Interrogation: Rachel Morgan and Abby Cameron Style

Leave him alone, it isn't right to mess with the crazies. – Yu Yu Hakusho, ep. 5

Zach should have realized that getting into Gallagher that night was way too easy. The security was off by a couple of seconds, meaning he didn't need to hide from them. The cameras never even moved. And most of the underground mines were deactivated.

But he didn't suspect anything, and thus, did not even see the Napotine patch coming for his head.

He woke up, tied to a chair in the Headmistress's office. Sitting on the desk was Rachel Morgan herself, and her sister Abby.

It was then he realized he should be scared. Extremely scared.

"So, Zach," Abby stood, eyes gleaming. "I hear that you've been stalking my niece."

Stalking? That's what they thought he was doing? He was most certainly not stalking! He was... checking up on her. To make sure she didn't get herself killed. While he stayed comfortably in the shadows so he didn't get himself killed by her, for checking up on her. Zach opened his mouth to say all of this, only to be cut off by Ms. Morgan.

"And don't try denying it. We've only been allowing you get through security so far because we think you won't hurt her..." her eyes narrowed. "You won't hurt her, right?"

Again, Zach tried to open his mouth to confirm that, but was steamrolled over by Abby. "Because if you do, I will show you exactly what Rebecca Baxter's mother did to the man who tried to take out the Ambassador of Turkey."

Ms. Morgan's eyes lit up, and she turned to Abby. "That was a good one!" she exclaimed. "The one with the pantyhose..."

"And the bobby pin..." Abby agreed.

"Oh, don't forget the wine."

"And his own gun!"

The two laughed manically. Zach wondered if these people were actually related to Cammie. Because, going from what was going on right now, he would say they were more related to Bex and Macey.

"Wait, what about that time in Paris–"

"Oh you mean with the thing–"

"And the flamethrower–"

"And that French politician's son?"

"That was fun."

"Didn't you trip and fall over?" asked Ms. Morgan.

Abby pulled a wounded look. "The floor was slippery!"

Ms. Morgan laughed. As her laughter quieted down, the two turned in unison to Zach. "Can I go?" he asked irately.

"Nope," said Abby, popping the 'p.'

Zach tried to look as cool and calm as possible, but the two older women just laughed at him. "You know, I'm not really sure what Cam sees in him," Abby said thoughtfully.

"Tall, dark, mysterious," Ms. Morgan waved her hand around dismissively. "You know the drill."

Abby snorted. "He's not even that tall."

"Compared to her he is."

The talking went on for awhile like this; the two women went on to discuss his looks – "Intense stares. The girls always fall for them." – and insult them – "Really, could he be a bigger walking cliché of a spy?"

Zach begged in his head for someone to help him. By his count, he had been tied up for twenty eight minutes, and thirty two seconds, but the women were still talking.

That was when the door opened. And someone shot Zach. No, joking. (Though, after the next hour, he wished that had happened.) No, Solomon just walked in. He stopped, eyes zeroing on Zach, who was still tied to a chair. He didn't even blink, just flopped down onto the couch in the office.

And there went Zach's thoughts of rescue.

"This seems familiar," Solomon said, glancing at Abby. "Didn't you do this to Matt when Rachel and he started going out?"

Ms. Morgan blinked, turning to Abby for confirmation. Her sister shrugged. "It seemed like a good idea at the time," she explained. Ms. Morgan nodded, as if that made sense. And maybe in their crazy minds, it did. But to Zach, it just made him want to throw himself out the window.

Solomon grabbed a chair, straddling the back of it. A strange glint was in his eyes.

It was then that Zach went from being scared to fearing for his life. He was sure that the three could kill him in seconds flat, without him even noticing, all the while making it look like an accident.

Great.

"So, Zach," Solomon started with a drawl. "I've heard you've been stalking my best friend's daughter. Scratch that, I knowyou've been stalking her."

What was with the stalking thing? There was no stalking! But Zach was a spy, and no matter what, this was an interrogation. So, he kept his mouth shut, especially since they wouldn't believe him about the no stalking thing.

"So, Zach," Solomon said again. "How do you want to do this? We could threaten you. We could maim you."

"I know some good devices that Dr. Fibbs has been preparing," said Ms. Morgan.

"I vote on the thing that happened in Egypt, inside the pyramids," Abby piped up.

"Oh, you mean the one with the chimpanzee, the crossbow, and the mini trampoline?" Ms. Morgan asked.

Zach really wanted to know why a trampoline was in the pyramids. He decided not to ask.

"How about castration?" Abby suggested.

Zach's eyes did not widen. He did not make any facial expressions. They were just using scare tactics... right?

"There's guns. Or knives. Rusty ones preferably. Um. We could use string, that's a fun one..." Abby trailed off, seeing the odd stares that she was receiving from the others in the room. "What?" she asked defensively.

They didn't answer. Zach sighed. "Are you going to let me go?"

"Nope," the three chorused.

Great.

"What will it take for you to let me go?" he tried.

The three exchanged glances. Ms. Morgan stepped forward. "Listen here, Zachary," she said coolly. "If I find out for some odd reason that you have put Cammie in even potential harm, I will find a way to make your life living hell. Understood?"

"Understood," he said, pleased that he did not squeak.

Ms. Morgan nodded once. Then, she cocked her fist. And for a second time, there was blackness.

The last thing he heard was: "So, no castration?"

Zach woke up, head pounding. He went to stand, only to find he couldn't. His eyes widened, as he realized he was still tied to a chair. Except, this time, he was in what was undoubtedly a girl's room. Three girls stood in front of him: Rebecca Baxter, Macey McHenry, and Elizabeth Sutton. The first was fingering a knife, with a rather sadistic smile on her face. The second simply had a piece of paper in her hands that she was currently studying, and the third was twisting a knob on some freaky gadget.

Now he knew what the knife was most likely for, but he was pretty sure he didn't want to know what the freaky gadget did.

Eyes moving past them, they locked onto the form of the fourth inhabitant of the room. Cammie was sitting on her bed torn half between amusement, indifference and mortification. She blinked at him, and then shrugged, before flopping down onto her bed, magazine in hand. "Hey, Bex, can you hurry up on the whole threatening thing? I need a partner to help me perfect the thing your mom did to the sniper that was going after the Ambassador of Turkey."

"Oh, sure thing." Bex smiled, and the three girls moved closer than he would have liked. "We'll make this quick."

Zach swore in his head. Never again was he going to Gallagher. Ever.

Note: Oh this was just plain silly. Poor Zach. And Solomon, as usual, is a tad OOC.