Author's Note: This is a gift fic for TwoCute who is super awesome and has been drawing me pictures on DeviantART. She's awesome and I love her!

This is going to be a two-shot. It was going to be a oneshot, but this fic was a whiny bitch and complained and screamed and beat its tiny fists on the floor until I made it two chapters.

Enjoy!

~DeathlyFlames

Misunderstandings

Dib was used to Zim appearing out of nowhere. In fact, the delusional alien did it quite often. Whehter it was showing up unannounced at his doorstep, or slipping into his window, the creep always had to sneak up on Dib. Tonight was no different. Dib was perfectly content in dreamland, currently fighting ghosts with chickenfoot on the moon. It was awesome, and Dib never wanted to wake up. Unfortunately, however, Zim had other plans. He didn't even wake Dib up in a respectable manner; like throwing rocks at his window or shouting loudly. No, the first thing Dib saw when he opened his lids was a pair of ruby eyes staring at him in the moonlight.

Dib yelled and fell out of bed. He did not scream, he yelled; which is much manlier. Which, considering the fact that he woke up staring into the eyes of a now very creepy Zim, was a respectable reaction.

"What the fuck, Zim?"

"Human! I require your disgusting assistance!" Zim hopped to the floor and grabbed Dib's wrist. Dib snatched his hand back.

"Well that's just too bad, Zim!" He put extra emphasis on 'Zim'. He honestly didn't know what this ridiculous boy could want, but at 2:47 in the morning, Dib really just didn't give a fuck.

"What? You dare deny Zim?" Zim leapt at Dib and caught him with his PAK legs, wrapping the spidery extensions tightly around the teen's slender form. Dib wriggled and squirmed, but his metal bonds only gripped him harder.

"Let me go!" Dib shouted, hoping his family would hear. Zim pulled out some duct tape and slapped a piece across Dib's mouth.

"I need you, Dib-filth! Now you will come with Zim and assist me with my mighty need!"

Dib merely cursed against his silvery gag and wiggled against the legs. Though he could not stop the alien from dragging him through the bedroom window, where Dib hit his head, and to Zim's base. Dib was the shoved, very roughly, into a chair and tied to it. Zim snapped something around Dib's neck. Dib immediately hopped up and down, trying to free himself, to no avail. Instead, he was punished by his chair tipping over and his shoulder sharply hitting the floor. He glared daggers at his emerald enemy.

"Now, Dib-stink, why I need you is quite simple." Zim pulled a TV over and plugged it in. Dib could only wonder what Zim wanted when the alien pushed in a DVD. It was just an ordinary movie and Dib couldn't read the title before it was fast forwarded, stopping at a scene where two men were in…a strip club.

Dib blushed, the red of his face contrasting the silver tape over his mouth. The scene didn't last long, but Dib felt much warmer and much more uncomfortable in his pants as the girls spun and flipped on long poles. He swallowed. When the scene ended Zim came over and righted Dib before ripping the tape from his mouth. Dib said nothing, still in shock that Zim was showing him a scene from a movie.

"I caught this scene while Gir was surveying Earth broadcasts. This is some trivial transmission about your Earth law enforcement. It seems that though these inferior Earthly women are simply rubbing against metal, they are controlling the minds of the humans around them!" Zim got very close to Dib's face and he instinctively moved back. "You will show Zim this mind control technique so I can use it against you all!" Zim laughed and Dib coughed.

"Pole dancing?" Dib choked out, "You want me to show you pole dancing?" Zim gave Dib a serious look and the human couldn't help it; he laughed. He couldn't believe that of all the things Zim was going to use as a weapon, he actually considered pole dancing.

"Why can't you go rent some movies or go to a strip club yourself?"

Zim considered this. "Your filthy human authorities won't allow Zim near any of their mind weaponry without proper Earthly identification. " Dib laughed harder.

"You…don't have…I.D.?" Dib managed, "How long have you been on Earth again?"

"I have been here for seven of your Earth years. And I cannot acquire this 'I.D.' without proof of my Earthly birth and even our amazing technology isn't capable of such forgery."

"So what do you want from me?" Dib questioned.

"I want you to show me how this human mind control works." Zim grinned.

Dib was taken aback by the repeat of the request. The idea had really sunk in. Zim wanted Dib to swing himself on a pole, naked, for his amusement. Dib blushed harder.

"No…no way in hell would I do that for you!"

Zim grabbed Dib's chin in his claws and smiled.

"But Dib-worm, you have no choice."

"I'll run away as soon as you release me."

"I don't think you will."

"Oh yeah? Try me."

Zim cut the ropes binding Dib and he stood up, bolting for the door. He was worried when he looked back and saw Zim standing, arms crossed. He realized why as soon as he tried to leave through the door. The thing around his neck, which now that he tugged on it he realized was a metal collar, sent a shock through his whole body. Dib couldn't believe it. It was like a more powerful version of the invisible dog fence. Dib turned back to the alien.

"Well…I can't leave, but you can't make me strip!"

Zim smiled. "Think again." He grabbed a remote from a table and pressed a button, sending a shock through Dib that brought him to his knees. The noise Dib made he would never classify as a squeak. No, Dib Membrane would never squeak. He merely…groaned in a high octave.

It seemed as if Dib had no choice, unless of course he really wanted to lose all feeling on the surface of his flesh. He glared at Zim as he walked over to the alien. Zim patted him on the shoulder.

"Your assistance just helps me conquer the world that much faster. As a reward, I won't kill you first, Dib-filth." In reply, Dib spat at Zim. Zim huffed and kicked the human before shocking him once more.

"Well, Zim, what do you want me to do?"

Zim smiled. "Computer! Unleash the mind control accessory!" Dib heard the room sigh and something silver started coming from the ceiling. It was halfway to the floor when Dib realized it was a stripper pole. He blushed again.

"Zim…I can't help you do this…"

Zim looked at the human. "Why?"

Dib blushed harder. "I…I don't know…how…"

The alien shrugged. "Oh well." He pressed the button again, encouraging Dib to go for the pole that was now securely on the floor. Tentatively, Dib walked to it, unsure of how to go about this. He had seen pole dancing in movies, but he had never actually gone to a strip club or rented any dirty movies featuring it. He ran his hand along the chilled metal and the difference in temperature sent a shiver along his flesh.

With the threat of being shocked again, which Dib was not eager to feel while on a metal pole, he grabbed the pole and hoisted himself, groaning with the effort. He shut his eyes and clung tight, his feet and hands clench against the metal. He was sure he was fairly high off the ground, feeling unstable and unsafe being so far away from the ground. He cracked an eye open and laughed at himself. He was mere inches from the floor. He put his feet back down and attempted a new approach on the pole.

This time Dib leapt at the pole, swinging his body around so he was upside down, his feet clutching at the metal above him. He looked out at the floor and saw Zim sitting in the same chair Dib was once in. The alien was sitting and watching Dib intently. With the look Dib was getting, the human was surprised Zim wasn't taking notes on a clipboard. Instead, the alien held a finger over the button, just in case Dib needed encouragement. That was enough for Dib. He returned to his metal. The blood was beginning to make his head hurt and he tried swinging himself around, feeling his clothing bunch uncomfortably against the metal. If he was to continue, Dib had to do the one thing he most certainly didn't want to do.

Dib dropped to the floor and unbuttoned his pajama shirt. When he was shirtless, Zim spoke up.

"Human! What are you doing?" Dib was facing away from Zim and he really didn't want to look at him. He answered while still facing away.

"If you want me to pole dance, I have to take my clothes off…" Dib mumbled. He was still embarrassed that he was doing this, if only to be let go. There was no school tomorrow, but Dib certainly wanted to rejoin chickenfoot. He slipped off his pants and shivered a little at the cold room. He knew Zim was an insect but did that creep actually feel temperature? He gripped the pole again and flipped upside down and around, his body swirling around the pole with more grace than he knew he had.

Dib would never admit that he was beginning to enjoy himself. He was a proud and respectable paranormal investigator, not an exotic dancer. But he had to admit that he felt…empowered while on the pole. He didn't know why he felt this, but he really didn't want to elaborate on his own feelings. Dib already didn't feel like himself, he didn't really want to know why.

Instead, Dib resigned himself to swinging around the pole, one leg secure as he leaned back, looking at Zim for the first time since he started. The alien looked off. Dib couldn't pick it out while he was swiveling, but something about Zim didn't seem normal. He was surprised when Zim stood up and shouted.

"Enough, Dib-stink! I have sufficient notes on this practice." Dib stopped and hopped the floor, his head still a bit dizzy. He sat down, leaning against the pole. His skin was covered in a light sheen of sweat and Dib was panting slightly. His face was flushed and he looked at Zim with half-lidded eyes.

Zim put the remote on the floor and looked at the human. "I now need you to perform another ritual. I saw this also featured in that film. I do not know what you humans call it, but it was done when one human rubbed against the receiver's lap."

Dib wasn't sure what to think for a moment. What kind of practice is this? Lap…rubbing… Then it hit him.

"A lap dance? You want a lap dance now?" Zim nodded. Dib merely sighed and stood up. He was too tired to fight Zim at this point. It was god knows how early in the morning and he was sleep-deprived, tired, and hungry and he just wanted to go home. The only thing at this point that he could hope for was that if he did what Zim wanted he could go home and get some sleep before his family made him wake up. Instead of protesting, Dib sat in Zim's lap, his chest in the alien's face.

Dib was just as inexperienced in lap dances as he was in pole dances, but he figured he might as well try his best. Why the hell not? It was like 4 am, Dib was naked and tired, and there was a pervy and clueless alien asking for sexual favors – sounds like a great reason to give your first lap dance.

Dib wasn't quite sure what to pull from, so he figured movies were as good of an example as anything. He hadn't seen too many lap dances, but he had enough pieces to work out that he should grind in Zim's lap. He hadn't ever seen this particular alien intimately enough to know the details of his genetalia, so he wondered if the lap dance would actually have the same effect. But in his tired mind, he didn't care as much as he should. In fact, it scared Dib to realize that as he moved around the chair, rubbing and grinding, he was enjoying himself.

It came suddenly and as a complete surprise, but as Dib found himself in Zim's lap once more he had the strangest urge to push his lips against the alien's. And as Dib looked at his enemy's face, he saw something he had only noticed in passing. Zim really did look different, and now he knew why. Zim's eyes were half closed, the pink hidden behind green lids. Zim also looked like he was blushing, which was odd because it seemed like half of his face was smeared with a forest green Crayola.

Dib wasn't quite sure why he did it, and he wasn't quite sure why he felt it; all he knew is that at that moment, all he wanted was to kiss his nemesis. And he did. In that moment, Dib forgot he was being forcibly held, that he was shocked into being a stripper, and that he was in the middle of giving a lap dance to a clueless alien. In this one moment, all Dib knew was that his lips were on Zim's.

It took a minute of the human kissing a motionless Zim before the alien reacted. He fisted his hands in Dib's hair and pulled him closer and Dib wrapped his arms around Zim. It felt longer than it really was before Zim pushed Dib to the ground, fury in his eyes. Dib was shocked, the wind knocked out of him from the impact.

"Wha-?" Dib managed before Zim stepped on his chest and yanked his collar off.

"Get out."

"What?"

"Get out of my lab, you stinking human!" Zim screamed. Dib said nothing, but scrambled to his feet and out of the now harmless door. He left Zim standing in the middle of his lab, collar in hand, head hung. He couldn't read his expression, but something told Dib it wasn't just anger.

He cursed himself as he ran home, not caring that his clothing was on Zim's floor. It was still dark and the moon still hung in the sky, so no one was around to see the teen streak through the dimly lit streets. Dib crawled in through his window and into bed, exhausted and confused, before falling asleep.