Title: A Wolf by Any Other Name

Summary: AU, Multi-chaptered. Remus goes undercover in Voldemort's army. This chapter, Remus and Sirius figure out their relationship

Rating: M

Warnings: Language, angst, insecure!Remus, graphic boyxboy sexing, references to violence.

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, J.K. Rowling does.

Epilogue

Sirius was sitting alone in his flat, staring out the window. Six months had gone by since his escape, the battle, Lily's murder. Things in the wizarding world were getting back to a semblance of normal—people were starting to lose their fear.

Remus still wasn't home.

Yes, he saw Sirius often. Almost every day. They spent the full moons together—Snape mixed Remus the wolfsbane potion now. But they never exchanged more than a few needful kisses, or the occasional grope. They'd gotten farther in the shack in Brecon Beacons.

And above all, Remus never stayed. Sirius asked him over and over and over, every night before Remus Floo'ed back to his 'temporary' room at Hogwarts. And it always ended the same way...

"Stay with me, Moony. I want you to move back in. Please."

"I'm broken, Sirius. I don't—I don't know. I need more time."

And he'd leave, his eyes fixed on the floor.

Sirius felt like he was dying.

OoOoOoO

Remus stepped out of the fire and fell heavily to the floor. It was ripping him apart, not being with Sirius, but every time he started to feel content, or relaxed enough to just… be… with the other man, the faces of the people he'd killed or maimed began to swim before his eyes, and he was reminded of what a monster he truly had become.

He couldn't get over the feeling that he didn't deserve Sirius anymore. Maybe he never had—Sirius was pure and good and never hurt someone unless he had to.

And with Greyback… it had become too easy to kill, to destroy. Sirius didn't need someone who had slid into that role so easily.

Remus closed his eyes against the tears he felt threatening. "Such a little girl," he said to himself. "Crying about every bloody thing…"

"You are well within your rights."

Remus looked up sharply, and realized that Dumbledore was sitting in a corner of his room, his fingers steepled together, his face thoughtful. After a moment, Remus pushed up from the floor and moved stiffly to sit by Dumbledore.

"Despite what you may think, Remus, you are not broken," Dumbledore commented once Remus had settled. "On the contrary—you are one of the strongest men I have ever encountered, and you have held up more valiantly under pressure than ten of your peers combined. Very few men would have been able to do the things you did and come out sane."

"…I don't know if I did. I have… nightmares, and I relive my worst actions… sometimes I wake up, firing wandless spells—I don't even know what I'm doing." Remus replied quietly.

The older man watched him carefully. "Your pain is extreme, but who has always been the one to help you when you hurt?"

The silence dragged out as Remus stared at the wall. Finally, the name slipped past his lips—barely more than a breath.

"Sirius."

Without another word, he stood and walked back to his fireplace, grabbing a small handful of powder and throwing it on. As soon as the flames burned green, he stepped in.

OoOoOoO

Sirius had curled up in Remus chair. Remus had spent enough time here that it was starting to smell like him again, but every time Sirius buried his nose in the fabric, the smell became more of him and less of Remus.

He curled his fists against the soft material, and let out a shaky breath. He was going to fall asleep in this chair again, probably. He did most nights. He almost unconsciously changed into Padfoot, needing the more powerful nose to separate their two scents. With Remus filling his senses, he fell asleep.

He didn't see the green flames appear in his fireplace, and he didn't wake when a foot stepped into the room. He shifted, though, when Remus knelt next to him—Padfoot's sleep-clogged brain sending out gentle warnings that he was no longer alone. He whined softly.

A gentle hand on his muzzle brought him back to consciousness. The next second, he was himself again, a look that was part confusion and part hope playing across his face.

"You came back?"

"Yea," Remus said. "Talk first, then… we'll see, ok?"

Sirius nodded, and went to the kitchen, fixing tea that he knew Remus would want. Remus stood in silence, leaning against the kitchen counter, watching as Sirius mechanically boiled the water with his wand, stirred in the leaves, poured, and added honey.

Cups in hand, the two men moved back to the sitting room and sat on the couch.

"We've talked before," Sirius murmured.

"Not about this."

Silence reigned for a moment, and then Remus closed his eyes and began.

"I never thought I would let it get to me so much. But I was there, and I had to do the things I did, or I would have died—they would have killed me. I tried to stay away during the fulls, and I was mostly successful. Sariah helped immensely. If it hadn't been for her… well, things would have been worse, if that was possible.

"I killed a muggle. Tore his throat out because Greyback told me to, and I had to, and I tell myself over and over that I had no choice, it would've been a death sentence if I'd disobeyed, but I can… still see his eyes, Sirius. He was so scared… and I did that to him.

"I tortured the other wolves—it was another 'I had to' because Greyback told me to—and at the end, I didn't mind. I'd bite and snap when we were changed, and I'd threaten and curse them when we were human, but I didn't care. It stopped meaning anything, I stopped feeling remorse, and that—that's why I'm… wrong, now."

Sirius shook his head. "You feel remorse now."

"Maybe now, but I didn't then. Maybe afterward, but not while I was doing it. That's the issue. I changed—I was just as bad as them. I was the animal I've tried my whole life to avoid, and that means it's in me, Siri. It's there. And I know it's there, and I… I don't want you to see it."

Sirius rose, suddenly furious. "Since we were twelve, Remus! Fourteen years and you've never hidden your scars from me. I touch them, in the most literal sense. I see everything about you, and when others see a monster, I only see you. I love you, I cannot stop loving you. Even when I thought you'd… betrayed me… I didn't—couldn't—stop, and…" he dropped down next to Remus, and cupped the other man's face in his hands.

"You don't need to hide from me. Never. I know you did terrible things, but I can forgive you that. I have! I need you back. Do you remember what I told you the night you left? Cause I do. I'm lost without you, Remus. And I am. I've been wandering, and… you need to come home. I can help you with your scars… I always can. It just—it needs to be you and me."

Remus gulped, and pulled Sirius up on the couch with him.

"This will be hard…" he whispered, amber eyes fixed on grey. "I'm in bad shape."

"I'll make it better…" Sirius breathed back.

Remus nodded—the movement so small it was barely discernable, but Sirius saw. He let out a half-sob, half-gasp, and pulled Remus in for a mind-numbing kiss. Deep, but brief, and he soon pulled back and in the same movement, pulled Remus to his feet.

"Come to bed."

Remus nodded again, more strongly this time, and the corners of Sirius' mouth turned up. He grasped Remus' hand, and pulled them in the direction of their bedroom.

When they collapsed to the bed, particles of dust flew up, illuminated by the light of the candles Sirius had hastily lit. Remus raised an eyebrow, and Sirius shrugged.

"I don't sleep in here without you. It felt wrong."

Remus let out a soft breath, and Sirius paused for a second, wanting to really, truly, make sure this moment was real. When he opened his eyes again, Remus was still there, pinned underneath him, a very small half-smile on his face.

"You're here…" Sirius breathed, dipping his head down to kiss gently along Remus' neck. He sucked lightly on the tendon, then kissed up his clavicle, his hands moving to unclasp Remus' robes at the same time.

"You'll stay…" he mouthed in Remus' neck, and paused, waiting for confirmation, and as soon as he felt Remus' murmured assent, he pushed robes off the other man's shoulders, exposing the button-up shirt and slacks. He attacked the buttons keeping Remus' chest covered with ferocity—some made it through the button holes, but more were simply ripped off, snapping threads and falling to the floor.

Sirius pulled the tails of the shirt from Remus' slacks, and quickly undid the belt, button, and zip. He let his fingers trail down, and closed his eyes in pleasure when he felt the hard need underneath his fingertips.

Remus' fingers were tugging at the hem of his t-shirt, and Sirius willingly raised his arms so it could slide off. Remus trailed his fingers over the other man's chest, pausing to trace a long, jagged scar that sliced through Sirius' abdomen.

"How…" he whispered.

Sirius shrugged slightly. "Dolohov. …You're not the only one with scars now, Moony…"

Their eyes met again, and Sirius leaned down to recapture Remus' slightly chapped lips. Their mouths opened without needing to ask for entrance, and their kiss deepened, Sirius winning the battle for dominance.

He slowly ground his hips down, increasing the pressure, and pulled back to watch Remus' face—he always made the most beautiful expressions when Sirius was teasing him. True to form, Remus' mouth fell open, and his eyes closed, a small line appearing between his eyebrows.

"Oh, Siri… please…"

"Come undone for me, Remus," Sirius moaned, not taking his eyes off his partner's now twitching face. He slid his hands down to Remus' waistband and slowly pushed off everything below the waist, letting Remus' trousers fall in a heap at the end of the bed.

Remus, naked underneath him, made Sirius' already rock-hard erection begin to border on painful. But right now he was concentrating on Moony—he could ignore his own needs for a few minutes more.

Sirius slid down Remus' body, licking a few of the more prominent scars. Most he remembered—hell, most he probably name the month and year half of them were acquired, but a few were new.

One in particular was an actual hollow in Remus' hipbone, and the skin stretched over it was rippled and pale—paler than the rest of rest of Remus' already too-white skin. Sirius pressed his tongue into the depression, and Remus drew in a sharp breath. It was Sirius' turn to ask 'how' this time.

"Louis. When I took over as Greyback's second," Remus replied, a flutter of disgust in his voice. Sirius glanced up at him before bending to kiss the dent again, and then slid neatly sideways and licked a long stripe along Remus' leaking cock.

Sirius smiled when he heard a heavy breath being drawn above him, and tightened his fingers on Remus' thighs when the other man quivered slightly. After carefully covering every inch of Remus' erection with his tongue, Sirius slowly, achingly, brought his mouth to the tip and began to slide down, working any skin not currently in his mouth with his nimble fingers.

Remus moaned again, and tried to move his hips, but Sirius held him still until he had taken the other man to the base. He let himself adjust to Remus' thickness halfway down his throat (he'd almost forgotten how well-endowed the werewolf was) and then began to bob his head, hollowing his cheeks and sucking as he moved.

Sirius was acutely aware that Remus was stroking his hands through hit too-long hair, occasionally fisting a handful and arching his back, and even though he didn't think it was possible, he felt himself grow harder. He moaned around Remus' cock, and moved one hand from the other man's waist to palm at his still-clothed groin.

When Sirius pulled his mouth off Remus with a quiet pop that seemed almost unbearably loud in the quiet room, Remus growled deep in his chest, distressed at the loss of pleasure. Sirius rose up on his elbows, and shot the other man a skeptical look before Remus rolled them over, now moving down on Sirius' body.

Sirius reached above his head to grasp at the headboard and lifted his hips to give Remus an easy opportunity to remove his pants. Remus seized the chance, and practically ripped Sirius' remaining clothes from his body, before leaning down and reciprocating the action Sirius had recently performed on him.

"Oh, Moony… yes, like that…" moaned Sirius, (never one to be quiet in bed) and Remus mmm'd appreciatively around the other man's member. After a few minutes of this, during which the edges of Sirius mind began to lose focus, (the things Remus could do with his tongue) Remus suddenly stopped and moved back up the bed to kiss Sirius once more.

"I need you, Moony… can I?" Sirius whispered while nibbling a path along Remus' ear. Remus nodded, and pulled Sirius' fingers to his mouth and began sucking, laving, thoroughly coating them. Sirius groaned, and buried his head in the crook of Remus' neck.

They rolled again, and Sirius, now on top, settled between Remus' legs. He teased a nipple, and at the same time, slid one wet finger into Remus' hole, crooking it and massaging gently. Remus arched, and whispered, "…more…"

Sirius smiled into Remus' chest and nipped him softly, adding another finger, and then a third, stretching, preparing his lover carefully. "Ready for me?" he asked, when Remus began to bear down on his fingers, seeking more contact. Remus let out a strangled noise that may have been a 'yes,' and Sirius removed his fingers.

He quickly muttered a lubrication spell, and drew in a sharp breath when he felt the cool slick appear on his cock. Underneath him, Remus fidgeted, and Sirius hovered over him for a moment before bending down to kiss him once again.

Joined at the lip, their tongues swirling around the other's, Sirius slowly slid into Remus, whose breath stuttered at the contact. Sirius barely had to wait for Remus to become accustomed to him, and was able to begin thrusting almost immediately.

He leaned down, pulling Remus tight, so the friction of their bodies moving together trapped Remus' erection between them. Sirius laced the fingers of one hand in Remus' hair, and grabbed Remus' hand with the other. He tugged the hand above their heads, and Remus used his free hand to grasp tightly to Sirius' ass, pulling him in even deeper.

They moved in perfect unison, as if they'd never been apart. The sound of gasps, moans, and skin sliding and slapping were the only noises that filled the room for some time, until Sirius jerked his hips—just right—and Remus swore.

"Oh fuck, Padfoot, fuck yes!" Remus swearing was such a rare, erotic thing that Sirius couldn't handle it a moment longer, and he came deep inside, his body tensing and Remus' name on his lips. The other man followed a moment later, the feeling of Sirius filling him proving too much.

When the tremors from their orgasms began to die, Sirius made no move to pull out, instead kissing Remus again and then resting their sweaty foreheads together. They settled into comfortable silence for a moment before Remus shifted slightly.

Sirius opened his eyes and met Remus'. "You'll get stuck," Remus said calmly, and Sirius grinned, pulling out and rolling over. He threw an arm and a leg over Remus, who hadn't moved an inch, and pulled himself as close as he could without initiating another go-round. They drifted off.

A couple hours later, Sirius woke and allowed himself to watch Remus sleep. The lines on the werewolf's face never totally went away—he was creased and scarred, but Sirius had never seen anyone more beautiful. He smiled when Remus opened his eyes, and leaned in for a lengthy kiss.

When they pulled away, Remus ran a hand through Sirius' hair. "So, I can move back in?" he asked, voice low.

Sirius blinked, and a grin split his face. "I believe it would be unacceptable if you did not."

They linked hands and pulled each other closer, already intent on repeating what they'd done earlier in the night.

A/N: And that is it, people! Thanks so much for reading... I really hope you enjoyed it. This was my first attempt at a multi-chapter fic (actually, it was the first fic I started writing) so I would really appreciate it if you could find it in your heart to review, pretty please? Constructive criticism would be spectacular-any insights to where I could improve would be much appreciated. And thanks to everyone who encouraged me throughout! Positive feedback kept this thing moving. :)