Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

Warning: Contains pegging, that is, a woman penetrating a man with a strap-on. There is also some banter that could be considered offensive, but I use it only in the context of friends giving each other a hard time.

A/N: This was originally posted on the Southern Fan Fiction Review (www(dot)southernfanfictionreview(dot)com) as a part of their Tantalizing Tuesday feature. A huge thank you to OnTheTurningAway for beta'ing!

It wasn't really "dating." The truth of the matter was that they didn't really like each other all that much, especially when they were sober, but they had come to terms with a few unavoidable facts.

Fact 1: Living in the small town of Forks, Washington severely limited the dating pool of a 20-something.

Fact 2: Being in a group of eight close-knit friends from high school, six of whom were paired off in couples, meant that you were stuck spending a lot of time together.

Fact 3: Bickering sometimes equated to foreplay.

Ever since high school, there was a tension between Edward and Leah, the kind that made other people back away slowly when they sensed an argument brewing. It wasn't the kind of sexual tension that turned into passionate love, though; that was for soap operas. No, it was the kind of tension that turned into fucking. They managed to avoid it for years until Leah's high school sweetheart, Sam, cheated on her with her cousin Emily.

Rosalie had thrown a little soiree to distract Leah from her raging and invited all her close friends over to drink copious amounts of margaritas. Rosalie wasn't going to invite Edward at all because she found him to be giant douche in general. However, he did work with Leah and she told Rosalie that he had been acting almost civil to her since the Sam fiasco. Plus, everyone else seemed to like him. All it took was Edward making one little joke about Sam going after her mother next, and they wound up fucking in Rosalie's half bathroom, up against the door, hard and fast.

Their tenuous non-relationship centered on two things:

First, Edward's insistence that Leah was actually the spawn of a demon, sent from Hell to torture the kind, gentle souls of the Pacific Northwest.

Second, Leah's insistence that Edward was actually gay.

Rosalie agreed with Leah on the latter and Jacob agreed with Edward on the former, but there was no hard evidence either way. It mostly just resulted in a lot of juvenile name-calling. Except for the one time Edward was so pissed off at Leah for "stealing" one of his clients that he used supposedly washable car chalk to cover her car in pentagrams.

Of course, Leah retaliated by signing Edward up for every gay porn website newsletter she could find, including Homo Emo and Twinks on Dicks, and the fact that Edward hadn't really gotten all that upset was all the indication she needed that Edward really was gay.

While there may have been some initial malice as teenagers, it had softened somewhat over the years, so after Edward offered to pay for a professional car wash and Leah stubbornly refused (she really had kind of stolen the client), they had an understood truce between them.

And so they found themselves together again, on what had come to be known as "date night" to the rest of Edward and Leah's friends. Rosalie and Emmett were probably off at a movie. Alice had probably dragged Jasper off to visit the one art gallery in Port Angeles, again. Bella and Jacob were likely having dinner at Bella's favorite Italian place.

Which left Leah "Satan's Handmaiden" Clearwater and Edward "Liberace" Cullen sitting on Leah's couch, drinking LaBatt's, and yelling at Sookie's stupidity as she got herself into yet another ridiculous situation in Bon Temps. When the two not-exactly-friends combined forces, they could actually be quite entertaining.

"So..." Edward started, after the show ended.

"So..." Leah replied.

"We both know we're going to end up with you on your hands and knees begging for it anyway. Why don't we just cut to the chase?"

Leah tried to look put out for a moment, but then she gave up. "Date night" for everyone else was "fuck out the stress of the work week" for the two of them, and there wasn't any use in pretending it wasn't.

But as for begging on her hands and knees? Well, Edward "No Straight Man Cares THAT Much About His Hair" Cullen had another thing coming.

"I was thinking of something a little different, Eddie-Boy."

"What do you have in mind?"

"How 'bout YOU on your hands and knees begging for it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I was doing some shopping online a few weeks ago, and I came across a dominatrix website."

"Dominatrix?"

"Like you're surprised. You like it when I'm bossy."

It was true. Edward did like it when Leah was bossy. A few months prior, he had joked that she learned all of her skills from Mephistopheles. This earned him a hair-pull which made him aroused, and so an element of pain was introduced into their not-quite-hate-sex, with Leah on the giving end.

"What were you shopping for that made you happen upon a dominatrix website?"

"I was looking for a new vibrator, if you must know."

"I do make booty calls, you know."

"Don't flatter yourself. If I just want to get off, I'll take it battery-operated, thank you very much."

Edward scoffed and was about to spit out a retort when Leah spoke again, "You know what, I'm just going to be blunt."

"You? Blunt? Never."

"I bought a strap-on."

Edward coughed and then started shaking his head, "Nope, no way. Not gonna happen. Not now. Not ever. No amount of alcohol in the world could make me do that."

"You hesitated."

Silence.

"Edward?"

"Okay, say I'm a little curious, hypothetically speaking. I mean, I'm not going to agree to this or anything, but suppose I did. Would this ever, ever reach Emmett's ears? Or Rosalie's? Or Jasper's?"

"Oh, hell no."

"Really? You wouldn't use this as a chance to mock me, hypothetically."

"Hypothetically, of course, if this were to happen, I wouldn't want to invite even more of the 'you're like one of the guys' comments I already get."

"That bothers you?"

"I'm a girl, dammit! I like makeup and pink and- and girlie things."

"I never knew it bothered you."

"Yeah, well, I may be a girl, but I'm still a badass."

Edward was thoughtful for a moment.

"Suppose I agree to stop making jabs at you being all scary and masculine as further incentive to not tell anyone about this."

"Hypothetically?"

"Hypothetically."

"Deal."

"Good."

"Now take off your clothes and get on your hands and knees, bitch."

"I'm not licking your boot."

"Boys who don't listen get spanked."

Edward jumped at her words and immediately started taking off his clothes. He would probably enjoy a spanking, but he didn't want to let Leah know that. What they were doing was enough ammunition to completely humiliate him anyway. Even though Edward trusted Leah not to breathe a word of what they were doing, he didn't want to push his luck. Emmett rarely let anything go, and he didn't want to spend the next decade getting his ass swatted.

While Edward was hurriedly stripping, Leah went into her bathroom to undress and put on the harness and dildo. It was a little awkward and she immediately felt clumsy with the new equipment. She hadn't gone too crazy with the dildo, it had a tapered head and she hoped Edward wouldn't be too threatened by it. It even sparkled, how scary could it be?

She tried to shake off her nerves as she re-entered her bedroom, where Edward was ready and waiting for her, just as she asked. A needed thrill of confidence shot through her. She had to keep it up in this situation, so to speak, or it would wind up a disaster.

"How do you guys walk around with these things?"

Edward caught a sideways glance at her as she walked into the room. She had an assured smirk on her lips, but she still looked absolutely ridiculous. He wanted to laugh, but the sound caught in his throat when he realized that his traitorous dick was growing increasingly interested.

"It's easier when it's not permanently erect. You know, or plastic."

"Hey, this is a high quality, semi-organic, silicone polymer."

"Comforting."

"No more sassing back," she said as she swatted her hand across Edward's ass. "From now on I only want to hear you moaning and telling me how much I'm rocking your world."

Edward flushed, but stayed quiet as he turned his head forward. He felt the bed dip as Leah came up behind him. She grabbed his ass cheeks roughly, spreading them wide.

"What the fuck?"

"I have to prepare you. Relax."

Edward nodded in compliance, but relaxing was the last thing on his mind. He was about to get fucked in the ass, by a chick with a dick. There was no going back from this. It was like losing his virginity for a second time. His heartbeat started picking up with anxiety, but it hit flight mode when he heard the cap of a bottle being opened.

Luckily, Leah could see the tension in Edward's body, so she set the lube aside and put her hands quickly on his shoulders and started to rub them. Edward hummed as his shoulders started to loosen. His hums turned to groans as she went lower down his back, focusing on knots, trying to make him forget about what they were about to do. When she started massaging his ass cheeks and Edward's breath hitched, she knew she had finally hit the mark.

She slicked a finger with lube and pressed it slowly into Edward's hole. Edward gasped a little, but didn't speak. It figured, she thought, the only time hearing Edward's opinion might have been helpful and he clammed up. He wasn't running screaming from the bedroom, though, so she figured she should just continue. Edward wasn't exactly a shy man. He would definitely tell her if she was doing something wrong or if she hurt him.

She teased him a little, pushing her finger in and out, circling it around. Edward relaxed even more the longer she played with his body. He would never admit it out loud, but it felt, well, good. There were a lot of nerves down there, and something about the dirtiness and the forbiddenness of the act was completely arousing.

Leah was trying to concentrate on not hurting Edward, but she was sort of transfixed, watching Edward's body accept the intruding digit. He almost seemed to suck it in and clamp down around it instinctively. Eventually Edward starting pushing his hips back a little, and she took the subconscious cue.

"I'm going to add a second finger."

Edward just nodded in response, afraid of sounding too eager, although it was spelled out in his body language.

He tensed a little when the second finger went in, so Leah just took her time. Pushing them in and out, scissoring them to open Edward slowly enough that she wouldn't hurt him or that he wouldn't freak out. He still wasn't saying much, and it was starting to irritate her.

"I don't hear any praise coming out of your mouth."

Edward gave his best exaggerated porn star "Oh."

"Not funny."

"What? That's the noise I make when my world is being rocked."

"Shut up."

She figured if he could mock her, then he was ready, so she pulled out her fingers. She coated the dildo with what felt like a lot of lube and then inched forward on her knees, close enough to rub the silicone dick between Edward's ass cheeks.

He hissed from the coldness of the lubricant.

"It'll warm up."

Edward nodded and she could see him starting to tense again, so she wasted no time and started to push forward with the dildo into Edward's slick, stretched hole.

"Shit!"

"Does it hurt?"

She stopped moving, only about halfway in.

"Yes, it fucking hurts. You're shoving a dildo in my ass."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No, just... just give me a minute."

Leah took him literally and started counting to 60 in her head. She was at 47 when she heard Edward's softly spoken acquiescence.

She finished pushing forward, keeping her hand at the base of the dildo to keep it steady. Finally, it was fully sheathed inside him, her hips flush with his ass.

"Fuck."

She gave him another few seconds before bringing her hips back and pressing forward. Edward grunted, but he didn't tell her to stop. It still hurt a little, but he was more overwhelmed with the weirdness and newness of the feeling. Leah tried to maneuver her hips as best she could, trying out different angles as she fucked Edward slowly. It took a few more thrusts before Edward cried out in surprise and pleasure.

Hello, prostate.

During a drunken encounter a month before, Leah had slipped a finger in his ass when she was going down on him. She found that spot inside him and he had come harder than he ever had from a blow job. They had never talked about it again, but Edward had thought about it way too much ever since.

This, though, this was almost indescribable. There was just so much pressure and stimulation that even with the discomfort, Edward's body was riding a pleasure high.

Leah tried to mimic the action as she let the rush of power consume her. She was fucking Edward Cullen. The man drove her crazy and yet somehow, he trusted her enough to let her play out one of her deepest fantasies. She lifted her left leg, bending it so her foot was on the bed. It gave her leverage and enough stability to get a steady rhythm going. She hit Edward's prostate often enough that he sounded damn near euphoric as she pillaged him. His moans were needy and wanton and everything Leah wanted to hear from a lover. She felt like she was in control of every hiss and moan and "oh god" that spilled out of his mouth.

She fucked him steady and hard as she could manage until her thighs started to burn and her ass started to ache from all the flexing. She had never heard a man complain about how much work it took to be in this position, but she was suddenly grateful for all the times Edward just held her in place and pounded into her. Sweat was dripping off her body and she knew she wouldn't be able to keep it up much longer.

Her intent was to give Edward a reach around. It seemed like the polite thing to do, but she was using one hand to keep the dildo steady and the other hand was gripping Edward's hips. There was just no way. Instead, she ordered Edward to touch himself while she tried to go even faster for one last burst.

"Don't- don't need- eed to."

Leah was about to ask what he meant when Edward's whole body started to tremble. She watched his asshole clench around the dildo while he started to convulse.

She wanted to congratulate herself for making Edward come hands free, but she was completely turned on watching him come undone, cum spurting out onto the bed.

She quickly pulled the dildo out of Edward's ass and moved the harness out of her way as best she could, so she could reach her clit with her fingers. Edward was still twitching and convulsing, like his entire body was having an orgasm. The control freak in Leah was overjoyed, and her pending exhaustion melted away as her fingers worked frantically.

Edward finally looked over his shoulder. He always got incredibly turned on by watching her touch herself. Even though he was sated, his eyes burned with lust, but the offer to help her died on his lips. She threw her head back and came with a cry. She kept circling her clit, dragging out the pulsing waves of orgasm until she was shaking so much she had to collapse on the bed.

They lay side by side, not touching, both sweating and panting and coming back down to Earth.

"You are so gay."

"First, you are decidedly not a man. Second, do gay men have a monopoly on the prostate that I don't know about?"

"I won't tell anyone, Edward. I don't mind being your beard, but if you expect me to start going shopping for hair products with you-"

"I'm not gay!" Edward interrupted her with a shout.

"I've never seen you like that. You were quivering and whimpering and practically begging me to fuck you harder."

"I don't recall any begging going on."

"I could read it in your body language."

"Yeah, well, none of this makes me gay, though you are kind of manly."

"I'm not manly! I have tits."

"And I like your tits. Further proof I'm not gay."

"Nice try, Eddie, but all men like tits, even the gay ones. You know, I think the new guy at work mentioned something about an ex-boyfriend, maybe you could-"

"I'm not gay."

"It's okay, Edward. It's not a big deal, and it doesn't mean we have to stop having sex or anything. I mean, I know you're probably confused and still working things out."

"I'm-"

"Did you or did you not just enjoy being pegged in the ass with a dildo?"

"That doesn't mean- you know what, fine! But I'm only gay for you."

"Hey! You promised no more Leah-is-a-dude comments."

"That was the last one, I swear. You're all woman, baby."

"Fuck you, Edward."

"I believe you already did."

The End.