Wolf writes a very important letter. One-shot. Drabble. Probably closer to a crack fic.

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Dear Avid FanFiction Fans:

Firstly, I wanted to say thank you for your avid interest in the K-Unit. We're not all bad though, really. I mean, sure, Eagle has his moments, but he's not that hyper. You just can't let him have caffeine or alcohol. If you do, good luck trying to get out of the room alive. I almost murdered the D-Unit member who fed him caffeine. If I could label Eagle one thing I would label him "do not feed."

Secondly, could you guys (and ladies, since maybe most of you are ladies, I don't know) stop paring me with Alex Rider. He is younger than me. I'm not gay. Seriously – I don't want to even think about the… never mind. Just don't do it, please?

Thirdly: please stop the "Alex Rider goes to camp with his entire class." The SAS does not tolerate children. We would eat them alive. Although I have to admit I have found some of those pieces of fiction rather amusing.

Another note here. How did you get my real name? It's not in any of the books! I almost wish they had put it in the books because it would be nice to not be called random things.

Fourthly, please stop making me Alex Rider's guardian! I'm not his legal guardian. I never wanted to be. I refuse to be. I would have kicked him out. And how many stories are there about that? And no, Eagle, Snake, and Fox aren't his legal guardian, either! Although I admit, it's a little freaky how you all figured out Fox's real name before we did… I guess we should have read the series.

Fifthly… What on earth possess you to spend your time reading this stuff? Don't you know half of this information is classified?

Sincerely annoyed,

Wolf

A/N: Read & Review! Let me know how you loved it (or hated it). If you laughed at least once, I'm requiring you to review, or you'll loose all your internet cookies.