Chapter 9 – The Means to an End, or Perhaps a New Beginning

A/N: I'm sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up, but here it is at last.

Adele's body burned and it felt as though the very fires of the Void were trying to open beneath her and rip apart her very soul. Why was it that the lyrium burned under her flesh at this very moment? A pain so great and so terrible, a destruction unsurpassed by any that had come before. She resisted the urge to scream out in pathetic pleas to the Maker and Andraste, anyone or anything that might make the pain stop, since she knew that it wouldn't.

With the pain came memories, the loss of her mother, brother and sister; meeting those she now cherished as friends; and all the struggles that had lead to her becoming the Champion of Kirkwall. Everything came back in a whirlwind of color and sensation.

The memories that hit her the hardest were the memories of Fenris. The stoic elf had captured her heart before, only to then render it in two when they finally had had a night of passion. All the years of love she had felt for him and it had taken the loss of these memories she was now reliving for her to even be able to get close to him again.

'Maybe, he'd still loved me, but by the time he realized it… it was just too late,' she pondered, the pain and shock of her memories beginning to recede, if only slightly.

The memories that amazed Adele the most were the memories of giving herself over to Danarius, to protect Fenris, despite everything that had happened between them. The act had been selfless and selfish all in one.

The wall of fire that had blocked off her memories no longer burned her when she went to move past it and see what lay beyond. It was thanks to the night of lovemaking she and Fenris now lay in the afterglow of. It had been a glorious mingling of world weary souls. Hawke lay there with Fenris's arms wrapped around her waist, his warm chest lightly pressed against her back. It had been the most wonderful and perfect night, and all she wanted to do was cry.

The more Hawke looked at everything that had happened to her; the marks still stung her skin where the sheets touched her bare skin, she thought about the man holding her close and everything that had happened between them. Despite everything she had still managed to love him, she wanted to laugh and cry at the hilarity of it. It seemed as if some things transcended memory alone.

Hawke had lived and fought to protect him from the evil that had broken him, that which too had broken her. Every memory was painful to relive, and even though Fenris lay next to her silently, he knew what must be happening to Hawke, since he too had gone through the same terrible process.

Memories could be painful, whether happy or sad, when they were returned forcefully to their owner.

Eventually the flow of memories slowed and not too long after they stopped completely, allowing Hawke a chance to breathe and sift almost painlessly through each past experience. She watched all of them, the memory playing before her, a movie of the past. Hawke was able to see everything that happened, but to her it did not appear to be from her at all; she was watching them like an outsider looking in from above.

They were her memories of that she was certain, but they didn't feel like they were hers.

After what seemed to be hours, but was in reality only minutes, Hawke removed herself from the comfort of her bed and Fenris's arms, pulling one of the blankets with her, which she used to wrap around herself in an attempt at a makeshift dress.

With everything that had happened Hawke felt as though she was inside a glass house, empty and fragile. She could still hear the Fade demon, " … power flows in you veins"; she wanted to laugh. There was no moment like now, where Hawke felt as if she were the most powerless creature in all of Kirkwall.

Fenris came to where she now stood staring at the fire that crackled away in the fireplace. He'd slipped back into his leggings after finding where they had landed on the floor from the earlier rush; and then wrapped his arms around Hawke's waist, putting his chin on her shoulder and nuzzled her neck.

"I should have warned you, Hawke," he said, his voice resonating like an earthquake, shattering the walls of Hawke's glass house. It pulled her swiftly from her silent reverie.

"I don't think I would have gone through with it if you had."

"Don't be so sure about that Hawke, you're a lot stronger than you think you are."

"That's what you're supposed to see, and until I got these memories back that's how I felt about everything you told me about who I was. But, none of it was true. Every time I did anything I was scared and frightened, as much, if not more than those I was protecting. When I lost my mother I wanted to give up, utterly and completely. That's what I did when I went to Danarius. I wanted to forget. Sure, I did it to save you, but I also did it, because I was a coward," a tear rolled free down Hawke's cheek.

"I am human after all. I'm not perfect. I wanted freedom. Freedom from these burdens that laid so heavily upon my shoulders. I never expected that you still cared for me as you do. The old Hawke planned for escape by leaving the phylactery with Merrill, but she thought the carefree life with amnesia would continue for years, not weeks."

Fenris continued to hug Hawke, he'd never known. No one had. The fact that she opened up to him meant more to him than anything else ever could. He had never told her how he had agreed to undergo the painful process for very similar reasons.

In part, Fenris had gone through the trials to save his mother and sister from the life of slavery, but he had wanted nothing more that to forget all the abuse; physical, emotional and sexual; that he had endured at the hands of other for so long. He had never expected what would and did happen many years later at the hands of the very women he now held in his arms.

He waited only moments, fighting with stubborn indecision before telling Hawke everything. He wanted her to know she wasn't alone, that he had been in her position and had gone through the same mistakes.

Soon the two were laughing through tears as they looked into the dying fire.

The moment could never be more perfect or more memorable.

A/N: I know that it's short, but I could think of no better way to end this story. Some of you may have been expecting smut, and I was thinking of writing it, but I didn't want to cheapen the pseudo-beauty (or perhaps even real beauty) of the moment with a "cheap" sexual encounter. I think that Chapter 2 was quite enough for this short story.

For now I bid you all ado, and hopefully I will get a new idea soon.

This Chapter is dedicated to : MNP, RF, CH, and MAD. I love you all!

MM