Chapter One

Devastated

"James, get your head off the desk and listen to what I am saying!" professor McGonagall practically shouted above the heads of the students. James looked up at her with bleary eyes and leaned his head against his fist.

"Sorry professor." He mumbled. Sirius and Remus looked at him worriedly and he sighed as Lily shook her head disapprovingly at the desk in front of him. Sirius nudged a piece of parchment his way and he unrolled it.

Ok Prongsie?

Yup I'll be fine. Just pay attention.

Huh since when do you want me to pay attention? C'mon what's up? Evans got you down again?

No. I got a letter from mum, I'll tell you about it later. You know every time something seems wrong with me it doesn't automatically involve Evans.

No….. it just normally does, these moods are usually followed by a suicide attempt.

Well…That is very true James. said Moony

Ugh, you don't even know what you are talking about; we have been back from Christmas Holiday for a month and pray tell me how many times have I asked her out? And as for that matter I have only asked her out twice this whole year. AND NEITHER was followed by a suicide attempt.

No need to shout Prongsie.

Yeah we were just commenting on the usual James like activity mate.

"James Potter! What is on that parchment?"

"Erm, nothing at all professor, only notes. Moony, I mean Remus was trying to help me get my facts right, that's all, see I put the wrong name for the head of animagus office." James said with the most innocent expression he could muster. McGonagall shook her head at the boys and surprisingly walked away from them. Lily turned around and rolled her eyes as Sirius stuck his tongue out at her. Remus knocked him in the shoulder.

"Very mature I am sure that will help James' case."

"Who said I am pleading a case anymore?" James hissed softly, "I am done with it; there is too much other stuff to worry about. I give up." He could swear he saw her back stiffen and the other two marauders raised their eyebrows at him silently but he just shrugged and hung his head. The rest of the class passed by without incident unless you counted Lily turning all the way around in her seat and making curious eye contact with James, Sirius and Remus did count this as an event, however, James just lowered his eyes and doodled on his parchment idly.

It was after dinner and Sirius hadn't got to talk to James yet, Remus sat by him in Arithmancy but other than watching him get quieter and quieter by the minute, they didn't really talk. After classes he seemed to just disappear.

"Moony." Sirius called as he walked through the portrait hole looking worried. Remus was sitting in front of the fire holding an old ratty piece of parchment. Sirius looked at him hopefully.

"He's on the astronomy tower." The shaggy headed blonde boy said.

"No, I just looked there, he's not there." Remus gave him a meaningful look. His eyebrows almost disappeared into his hairline. Sirius slapped his hand to his forehead. "The cloak dumb arse, the cloak." He muttered to himself while turning right back out of the portrait and bumping into Lily as he hurried away. She looked irritably at his back and walked into the common room and sat down beside Remus. He looked at her solemnly.

"What's up Evans?" she frowned at him.

"Since when do you call me Evans?" He smiled apologetically.

"Sorry Lily, it's just James. I am worried about him. He is really upset and for once it has nothing to do with you."

"Really? Nothing? That is….different. What does he say is the matter? Speaking of he hasn't asked me out in months. You don't think he is sick? He's not dying is he?" she said upset. The teenage boy looked at her confused.

"Would it matter if he was? It isn't like you give him the time of day anyways Lily? Sorry, that was mean; no, I don't think he is ill. He says he gives up. I think it has something to do with his parents….And the war."

Sirius walked back out onto the roof of the tower and looked around. The sun was almost down and it was hard to see anything let alone an invisible best friend. A shuffle sounded from his left and he turned, just catching a glimpse of black messy hair. He smiled and walked over to the low castle wall and sat beside his friend.

"Was up Jamie?" he said softly. James sighed deeply to let Sirius know he was there.

"My dad." He replied morosely. It was a true mark of friendship that Sirius left the invisibility cloak in place. He could hear the tears in his friend's voice and he didn't want him to be embarrassed.

"Is he ok?" Sirius almost held his breath in fear. He loved the Potters, all of them. They took care of him when no one else would. They might as well be his own mum and dad. They treated him better than his own did; in fact legally his parents had disowned him. He felt James let his weight sag against the shoulder that was next to him and felt his own heart plummet.

"He is in St. Mungo's. The crucio, at least four times! Four times Siri! They have him in an enchanted sleep. Mum is a mess. All this time I have spent crooning over a stupid girl and ignoring my parents and now here they are my dad almost dead and I can't even go home to see them!" he choked out a sob before he could stop it. He had tried to use the cloak to wipe his face and it slid down exposing his head and shoulders. Sirius looked at him sadly.

"Wanna go play Prongsie? You can smash something? And I can attack a cat?" he asked with a slight grin. James stood up suddenly letting the cloak fall to the ground. Sirius bent and grabbed it up tucking it away out of sight.

"Let's go." James said turning to go down the stairs as Sirius clapped him on the back and smiled grimly.

"That's my stag! You know we gotta drop this off in the dorm first and leave our shoes. These are both of our last pair and your mum doesn't have time to buy us new ones again." James nodded but didn't look back as they descended into the castle below.

It didn't take them too long to get to the Gryffindor common room, when they walked into the portrait hole Remus, Peter and Lily all looked up from where they were sitting on the sofas. James took no notice as they all looked at his swollen red face while he marched past them on his way to stow the cloak. Sirius stayed downstairs but said not one word, only shaking his head slightly at the three sitting as they started to stand to follow James. He pulled each of his shoes off and tossed them to Remus who nodded in understanding as James rushed back down the stairs barefoot as well and missing his over cloak. He had switched into a pair of green and gold sweat pants that were patterned with snitches and you could just see the top of his red shiny boxers as he pulled a white wife beater into place.

Lily shook her head as if she were a bit dazed while Sirius smirked at her. Remus looked warily at James as he understood that he was only worried about ruining clothes when he was highly upset. Something was wrong with one of his best friends, very wrong. Peter looked sadly between James and Lily. And James, he took no notice of the astounded girl at all. He grabbed Sirius by the shoulder and jerked him from the room.

"Later." He called into the room to his other two friends. Sirius looked back quickly with a devastated expression on his face that the other marauders took to mean only one thing. "I am scared."

That was a big deal. Sirius was never scared. Never. Not when they ran in the forest. Not when they took the cane. Not even when his father beat him. In fact the only one of the boys that had ever seen him scared was James and that was when he was disowned and not sure who he could go to. Remus looked sadly at Lily's expression.

"What's up Lil?"

"I've never seen him like that. I mean he looks devastated, he left half naked and shoeless! Are you sure he is ok?"

"No, I never said he was ok." Remus said quietly as she took in a deep breath. "I said he wasn't ill. There is a difference."

"I have seen him this upset before Lily." Peter said looking her square in the eyes. Remus and Lily were both shocked; Pete didn't talk to girls, ever. "He is this upset nearly every single time you turn him down. He may not cry every time, or even most of the time but he gets disappointed and quiet. I think you need to know that." Remus cut him off with a punch in the shoulder and a shake of the head, saying quite plainly, you are betraying your friend's confidence. "No," Peter said defiantly, "No, she needs to know! He has cried a couple of times, when you have said something really hateful, like in fifth year when he saved you from falling off Ravenclaw bridge while on his broom and you told him he was a showboating prat and to get his hands off you. You are the only other reason I have seen him cry and now he says he is over you. And I think that you need to just leave him alone because something is SERIOUSLY wrong with him and I don't think it's fair for you to make him feel worse." He looked at his friend and the girl he was just angrily talking to, he stood turned his back and left them sitting there alone.

Lily looked at Remus with tears brimming her eyes and Remus looked softly back into hers and shrugged slightly. "He is right you know. You knew all of that, no matter if you say you did or not. Look Lil you are a great friend of mine, I don't know many people who would have looked past my….well as James calls it, my furry little problem but you did. But right now the first friend I ever had who still wanted to be my friend after he knew what I was is torn up and has gone out to probably rip his own head off by his antlers and I don't know what to do to help him. I saw your face when you saw him come in. If you are going to admit that you like him, than you need to do it, and soon, but if you are going to be stubborn and pretend to hate him, even though in the last year and a half he has changed just to be perfect for you, than Pete is right. You should leave him alone." He muttered a soft goodnight and followed Peter up the stairs to his dormitory.

It was pitch black outside and a black hound was sitting on his haunches watching a stag ram the hell out of another tree. He hit it so hard the last time that he had to step back and shake his magnificent head side to side. Sirius whined softly and James looked at him. The whimper was clear to him even in animal form. "C'mon mate, let's go in you are actually going to decapitate yourself this time." The stag shivered and became a human boy again, in the shape of James Potter. He looked at his friend who was once again standing on two feet and shaking out his shoulder length black hair.

"Any better?"

"Nope." James replied.

"Let's go inside, you can reply to your mum and we can go chat in the dorm. Wanna go to the kitchens? You didn't eat dinner." He suggested half- heartedly. James ran his hand through his always untidy but completely disheveled at the moment hair and smiled at his friend.

'No, I am really not in the eating mood, maybe in the morning." He replied.

"Whatever you say Jamie, but you know that Moony is going to get all fired up when you try and eat his chocolate." He reached over and re ruffled James' hair as they walked up the steps to the castle barefoot.

At breakfast the next morning it was painfully obvious that James was famished. He had been eating for a solid 20 minutes and had yet to stop and say anything. He didn't seem to be in a sulky or depressed mood he just seemed inordinately hungry….and very bruised. He had bruises on his brow and nose, there were bruises on both cheeks and he had a big bruise covering one whole ear and the entire left side of his jaw. He seemed oblivious eating on as if no one was around him; he didn't even notice the post that his owl had brought Sirius. Then again it wasn't that big of a deal, Sirius always used his things, he thought nothing of it, and he never had. Sirius unrolled the message and read it a slight crease forming between his eyebrows as he glanced up at James, who still appeared to be in his own little world. The entire letter consisted of six words and Sirius felt terrible, especially as he looked at James' battered face. It read:

Take care of your brother.

Mum

That was it. And Sirius couldn't help but think that if she saw her son now she would be very disappointed in him. After all it was his idea that got him beat up. Little did he know that he had done the only thing that possibly could have helped? He let him be…well James. Apparently Sirius had been staring a little too intently and James looked up into his eyes.

"What's up Pads?" These were actually the first normal words the boy had spoken in almost a day and all of the marauders were a little taken back to say the least.

"Nothing, I was just thinking we should go to see Poms and get some bruise salve for your gob. You look like you got in a fight with the whomping willow mate." Sirius said half playfully. James shook his head in disagreement though.

'Nah, it's okay. I am not too worried about it. Let's prank Snape. I was thinking something in potions." He replied through a mouthful of pancakes and syrup. Sirius grinned brightly, even if he was a little worried about his friend's face. Remus shook his head in silent laughter and Peter smiled in excitement. It appeared that James was toughing it through.