A Little Manipulation
Severus let Victoria cry herself to sleep on his bed. The feeling of hatered towards Potter was growing stronger every minute. Potter was not supposed to have sex with her, damn it! Potter, the good little Gryffindor, a loyal, *faithful* boyfriend to the next Head Girl! He was supposed to sit there and look tearfuly at his ex, unnerving Victoria to no ends! Some piece of work he was... what he had done was to be expected from a Slytherin, but not the Perfect Gryffindor Prefect Potter!
He took out a small bottle of Sleeping Draught from his drawer; he had a feeling Victoria would need it later. He sat on the floor to pour the right dose the vial; she would need a considerably smaller amount that his insomniacal self. Done. Madam Pomfrey would not be pleased to hear that one of the students was using free such potent medications, but she was not going to find out.
He grabbed 'Paths of the Dead' but couldn't concentrate on words, so he put it away on his nightstand, bookmarking the page on the more obscure properties of some unmagical plants. He would have to try them, someday. Some of them could be found around Hogwarts; he wouldn't even have to go to the Forbidden Forest.
That's a good idea, a Forbidden Forest. Perhaps he would take Victoria searching for the unicorn's hair tomorrow night; she might use some distraction... Severus smiled at the memory of last time they sneaked out of the Castle. He only lately discovered that having company on his night excursions wasn't that bad; it doubled the ammount of the findings.
"Severus?"
"Mhm?" She startled him and he had to resist the instinct to respond with a hex. But he did resist it and it made him proud. His self-control was getting better every day; there was no danger he would blast some wild dog with Cruciatus like it happened last year.
"Do you think I'm pretty?"
He looked up, regarding her carefully. Victoria had honey-blond, curly hair, slender frame and peach-colored complexion. Oval face with large blue eyes completed the picture of a classic beauty.
"Of course." He wasn't one to give too many compliments. She knew well enough she was beautiful; lots of male attention assured that.
"Prettier than Lily Evans?"
"Absolutely."
"Than Narcissa?"
What was is it? Ten questions? But this was a rather tough one. The silver- blond godess, Narcissa Walken, was considered the prettiest girl at Hogwarts, and, from the estethic point of view, Severus had to agree with the general opinion. A little lie had never hurt any Slytherin though.
"Certainly."
"Would you have sex with me?"
Severus stared at her blankly, dumbfounded. "What. Did. You. Say."
"I asked if you would have sex with me."
He inhaled deeply, to calm down. "No."
"Why not? You said I'm prettier than Narcissa and you have no qualms about having sex with her. Are you in love with her?"
Severus got up from the floor, alarmed. "And just how did you happen upon this information?" Suspicion was clear in his voice. There was no point denying, Victoria would not be fooled.
"The girls talk, you know. I'm a good listener."
"Narcissa Walken doesn't talk about her love affairs. This is why I chose her. Not because she's pretty, or becasue I'm in love with her -- you would be the first person to know if I fell in love, not that it's ever going to happen -- but because she's the most descreet person in those matters. How did you find out?" She wasn't fit for an interrogation, but she had caught him off his guard with her bizzare question.
"Melinda Drake."
Goddamn Melinda Drake. If she hadn't graduated already Severus would be plotting his revange right now.
"Melinda didn't know about Narcissa."
"You slept with Melinda. She once slipped and mentioned to Janey Colianne that Jonas Ridge, he was her boyfriend then, wasn't half as good a lay as you. She said you were fantastatic in bed and that Janey should try you, but Janey was afraid. Not many heard that, Melinda became quite tight- lipped afterwards. Scared even." Victoria looked at him curiously; her mind taken off from her fiasco with James Potter.
Severus greeted his teeth; discussing his sex life wasn't something he foud amusing.
"It doesn't explain how come you know about Narcissa."
"Oh, c'mon, Severus. I know you. I was watching you and I noticed some thinghs that hinted you had a... hm, sexual affair, with Melinda. The pattern with Narcissa is very similar, although she's much more cautious. On the other hand Narcissa is my year and it's easier to observe and analyze her - "
"Enough." Well, he should have expected it. Never underestimate Victoria Morley. "I would appreciate if you didn't even mention it to anybody."
Victoria nodded, that went without saying, and the look of self-pity and desperation appeared on her face again.
"Melinda, Narcissa, and that's probably not all," Correct assumption, Snape thought, "but not me. You never tried to change anything between us. If you did, perhaps I wouldn't have fallen in love with James." The last words came in hoarse whisper, filled with pain.
"Victoria, you would never fall in love with me if your tastes run to the likes Potter." He immediately regrettet his harshness. She was about to start crying again. "I'm sorry."
"Why only the ones I don't care for fall in love with me? Why not you, or James..."
"Would you like me to? Fall in love with you I mean?"
"Yes... no. I want James to love me." A pause. And then a quiet question. "So, would you have sex with me?"
Severus rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Victoria... please. You are my best friend, my only friend. Sex would only destroy everything we treasure about our relationship, trust me."
"Why? I'm a good lover; if the rumour is true you're way above the average, so why would some pleasure between friends destroy everything? I know you Severus, you're not half as tough as you want everyone to think. It... it might be a good begining for us... we like each other, understand each other..."
"And this is the basis for friendship, Victoria, not for the affair! Why? Why do you want it?"
She hung her head, not daring to look him into the eye. "So that I would forget about James. That he screamed Lily's name instead of mine. That he loves Lily and would never love me. That all my dreams were shattered that moment and that I feel like I will never recover..." She was kneeling on the bed now, looking at him imploringly, "Help me, Severus, for all that's holy, help me..." She finished shakily.
The fear seized him. Her despair was breaking his heart... what if she didn't recover? Would he loose his best friend? He wanted her back, the merry, full of life Victoria, who wouldn't take no for answer... who would go to the Forbidden Forest with him, who would drag him to the Quidditch match.
"Is this what you really want?"
"I cannot have what I really want. Give me something else to cherish... please?"
He came to the bed and bent over it, so that his face was inches from hers. "All right... I will. "
***
He geve her pleasure, there was no doubt about it. There was probably no woman that would resist his ministrations, dear Severia had seen to that. For the short amount of time he wiped James Potter out of Victoria's mind.
He watched as she drifted away to sleep, exhausted. He didn't want to think about tomorrow. What would they say to each other, would she want to carry it on. He didn't know himself. He certainly had given her more tenderness and care than he had given to all of his previous lovers combined. He felt... used.
***
Next morning he woke up alone in his bed. A huge relief; the confrontation with Victoria would be postponed at least until the afternoon, after the classes. He would have time to analyze everything, to think it over with the clear mind.
'Paths of the Dead' was lying on the floor, opened on the poisonous plants page. He should be more careful next time and not leave such dangerous books lying around where somebody might see them and get him expelled.
He had sme things to talk over with Professor Andermin, the Head of Slytherin so he had to hurry to catch him before the first DADA class. He was about to leave, when the wild nocking almost broke his door in half.
"Snape, holy Merlin, come right now!" He heard Narcissa's panicked voice. "It's about Victoria Morley!"
He opened the door only too see Narcissa's back heading towards the seventh- years dorm. "What are you waiting for?!" She snapped at him, to the horror of several first- and second-years present in the corridor. Severus wasn't about to argue. He hoped Victoria hadn't done too much damage and there was still a chance to reason with her, no matter what kind of mood she was this morning.
The Head Girl opened the door rather violently, which was very unusual. She wasn't a believer in displaying too much emotions. Victoria must have done something really bad to upset her so. Curious. Oh, and he would finally get to see the dorm of the seventh-year girls.
There were four girls in the room. One of them was sitting on her bed, crying hysterically. Three were standing aroud the bed by the window, not saying a word. They all looked up at him, fearfully, and backed away, letting him closer.
All colour drained from Snape's already very pale face. He looked positively like a ghost now.
Like Victoria.
She was reduced to the motionless body; her face snow-white like the sheets on the bed. Touching her cheek confirmed what he already knew. She was not cold yet but certainly dead. Being who he was, and what he was, he knew how to recognize death at the first sight. She must have done it no more than an hour, two ago. Right after she had left him.
"Do something!" He heard Narcissa exlaiming desperately.
"There is nothing I can do." He answered numbly.
There was a lot of things that could be done with a dead body or with the soul, but nothing could put the soul back to the body. 'Paths of the Dead' came to his mind. The book was lying on the floor, opened, while it should have been on his nightstand, closed and bookmarked... on the information that the right amount of common heather would convert the Sleeping Draught into a Draught of Peaceful Death. A rather simple potion, rarely used as a poison -- it was too easily detected, it smelled strongly and the results were too obvious.
A glance on Victoria's nails made him sure he was on the right track; they were already totally white. A side effect of the Draught of Peaceful Death. Why did the heather had to be her favourite flower? To most people it wasn't even a flower, and she was always keeping some, fresh or dried. What an irony.
He just managed to kill his best friend.
One of the girls was holding something in her hand. Corrine Wilkes, older sister of Alicia Wilkes, a girl from his year. One of his... partners in pleasure.
"I foud this... beside the bed. Addressed to you" She handed him a letter.
It was the moment it struck him. A letter. It was all he had left. How could she do something so un-Slytherin? An overtly emotional Gryffindor could do it, or a Hufflepuff, but not smart, ambitious Victoria Morley!
He ripped the letter open.
*Dearest Severus*
*Forgive me. I know I cause you pain but I just can't take it any more. What I asked of you was wrong and now I know it. I saw it in your eyes and I recognized the truth of your words: everything was destroyed. I destroyed all we had. I saw how concentrated you were on giving me pleasure and how you hated every minute of it... I wonder if Narcissa and any other girl you do it with realize that you don't actually like it. And I... it was so different from what I had with James. Making love to the right person is not something that can be replaced. You will know it when you fall in love, Severus.
I feel so empty. I don't have James; I don't even have the hope that one day he would be mine. That scream of his is still ringing in my ears, cutting my heart like a knife. 'Lily'. Everything I am not and shall never be. There is just nothing to live for, Severus. You know what I'm writing about. Only dreaming of James was letting me through that nightmare at home, and you. Now I have neither. Living without love is not worth living.
Good bye, Severus. Remember me fondly, not like I was last night.*
He squeezed the paper in his pale fingers. You would always have me, Victoria, I am not James Potter to let something so trival like sex come between us. Potter... Bloody, Fucking Potter...
Severus clutched his wand and stormed out of the room, his eyes blazing madly. Bloody, Fucking Potter. He almost knocked out the first two people who stood in his way. As he was nearing the Gryffindor Tower there seemd to be more and more obstacles.
He stupefied two Gryffindors who tried to stop him. He transfigured one into a chair and another into a wooden staff. He hexed two who drew out their wands at him right in front of the painting that must have been the entrance to their common room.
A moment later one Gryffindor was walking through the painting (it was the time everybody was getting ready for classes), so he froze him and getting the password from the Fat Lady was unnecessary. He burst into the Gryffindor common room like a fury from hell.
"Where's Potter?!" He barked at the astonished third-yeard. The boy gestured to the corner where all four Marauders were in the middle of process of getting up and drawing out their wands.
A fifth-year who tried to curse Snape was stupefied in an instant. "Don't even think of it, Black." Severus warned and pointed his wand at Lily, who appeared in the doorway. "One false movement, one twitch of hand and she won't be able to show up in the class for a week."
The threat worked, for James lowered his wand in an instant. The rest of Gryffindors followed.
"You know you just lost some two hundred points from Slytherin?" Pettigrew questioned, drifting behind Black and Lupin.
"What do you want, Snape?" Lupin, always the voice of reason. There was a time Severus thought he might even like Lupin... before he found out it was impossible, on the most basic level.
"Just to let you know something. Potter, do you recall, by any chance, a Slytherin seventh-year by the name Victoria?"
James paled and shot a guilty look at Lily, who was staring at the tip of Snape's wand.
"I see you do. Now, next time your girlfriend kicks you out of her bed, kindly don't run to a Slytherin for a lesson in the art of love. Some of them, ulike you, have feelings and some sensivity! Or, at least, pick some girl that isn't head over heels in love with you!!" Severus was rising his voice constantly. "And if you must, hold your tongue and don't scream *Lily* when you're climaxing!!! AND BLOODY HELL TRY TO MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T KILL HERSELF AFTERWARDS!!!!"
Everybody was staring at him in silence. Lily's eyes widened in horror.
"What... what do you mean?" James managed to choke out.
"I mean that after you screwed her, used her as a replacement for Evans, Victoria Morley comitted a suicide."
There was a couple of seconds of silence before his words sunk in.
"Oh, Gods..." Lily said tightly. "James how could you..."
"Yes, *James*, how could you?" Snape chimed in, in hissing tone. "I hope Evans will be happy with everything you learned from Victoria, becasue you won't have another chance of tutoring. You shall pay me for this Potter, you shall pay dearly!"
"Don't you threaten us, Snape!" Black was as furious as Potter was anguished.
"And you, Black. If you as much as lay your eyes on a Slytherin girl, you shall be very, very sorry."
"What will you do, Snape? Cast a Cruciatus on me? Or Avada Kedavra perhaps? Not enough training on the dogs?"
Snape wasn't going to wonder just how Black could know about the last year's incidient. "Don't tempt me, Black! One day I might loose my self- control and - "
"What's going on here?!"
Everybody's eyes darted to the source of the authoritative exlamation. McGonagall stood behind Snape and glared. She was seriously pissed off.
***
He lost two hundred points from Slytherin, for breaking into the Gryffindor common room and for cursing eight students. Funny, Pettigrew was right about something. Black was gloating at Snape being in the bad graces of all teachers. He didn't let pass any opportunity to jibe him, which suited Snape just fine. Verbal dueling was one of his strongest points; he had a tongue like a knife -- a poisoned one to that.
Potter steered clear from him; he was the focus of Snape's hatered and the tongue-lashing he received every time he happened to be in his vicinity was getting on his conscience. The fact that Evans refused to talk with him didn't help; Snape wondered how much of her present attitude was caused by the rightous wrath at Potter's insensivity for Victoria's feelings and how much was it the pain of betreyal.
Professor Andermin was mad at him for the lack of his self-control, but most of the Slytherins didn't hold the loss of two hundred points against him -- Victoria was popular throughout the House. Evan Rosier was supportive of Snape's every action against the Marauders. He fancied Victoria and wanted to avange her death almost as much as Snape did. He was one of the very few who dared to approach Severus right now, everybody else thought he became too creepy, worse than ever. Every word he said, to a fellow student or to a teacher, was more or less traced with venom.
Snape's entire supply of Sleeping Draught was confiscated. 'Paths of the Dead' was luckily undiscovered. Entire staff wondered how Victoria Morley knew how to make the Draught of Peaceful Death. Every time the subject was mentioned, their eyes picked Snape from the crowd, considering him suspiciously. And just how come was he able to transfigure two people into the objects? He was supposed to be a Potions whiz, not Transfiguration...
He wasn't expelled only because of the severity of events. When your best friend commits a suicide, you have the right to be upset.
Upset. Could his anger be any greater? Why did Potter have to deprive him of the only person who cared for him? The only person he cared for? The only person he... loved?
*Living without love is not worth living.* Wrong, Victoria. Love is only the source of pain. What did love bring you? Despair and death. What did it bring me? Loss and pain. Nothing else.
Severus examined the events that led to Victoria's letter. His little manipulation.
Potter. It was Potter's fault. Potter's. Not his. Potter's.
The End
A/N: This fic is going to be a part of a longer story someday, one in which Severus learns the meaning of love. Therefore if anyone gets the impression it is somehow unfinished, the impression might be correct.
Severus let Victoria cry herself to sleep on his bed. The feeling of hatered towards Potter was growing stronger every minute. Potter was not supposed to have sex with her, damn it! Potter, the good little Gryffindor, a loyal, *faithful* boyfriend to the next Head Girl! He was supposed to sit there and look tearfuly at his ex, unnerving Victoria to no ends! Some piece of work he was... what he had done was to be expected from a Slytherin, but not the Perfect Gryffindor Prefect Potter!
He took out a small bottle of Sleeping Draught from his drawer; he had a feeling Victoria would need it later. He sat on the floor to pour the right dose the vial; she would need a considerably smaller amount that his insomniacal self. Done. Madam Pomfrey would not be pleased to hear that one of the students was using free such potent medications, but she was not going to find out.
He grabbed 'Paths of the Dead' but couldn't concentrate on words, so he put it away on his nightstand, bookmarking the page on the more obscure properties of some unmagical plants. He would have to try them, someday. Some of them could be found around Hogwarts; he wouldn't even have to go to the Forbidden Forest.
That's a good idea, a Forbidden Forest. Perhaps he would take Victoria searching for the unicorn's hair tomorrow night; she might use some distraction... Severus smiled at the memory of last time they sneaked out of the Castle. He only lately discovered that having company on his night excursions wasn't that bad; it doubled the ammount of the findings.
"Severus?"
"Mhm?" She startled him and he had to resist the instinct to respond with a hex. But he did resist it and it made him proud. His self-control was getting better every day; there was no danger he would blast some wild dog with Cruciatus like it happened last year.
"Do you think I'm pretty?"
He looked up, regarding her carefully. Victoria had honey-blond, curly hair, slender frame and peach-colored complexion. Oval face with large blue eyes completed the picture of a classic beauty.
"Of course." He wasn't one to give too many compliments. She knew well enough she was beautiful; lots of male attention assured that.
"Prettier than Lily Evans?"
"Absolutely."
"Than Narcissa?"
What was is it? Ten questions? But this was a rather tough one. The silver- blond godess, Narcissa Walken, was considered the prettiest girl at Hogwarts, and, from the estethic point of view, Severus had to agree with the general opinion. A little lie had never hurt any Slytherin though.
"Certainly."
"Would you have sex with me?"
Severus stared at her blankly, dumbfounded. "What. Did. You. Say."
"I asked if you would have sex with me."
He inhaled deeply, to calm down. "No."
"Why not? You said I'm prettier than Narcissa and you have no qualms about having sex with her. Are you in love with her?"
Severus got up from the floor, alarmed. "And just how did you happen upon this information?" Suspicion was clear in his voice. There was no point denying, Victoria would not be fooled.
"The girls talk, you know. I'm a good listener."
"Narcissa Walken doesn't talk about her love affairs. This is why I chose her. Not because she's pretty, or becasue I'm in love with her -- you would be the first person to know if I fell in love, not that it's ever going to happen -- but because she's the most descreet person in those matters. How did you find out?" She wasn't fit for an interrogation, but she had caught him off his guard with her bizzare question.
"Melinda Drake."
Goddamn Melinda Drake. If she hadn't graduated already Severus would be plotting his revange right now.
"Melinda didn't know about Narcissa."
"You slept with Melinda. She once slipped and mentioned to Janey Colianne that Jonas Ridge, he was her boyfriend then, wasn't half as good a lay as you. She said you were fantastatic in bed and that Janey should try you, but Janey was afraid. Not many heard that, Melinda became quite tight- lipped afterwards. Scared even." Victoria looked at him curiously; her mind taken off from her fiasco with James Potter.
Severus greeted his teeth; discussing his sex life wasn't something he foud amusing.
"It doesn't explain how come you know about Narcissa."
"Oh, c'mon, Severus. I know you. I was watching you and I noticed some thinghs that hinted you had a... hm, sexual affair, with Melinda. The pattern with Narcissa is very similar, although she's much more cautious. On the other hand Narcissa is my year and it's easier to observe and analyze her - "
"Enough." Well, he should have expected it. Never underestimate Victoria Morley. "I would appreciate if you didn't even mention it to anybody."
Victoria nodded, that went without saying, and the look of self-pity and desperation appeared on her face again.
"Melinda, Narcissa, and that's probably not all," Correct assumption, Snape thought, "but not me. You never tried to change anything between us. If you did, perhaps I wouldn't have fallen in love with James." The last words came in hoarse whisper, filled with pain.
"Victoria, you would never fall in love with me if your tastes run to the likes Potter." He immediately regrettet his harshness. She was about to start crying again. "I'm sorry."
"Why only the ones I don't care for fall in love with me? Why not you, or James..."
"Would you like me to? Fall in love with you I mean?"
"Yes... no. I want James to love me." A pause. And then a quiet question. "So, would you have sex with me?"
Severus rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Victoria... please. You are my best friend, my only friend. Sex would only destroy everything we treasure about our relationship, trust me."
"Why? I'm a good lover; if the rumour is true you're way above the average, so why would some pleasure between friends destroy everything? I know you Severus, you're not half as tough as you want everyone to think. It... it might be a good begining for us... we like each other, understand each other..."
"And this is the basis for friendship, Victoria, not for the affair! Why? Why do you want it?"
She hung her head, not daring to look him into the eye. "So that I would forget about James. That he screamed Lily's name instead of mine. That he loves Lily and would never love me. That all my dreams were shattered that moment and that I feel like I will never recover..." She was kneeling on the bed now, looking at him imploringly, "Help me, Severus, for all that's holy, help me..." She finished shakily.
The fear seized him. Her despair was breaking his heart... what if she didn't recover? Would he loose his best friend? He wanted her back, the merry, full of life Victoria, who wouldn't take no for answer... who would go to the Forbidden Forest with him, who would drag him to the Quidditch match.
"Is this what you really want?"
"I cannot have what I really want. Give me something else to cherish... please?"
He came to the bed and bent over it, so that his face was inches from hers. "All right... I will. "
***
He geve her pleasure, there was no doubt about it. There was probably no woman that would resist his ministrations, dear Severia had seen to that. For the short amount of time he wiped James Potter out of Victoria's mind.
He watched as she drifted away to sleep, exhausted. He didn't want to think about tomorrow. What would they say to each other, would she want to carry it on. He didn't know himself. He certainly had given her more tenderness and care than he had given to all of his previous lovers combined. He felt... used.
***
Next morning he woke up alone in his bed. A huge relief; the confrontation with Victoria would be postponed at least until the afternoon, after the classes. He would have time to analyze everything, to think it over with the clear mind.
'Paths of the Dead' was lying on the floor, opened on the poisonous plants page. He should be more careful next time and not leave such dangerous books lying around where somebody might see them and get him expelled.
He had sme things to talk over with Professor Andermin, the Head of Slytherin so he had to hurry to catch him before the first DADA class. He was about to leave, when the wild nocking almost broke his door in half.
"Snape, holy Merlin, come right now!" He heard Narcissa's panicked voice. "It's about Victoria Morley!"
He opened the door only too see Narcissa's back heading towards the seventh- years dorm. "What are you waiting for?!" She snapped at him, to the horror of several first- and second-years present in the corridor. Severus wasn't about to argue. He hoped Victoria hadn't done too much damage and there was still a chance to reason with her, no matter what kind of mood she was this morning.
The Head Girl opened the door rather violently, which was very unusual. She wasn't a believer in displaying too much emotions. Victoria must have done something really bad to upset her so. Curious. Oh, and he would finally get to see the dorm of the seventh-year girls.
There were four girls in the room. One of them was sitting on her bed, crying hysterically. Three were standing aroud the bed by the window, not saying a word. They all looked up at him, fearfully, and backed away, letting him closer.
All colour drained from Snape's already very pale face. He looked positively like a ghost now.
Like Victoria.
She was reduced to the motionless body; her face snow-white like the sheets on the bed. Touching her cheek confirmed what he already knew. She was not cold yet but certainly dead. Being who he was, and what he was, he knew how to recognize death at the first sight. She must have done it no more than an hour, two ago. Right after she had left him.
"Do something!" He heard Narcissa exlaiming desperately.
"There is nothing I can do." He answered numbly.
There was a lot of things that could be done with a dead body or with the soul, but nothing could put the soul back to the body. 'Paths of the Dead' came to his mind. The book was lying on the floor, opened, while it should have been on his nightstand, closed and bookmarked... on the information that the right amount of common heather would convert the Sleeping Draught into a Draught of Peaceful Death. A rather simple potion, rarely used as a poison -- it was too easily detected, it smelled strongly and the results were too obvious.
A glance on Victoria's nails made him sure he was on the right track; they were already totally white. A side effect of the Draught of Peaceful Death. Why did the heather had to be her favourite flower? To most people it wasn't even a flower, and she was always keeping some, fresh or dried. What an irony.
He just managed to kill his best friend.
One of the girls was holding something in her hand. Corrine Wilkes, older sister of Alicia Wilkes, a girl from his year. One of his... partners in pleasure.
"I foud this... beside the bed. Addressed to you" She handed him a letter.
It was the moment it struck him. A letter. It was all he had left. How could she do something so un-Slytherin? An overtly emotional Gryffindor could do it, or a Hufflepuff, but not smart, ambitious Victoria Morley!
He ripped the letter open.
*Dearest Severus*
*Forgive me. I know I cause you pain but I just can't take it any more. What I asked of you was wrong and now I know it. I saw it in your eyes and I recognized the truth of your words: everything was destroyed. I destroyed all we had. I saw how concentrated you were on giving me pleasure and how you hated every minute of it... I wonder if Narcissa and any other girl you do it with realize that you don't actually like it. And I... it was so different from what I had with James. Making love to the right person is not something that can be replaced. You will know it when you fall in love, Severus.
I feel so empty. I don't have James; I don't even have the hope that one day he would be mine. That scream of his is still ringing in my ears, cutting my heart like a knife. 'Lily'. Everything I am not and shall never be. There is just nothing to live for, Severus. You know what I'm writing about. Only dreaming of James was letting me through that nightmare at home, and you. Now I have neither. Living without love is not worth living.
Good bye, Severus. Remember me fondly, not like I was last night.*
He squeezed the paper in his pale fingers. You would always have me, Victoria, I am not James Potter to let something so trival like sex come between us. Potter... Bloody, Fucking Potter...
Severus clutched his wand and stormed out of the room, his eyes blazing madly. Bloody, Fucking Potter. He almost knocked out the first two people who stood in his way. As he was nearing the Gryffindor Tower there seemd to be more and more obstacles.
He stupefied two Gryffindors who tried to stop him. He transfigured one into a chair and another into a wooden staff. He hexed two who drew out their wands at him right in front of the painting that must have been the entrance to their common room.
A moment later one Gryffindor was walking through the painting (it was the time everybody was getting ready for classes), so he froze him and getting the password from the Fat Lady was unnecessary. He burst into the Gryffindor common room like a fury from hell.
"Where's Potter?!" He barked at the astonished third-yeard. The boy gestured to the corner where all four Marauders were in the middle of process of getting up and drawing out their wands.
A fifth-year who tried to curse Snape was stupefied in an instant. "Don't even think of it, Black." Severus warned and pointed his wand at Lily, who appeared in the doorway. "One false movement, one twitch of hand and she won't be able to show up in the class for a week."
The threat worked, for James lowered his wand in an instant. The rest of Gryffindors followed.
"You know you just lost some two hundred points from Slytherin?" Pettigrew questioned, drifting behind Black and Lupin.
"What do you want, Snape?" Lupin, always the voice of reason. There was a time Severus thought he might even like Lupin... before he found out it was impossible, on the most basic level.
"Just to let you know something. Potter, do you recall, by any chance, a Slytherin seventh-year by the name Victoria?"
James paled and shot a guilty look at Lily, who was staring at the tip of Snape's wand.
"I see you do. Now, next time your girlfriend kicks you out of her bed, kindly don't run to a Slytherin for a lesson in the art of love. Some of them, ulike you, have feelings and some sensivity! Or, at least, pick some girl that isn't head over heels in love with you!!" Severus was rising his voice constantly. "And if you must, hold your tongue and don't scream *Lily* when you're climaxing!!! AND BLOODY HELL TRY TO MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T KILL HERSELF AFTERWARDS!!!!"
Everybody was staring at him in silence. Lily's eyes widened in horror.
"What... what do you mean?" James managed to choke out.
"I mean that after you screwed her, used her as a replacement for Evans, Victoria Morley comitted a suicide."
There was a couple of seconds of silence before his words sunk in.
"Oh, Gods..." Lily said tightly. "James how could you..."
"Yes, *James*, how could you?" Snape chimed in, in hissing tone. "I hope Evans will be happy with everything you learned from Victoria, becasue you won't have another chance of tutoring. You shall pay me for this Potter, you shall pay dearly!"
"Don't you threaten us, Snape!" Black was as furious as Potter was anguished.
"And you, Black. If you as much as lay your eyes on a Slytherin girl, you shall be very, very sorry."
"What will you do, Snape? Cast a Cruciatus on me? Or Avada Kedavra perhaps? Not enough training on the dogs?"
Snape wasn't going to wonder just how Black could know about the last year's incidient. "Don't tempt me, Black! One day I might loose my self- control and - "
"What's going on here?!"
Everybody's eyes darted to the source of the authoritative exlamation. McGonagall stood behind Snape and glared. She was seriously pissed off.
***
He lost two hundred points from Slytherin, for breaking into the Gryffindor common room and for cursing eight students. Funny, Pettigrew was right about something. Black was gloating at Snape being in the bad graces of all teachers. He didn't let pass any opportunity to jibe him, which suited Snape just fine. Verbal dueling was one of his strongest points; he had a tongue like a knife -- a poisoned one to that.
Potter steered clear from him; he was the focus of Snape's hatered and the tongue-lashing he received every time he happened to be in his vicinity was getting on his conscience. The fact that Evans refused to talk with him didn't help; Snape wondered how much of her present attitude was caused by the rightous wrath at Potter's insensivity for Victoria's feelings and how much was it the pain of betreyal.
Professor Andermin was mad at him for the lack of his self-control, but most of the Slytherins didn't hold the loss of two hundred points against him -- Victoria was popular throughout the House. Evan Rosier was supportive of Snape's every action against the Marauders. He fancied Victoria and wanted to avange her death almost as much as Snape did. He was one of the very few who dared to approach Severus right now, everybody else thought he became too creepy, worse than ever. Every word he said, to a fellow student or to a teacher, was more or less traced with venom.
Snape's entire supply of Sleeping Draught was confiscated. 'Paths of the Dead' was luckily undiscovered. Entire staff wondered how Victoria Morley knew how to make the Draught of Peaceful Death. Every time the subject was mentioned, their eyes picked Snape from the crowd, considering him suspiciously. And just how come was he able to transfigure two people into the objects? He was supposed to be a Potions whiz, not Transfiguration...
He wasn't expelled only because of the severity of events. When your best friend commits a suicide, you have the right to be upset.
Upset. Could his anger be any greater? Why did Potter have to deprive him of the only person who cared for him? The only person he cared for? The only person he... loved?
*Living without love is not worth living.* Wrong, Victoria. Love is only the source of pain. What did love bring you? Despair and death. What did it bring me? Loss and pain. Nothing else.
Severus examined the events that led to Victoria's letter. His little manipulation.
Potter. It was Potter's fault. Potter's. Not his. Potter's.
The End
A/N: This fic is going to be a part of a longer story someday, one in which Severus learns the meaning of love. Therefore if anyone gets the impression it is somehow unfinished, the impression might be correct.