He stared at me. And I think it was the first and possibly only time I've ever seen him so openly shocked. Like this was the very last thing he'd have expected me to say, which is odd because I would've thought this was the idea everyone had seen coming. I mean, isn't that the way the story goes? I give up mortality for a chance to live and blah blah blah some miracle happens and happily ever after?

But apparently I had been wrong and I was just about the only person running on that train of thought.

He didn't school his expression immediately after he let the mask drop, as I'd expected him to. Quick recoveries were kind of his thing. Instead, he simply took a short, almost unbelieving step forward and then halted like something big, heavy and painful had stopped him in his tracks. My heart was probably gallumping like crazy and not helping him stop from tearing into my neck at any given moment and simply draining me instead of turning me.

And the staring match continued for what felt like hours and I was hoping beyond any reasonable hope that he might actually be considering it. That he might understand my need. He was Alec, after all. He, above anyone else should have been able to put personal feelings aside and do the smart thing. The only smart thing we could possibly do. Alec was the one person I could count on to be cold and mechanical and steel when I needed him to be. He didn't break down and get emotional like family. He didn't hate me because I was human like Jane did. He wasn't indifferent like Felix and Demitri. He would do it. I knew he would. He would-

"No." He whispered. Or maybe not.

He shook his head and stepped back from me, like he didn't quite recognize me at the moment. Like I was the same stranger who had launched herself out of the protective arms of her family in a room full of ancient vampires to call his sister a bitch. Like I was the same girl who had shuffled, wide-eyed, into the high dome-ceilinged Volturi throne room with no idea what the Hell I'd just gotten myself into.

"No?" I repeated back to him, watching him steady his stance and at the same time drop his eyes to the ground at my feet. Damn him. Damn him for not letting me see what was in the eyes that were so uncharacteristically unguarded. Damn him for refusing my one, simple, necessary request. Damn him for making me think he was so sickeningly handsome when what I should have been focusing on was the future. Just…damn him.

"This isn't what you wanted." He shook his head, like he was trying to remember my exact words. Or like he was trying to remember the exact person who had said it and when it had been and why I was stepping towards him.

I moved forwards, he moved back. And I grew frustrated as the distance between us remained the same no matter how hard I tried to close to gap. So I could shake some sense into him. Or maybe so I could just lightly trace the bride of his nose to admire the way it was unnaturally straight. All bone and a little baby fat on the cheeks. No muscle to harden the features.

I couldn't quite make up my mind at the moment. All I knew was that he wasn't sticking to the script. This wasn't the way things were supposed to happen and it was pissing me the hell off that he wasn't doing what he was supposed to. I had been counting on him to not care enough about my wishes to refuse me.

Because there was a difference between curiosity and…care. And Alec was curious about me no doubt. Attracted to me maybe, although the thought made me ripen red like tomatoes. But caring was so…big. So perfect and unattainable and I hated how much I wanted it to be true because I knew I needed him not to. And what I needed and what I wanted were warring against each other and it wasn't fair because this was the part where it was supposed to be simple. This was the part that was supposed to be fire in the bones and strength and single trains of thought that most definitely did not involve single, brooding vampires.

"Alec," I growled, stomping forward, and it angered and saddened me when he turned away and simply walked more quickly through the forest. Damn him (once more)! "Alec, you were supposed to say yes you dumbass!"

I didn't even have the intelligence to be worried by my outburst and the fact that he had suddenly stopped in his tracks.

"I was counting on you Alec. You're supposed to help me do this and you're not." And I hated how I sounded so mean. How I sounded like such a bitch. It had been my goal but the words tasted like acid in my mouth. I didn't want to yell at him. I wanted to run at him and grab him by the jacket and pull him into me so I could smell that deliciously intoxicating smell that I'd thought I was immune to. I wanted to make him kiss me even if it was dangerous and I wanted him to understand that all these emotions crashing over me so quickly were drowning me and I needed him to save me. But I didn't say that. I didn't do that.

"I've never asked you for anything. You've never done me any favors. And let's face it, this is what would've happened after graduation anyways. Only maybe it would've been Aro that did the deed. Or maybe Marcus since apparently he's so in love with me. It doesn't really-"

Suddenly I was spun into a tree, my back connecting with the hard bark and shocks up pain shooting up my spine but my head was shielded by the hand resting behind it, cold and steady and gripping at my hair in an almost uncomfortable way.

"Marcus is not in love with you." Alec grounded out, and I watched his eyes melt from their hardened caramel into a boiling pool of angry amber liquid. I was suddenly reminded of exactly why the Volutri were meant to be feared and why I had been afraid to be alone with Alec for such a long time. And it was the first time in a long while that I'd been scared of him.

"You said-" I began, trying to keep my voice steady.

"I said he wanted to possess you. Own you. You'd be property, nothing more. Anything else would be…strange. Anything else and you'd be royalty, and we certainly couldn't have that, now could we?"

"Well what does it matter to you anyways?" I spit at him, and the words cut me as much as I'd been planning on them cutting him. "I'm not your property, so you shouldn't care. You would've watched me be changed within a month anyways. So just do it now." I commanded, and wished my voice was as powerful as it had sounded in my head. I twisted my head, trying to expose my neck to him. "Do it!" I snapped again, pushing my face closer to his and pulling against his grasp in my hair. "Bite me."

"You're an awful liar." He said, and his words carried as much venom as they did relief.

"What?" I asked, drawing back against the tree.

"You don't want me to bite you." He smirked, and suddenly he was impossibly closer. His chest pressed close to mine and all I could smell and see and think was Alec. Everything was Alec and I wanted him closer while at the same time I wanted to shove him away for being able to see through me. For being able to see through the lie I wanted so desperately to be true. It would've made things so much easier that way.

"I do." I said, but it was barely a whisper.

"You don't." He countered, and my eyes fluttered closed as I felt his nose running up along the side of my neck, stopping near the pulse point where I was sure the skin was moving with the force of my pumping heart. I shivered. "And Marcus cannot have you." He continued, but I could barely focus on his words as his face moved up and his cheek brushed my cheek and his forehead came to rest against mine. And he smelled so good and I was suddenly so very very nervous. And the butterflies in my stomach were all carrying feathers. This was as out of his shell as I had ever seen Alec. And I'd pushed him to that point because I was acting crazy and stupid and a small part of me thought I might have actually scared him into opening up to me, even in this slightly violent way. He had to know I knew this because I sounded like I was loosing my mind and I was acting like a bitch.

And maybe he was as desperate for just one more moment as I was.

"Because you belong to me." He whispered, and the words were a cage that captured my heart and yanked it out of my chest and into his hands. And I only hoped that maybe he had willingly given his to me in return because I would have caged my heart for him a thousand more times if he'd simply asked.

And he'd said the words like they were worship. Only he could turn such a derogatory statement into something so…dazzling. My breath caught in my throat and I felt my heart stutter in my chest. Well, I thought I did. If my heart had actually changed its rhythm that would've meant I was going into cardiac arrest. And I wasn't. At least, I didn't think I was.

I couldn't even form a coherent thought as he slowly pulled back, his body barely, torturously resting against mine. His grip on my wrists loosened and I suddenly knew what he was doing. Alec, one of the most selfish, nosy, and flawed people I'd ever met was giving me a choice. An honest to God option. And that alone had the response out of my mouth before I could fully contemplate it.

In my experience, thinking before speaking didn't usually work out.

"If I'm yours, that means your mine right?" I asked cautiously. And I hated how I sounded like one of those simpering, pathetic schoolgirls with a crush. Because it wasn't a crush. It was…physics. Biology. Instincts. Every one of my cells pulled me towards his. Maybe it was a pheromone thing…

"Yes." He said. And if I hadn't known any better I would have said his voice almost nearly cracked on the word. Like after hundreds of years he was still going through puberty. Or maybe that he was really emotional.

But I did know better. Alec's voice didn't crack on words like those hero's on T.V. shows. He didn't get all teary-eyed and sobby. It wasn't him.

Of course the eyes boring into my face weren't exactly indifferent. They were back to that molten gold. And the burn was pleasant and perfect and I would've died happy to never leave from that spot ever again.

That was an exaggeration, just so we're clear. I wasn't that pathetic, Jesus…

"Aren't you supposed to kiss me now?" I breathed. I know. So awkward. Like, who says that? Well, apparently I do. And yes, I know that in any normal situation it would have made things incredibly uncomfortable but…it was Alec. I could never tell if he was going to do what was expected or the exact opposite. And I kind of needed some warning before he decided to put his DNA in my mouth.

And then, before I could have any more strange thoughts, I couldn't function. My brain, I'm sure, actually short-wired and started to burn because that was the only way I would feel like I was being electrocuted in the most pleasant way possible.

Now I've been kissed before. Shocking I know! But seriously. I'd done the whole Spin-the-bottle party games and I'd actually been on a few dates in my time. But compared to this…they were void. They were wiped from my memory and I didn't remember how I'd ever even breathed without him. And I felt stupid for feeling it but I couldn't help it.

I couldn't tell you how his lips felt or where his hands were or what the world around me was doing when he kissed me because I honestly don't remember. All I remember is feeling excruciatingly complete. The kind of complete that's painful because the part of you that's been empty for so long feels like it needs to overflow. And no, the part that was missing wasn't in my chest. I'd had plenty of love in my life. Alec wasn't necessary for that.

I felt complete in my very cells. At a molecular level I was filled to the brim with such…rightness that it's not possible to convey through words. It's a feeling that you have to feel to understand because no language in the universe can capture it's utter glory.

I don't know how long it lasted. I only know it was too short even though when he pulled back one despised inch I gasped for air. And that was either from lack of breathing or the fact that all of the emotion and sappiness of the moment was threatening to crush my lungs in.

We didn't say anything. That moment was suspended. A drop of water dangling from the edge of a leaf, threatening to fall. And I didn't know what would happen when it fell, only that I wanted that moment to last as long as possible. I wanted to pull it inside my brain and burn the feeling and the image there so that it could never ever leave. Even if I wanted it to.

"Riddley." Alec whispered, and his forehead fell forward just a bit so that it rested on mine. I couldn't respond. My mouth wouldn't work right. Something was wrong with my lips. Oh, that's what it was. They were lonely again all of the sudden.

And then he did the one thing that could have possibly snapped me out of my euphoric, slightly neurotic haze.

"That…" He trailed off and shook his said, and suddenly air was rushing over my body and he was missing and my arms reached out unconsciously to the place he had been.

"Alec?" I asked, stubbornly ignoring the way my voice sounded wrecked. Like I'd been doing a lot more than standing there dumbly while Alec kissed me.

I spun around, searching the trees for him even when I knew that if he didn't want me to find him, I wouldn't.

"Alec!" I screamed into the woods, and this time I didn't sounded wrecked in the same way. There was a raw pain in my voice that even I didn't understand or want to acknowledge because it made me sound like a lunatic. Like the homeless people that sit around screaming angry words at the air around them because they can't quite grasp that whoever they want to say those words to isn't there. They can't understand that they've gone and they can't hear them anymore.

My throat dried to the point of pain as I began stumbling in a random direction, screaming out his name as I went because you can't just kiss someone like that –shatter their entire universe with the feelings you inspire—and then leave. It's impolite.

But before I could fall to the ground sobbing in emotional agony, as is expected in any good, trashy love story, I stopped myself. And I made myself shut the Hell up because I was getting on my own damn nerves with all of my baggage.

"Breathe." I whispered, leaning over and resting my hands against my knees. I closed my eyes and focused on the gentle flow of air in and out of my lungs. I let the simplicity of the action calm the raging fires in my brain.

I stood there for a few moments, until I could open my eyes without frantically searching the trees for a face with eyes that made my heart race. I wouldn't find him. Of course I wouldn't. He didn't want to be found right now and I couldn't track him. Couldn't sneak up on him. My hysterical searching was getting me nowhere.

Well, that wasn't true. It was doing a fairly decent job of getting me lost.

"Damn you Riddley." I muttered, allowing a final breathy laugh to exit my system before I forced myself to the calm collected girl I'd once thought myself to be. "Okay, okay think." I said, shaking my head free of the stray thoughts that attempted to shatter my carefully resurrected wall of sanity.

I looked around, trying to look at the underbrush to find which direction I'd come tromping from. But the thing about underbrush is that it's all the same color. And a lot of it is springy and bounces back to where it was before you stepped on it. So basically, I couldn't see anything with my untrained eye that could tell me which direction to head back to.

I wasn't scared though. I doubted I had wandered far enough to be out of Edward's range of hearing. In fact, I doubted he'd have let me wander far enough to do such a thing. So I just closed my eyes and thought as loud as I possibly could that I was lost and wanted to go home.

And I most certainly did not think about the feeling I'd gotten in my toes and finger-nails when Alec had kissed me.

Edward I thought, bouncing from foot to foot where I stood. Come on, I want to come home. I'm tired and my feet hurt and it's starting to get cold out here!

And so I waited. And I waited. And then too much time had passed and my stomach started tying itself into knots. Because, you know, that sort of thing is fun for stomachs.

Edward! This isn't funny! Come get me! I'm sorry I yelled at you okay? And that was a lie because I really wasn't sorry at all but I had the feeling it was what he wanted to hear.

And so I waited some more. And then some more. And then I decided that I was a strong, capable young lady and I could easily figure my way out of the mess I'd gotten myself into.

As I've said before, getting myself into messes is kind of my thing. You'd think I'd had enough time to practice getting out of them.

Apparently, I thought, swiping at a cobweb that tried to invade my eye, NOT. I knew where I was going. I wasn't blindly following my instincts. I knew the house was somewhere to the North and all of the moss was growing on the North side of the trees. So I walked that way.

But then I couldn't remember if the moss grew on the north side or the south side, as I tried to recall those Underground Railroad lessons I'd heard too many times to be able to forget.

And then I realized that the moss was on all sides of the trunks.

"Okay, okay, you're okay. You're fine. Just figure this out." I said out loud, stopping once again to steady myself. But no matter how hard I thought I couldn't remember where to go. And I tried to do math in my head to figure things out before I remembered that I had no idea how far from the house I'd been in the first place.

I was just a walking disaster. And apparently Edward was so pissed off that he would have rather left me in the woods all night than come anywhere near a girl who had been crazy enough to want to kiss Alec.

Who was crazy enough to want to kiss Alec again.

And there you go. I thought. This is why you're in this whole fucking mess. You can't think straight when you're around him. You can't think straight when you think about him. Which is all the time. So really, you're just never thinking straight. And it's obviously all his fault anyways. Kissing you and running off like that. Seriously though, what the hell? My inner monologue continued, and I thought it was amusing that even my inner-thoughts chose to be angry rather than hurt by his actions.

Because being hurt was something stupid girls that died did.

Looks like you picked a winner Chris. I thought, and then felt the need to be sick. I had the most wonderful habit of thinking of the things that scared me the most when I was in the most frightening situations.

And here I was at twilight in the woods where I'd apparently been abandoned by the vampires that were supposed to be my allies.

"This is bad." I said, looking around and watching as the forest delved farther and farther into a darkness that had me wanting to pee my pants. "Yeah," I nodded. "This is really bad."

And then my head imploded.

A/N: Oh that was the worst kiss scene ever! I'm sorry I couldn't be more…you know, detailed with it. I'm going to need someone else to write the good parts for me when we eventually get to that ;) That is, if that's what my readers want. Right now it feels like the language is the only thing making this story occasionally M, and I'm not sure if it's better to keep it that way or if the rating will be called for in later chapters. Oh well, I guess we'll see when we get to that point.

I once again want to thank all of my readers and especially my reviewers! You guys keep me going. You really really do. I hope this chapter didn't disappoint you, and I hope Alec didn't seem like he was suddenly different. I just really wanted them to kiss already. I was as desperate for it as I hope you all were. I think he acted in an understandable way though. I mean, Riddley was acting pretty bitchy.

And now I'm ranting. I'm sorry folks! I just can't help it! I hope to have another chapter out by….hmmm. Let's set a reasonable deadline. How about the end of the month? Good? I'm sorry this story is taking so damn long. But school is crazy and just…ugh.

Anyways, review and favorite and alert and all that jazz. Love you guys! 10