THIS IS A ONE-SHOT THATS 2 CHAPTERS LONG! This takes place at the end of Frostbite! This is just another way of Dimitri telling Rose how much he loves her, and how much guilt she truly feels about Mason's death. Please review!

It was three thirty in the evening for moroi. School had just been dismissed and I could feel Lissa's calling. Come to me.

My window was open and I felt the breeze coming through. There will be a storm tonight- a blizzard. I could feel it. I had missed breakfast and lunch out of my own stupidity and guilt, and now my stomach whined in protest. It has only been a few days since the incident in Spokane occurred. I have mostly kept to myself and only answered to yes or no questions.

The only thing I could think about was Mason.

My mother was around and she has kept an eye on me- watching for something, it seemed like. It was weird to see her around the school. I haven't seen her in four years and wha-la, she's around. Its different and is going to take some getting use to- though I know there is no getting use to it. She'd be leaving very soon. It was only a matter of time.

Mason. My closest guy friend is always lurking in the back of my mind. The image of his neck getting snapped and his eyes drifting off into the distance…I barely kept from crying when I was alone and I thought of that. Only when I am in the presents of someone I usually kept from thinking such thoughts. Lissa never mentioned it. Christian only gave me knowing glances when he looks at me. Mia has been hanging around Lissa and Christian lightly. She finally realized that it wasn't worth the aggravation, the motivation and energy to get the royals attention. She had finally caved in and was becoming good friends with us. When she spoke to me, it sounded like she was choosing her words very carefully around me. Not out of fear that I would hurt her, more of out of fear that something she would say would trigger a memory that neither of us would wont to think about.

And at night, I would let my tears out. I'd deny any reason to get out. Kirova finally let my house arrest and probation go, seeing on how what I've been through enough and I deserved all the slack I could get. Maybe she wasn't as coldhearted. But she was definitely still the bitch of the school. Someone I stayed away from as much as I could. Still.

Dimitri was now a touchy subject to even think about too, but not as touchy as Mason. I haven't seen him since he escorted me back to the Academy. The last thing he said was "Get some sleep, Rose." I never went to sleep- nightmares consumed me. And I could wake up sometimes drentched in sweat and tears clouding my vision. I'd never sob though. Just let the tears roll down. It was all I would allow myself. That was the last time I saw him, and I had figured he had taken Tasha's offer and was now keeping his distance with me. He was doing a very good job of it. Canceling practice- even though school was still out for winter break.

I headed to my dorm as usual. I had no homework- I finished it all in class, but that was my excuse to get away from everyone. Mia was seeing through my façade though. Her eyes slightly narrowed, but not enough to draw attention, but enough for me to notice. I acted as if I saw nothing.

"Little dhampire." Adrian had called out to me as I turned to leave. I turned back to him.

"Mm?" I asked.

"Will you be at dinner tonight? You weren't at lunch…or breakfast."

I nodded. "I'm hungry. I'll be down for dinner." That was no lie. I wasn't hungry. I was starving. But I kept that to myself.

I turned around and went to my dorm. I dumped out my bag and grabbed my Animals Behavior book. I read the chapter that we were on to pass the time away. Then I reread it until I was positive that I knew each line by heart. Then I read the next chapter. I only got halfway through it when there was a knock at the door. I glanced at the clock and realized it was almost seven.

I missed dinner.

I opened it to see Ms. Kirova.

I was shocked. I was half expecting Lissa to show up.

"You weren't at dinner." She said accusingly.

I shrugged. "Wasn't hungry." I answered stiffly.

She glanced over my head, since she was much taller than me, and looked into my room.

"It's spotless." She sounded slightly impressed, but there was note to her voice that caught me off guard. Worry…? Guilt? I wasn't sure.

I kept quiet.

"I brought you dinner." She inclined her head towards the hallway and someone walked up. Eddie. He held a try in his hands and he didn't look very happy.

"Mr. Castile pointed this matter out to me today. I will leave you two. Mr. Castile, need I remind you that curfew is nine thirty."

"Yes ma'am."

Kirova left us then. I turned to Eddie, but he was already pushing himself inside my dorm. He pushed my book over and set the tray on my desk. I looked at the tray and saw my favorite food. Pepperoni pizza and a brownie with a milk to wash it all down. He knew me well.

"Is everything alright Rose?" He quickly asked me in a kindling of anger lining his tone. Eddie is usually blunt, so I wasn't so stunned. I just wish he would leave.

"I'm fine; just catching up on stuff." It was such a lie and we both knew it. I now had the best grades in our classes. I was just becoming a Dimitri and being anti-social. No wonder why Dimitri never talked to anyone. He was keeping himself at distance so he wouldn't get hurt when something happened to anyone.

"Rose I mean it."

My eyes flashed to him. "I'm as good as I can be, Eddie. What do you expect me to do? Go on as if nothing happened? Be happy?"

"I expect you to at least talk to your friends! All you do is study and isolate yourself from everyone else. You hardly talk to Lissa anymore. Adrian- you pretty much exiled him from your life-"

"That," I said, irritated now, "is a lie. I have talked to him."

I scuffled. "Right. What did you talk about?"

"He asked me-"

"That wasn't talking, and you know it!" He snapped. "Damn it Rose! It isn't your fault he's dead!" I stiffened and from behind me I heard someone's intake of breath. I turned to see Lissa, Christan and Adrian. It was Lissa I heard. I paid attention to them, wanting this conversation with Eddie to be over with.

He had no such intensions of letting this conversation drop and he drew my attention back to him by picking up my book and throwing it against the wall. I just looked at the book as it fell to the ground, but he spoke.

"It wasn't your fault." He took two steps towards me. "He wanted to protect you." Another step. He was one step away from making it intimate now. "You were his girl. It was his right to protect you. And he wanted to."

I shook my head angrily. No. It was my fault. I could have done something! I should have done something! Eddie took another step and put his hands on my shoulders and he dipped his head down so that his mouth was right by my ear.

"No Rose," he said, reading my thoughts; "there was nothing you could do. You were outnumbered by strength and people. What did you expect to do while Isaiah," I flinched at the mention of the fiend's name, "was holding you down, huh?" Tears started to form in my eyes as images flashed before my eyes. "You knew Isaiah had it in for you, and so did he. He wanted to save you from everything Is-"

"SHUT UP!" I yelled, tears finally leaking out of the rims of my eyes. I took a couple deep breaths that were sounded loud to me. "As guardians, we are trained to quickly think of proficient plans to save our asses. I FAILED, Eddie. I FAILED HIM! What the fuck do you expect me to do? I can hardly-"

His hands on my should tightened and he shook me. When he was done he looked me in the eye. He was taller than me, so he had to scrunch down a little bit. "You need to snap out of this! You need to take care of yourself! Eat, damn it! Then sleep- actually sleep. Don't just close your eyes and hope to fall unconscious sometime in the night. Things happen Rose, and this tragerdy," his voice cracked, "happened. We need to get passed it. Now. Its haunting you, and you need to cope with this."

He hugged me tightly. "I'm here for you Rose. But I can't help you unless you let me in. You need to let someone in. Anyone. Just cope with this, okay?"

He kissed my forehead and stepped back. He pointed to the tray then looked at me before he left the room. "Eat Rose." Eddie closed the door behind him, taking with the others. I'm glad he did. I wasn't in any shape or mood to deal with them. I looked at the food and immediately lost my appetite.

After the confrontation I just had, I wasn't in any state of mood to eat.

I flopped down on my bed and immediately, I was exhausted and I let darkness consume me.

I was back in the house where we were captured. In slow motion it all happened again. Isaiah holding me down and spitting in my face what he planned to do to me; Mason showed up at the door. This time- I was going to stop it. I had to. I wouldn't let him die again in my dreams.

I got up as Isaiah pushed me down. I punched Isaiah as I hard as I could in the mouth. He didn't seem fazed by it. He sighed and pushed me into the wall. I saw stars an shook my head to get rid of them. Mason's face went red with anger and lunged out of the sunlight to Isaiah.

Mason was a great fighter, but he was no match for Isaiah. Mason threw a punch at Isaiah, but Elena ran up behind him and as quick as lightening, her hands went up to his face and twisted his neck.

I threw the blankets off my body and I let out a half scream, half cry. All my dreams ended up like this! ALL OF THEM! I didn't understand it. They were my flipin' dreams. Shouldn't I be able to control them?

I had enough of these nightmares. They all ended the same: Mason's death. It drove me crazy, and not in a good way. I couldn't see straight as I crossed my bedroom. A red haze clouded my vision. It was the night over at Isaiah's house all over again.

My dinner sat on the desk, untouched. I flipped it off the desk and screamed and cried.

I grabbed my chair and threw it. I heard something break.

I was beyond caring.

I went to my dresser and threw all the close out, tearing few of them into shreds. When I was done, I picked up my dresser and threw it, letting out a battle cry as I did.

I heard an angry and loud crack of thunder.

I went to my bed and flipped it over- the metal boarder and mattress with an animalist scream.

A light went on, but didn't care. I couldn't hear anyone. I kicked anything and everything I could see- clothes, glass…? Where did that come from? Pillows, everything.

Someone grabbed my shoulder and I lost it. I threw myself away from them and punched the wall. I punched it so hard that my arm went in, all the way to my elbow.

Slowly, the red haze faded and I couldn't keep my grief in any longer. I started to sob, then I slowly sank to the floor.

"Mr. Castile, get Guardian Belikov." I heard someone say.

Footsteps made their way over to my dorm room then halted when they were in front. "Oh my." A familiar woman's voice said, with a Scottish accent.

My sobs were heavy and it was getting hard to breath. I didn't take my arm out of the wall, because I was too lazy to get it out.

I banged my head against the wall, wondering why I was doing this. Why am I acting like this?

But my sobs wouldn't stop and my eyes stayed glued to the floor.

Then someone's hands were on my shoulders. "Rose." That honey accented voice reached my ears.

I shook my head and more tears fall. "Go away." I said my shoulders heaving, and I could barely understand what I said. But I knew he knew.

I heard footsteps retreat and the closing of my door.

"Rose, look at me."

I shook my head and kept my eyes on the floor. His fingers tilted my chin. "Rose." It was only my name, but there was so much pain in his eyes. So much worry.

He tucked a lock of hair that was in my eyes behind my hear and looked at my arm that was currently in the wall.

"Rose." I was expecting disappointment in his tone, but instead, I heard-felt-compassion. He understood, as he always did. He looked me in the eyes gently. "Can you feel it?"

I nodded, my sobs started to cease. "It's tingling." I didn't mention that it was starting to hurt. I could feel the aftermath now.

"Try and pull it out. Slowly." He said. He lifted his hands on my bicep, slowly sliding his fingers over the skin. I wasn't kidding when I said my elbow went in. Dimitri was touching my bicep because it was the next part of my body to go into the drywall.

I stood up and pulled. A screaming pain went through the tips of my fingers to my elbow. A small protest bubbled to my lips and I moaned in pain.

"Alright. Don't move." He said, but it was too late. I already took a deep breath, straightened out my arm and yanked it out.

"Daaah!"I yelled in pain. But I welcomed the pain. It took my mind of things for a while.

Dimitri's arm's immediately wrapped around me and I wrapped mine around him and I started to cry again.

"Shh." He comforted me and spoke in Russian. Again, I didn't know what he was saying, but the unknown words soothed me and I quieted down a little bit.

He had said after the lust charm that he had been out in the world. He had lived. But how had he coped with Ivan's death? The questioned bubbled to my lips. "How?" I asked in a whisper.

"Mmm?" He asked.

"How did..you cope..with Ivan." I took a while for the for the question to come out. It was touchy subject for him, and I didn't like it when he was in uncomfortable.

He didn't answer. He held me closer, tightening his arms around me. His hands rubbed my back and it was very soothing to me.

I didn't think he was going to answer. He moved his head from the top of mine to my side.

"Time." He said at last. "You have to believe that it wasn't your fault. And you have to move on."

Easier said than done. He couldn't have done anything because he was away. I was right there. I could have done something. I shook my head and pushed at his chest breaking the embrace. He held me tight, though. He wasn't having any of that.

"Roza." He said my name. It was a jolt of electricity going through my body. I hated it as much as I loved it. I pushed at his chest again, and he still held me tight. "Roza. Believe this. It wasn't your fault. You were-"

"Weak! I was weak!" I yelled, my sobs starting to show again- only a little bit though.

"No Rose. You were strong. You saved everyone else and you tried to save him. But you couldn't they were stronger because there were more of them. Mason wouldn't want you to waist away your life with guilt."

"And Ivan wouldn't want you to waste your life away with guilt. I shot back."

This time, he did release me, only to grab my shoulders. I looked in his dark brown eyes that seemed to be so sad, but so full of wisdom at the same time, with love mixed in. "Exactly and I have forgiven myself, but that doesn't mean that I still don't feel bad about it. There are things in life that are out of our control and things happen for a reason. That, you have to understand."

I shook my head and looked down at the floor. "I don't want to."

Two of his fingers stroked my cheek and tilted it up so we could look at each other. "But you have to, Roza. It's the only way you can find peace. Mason would want that." He paused. "And Ivan had wanted that for me."

I sighed and nodded. He pulled me in for another hug, when he let go, he kissed my forehead then looked at me. His eyes seemed to roam my face as he spoke.

"Go to the church. I usually find peace there."

"Where do you usually find peace?"

"With you." He answered simply, as if it was the easiest thing to say in the world.

I looked away. "Tasha." I said, and I turned away. He grabbed my hand, shocking me and made me look back into his eyes.

"She's a great woman, but I can't be with her."

Startled at the realization of what he said I asked "why?"

"I can't picture myself with another woman, when I'm in love with another."

A tear fell from my eye. He stepped towards me and gently wiped it away, then he brought his lips down to mine; our eyes never parting from the other until our lips met. One of his hands went to the back of my head and the other around my waist. His tongue slid across my bottom lip, asking for entrance. I parted my lips and his tongue slid in, making my legs turn into jelly. If it wasn't for his arm around my waist, I would have fallen over. Our tongues battled for dominance until we had to pull away to breathe.

He pulled away enough to look me in the eye. "I love you, Roza."He leaned in again and kissed me a second time, this time our lips just kissing. One of his hands slid through my hair as he kissed me.

"I love you too." I said in-between kisses.

His hand slid down my injured arm and I flinched as I felt his hand slide across a big gash. He pulled back and looked over my arm. His fingers gently slid across the purple bruise that was forming near my elbow and on my forearm. There are two gashes coming from the front my hand to my elbow on each side, and big cuts in the middle. Blood was still coming out of the wombs, and bruises forming near the gash.

"Come on, Roza, let's get you checked out."

I shook my head. "The doctor's asleep. I'm just going to wait until morning when she's awake."

He nodded. "Then I will come and get you." He his fingers traced my jaw bone and then he leaned down to kiss me. It was slow at first, but then it became deep and passionate. He was kissing me an awful lot tonight, and it was great, but my heart was still full of guilt and torment. He is right. Only time can repair the damage.

His lips left mine, but came back just to kiss mine again, then he looked into my eyes. "Try and sleep, Roza."

I nodded and then he turned to leave. He grabbed my doorhandle, then left, watching me as he closed the door.

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