For: Teaaddictedghosthunter

Prompt: Hirota trying to be cool but failing. (This might not have been what you had in mind…)

Notes: Written for the Ghost Hunt Exchange 2017. Also, thanks to King Falls AM podcast radio, for making my cow milking tasks interesting…

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Hirota was not an animal person.

Dogs were a definite no. They tended to smell and be too big with too many teeth. Cats were acceptable but got hair all over every artifact of clothing he owned. Snakes, ferrets, mice, rabbits, birds, turtles, lizards, and anything else for that matter were completely unacceptable.

Fish were all right.

Along those same lines, if most house-kept pets were not passable on his standards… then farm animals were not even in his power of comprehension.

At this moment he wasn't sure why he was even here. An old farmhouse, complete with barns, pastures, fences, and animals. Big animals. Why would you even take a case on a haunted farm? Can farms be haunted? Or were all old farms haunted?

"Why are we even here?" Hirota dared to pose the question to Davis, who stood beside him as he checked over the case report. When he didn't answer, Hirota continued, "And why do places like saunas or bakeries never become haunted?"

Hirota had meant it as a joke, but his joking skills must have been a little rusty or something since Davis gave him his signature 'why-are-you-an-idiot' look.

Davis folded his two-page case report neatly in half with a swift movement. "Farmlands attract different spirits than city ghosts. I'm merely doing a study."

"Then why am I here?"

"For whatever reason that you insist to tag along. I don't have time for your questions, but if you're looking to do something, go and talk to Mr. Oshii. Be professional and inquire him about the house and land."

Hirota couldn't quite discern this peculiar feeling in his chest. Davis had entrusted a task to him, which left Hirota feeling both honored and yet mortified to be told what to do by a younger individual.

He supposed most of the SPR crew felt that way.

Mr. Oshii was a sinewy man with a broad forehead and skeptical eyes. As Hirota approached the client, he made a show of readjusting his tie and straightening his jacket. He could be cool, he could be suave… he would make this a professional meeting and wouldn't let himself be bossed around by a non-believer. Although Hirota was only about three-quarters of a believer, he still wouldn't be pushed around.

Unfortunately, Mr. Oshii spoke before he could. "I have a grandson the same age as you."

"I, uh, thank you. I mean, is that so?"

How was he supposed to respond to that kind of statement, anyway?

Hirota cleared his throat. "Sir, do not be alarmed or worried. We're only doing a check of the area to see if you have ghosts on the premises or something natural that could be causing the same issue."

"Apparitions," said Mr. Oshii.

"Excuse me?"

"They don't like to be called 'ghosts', they prefer the term 'apparitions'. It's a respect thing, you know, like how it is less offensive to call dwarves a midget."

"I…. okay."

Apparently this man was a full-time believer.

"Besides, as I told your little brown haired missy friend over there, it's not apparitions." Mr. Oshii leaned very close, forcing Hirota to bend forward to hear him. "It's the aliens."

Hirota stood up so straight so fast it was a wonder that his spine didn't snap.

"I see," he said, face blank and mouth in a thin line. Hirota had only recently started to accept that ghosts… apparitions… could be real. Mr. Oshii beliefs were basically incomprehensible.

Davis was doing this to him on purpose, wasn't he? Probably because he didn't want to deal with someone of this certain caliber, so he would make Hirota do it. It was very mature of him. Very. Mature.

"Daughter tries to tell me that the lights in the field are only tricks of my eyes," Mr. Oshii said, "And the lights in the sky are stars. To outright say that I don't know what my own eyes are seeing is ignorance. I know they were not stars because they were moving."

"Perhaps they were… planes?"

Mr. Oshii let out a sigh that was a mixture of disappointment and exasperation. "You young folks think you can tell older people that they don't understand and don't know what's going on. I have more knowledge in my head than you have in your little toe, what do you think about that?" He folded his arms, sizing Hirota up. "You modern kids with your electronic thingies… I might not understand them, but at least I come from the land. At least I can milk a cow. You on the other hand don't look like you've ever stepped on dirt before, much less a farm."

"I – of course I have." Hirota gave his suit jacket a dignified tug.

Of course you have." The old farmer folded his arms and narrowed his eyes. "You. You're probably one of those people who believe the egg yolk is actually the baby chick."

"I – no, I mean – isn't it?"

The old man growled underneath his breath. "Why are you here anyway? Are you not a cop? What kind of cop follows around apparition researchers? Are you going to arrest the apparition… or something…"

"Of course not, sir." Hirota pinched the bridge of his nose, and released a breath. "Okay, okay, I need to report your… sightings to the… boss… Please excuse me. Thank you for your time."

Davis had told him to talk to Mr. Oshii for other reasons, hadn't he? But Hirota could not remember the reasons. Davis was probably going to tell him to go and finish the job but Hirota didn't think he could handle it. Ghosts – apparitions – aliens, baby chickens… This was why city life was much more comfortable.

"What did you find out?" Davis asked him, after seeing Hirota sitting on a lone straw bale.

"That the aliens are coming," Hirota mumbled. "And ghosts don't like to be called ghosts."

"I see," Davis said raising his eyebrows. "And you didn't find out when the house was built."

"No…"