My first one-shot! This story is about Sakura hitting Naruto one time too many and the consequences of her being a bitch to him all the time. Enjoy!

Warning: not for Sakura fans!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters.

"Please?" Naruto was following Sakura around, slowly getting on her nerves.

"No!"

"Sakura-chan, why not?"

"Because I said no!"

"Oh come on, just one date."

Sakura scowled and pulled a fist back. Naruto sent Sai a meaningful glance, which she failed to notice. Sai nodded imperceptibly.

WHAM!

Sai winced as Naruto went flying through a wooden fence, then through a brick wall, and finally stopped when smashing into the village gate.

Sai frowned. "I think you overdid it this time, ugly."

Sakura glared at Sai, but nonetheless went to check on Naruto. Her anger dissipated, replaced by worry when she saw Naruto visibly dazed and staggering.

"Naruto? You okay?" she asked, now regretting her outburst.

Naruto blinked, before slowly focusing his eyes on Sakura.

"Heeyyyyyy." He slurred. "You have pink hair. It looks weird." And he broke into a fit of giggles.

Sakura cast a worried look at Sai. Naruto followed her gaze and cracked a huge smile.

"Sasuke, you're baaaaaack." The blond crowed. "What did you do with your hair? It looks tons better now...hey, let me see the Sharingan. That thing's awesome!"

Sakura now looked near tears. "I think I broke Naruto." She glanced at Sai. "No one can find out about this until I know how to fix it, understood?"

At her glare, Sai nodded. Inwardly he smirked. Phase one complete, Naruto.

"Tsunade-sama, Sakura's here to see you. She has Naruto and Sai with her." Shizune said, sticking her head into the Hokage's office.

Tsunade sighed, taking a sip of sake. "Send them in."

Shizune's head disappeared, and a moment later Sakura entered, followed by Sai, who was supporting Naruto as he walked.

Tsunade eyed Naruto suspiciously. "Why is he trying to eat his own shoe?"

Sakura frowned. "Naruto...well, he got into a sort of collision accident, and he hasn't been acting normal since."

Tsunade nodded, now walking around Naruto and examining him. "What was the nature of the accident?"

Sai answered before Sakura could say anything. "Ugly here punched Naruto through several walls."

Tsunade and Shizune both glared at Sakura murderously. Said girl was almost wilting under killing intent.

"Sai, take Naruto outside and keep him safe." Tsunade instructed the boy. "I'll speak with you after I'm done with Sakura here."

Sai bowed and pulled Naruto away from the curtains he was trying to wear, and pulled him out of the office.

"Hey blondie, are you my mother?" Naruto yelled before Shizune slammed the door. Both women snapped their glares to the pink-haired apprentice.

"What. Did. You. Do." Tsunade spat out angrily. Shizune looked at Sakura as if she was something highly disgusting.

Sakura tried to stammer out a response. "I uh, um...well..."

"Save it." Tsunade ordered. "We've been over this. He is your teammate. Do you see him hitting people? Did he ever hit you?"

Sakura shook her head.

"Then why do you hit him?" Shizune asked.

"He acts stupid all the time and he invents all sorts of perverted jutsu." Sakura started explaining. "Plus he's after me for dates all the time and it's really annoying."

Tsunade smirked, she caught the girl now. "He acts stupid and invents pervy ninjutsu, huh? And tell me, who was it that defeated Pein and convinced Nagato to revive everyone, hmm?"

Sakura's gaze fell. "It was Naruto."

"Exactly." Tsunade nodded. "Naruto can use Kage Bunshin by the thousands, created the Rasenshuriken himself, and with his mastery of Sage Mode he is the current Toad Sage of Konoha. So what can you do?"

Sakura perked up. "I am highly proficient with medical ninjutsu."

Tsunade stood up. "While Naruto is one of the greatest heroes Konoha has ever had, all YOU can do is revive a dead fish! If Naruto acts stupid and invents perverted jutsu, and yet he can defeat the Akatsuki leader by himself, then maybe you should be more like Naruto!"

Sakura burst into tears.

Tsunade sat back down and sneered. "Get out. Oh, and I'm done training you. I don't have time to deal with Uchiha whores."

Sakura left the office as a blubbering mess of tears and snot.

Tsunade sighed. "Shizune, send in Naruto and Sai."

Tsunade smirked. "Glad you came up with this, brat. I was also getting sick of the high and mighty attitude she developed as my apprentice, even though Yamanaka has way more potential."

Naruto smirked. "That wraps up phase two, baa-chan. Now it's time for phase three."

Shizune leaned in, interested. "What's phase three?"

Sai smiled. "We sick gaga Naruto on Konoha, letting everyone know why exactly he's acting weird and who's to blame. It's time Sakura learned not everything is about her."

"One more question." Shizune frowned. "You gave up on her years ago and you could have set this up much earlier. Why now?"

Tsunade gave a proud smile. "It's Naruto's masterpiece. He'll pull off a huge prank and get even with Sakura in one fell swoop before I officially announce him as the Rokudaime."

Naruto nodded to Sai and the two stood up. "Let's go."

Much later:

Sakura walked through the streets miserably, trying to find someone who could tell her Naruto's whereabouts. Luck smiled upon her, or so she thought, when she saw Hinata heading her way.

Sakura put on a smile. "Hey Hinata, have you..."

"Hakke Rokujuyon Sho!" The Hyuuga heiress cried, closing dozens of Sakura's chakra points in seconds.

"Now that you can't move, I want answers." Hinata stated crossly, looking at Sakura on the ground. "What did you do to Naruto-kun? Why did he want to gouge my eyes out and stick them in his own head?"

Sakura gasped painfully. "I hit him because he wanted a date." She said lamely.

"That's it?" Hinata asked incredulously. "Do you know how lucky you are if he wants to date you? Do you know what I'd give, heck, what any girl would give to go out with Naruto-kun as he is now?"

Sakura stayed quiet. Hinata's face twisted into a very ugly sneer.

"Get over your Uchiha traitor, you bitch." Hinata spat. "He'd kill you as soon as he'd see you...actually, do go after him. You'll do us a favor."

Hinata turned and started walking away. "Have fun."

Sakura, still on the ground, frowned. "Huh?"

"Sakura-san!" Came from a distance. "Your flames of youth have been snuffed out. Fear not, me and my team shall help you rekindle them."

"This I'm actually looking forward to." Lee's Hyuuga teammate was heard.

Sakura blanched. "Well...crap."

"So what did he do to you guys?" Sakura asked wearily.

Tenten scowled. "He thought I was a panda and kept pushing bamboo shoots in my face. Where did he even get those?"

Lee had a somber look on his face. "He thought my eyebrows were caterpillars and kept staring at them, wanting them to change into butterflies."

Neji frowned. "He ran away from me screaming 'Help! It's a blind man!'"

Lee eyed Sakura contemplatively for a moment. "So what should we do with you?"

Neji broke into a grin. "I know. Congratulations, Tenten. We just found your new training dummy."

Tenten smirked and took out a set of kunai, some shuriken, and a reaper scythe (?).

"Yay!" The girl cheered. "Time for the gods of all objects sharp and pointy to have their revenge on the nonbeliever!"

"Gatsuuga!" A blur screamed before a whirling Inuzuka smashed into the pink-haired girl.

Sakura lay recovering from the onslaught when a large swarm of bugs flew at her.

Sakura just gave a weary sigh and stood, resigned, when she saw a shadow speeding towards her. "You guys too?"

Shikamaru nodded. "This may be troublesome, but it's fun too."

Ino scowled and got in Sakura's face. "Yeah, us too, forehead."

"What did he do?" Sakura asked tiredly.

"He called me fat!" Ino and Chouji yelled in unison.

"He took one of my chakra knives, put his chakra into it, and pinned my shadow." Shikamaru grumbled. "I couldn't move all day because Ino and Chouji were...busy."

"Sorry."

"You should be." Shikamaru agreed.

"So what are you guys going to do to me?" Sakura asked.

Ino gave an evil smirk. "You look tired and beat already. I'm just here to gloat."

"Huh?"

"Tsunade-sama chose me as her new protegee after she threw you out."

Whispers followed Sakura as she made her way to the Hokage tower, bruised, bloody, and with kunai still jutting out from random places.

"Look, it's her."

"She's the one who who caused Uzumaki-sama's insanity."

"How dare she show her face around here?"

"Looks like someone got her good already."

"I'm not having her in my store, that's for sure."

Sakura groaned in pain as she climbed up the Hokage tower and opened the office door. She paused in her tracks at what she saw.

"Naruto?" she asked in disbelief, ignoring Tsunade and the rest of the Rookie 11."Why are you wearing the Hokage hat?"

Naruto grinned. "You like? The lady who looks like my mummy said I looked good in it and she wanted me to have it." He beamed at Tsunade. "Thanks, mom-lady."

Tsunade laughed. "Naruto, you're done. You made your point. Stop acting."

Naruto sent Tsunade another smile, then turned back to Sakura. "As of this morning, right after our meeting actually, Tsunade-baachan retired and I became the new Hokage. The official announcement is tomorrow."

"What about all the weird stuff you did all day?"

Naruto smiled. "Oh, that. That was all faked."

Sakura exploded. "NARUTO! How dare you do something like that? Do you know how I've been treated?"

"About the same way you treated me throughout the academy and when we were team 7." Naruto answered coldly, then perked up. "I don't have Tsunade-baachan's strength, but Kiba's Gatsuuga or the Jyuuken were good substitutes."

"I feel like saying something old-Neji style." The Hyuuga prodigy smiled. "Ahem...Fate has decreed that being a bitch to others will bite you in the ass."

"I don't know." Tenten shook her head. "That just didn't sound the same. Maybe next time."

Everybody laughed while Sakura left the office, broken and unnoticed.

Epilogue:

Konoha prospered under the reign of Naruto Uzumaki, the Rokudaime Hokage.

Sasuke eventually pissed off Madara too much and got himself killed. Good riddance.

Team 10 surpassed their fathers in terms of teamwork. Ino married Sai and took over the intelligence division from Ibiki, Chouji took over Ichiraku after marrying Ayame, and Shikamaru married Kurenai. Nobody saw that one coming.

Team 8 similarly lucked out. Hinata eventually gave up on Naruto, and two years later she was pregnant with her husband Kiba's child. Shino was the best though. He married Kiba's sister, effectively turning team 8 into a real family.

Sai succeeded Danzo as leader of Root, which Naruto allowed to exist. He also became one of the Rokudaime's most trusted advisors, and they remained best friends until Sai died of old age at the age of 92.

Gaara's family didn't appear in this story. No reason for me to include them in the epilogue.

Madara was defeated. He made the mistake of fighting someone who was faster, stronger, and more resilient than him. He lost and got his head smashed to powder after his time-space technique reached it's limit.

That's right. He fought Gai.

Kakashi also didn't appear in the story, but I like Kakashi so...Kakashi died happily after having read all of the Gold Editions of Icha Icha, each copy hand-signed by Jiraiya.

Iruka married Shizune.

Tsunade died from wounds and chakra exhaustion after defeating Kisame and Zetsu during a last-ditch attack on Konoha after Madara's death.

Neji became the Nanadaime Hokage after Naruto retired. His cousin Hanabi had effectively seduced Konohamaru, and forced him to give up his dream if he wanted to be with her. Go Hanabi!

Lee and Tenten both became Jounin-sensei. Their teams eventually convinced the two to get married.

Sakura died alone in her apartment. No one except her parents cared enough to come to her funeral.

Naruto merged with the Kyuubi at 25, just like the seal was supposed to do. His one single consequence was that he became immortal. He then became known as Konoha's Immortal Hokage, and the name stuck even after Neji took over.

Cole Martin was happy about writing his first one-shot. He is considering a change of his fan-fiction name, and would like to see reviews with suggestions.

Thanks for reading!