There's not enough stories about Mr. Ukki. And if you don't know who that is... Hmm… check the title page of chapter 16, and you'll find him. That, or look in the databook.

My Mr. Ukki

Iruka first noticed something was wrong when Kakashi entered the mission room without his trusty orange book. That, and the fact that he was early for once. Sure, his report was three days late, but that was nothing compared to his usual week late habit.

The silver-haired man wandered over, handing the scroll to Iruka. Taking it, the brunet read it over, discreetly inspecting his former student's teacher.

The man's stood in a languid slouch as usual, hands shoved in pockets. His silver hair hung around his face in a messy manner. His lone grey eye had a slight far-away look that Iruka had never seen on the Copycat-nin's face before. He couldn't help but ask about the man's wellbeing.

"Kakashi-sensei, is everything alright?"

The man, however, barely gave him a glance. "Of course I'm fine, Iruka-sensei."

The brunet tried not to pry, but something really did seem wrong with Kakashi today. Besides, the poor man probably didn't have anyone to talk to about the problem if Iruka didn't ask. It wouldn't do to have a jounin of Kakashi's caliber burn out just because he kept all of his problems to himself.

The academy teacher directed his best teacher-tone at the older man. "I've been teaching students for a long time, Kakashi. I can tell when something's bothering you. Keeping everything locked in is no good."

The older man's face seemed to twitch slightly, but eventually gave in moments later, eyes tilting into a troubled stare. "I-" the man looked down worriedly.

Iruka stared, bewildered at the jounin's uncharacteristic actions, but forced himself to focus on the man's problem. "You what? What's wrong?" Concern seeped into his voice.

"It's… Mr Ukki! Mr Ukki's sick!" Kakashi finally wail out, quietly in the mission room full of ninjas. So naturally everyone heard him.

"Wh-who?" Iruka managed out. He'd never heard of anyone named Ukki before, and he must've been a respectable man for Sharingan Kakashi to call him so respectfully.

The older man, however, seemed to be in his own world. "I can't believe I left him alone! My Mr Ukki!" he continued, more to himself than anyone. He fretted some more, and then, without a warning, he promptly shushined out of sight, presumably to his Ukki.

The brown-haired chunin stared at the spot Kakashi-sensei disappeared from, report long forgotten. What just happened? My Mr Ukki? Just who was this man to Kakashi?

And around him, gossip started to spin its web of tales.

After hearing the latest rumour from Shizune, Tsunade made an immediate summon for one, Hatake Kakashi.

"Took you long enough," she snapped as the elite jounin appeared.

The man arrived at her office looking worn down, and dark bags clung under his eyes from lack of sleep. "Can we get this over with?" He said impatiently, twitching all the while.

The blond woman studied her shinobi with concern. Her mind was shocked blank. This was not how he normally was. Where were the snippy comments? The snappy retorts? The 'I'm so bored' posture?

"Er-" The Hokage ran her eye over Kakashi, checking him for possible injuries or poisons that may have caused the change. Nothing; he was perfectly healthy. Tsunade cleared her throat before asking, "How are you feeling?"

The silver-haired man's grey eye flickered over to her momentarily before dropping back down to his defeated expression. "…fine."

"Don't lie to me, brat. You are not fine," Tsunade growled in response. The man didn't move. Her expression softened. "Look, I'm worried about you," She said, "I heard some rumors flying around, and want to see if you're okay."

Kakashi hung his head in response. He mumbled something out.

The blond blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

The jounin mumbled again, this time a bit louder. "Mr Ukki…"

Mr Ukki? Tsunade froze, and all the gossip she'd overheard for the past few days came rushing back. The Mr Ukki who's sickness caused Kakashi to be early for once? The Mr Ukki who's illness caused the boy to droop like life wasn't worth living anymore? The Mr Ukki who Kakashi was said to have rushed home for because he left him alone? Because he couldn't stand being away from him? The Mr Ukki's who's said to be Kakashi's secret lover? THAT Mr Ukki?

Tsunade didn't know what to do. She'd always wanted the boy to have someone around to keep him happy and sane. She'd thought countless times to help set him up with some lucky girl. But the blond never expected the jounin to have a significant other already. And a man to the boot. Heck, she didn't even know the Copycat batted for the other team, never mind the fact that she didn't even know who this mysterious Mr Ukki was, or how he wooed the impassive Copycat nin.

"I heard that a Mr Ukki of yours was sick?" Tsunade started hesitantly, watching Kakashi's reaction carefully.

The man seemed to tremble at the mention of that.

This was no laughing matter, the Hokage finally realized. This was serious. Her eyes narrowed, and she straightened into a Godaime worthy stare. "What happened, Hatake?" she demanded. There was no room for a refusal to talk in her tone.

The jounin picked at the strayed ends of his fingerless gloves, eyes staring out the window.

"Hatake," the older woman all but growled.

He looked at her again, pained. "Well… It's all my fault," He finally managed out.

"What is?"

Kakashi finally broke, and everything came rambling out. "I didn't think the last mission would take so long. The estimated time for the A-rank was at most one week, and Mr Ukki was always fine by himself for one week!" he murmured out.

Tsunade thought back to his last mission. It was a typical assassination, but at the last moment things went wrong, and Kakashi and the rest of the jounins assigned had to stay an extra couple weeks taking care of the loose ends.

"I'm sure Mr Ukki was able to take care of himself without you. He's not a little kid," she placated hesitantly. "I hope," she added, more to herself than anything.

Kakashi only looked worse at her words. "Maybe, but I left him at my house-"

There was someone Kakashi trusted enough to let live alone in his sanctuary? And that also meant this Ukki was keyed in to all of Kakashi's traps - something she knew only his ninken had been.

"-with the blinds closed, in the dark-"

The Hokage interrupted. "Wait, I'm sure Mr Ukki could've gotten to the sun."

"He couldn't! I should have realized! I knew Mr Ukki couldn't move but…"

Tsunade frowned to herself. "Couldn't move"?

"-and the whole time with nothing to drink…"

Dehydration? Tsunade looked at the Jounin sternly, "Did you get Mr Ukki checked over by someone?"

"He's all shrivelled and droopy… He's dead already! If only I came back earlier!"

"Kakashi!" The blond Hokage barked, "Calm yourself. I'm sure Mr Ukki's fine; you're overreacting. Let me take a look at him."

"You won't be able to help."

Her eyes narrowed as she heard him. "Just who do you think you're talking to, Hatake? I can help."

He stared his grey eye evenly back at her. "I know you're trying to help, but if I thought you could, I would've asked you a long time ago. There's nothing you can do for my Mr Ukki."

He rushed towards the window, leaping out of the office even before he was dismissed.

"HATAKE!" Tsunade screamed. But he was already gone, hopping along the roof. "That damn brat. His erratic emotions are hazardous to his health," she thought sadly, "Just how many people will that boy lose in his life?"

Shizune rushed into the room just as Tsunade sat down behind her desk once more. "What happened? I heard you shout."

Tsunade stared at her assistant. "'What happened'?" She repeated. The blond thought back on her conversation with the Copy-nin. "A lot," she commented softly. She then proceeded to tell Shizune all that transpired in the office not a minute ago.

Genma and Raidou were making their way to the mission room when they came across Shizune muttering to herself.

"Is something the matter?" Raidou asked, worried about Shizune's anxious behaviour. "You look a little preoccupied."

The brunette worked a smile on her face. "Nothing's wrong. Just a bit concerned about someone."

"Is Tsunade-sama gambling again?" Genma inquired, always one for gossip.

The girl shook her head. "No, not her."

Raidou looked at her thoughtfully. "Is it… Kakashi?" he guessed. The elite jounin was the talk of the village lately.

The widening of her eyes confirmed his suspicion. The tokubetsu jounin pressed on for answers. "Do you know what's wrong with him? I heard some of it in the mission room, but… I've never seen Kakashi like that before."

The girl bit her lip. "Well…" She gestured towards the park bench off to the side. "Do you have time, Raidou? Genma?" They were both jounins like Kakashi. They knew Kakashi well enough, didn't they? Maybe the two of them could help?

The three of them sat down. Shizune wrung her hands, hoping that revealing the problem was the right thing to do.

"Well," She began, "Tsunade-sama called Kakashi to her office to talk about… You heard about this 'Mr Ukki', haven't you?"

The two shinobis nodded in confirmation.

"Well, it turns out they've been living together-"

"So he is Kakashi's secret lover!" Genma exclaimed. Everyone knew how sacred it was for a ninja to live with another. People around them looked up at the jounin's voice.

Raidou 'sush'ed him quickly as Shizune continued in a quiet tone, "and it turns out Kakashi's into bondage and-"

The other two choked. "Wait, what?"

The brunette nodded. "I never thought of Kakashi as that type, but I suppose that was expected considering what he reads on a daily basis. Each to his own, I suppose."

"How…"

"He told Tusnade-sama that Mr Ukki couldn't move without him there. And he was in a dark room with nothing to drink."

"Maybe he was just disabled!" Raidou put in.

The girl shook her head. "No, if he was, he would've been registered in the hospital files. Lady Tsunade and I spent hours looking through them, and we found no Ukki – shinobi or civilian. So," Shizune blushed, "it was for another reason why he couldn't move without Kakashi's help."

Genma whistled. "Woo, bondage play. So erotic! I never knew Kakashi was such a fan of kinky sex plays. So what happened to Ukki?"

"The mission took longer than Kakashi expected it to be. …He should have known better than to leave someone tied up in his bedroom, no matter the sort of perverted fantasies he likes." The girl dropped her head, face heating up. "Apparently Mr Ukki was quite dehydrated when Kakashi came back."

"And now?" Genma prompted. Kakashi's partner couldn't be dead, could he? He would be devastated.

"Well," The assistant started, "Kakashi says he doesn't think that even Tsunade-sama can do anything about it, so…" she dropped off.

Raidou sighed, depressed for the man. Kakashi should know what he was talking about. If he didn't think that Ukki could be saved, there probably couldn't be any way. They were ninjas who had seen dead enough to be able to spot coming in a second.

"I'll best be off now," Shizune said, getting up from the bench, "Thanks for listening."

They nodded their byes solemnly.

"I feel sorry for the man," Raidou said.

Genma nodded before his eyes suddenly gleamed. He turned to his fellow jounin. "So, you think it was handcuffs or rope bondage?"

"Genma!" Raidou admonished.

"Yes, yes," the man said, dropping the subject, but his eyes gleamed that oh-so familiar twinkle of a gossiper who'd just hit the jackpot. And Raidou, if you looked closely, wasn't any better.

"I wonder if he uses his eye for copying more than just jutsus… if you know what I mean?"

"Genma!"

Naruto rushed into the academy where Iruka-sensei was alone marking his students' essays. "Iru-u-ka!"

The chunin looked up just as his former student leaped at him for a hug. "What is it, Naruto?" He patted the boy's head.

"Have you seen Kakashi-sensei? He hasn't been coming to the training grounds at all! I know he's back from his mission already but he won't train us!" Naruto paused in thought. "And Sasuke's been a jerk too," He added offhandedly.

"Kakashi's not feeling very well lately, Naruto," Iruka told the hyper blond, "He's just lost someone important to him."

The first person Genma saw after meeting Shizune was Iruka. He wasted no time spilling everything to the school teacher. Iruka listened, sorry for Kakashi, ears burning red the whole time.

"How?" the boy asked innocently.

Iruka sighed in relief that the rumours hadn't made their way to the ears of the younger generations. None of them needed to hear what was being spread. What would happen to Kakashi's reputation?

The school teacher looked at Naruto's concerned, yet excited expression.

"Was that person a ninja too? Did he sacrifice himself in an epic battle ending what would've been the Fourth Shinobi Wars? Did he single-handedly defeat the enemies before they could harm Konoha?"

Iruka groaned. How was he supposed to explain to Naruto the truth … or something even remotely similar to the truth?

How could he tell his former student that his current teacher was a pervert? … no wait, Naruto already knew that.

How could he tell his former student that his current teacher was an extreme pervert with a fetish for bondage?

How could he tell him that Kakashi was a major S&M fan? Or that he was a hardcore sadist who loved to bind his partner to the bedpost in sex role-plays? Or that Kakashi's erogenous foreplay fantasies were the talk of the town?

"Nothing on that large of a scale, Naruto," Iruka finally answered.

Just naked, tied to the bed in handcuffs, waiting for his master to come home. Iruka blushed. Why did he agree to listen to Genma again?

"It was … dehydration, I think," The academy teacher continued. It was either that, or Genma wasn't lying when he said that it was because Ukki was on a withdrawal from not getting any of Kakashi's special juices.

Iruka's ears continued to burn. Genma better not be spreading that information to everyone.

Naruto snorted. "Well that's lame. How stupid can you be to not be able to get water to drink? Has he ever heard of a tap?"

"Naruto," the chunin scolded, "You shouldn't talk about people like that. Besides, Ukki was preoccupied with something else."

Something like trying to get his aroused, bonded body to function in order to escape the cuffs.

The young blond blinked. "Wait, Ukki? As in Kakashi-sensei's Mr Ukki?"

Iruka's eyes widened. "You heard about him?" He was going to kill that gossiping Genma.

"Well, duh," Naruto replied, "I'm the reason why Kakashi-sensei has Mr Ukki in the first place."

The academy teacher wondered if he should've been worried that his former student was playing matchmaker. Or that Kakashi actually listened, and was able to become such an active lover with this Ukki. "Is that so? But Mr Ukki's very sick, and it's depressing Kakashi. Could you give Kakashi some time alone? I'm sure he'll be fine in a couple days."

The demon-container clearly didn't hear a word he said. "Tsk," the blond growled, "I can't believe Kakashi-sensei's killing Mr Ukki!" He muttered while running off.

"Naruto!" Iruka called after the boy, "Where are you going!"

"To Kakashi-sensei's! I can help Mr Ukki!"

"Wait! You shouldn't bother them!" The teacher yelled.

"Of course I can! Just you see!"

Iruka paused as Naruto continued to run further and further away. "Oh well," he finally sighed, "if it's Naruto, I'm sure he can cheer Kakashi up."

Naruto was a handful of distractive annoyance. Hopefully the hyper blond could help the depressed jounin? Although, Kakashi better not have any suggestible toys lying around when Naruto came around, or so help him god…

Naruto rushed home, dashing around in his house grabbing the necessary equipment. "I told Kakashi he couldn't forget to water Mr Ukki!"

"Ah, probably should bring some plant food too."

He looked around. "Yeah, that should do. Jeeze, this isn't the first time Kakashi-sensei's almost killed Mr Ukki. Maybe I shouldn't have given him a plant for a gift?"

The young blond sighed. "Meh, he loves it enough though, I guess."

Lady Tsunade stood in front of her fellow shinobis (sans Kakashi). "I hope you all know why I've called you here?" They grumble and hawed, but eventually the name Kakashi was called out. "Correct!" their Hokage bellowed. "I assume you've all heard about it by now, that damn shinobi grapevine."

They blushed hard at what they knew. An unofficial vote placed Kakashi as the most perverted shinobi in the village hands down. Even above Jiraiya – a feat no one had previously managed.

They chatter about the tales to each other once more, faces all crimson despite having heard them before. Not a single man, despite their own experiences, was unaffected.

"S-so what do you want us to do?" one of them yelled above the talking, trying to keep his blush in control.

Tsunade smile sweetly at her men. "It won't do to have one of my most elite shinobi unable to fight. I want you to cheer him up." There was something about that twinkle in her eye…

Genma realized what she wanted immediately with a coughing, "You want us to date Kakashi so he'll forget about his lover, Ukki?"

Her smile confirmed his statement.

"Oh no," He yelled, senbon bobbing like mad, "I don't do bondage."

"I'm not a masochist" another wailed.

"His flames of youth are too strong for even me!"

Tsunade glared at them all, "What kind of men are you if you can't handle being hurt a little?" Her stare reduced the grown men into whimpering children in a mere second.

"I-I-" Asuma chewed nervously on his cigarette, "I've got Kurenai?" He tried hesitantly. His fellow shinobis were too busy fearing Lady Tsunade to even tease him about it.

"Well? What do you lot have to say for yourselves?" she hissed, fingers twitching in anger, ready to strike down.

"I- I suppose I don't mind being tied up…" One of them whispered out in panic.

"I like men?" Another said, seeing the slowly calming face of their deranged Hokage.

"I don't mind being an M."

They continued to call out, hoping it would be over soon.

"I'm fine with whatever sex plays he wants."

"I can do naughty Anbu role-play."

"I like sex toys?"

"My, I didn't peg all you guys to be the kinky type," someone cut in.

"I can-" They all froze at the voice. Silver-hair was found among the ninjas. "Kakashi?"

The man in question grinned happily, eyes crinkled up in a U-shaped smile. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No…" flushed faces all looked over at the man.

"Hatake, what are you doing here?" Tsunade yelled, "I didn't call for you!"

The jounin shoved his hands in his pockets, adopting his usual slouched stance. "Maa, I know, but I thought I would share the good news."

"Yeah, brat?"

Kakashi's smile grew brighter. Any depressed manner he showed just days before vanished without a trace. "Mr Ukki's alive!"

The blonde Hokage stood in shock. "But you-"

"Maa, maa, I know I said it was hopeless, but it turned out I was wrong. Naruto fixed him right up!"

"Naruto?" They were talking about the same blond-haired brat, right? But that boy wasn't even a medic! He would've done more harm that help.

"Yeah, turns out if I gave Mr Ukki some plant food, and dampen up the soil a bit, he'd do better in a few days. Naruto even suggested a miniature greenhouse to help the moisture levels."

They blinked in unison at Kakashi's words.

"Is-" Iruka was the first one to recover, "Is Mr Ukki your plant?"

"Yeah. A cute little plant with the greenest leaves you'll ever see," he said proudly. The Copy-cat ninja paused. "Why? What did you think he was?"

There was a mass shout out of denials and excuses that even Kakashi himself wouldn't have used.

The silver-haired jounin shook his head, turning around. "Whatever." He paused. "I'll leave you guys be then, since I wasn't invited in the first place." He gave them an almost leering look, "My, and people say I'm the perverted one. Really, bondage, role-play and sex-toys?" With that, he shushined away, his voice still echoing throughout the room.

There was a quiet hush as the shinonbis all stared at one another, their eyes widening nervously.

Just how much did he hear…?