chance."
The Emperor merely stared at him as both of his Troops let out low growls. L shoved on his drool-covered shoe and heaved the laptop under his arm. The man shook his head, a look of pity on his face. This didn't seem to faze him in the slightest.
"You shield yourself with reason young man," The Emperor said just loud enough for him to hear as L walked away. "Unfortunately logic can be as ineffective as aluminum armour in some cases. Be wary of that my friend."
L shook his head, trying to wipe away his memory of the old man.
This method seemed to be as ineffective as the Troops' armour.
"And when we meet…we can confirm our identities by showing our reapers to each other."
L's heart skipped a beat.
For the first time in his life he screamed.
He didn't care that everyone was staring at him like he was insane.
His chair fell over, causing him to fall on his ass.
Just like in the park when Bummer had stolen his shoe.
When he had met The Emperor of San Francisco.
"R…R…Reapers? Am I supposed to believe that? That Reapers actually exist?"
L stared at Rem the Reaper, his thumb pressed to his lips. Reapers did exist after all, and they were dangerous. There were more than just Rem as well; Reapers who shortened human lives for the fun of it on some occasions. Did that mean that vampires were too? Perhaps he would research the possibility once the Kira case was closed. However…he had one thing to do before he continued on with the case; he deserved a quick break.
The Emperor, Bummer and Lazarus stared at the simple brown package on the park bench in Presidio. Bummer yipped at in confusion. The Emperor shoved the little dog in his oversized pocket and took the package. Something told him it was for him. He read the simple white piece of paper on the top, serving as a card.
To: The Emperor of San Francisco,
It seems as though my calculations were incorrect.
I believe you.
Sincerely,
Aaron
Also known as L
The Emperor smiled and opened the package. Inside were three items. Two of them were dog collars, complete with tags. One was engraved with "High-Constable Lazarus", the other with "Lieutenant Bummer." There was also a simple watch, nothing fancy. There was also another engraving on it.
It simply read "The Emperor."
The Emperor secured the dog collars on his troops and then his watch.
He smiled with his yellowed teeth as he munched on another day old bagel.
Roger Ruvie, the new director of Wammy's House, raised an eyebrow as he perused Wammy's House's newest piece of mail. It was addressed to Wammy's, with a San Francisco postage stamp in the corner of the white envelope. It was surprisingly wet, despite its long journey. Roger opened it with his sterling silver letter opener. The message was simple but clear.
Dear Director, My sincerest condolences for you and your orphange's loss. Sincerely, The Emperor of San Francisco P.S.: Bummer wished to contribute to the mailing of this letter, so I allowed him to seal the envelope.
The Troops and I will consume lollipops in Detective L's honour.
Roger raised his eyebrow again and shoved the envelope in a drawer.
For some unknown reason, the next time he went to L's grave, he placed the envelope in front of the gravestone.
That night a beautiful brunette in stilettos picked up the envelope, smiling as her fangs protruded from between her lips.
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End!