Disclaimer: Okay, barely anyone on this site actually owns anything but the ideas. Think i'm an exception? Well, i'm not.

Setting: Well, i set this after the series finished but you can put it between any two episodes after season 2, episode 15 - the HeX Factor. During some of them, i guess... like during Self Possessed, before the dance.

Read and Review, Peoples!

Kitty's Muffins

"Do not tell me Kitty is baking again." Kurt said, looking in the kitchen. "Ze last muffins she baked tried to kill me. Alvost literally."

Bobby glanced in. "Yeah, she's baking again. I hope she doesn't plan on making any of us eat any. I saw that crack the last muffin made in the kitchen floor a few months ago." He shook his head. "I'd have thought that someone else had done it – like, Jean slammed something on with telekinesis if there wasn't a muffin sitting perfectly in shape on it."

"All done!" Kitty sung, picking up the tray. "Hey, could you two maybe try one?" She asked, turning towards them. But only a wisp of smoke was left.

"Man, that was too close. Teleportation is definitely a useful skill." Bobby said as they arrived in Kurt's room. "I mean, I don't even know if it's possible to eat one of those muffins."

"It's… difficult." Kurt said, thinking about it. "You vouldn't want to try it."

"What'd you do to make you eat one of them anyway?"

"I couldn't get my book out of my locker, Kitty phased it through, I said 'thanks, I owe you one', and Kitty asked if I could do her a favour and try one of the muffins. When I dropped it it started bouncing." Kurt said. "Ten she became convinced I was her 'official taste-tester' or something."

"It started bouncing?" Bobby blinked. "I wonder if she's got a super strong one now or what?"

Kurt rested one of his three fingers on his cheek. "Hmm… I guess tere's only one vay to find out! Let's see what this batch of muffins can do."

And he grabbed Bobby and the two of them vanished with a *Bamf*.

"Hi Kitty." Kurt said, stepping into the kitchen. Bobby followed. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, cooking muffins." Kitty smiled. "Here, have one." She gestured the tray to him.

"Thanks, I have un experiment to try on this one." He said, dropping it. It smacked hard into the floor. "Same recipe as the last vun, right?"

"Um… yeah." Kitty looked at the crack as Kurt picked up the muffin. "Weak floor, huh?" She said sorta nervously.

"I'm going to have to talk to the professor – after I finish making enough of these muffins. I'm going to give one to everyone for dessert tonight." She smiled happily.

Kurt blinked. "Uh, cool. Now, do you mind if we borrow this to see some things? Thanks, bye." And then the two mutant teenage boys vanished.

"Okay, so now what?" Bobby said, looking at the muffin.

"We see vat it takes to destroy it. Freeze it first."

Bobby took the muffin and cracked it against the wall. There was a loud crunch but no visible damage – either to the muffin or the wall. "Okay, one iced muffin coming up!" He frosted it over.

"Right, zo now ve take the muffin and crack it against the door." Kurt hit it as hard as he could. The muffin rebounded off the wall and snapped onto the floor.

Bobby picked it up and looked through it. "Nope, not even a crumb. Although I think that there's a dent in the wall."

"Vell then, zat is our quest." Kurt stood up and impersonated a knight. "Our new quest iz to discover a vay to destroy this muffin before they are inflicted on our fellow comrades."

Bobby grinned. "Sign me up!"

First person they went to was Amara, mainly because she was outside when they spotted her. "Hi Amara." Bobby said. "We were wondering, could you help us with something?"

"What?" She asked, instantly suspicious. Bobby and Kurt were the jokers of the household, after all.

"It's nothing bad." Kurt assured her. "It's good, actually. We're trying to save us all."

"Okay, what from?" She frowned. "Sentinels… Magneto… anti-mutants?"

"Nope. Kitty." Bobby held out the muffin. "Kitty's baking muffins. We have to find a way to get rid of them for good, or else…" He dropped the muffin and it fell deep into the ground. "Yeah. Just fry it."

Amara hesitated. "Um… okay." She placed her hands around the muffin and pulled it up. Her hand glowed red and she held out the muffin. "Okay, let's try something more difficult."

She placed it on the hand and allowed her 'normal girl' cover to disappear. A moment later Magma stood in front of them as a towering inferno. A stream of hot lava poured from her hands and engulfed the muffing.

"See, that wasn't so hard." She grinned, letting the fire die down.

"I don't believe it." Kurt stared at it. Although the ground around was torched, the muffin had actually managed to survive that. Amara picked it up.

"What does Kitty make these things out of?"

"I don't know, but Kitty wants to give us one each for dessert."

Amara stared at Bobby. "No way."

"I know." Kurt sighed. "But she's really proud of her cooking, so ve can't just chuck it away, can ve? No, we have to manage to destroy it. The only question iz how."

"Well, good luck." Amara sighed. "Hope you get rid of it."

Kurt and Bobby looked at each other, then Kurt graped Bobby's arm. *Bamf*!

"Hey Roberto." Kurt said. Roberto jumped and rolled around to his back, sitting up. "Hey Bobby, hey Kurt. What are you doing up here?" He gestured to the roof where he was sitting, books spread out around him.

"Hoping you could help us destroy this muffin. Long story short, Kitty want's to make each of us eat one of them for dessert. And… Amara just blasted it with full Magma powers." Bobby said. "That should give you an idea of what this muffin does."

Roberto took the muffin and stretched into the sun. "I see your point." He turned black and gave off his shiny orange aura. "Kitty trying to poison us… not good." He held the muffin as tightly as he could and squeezed it hard.

Really hard. For a full minute he stood there trying to crush the muffin, and this was a boy who had been known to carry full grown oaks without breaking a sweat.

"Whoo." Sunspot sighed, turning back to Roberto. "My advice? Distract Kitty and steal the muffins away from her."

Next up they tried Jean. She was sitting in her room, reading a book. *Bamf*. "Kurt!" She glared up. "Kurt, Bobby, what are you doing in my room?"

"Sorry." Bobby shrugged. "It's an emergency."

"Kitty iz planning to give us all a taste of a muffin for dessert tonight." Kurt said. "Dis muffin cracked de floor, stood for Sunspot crushing it and allowed Magma to shoot it with her full force without bending."

"Seriously?" Jean got up and looked at the muffin. She picked it up and looked over it. "Magma shot it? It's not even burnt." She sighed. "If I hadn't already seen what her cooking would do, I'd think you were lying."

"No, it's true I swear." Bobby shook his head. "Just, please tell me you can destroy it."

"I can't promise anything, but I'll give it a shot."

The muffin shot out of Kurt's hands and floated in the air. Jean glared at it, her hands on her head. She was straining.

Nothing happened.

Jean groaned and flopped down onto the bed. "Okay, Kitty's great and all, but that muffin is not natural. Can't we just get the Proff. to ask her not to poison us?"

"Ve need to be a leetle bit vore subtle than that." Kurt shook his head and picked up the muffin. *Bamf*.

Ray and Sam were both in the garden when Kurt and Bobby teleported in.

"Hi guys we need help Kitty want's to poison us she has evil muffins that are indestructible and yet she thinks that she's a fairly good cook and we can't tell her otherwise can you see if this muffin is even possible to destroy?" Bobby said instantly.

"What?"

"Kitty is baking." Kurt said. "Kitty vants to be sweet and give us all muffins for dessert, but Amara, Roberto and Jean have all tried to destroy it. Dis one little muffin stood up to tree x-men." Kurt shook his head.

"What, and my attack didn't count?" Bobby asked.

"Well, let's go straight to number five without counting four." Ray said, taking the muffin. He shot electricity straight through the muffin but nothing happened.

"Hey Sam? See if you can hit this." Bobby took the muffin back and threw it as hard as he could. Sam didn't hesitate – he 'cannonballed' into the air and slammed straight into the muffin.

And dropped to the ground. "Ow." He muttered, rubbing his head. "That muffin sure packs a punch." He sat up. "Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd say."

Scott was in full Cyclops gear, shooting at something that he was doing for a training exercise. After the simulation ran down, he sighed and sat down against a tree, picking up a water bottle.

*Bamf!*

"Hey Kurt, hey Bobby." Scott looked up. "What's up?"

"Can you destroy this muffin?" Kurt asked.

"Uh, could you repeat that?"

"Scott, you remember Kitty's cooking?" Kurt asked. "You know, with ze muffin that managed to crack the floor? Well, Kitty plans on giving everyone of us a muffin for dessert tonight, so we need to find a vay to make her muffins disappear."

Cyclops groaned and got up. "Man, why can't we have a normal day around here? Look, you guys don't think that maybe destroying it by just picking the crumbs off might help?"

"Scott," Bobby sighed, "In the past twenty minutes the Iceman, Magma, Sunspot, Jean, Cannonball and Bezerker have all used their mutant powers to destroy this muffin." He grabbed at a crumb, but couldn't pull any off. "I don't think that we'll be able to do this easily."

Scott grinned. "Okay, pass it." He took the muffin in one hand and threw it into the air. His other hand pressed down on the switch and a red beam slashed through the muffin. It got knocked to the side and hit the ground.

"It's still together." Kurt said, picking it up. "Seriously, vat is in these things?"

"Put it on the ground, would you?" Scott asked. Kurt did as he asked the teleported out of the way. Scott turned the laser on harder and the ground around blasted away.

"Let me guess, still together?" Scott asked.

"Yep." Bobby picked up the muffin.

"I'd say we have around ten minuts until dinner, and zhen we'd have to have dessert." Kurt said.

"And we either have to destroy these, eat these or crush Kitty's spirit?" Scott asked.

"Pretty much."

"Well, desperate times call for desperate measures." Scott said. "As we're running out of time, I know what to do."

"This may be overkill." Kurt said, looking from the observation deck into the danger room. There were a hundred different guns pointed at one little muffin.

"Hey, you saw what those things can handle. It looks ready, Bobby." Scott said, glancing back. "Hit the button."

There was a huge explosion and the danger room was covered in light. Scott and Kurt both shielded there eyes from the light.

After a moment the danger room went back to normal. "Oh come on, don't tell me that the muffin managed to survive that." Sam said, walking into the observatory.

Kurt shrugged and teleported down. The three up there went down the longer way. "Yes, it's destroyed." Kurt said, staring at the blackened patch.

"No way." Bobby reached down and picked something up. It was the muffin. Black and burnt, sure, but definitely the muffin. "That's weird."

"Okay… now I'm out of ideas." Scott said.

Sam took it. "It's not even burnt, just covered in… charcoal I think." He blew on it hard. The dust poured off to leave the muffin exactly as before.

"Maybe ve should use these things as shields or something." Kurt said. "Tie them all together and ve would have an indestructible protection."

Scott glanced at his watch. "Guys, it's time for dinner. We'd better go and see what we can do to avoid this." Then he walked out of the danger room, the other three trailing reluctantly behind.

Dinner was fine. "Oh, um, guys?" Kitty asked. "I made some muffins for dessert. There's enough for everyone." She said, taking a few trays out of the kitchen.

Suddenly everyone stilled. Kitty's reputation as a cook was… well, as Jean once said 'The three most dangerous things you can do inside the Institute are looking into Scott's eyes, grab Rogue by the arm under her shirt without gloves and to volunteer to be a taste-tester for Kitty.'

Kitty handed the muffins out and put them on a plate. "Gee, Kitty, thanks, but ah'm on a diet." Rogue said. "Pretty much no chocolate, ora muffins for a while."

"But yesterday you…"

"Ah just started today." Rogue said. "Now, if you don't mind I've got some homework to do." She practically fled the table.

"I didn't know Rogue was on a diet."

"Yeah, Kitty," Jean said, "I'm on the same diet. See, we both… read the same magazine on it. It's meant to show results in four days straight. No junk food whatsoever." And she left as well.

"Kitty, just out of curiosity, what did you put inside this?" Amara asked, plucking at her muffin.

"Um, two egg whites, half a cup of raisins, quarter of a cup honey, one apple…"

"Ooh, sorry." She dropped the apple muffin. "I'm allergic to apple." She left the table as well.

"Are they really that bad?" She asked, looking upset. Kurt shook his head. "No, no. They're really… ummm…" he picked up the muffin and bit into it.

Or tried to. There was a grating noise and Kurt dropped the muffin and held his tooth. There was a shatter as the muffin cracked the plate.

"Ow! I think you broke vy tooth!" He said from around his hand over his mouth. Kitty gasped. "Really? Oh, I'm sorry, are you okay?"

Everyone remaining at the table took the opportunity and jumped up to see if Kurt was alright – Bobby dropped his muffin out the window at the chance and there was a loud cracking sound as it hit the pavement.

"Kurt, you okay?" Scott asked.

Kurt nodded but didn't drop his hand. "Uh, Kitty, I don't think I'll finish the muffin if zat's okay." He said, and then teleported out of there.

"They are that bad, aren't they?" She said, picking one of the many abandoned ones up. She hesitated, and then bit into it. She must have phased because somehow the cook managed to bite deep into the muffin.

"Hey, these aren't that bad." She commented, then realised that everyone in the room had vanished. She shrugged and continued chewing. "I like the apple, but maybe next time I'll do chocolate instead…"

So whatcha think?