Hello again! This is my first SH fic! I do not own the IPod, Lady Gaga, or SH/Konami.

LET'S GET SPOOFIN

A nurse with a scalpel clenched in one diseased hand crept down the halls of Alchemilla Hospital, jerking and twitching the entire way. Echoing quietly was the unmistakable sound of a female voice, drawing her to it like flies to rotting flesh. Her delicate knife ought to work just fine, if the woman did not have a gun or pipe and the Bubblehead Nurse could land a slice to the throat. Pyramid Head was always getting the thrill of killing, surely he wouldn't mind just one person snatched away from him...? Anyway, she could always give him the body afterwards to skin and make a spiffy new flesh skirt- "IT'S A KILT," the nurse nicknamed Bubbly could almost hear him roar- or whatever it was he liked to do with corpses. She shuddered, remembering her friend, the Lying Figure.

She was drawn forward by the tantalizing cries, music to her guaze-wrapped ears. Through her heavy bandages, she could see the doorknob of a heavy metal door. The human was just inside, but also in there would be Fleshy, the top Flesh Lips. No one dared challenge him, but no one knew quite as well as Bubbly that he was afraid of nurses.

Bubbly burst inside, finding the lower legs of what appeared to be a man or a very hairy female disappearing into Fleshy's undulating maw, shoes and all. They were long dead; Bubbly couldn't even offer to help stab the human to death to make the eating proccess easier.

"What are you doing?" she yowled, raising her scalpel and stomping a foot indignantly.

"Eating," Fleshy rumbled, relaxing in his metal cage suspended from the ceiling. His fat folds bulged out from between the metal bars. "Human males aren't nearly as tender as females. Women are truly succulent."

Bubbly, fearless in her confidence that Flesh Lips liked her too much to strangle her on the spot, staggered forward to stand beneath him, arms crossed with the point of her scalpel buried in her side.

"That was to be my kill," she snarled.

"All's fair in Silent Hill," Fleshy singsonged, burping and releasing a tennis shoe. "But if you want, the male dropped an object I believe you and your spastic friends would appreciate."

"What is it?" Bubbly tried to sound aloof and not interested, failing comically.

"I have no idea, but it keeps repeating itself. Listen." Fleshy went silent.

Rah, rah, rah-ah-ah, roma roma-ma-ma, Gaga, oh-la-la, want your bad romance, sang a small device half-hidden under an overturned table.

Without hesitation, Bubbly pounced.

The object she returned with was a flamboyantly pink, thin rectangle of plastic, bearing an apple-shaped insignia and "iPod" in thick white letters.

Want your bad romance! it squealed. She fell in love, and after a moment's admiration, Bubbly stuffed it down her shirt (for safekeeping, of course...) with the intent of showing it to her nurse friends later on.

"Thanks, Fleshy." She left the room.

Better than killing any day, she thought, content with her shiny find.

"I knew something tasted queer about that one," Fleshy snickered upon seeing the very bright "iPod-" whatever it was.

Bubbly was in such a good mood that she spasmed right out the door, straight into Red Pyramid Thing, also known as Red, face pressed against his bare stomach.

"Move," she growled to the much larger monster, reeling back.

"What's that you've got there?" Shameless, Red was staring down her revealing top.

"Why are you looking, jerk?" Bubbly, furious, stomped his feet with her stilettos and smacked him in the face- or rather, his helmet. She ignored the stinging pain she brought upon herself, using the uninjured hand to slice her scalpel across his upper arm.

"No need to get testy," Red laughed, hardly fazed. "If you wear clothes like that, you're asking for it."

Bubbly stormed away, shoes clicking as she went. Red sighed and shook his head, sauntering off down the hall, the tip of his spear squeaking on the linoleum tiles.

The nurse was still fuming as she reached the end of a corridor, turning left into a room used for a nurse gathering area. Three nurses, a Dark Nurse, an Arcade Nurse, and a Puppet Nurse sat in ominous silence, slumped over and motionless.

"Hey! Wake up!" Bubbly cried.

The nurses flinched and slashed at each other with their knives, landing a few good gashes before settling down, moaning softly.

"What?" Twitchy, the Dark Nurse and one of the tallest nurses, asked.

"You'll never guess what I found!" Bubbly tittered, bouncing excitedly.

"Uhfugh?" Puppet, obviously the Puppet Nurse, questioned in that daft way of hers. She was a slouching, pitiful creature whose parasite (lovingly nicknamed Vampire) had drained every spark of intelligence from her dull eyes.

"Go on, tell!" Arcade, the final nurse, was a brilliant, hyperactive young thing with a secret affection for Red. She had to admit with great displeasure that he was more interested in Mannequins and Lying Figures than some garden-variety Arcade Nurse. Mannequins were all legs- no one could compete with them.

"I found..." Bubbly panted. "I found..."

"Spit it out," Twitchy giggled.

"Yes, do!" Arcade shifted from foot to foot.

"Yergh," Puppet mumbled her agreement.

"I found..." Bubbly began. "An iPod!"