Chapter 24: Afterbirth

My heart sank. I tried to keep my composure, but I wasn't feeling especially strong in the moment.

"What did you say?" I asked the nurse.

"The…the baby. Your baby, she's…" The nurse trailed off, but I didn't egg her on.

My chest hurt; I felt nauseous all over again. I folded my tail up close to my stomach and buried my head in my palms. I took deep breaths, and fought more sobbing.

"Would you like to hold her?" A voice said, but it wasn't the nurse.

I looked up at Dr. Herrington, who had a small bundle settled in his fins. I froze, a lump forming in the pit of my throat. My mind fought for a witty response like "sure" or "why not?" or "I might as well get it over with." Instead, I only nodded. My arms were shaking violently as the tiny fry was placed within them. The bundle was warm and surprisingly light, but in that moment it was a chunk of lead to me. I nervously looked into the opening of the blankets, holding my breath.

Her hands were squeezed into little fists, her green face was scrunched and wrinkled like a moldy fruit, and, sure enough, her head was covered in tuffs of ginger hair. My heart felt like it'd stopped, my chest ached brutally. I gasped for breath, realizing I'd been holding it for far too long. The baby squirmed in my hold, pushing away her swaddling, and I anxiously wondered if something was wrong. After another minute, however, she settled down. She spontaneously opened her eyes, like two chocolate buttons, not unlike my own.

"Ah shit…" I breathed.

I cursed myself internally. I wasn't sure what the first thing I wanted to say to the baby was, but that definitely wasn't it. She, however, didn't even seem to hear me. She pressed her head against my chest. I was thrown into a cold sweat; I hadn't the slightest idea what I was doing, and I feared she would quickly figure that out. Not knowing what else to do, I dutifully adjusted her blankets under her chin. I reached up to adjust my glasses, then realized why everything looked so blurry. Marlene still had my frames. I sighed in frustration, wondering when, or if, she'd come back. It was only then I realized that Dr. Herrington and the nurse had left. We were alone.

I took a moment to reposition myself, trying to feel more comfortable in this new situation. I relaxed a bit more into the pillows behind me, and eased the infant in my arms further up onto my chest. Her face scrunched up again, looking like she might start fussing, and I stiffened anxiously. However, she calmed again after a minute. I tried desperately not to think about what had actually just happened, and somehow this helped me from losing my composure completely. I had just had a baby. I was still trying to wrap my head around it.

I heard the door open, and Marlene rushed in, a vending machine sports drink clenched in her hand. She stopped short upon seeing my position in the bed. Her eyes jumped from me, to the baby, and back again several times.

"Hey." She whispered.

"You're back." I said.

"Uh-huh. Your friends are outside, by the way. I think they wanted to give us some privacy."

"That makes sense." I glanced back down at the snoozing infant and smirked.

Marlene gently sat down in the bedside chair, and continued eyeing the baby.

"You think you can sit up?" She asked.

"I can try."

I slowly adjusted my position, one arm stiffly supporting the small bundle, the other pushing against the mattress. Everything ached; I was exhausted. Marlene fetched me a pillow from one of the cabinets, and stacked it under my burdened arm. Once I was more or less settled, I began sipping at the sports drink, its artificial lime flavor strangely comforting. The baby hadn't stirred, her breathing taking the form of a shrill whistle being released from her nostrils.

"I had to check four different floors to find a drink machine." Marlene said.

"Geez. Well you really booked it, didn't you?"

"Hey, when a nurse tells you to do something, you do it fast. Oh, here." Marlene took my glasses from where they'd been hanging around her tank collar and balanced them on my nose.

"Ah, that's better. Thank you."

I looked down at the baby, who looked largely the same with or without my glasses. Small, wrinkled, and green. My arm had begun to fall asleep under her weight, but I didn't budge. I was sort of in shock, or something very similar.

"How are you feeling?" Marlene asked.

"Besides tired? Mostly just numb. I'm not sure quite what to feel right now." I sighed.

"She looks like you, at least."

"Funny you should say that, because she actually doesn't. She has your hair."

Marlene hesitated, then gently peeled back the bit of blanket covering the baby's head. She ran her fingers over the baby's scalp, through her soft ginger hair. She was trying to take it all in, and doing about as well as I was.

"I know that must've been difficult to go through. You did a really good job. So brave." She murmured.

I gave her a faint smile, but stayed quiet. The baby gave a small yawn, stretched out her tail, then was still again. Marlene seemed unfazed, but I could tell she was trying to stay emotionally distant, probably having steeled herself before ever entering the room.

"Cute." She commented.

"Wanna' hold her?"

"Oh, Danny, I don't think-"

"It's okay."

"But-"

"It's. Okay." I repeated. I patted the side of the mattress.

Marlene slowly sat down on the side of the bed. She lowered the sidebar and I was able to slowly slide over so I was sitting next to her. It felt good to let the weight of my tail hang off the side of the bed, and the position made my back a great deal less sore. The baby was still situated in my arms, a little more awake than before, and the pillow between her and my lap. Marlene stiffly folded her arms into position. As I slowly slid the baby into Marlene's arms, I noticed her terrified expression.

"It's a lot to take in, huh?"

"Yeah...it's definitely something, alright," she nodded.

The baby settled right in, more than comfortable in her mother's arms. She opened and closed her eyes a couple of times, squinting in the room's bright lights. Marlene noticed her bare chest beneath the blanket.

"Do you have any clothes for her?" She asked.

"Yeah. I packed a couple outfits."

"You're just so prepared, huh?"

"Ha. Hardly."

With my hands free, I took a few more sips of the sports drink, feeling slightly more in control of my emotions. I could tell Marlene was really uncomfortable holding the baby, but she was nice enough to let me have a break.

"Your color's coming back," Marlene commented.

I glanced at my hand. It was no longer chalk white, but a slightly paler shade of green than my own. I "hmmed" at this, then looked back at the baby.

"I can take her back," I said, putting the bottle back on the bedside table. I stretched out my arms, and she shifted the baby back into my hold. She squirmed a little, her tail wrapping around my forearm.

"Does she have a name?"

I smiled. "You won't like it."

"Why not?" Marlene chuckled.

"Her name's Marley-Anne."

Marlene's smile fell. "She's...you're naming her after me?"

"More after the person I originally fell in love with."

Marlene blushed, opening and closing her mouth, trying to find words.

"So it isn't short for..." she murmured.

"No. Just Marley. But Anne is Anemone, for my mom. Family name."

"Does your family know...that I'm the mother?"

"No, but I suppose they will soon enough."

She paused, running her fingers through her hair. "Dan look, I can...I could help. I know I can't actually be there, or raise her, but I can support you both. Financially, I mean."

I shook my head, shifting the baby in my arms. "You don't have to do that. I don't expect anything from you."

"I know, I know! I just...I worry..." Marlene was crying.

In that moment, I knew I should have been furious. I should have wanted to push her off a cliff. She tricked me, lied to me, and was going to ditch me with a baby while trying to send me child support as a weak apology. And yet, I felt no emotion besides pity. I still loved her, then and, I was sure, always.

"Hey, hey," I held her shoulder, "calm down. It's alright."

"No it isn't!"

It really wasn't. I wasn't sure why I said this.

"Barry has no idea, and I'm just going to go about my life knowing I have a daughter somewhere in the world! And she's gonna grow up resenting me for leaving." Marlene cried.

"She won't. Not if I can help it."

"Bull. You hate me, too."

"I do not. Hard as it is, I understand your decision to not...want to do this. Trust me, I really had to motivate myself." I said, my awkward attempt at a joke.

Marlene sniffled, wiping her face with the sleeve of her robe. "I hate me…"

"Don't. It's all really complicated."

"So, you really do still love me?" she asked, wearing a vague smile.

I nodded and shrugged. I could feel myself blushing. "It doesn't matter."

She paused, and then floated up from the bed. "Are you all settled, then?" She asked, shouldering her bag.

"We'll be alright," I said, giving her a small smile.

I could tell she was holding back more tears as she leaned down and kissed the baby on her forehead. I saw her mouth the words "I love you" as she pulled away. Then, to my surprise, she kissed me as well. It was so brief, yet I cherished it completely.

"I'm sorry. I have to go. I can't…I can't stay."

"Everything will work out," I said, though not knowing why.

And then she was gone, disappearing behind the door of my hospital room. It slowly dawned on me that it was likely I'd never see her again. My chest clenched; I felt nauseous again. Marley-Anne began to fuss, and I realized she hadn't eaten yet. I was, once again, completely alone with the baby.

'I'm a ifather/i,' I thought, trying to get it to sink in. It was still all very superficial.

The door opened and closed again, and Marc came to the side of the bed.

"I saw Marlene leave, so I thought it'd be safe. How'd it go?"

"She couldn't stay." I said plainly. "Can you get a bottle for me, please?"

He wandered over to the bag, taking out an insulated bag and a bottle warmer. Prepping and plugging in the device, he turned back to me. "Is she coming back?"

I sniffed, feeling tears beginning to fall. I held little Marley-Anne closer, and she in turn became more upset. Marc quickly took the baby from my clenching grip, and tried to quell her crying. I took a few deep breaths, pulling myself together again. Marc said nothing in my time of destress, and I was grateful for that. When I returned to my calm state, Marc handed me the child and the warmed bottle.

"I figured you'd want to feed her first," he said.

I actually did; it surprised me, too. Marley eagerly latched on to the bottle's nipple, sucking down the formula with gusto. I watched her tiny throat working with every swallow. It was, frankly, fascinating to watch.

"Oh, where's Cora?"

He shrugged. "Bathroom, maybe?"

"Has she recovered from her fainting spell?" I smirked.

"Yes," he chuckled. "She told me to apologize profusely for her."

"No need…"

"Dan, I told her."

"Huh? Told her what?" I looked up from the baby.

"I told Cora I want to have kids," Marc said. He awkwardly leaned against the wall, his arms folded over his chest.

"Really? You told her?"

"Something just came over me, and I had to," he tried to hide his grin.

"Well, what did she say?"

"She, uh, she said she supports my decision, but…she doesn't think she should be a part of it," his smile fell.

I glanced back down at Marley, realizing she'd sucked the bottle dry. "Well, you cleaned that out, huh?" I placed it aside, and carefully leaned her, and a nearby towel, over my shoulder.

"We're gonna take a break," Marc continued.

"I'm really sorry."

"Don't be. I really need to do this, and you helped me realize it. Thanks."

"Why now? Why not wait a bit?"

"I want our kids to grow up together," he said.

I smiled. No doubt, that image was pretty adorable. After a good bit of the formula had been burped back up onto the towel, I cradled Marley back in my arms again.

"I wanna hold her," Marc whined. "You made me wait so long!"

"iI/i made you wait? Sure, sure…" I rolled my eyes, passing my child off to her uncle. Her very, very bizarre uncle.

"Aw, she's precious!" He held her against his chest. "Name?"

"Marley-Anne Baldwin."

"Marley, huh?" Marc raised his brow.

"Don't say anyth-" I started.

"I was just going to say that it's a lovely name. Adorable," he smirked. "And I think she looks just like her daddy."

"Daddy…" I muttered to myself, smiling.

I liked it.