Draco Malfoy and the Oogly-Boogley Evil Bad Hex by Luvscharlie

Warnings: Cannibalism (off screen)

A/N: Originally written for the 2011 Mini-event of Crack my Squick at hp_porninthesun, where there was a maximum word count of 300 and the squick to be "cracked" was "I don't like it when my Draco is purely evil and mean-spirited (not worthy of redemption at all). I'd like to think that he isn't a mini-Voldemort, and is capable of compassion/sympathy/love." for rzzmg on LJ.

"What's that you've got there, Astoria?" Pansy asked, when she saw Astoria entering the Manor. She'd stopped by for a visit and the last thing she'd expected was to see Astoria walking back through the door with a small pink bundle in her arms.

"It's a baby, of course," Astoria snapped.

"Your baby? I mean it's been a while since I visited, but it hasn't been that long… has it?"

"Of course not. Just look at my arse. Does this look the arse of a woman who used to weight 15 stone? Answer that carefully or you'll not live to answer a question tomorrow."

Pansy gulped.

"I borrowed this sprog from next door."

"That Muggle family down the street? They just let you borrow their kid?"

"Well not technically. I mean, I'm sure they would have, if I'd asked."

"You stole their kid?"

"I had to. Draco got hit with the oogly-boogley evil bad hex, and now he's gone bad… well worse, he was kind of bad before. I figured that if anything would snap him out of it, a baby would. I mean they're cute and cuddly… you know, when they're not stinky and sticky and launching vomit and stuff."

"So you're going to allow Draco to be around this kid, when he's gone over? Do you think that's smart? I mean, an oogly-boogley evil bad hex is… well bad."

Five minutes later

"He ate it?" Pansy covered her mouth in shock.

Astoria shrugged. "You think those Muggles'll notice it's missing? I mean, I borrowed their lemonade pitcher two summers ago and never returned it, and they never missed that."