GROVER UNDERWOOD: User Guide and Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You've just invested in a GROVER UNDERWOOD unit! In order to ensure that you, the owner, get the best of your unit (hopefully without any Hilary Duff), we've taken the liberties of writing this manual, and strongly suggest that you read it before attempting to handle your unit. Seriously.

Technical Specifications:

Name: Grover Underwood. Will also reply to "Goat boy", "Lord Grover", and "OH GODS, WHAT ARE YOU EATING".

Age: 32 (224 in goat years)

Place of Manufacture: Long Island, New York

Height: 5'9"

Weight: 154 lbs

Your GROVER UNDERWOOD unit comes with the following accessories:

One (1) camp half-blood tee shirt

One (1) pair of baggy jeans

One (1) orange beanie

One (1) set of reed pipes

Two (2) fake feet

Programming:

Your GROVER UNDERWOOD unit is equipped with the following traits:

Park Ranger: You love nature? Do you want to be assured that it's in the best possible care? The GROVER UNDERWOOD unit is the goat for you! We're going to be honest; your unit is probably the best park ranger in history. Whether it's Yellowstone or the Everglades, he's automatically a great tour guide and a great animal handler; he can also play the reed pipes, and has a knack for other taking care of plants. He looks great in the uniform, and he'll rake in the cash from the moment you put him in the wilderness.

Environmental Speaker: While not one of the best-paying jobs around, your unit is a natural at this. He is a satyr, after all. His speeches are sure to warm the hearts of anyone who listens.

Veterinarian: GROVER UNDERWOOD loves animals, after all - what better use for them than at a vet? If you get him a job as a veterinarian, you'll soon have a steady stream of cash from the many, many lives he's sure to have saved in the first week or two, and your unit will be better-tempered as a result of helping the inhabitants of the wild

Removal of your GROVER UNDERWOOD from Packaging:

Your unit is, simply put, very hard to wake up. In order to avoid any drama, we've attached the following list of failsafe ways to get your unit up and going and ready to reprogram.

1. Cook some vegetarian Mexican food - preferably cheese enchiladas. Set them outside of the box. You will soon hear bleating, and your unit will break out by either kicking or chewing. He will thank you profusely for the food and chow down. Reprogram him while he eats.

2. Get a PERSEUS JACKSON or a JUNIPHER unit to come and coax him awake. Your unit will jump up right away and begin to chat with the listed units. Reprogram him while he's distracted.

3. Attempt to play the reed pipes where he can hear you. Your unit will instantly escape and give you a music lesson. After he is confident in your abilities, he will allow you to reprogram him.

Reprogramming

After successfully awakening your GROVER UNDERWOOD, you'll have the option to reprogram him. His modes are as follows:

Nature loving (default)

Nervous (default)

Goat

Friendly

Insane (locked)

GROVER UNDERWOOD standard modes are Nature loving and Nervous. Both are very simple concepts: in Nature loving, your unit will be extremely passionate about the environment. He might attend a few protests, maybe cause some property damage but that's unlikely because Nervous is also in effect. Nervous mode makes him eternally timid - which means that you should try not to startle him, because GROVER UNDERWOOD might snack on a couch or three in at night.

If you put your unit into Goat mode, he'll suddenly become far more; well, goat-like. He'll be extremely fond of your furniture, even more so than usual; if he vanishes, there's a good chance he's gone off to look for a few tin cans to munch on. To put him into this mode, simply spoil him on any goat delicacies you can think of. Louie The Sixteenth furniture works well.

His last unlocked mode is Friendly. He will be very open to other people and gain many new buddies. To get GROVER UNDERWOOD into Friendly, simply have him hang out with a PERSEUS JACKSON unit for a while.

Your unit has one locked mode, Insane, that can be unlocked by putting him near a lumber mill, or perhaps let him out in the woods during hunting season. When he returns home, GROVER UNDERWOOD will seem the same, except for two major things: one, he'll lay off the dining chairs, and two, he'll go out and start riots. A lot. He'll probably be arrested at least twice a week. Even after switching modes, your GROVER UNDERWOOD will still show signs of Insane, but you can get a PERSEUS JACKSON to calm him down.

Relationships with Other Units

Practically everyone gets along well with GROVER UNDERWOOD, but here is a list of the units with whom he'll spend the most time.

PERSEUS JACKSON: Your unit and PERSEUS JACKSON are best friends. They often joke around, hang out, and do a whole lot of male bonding. If your unit looks sad, all he need is a friendly punch from PERSEUS JACKSON to cheer right up.

ANNABETH CHASE: They've known each other for a long time, and they're very close friends. Please note that ANNABETH CHASE units in Girlish mode like to pester him about his love life.

THALIA GRACE: GROVER UNDERWOOD is on good terms with this unit, and while they may have a few heated debates on music, they enjoy each other's company.

JUNIPHER: Your unit's adorable wood nymph girlfriend! While this unit is exceedingly rare and hard to obtain, GROVER UNDERWOOD is at his happiest when they're together.

LUKE CASTELLEN: Your unit has pretty much forgiven LUKE CASTELLEN for his misdeeds in the past, but things will be awkward between them. Actually, it's better to keep them separated at all costs.

Cleaning

Your unit doesn't bathe very often, being part goat, but he will if you ask him to.

Feeding

GROVER UNDERWOOD is like a garbage dispenser. He can and will eat anything, so you can keep him happy on trash.

Rest

GROVER UNDERWOOD will sleep whenever he feels like it, and he'll wake up at dawn every morning.

FAQ

Q: My unit keeps badgering me to buy him Jessie McCartney CDs!

A: That is (sadly) normal behavior in this unit. If you aren't going to cave in to his plees, he'll eventually just go out and buy them himself.

Q: My unit keeps bringing in strays!

A: He was most likely just lonely. GROVER UNDERWOOD is very sensitive, and he needs a little attention every now and then. Spend some time with him, and he'll probably release any strays.

Q: My neighbors are freaking out because they saw my GROVER UNDERWOOD without his disguise!

A: Luckily, every unit comes equipped with a mist generator. Have no fears, your neighbors will think he's just a ordinary goat by tomorrow.

Troubleshooting

Problem: You woke up one morning to find your unit meditating in the backyard. He immediately began to rant about plant life the minute he saw you, and you're sure you saw him plotting to make eco-friendly bombs to destroy several prominent landscaping corporations!

Solution: Congratulations! You've unlocked your unit's hidden Eco-terrorist mode! In this mode, GROVER UNDERWOOD will try to blow things up, because he thinks that the entire human race is full of nasty, evil polluters. You'll want to get him into another mode, and quick, because he probably is planning to poison you using all natural methods. Please note that, while you can use any method to get him out of Eco-terrorist, he will first revert to Insane and then you can reprogram him to whatever mode you'd like.

Problem: Instead of receiving a full grown goat-human hybrid, you got a tinier, less smart version that has no idea who PERSEUS JACKSON, THALIA GRACE, Ect. Are.

Solution: Whoops, we accidentally sent you a little!Grover unit! This form of your unit is about six or so, but he doesn't look a day over three. He is, unfortunately, automatically in Goat, and there are no other mode options for him; since he hasn't learned proper manners yet, he'll literally eat you out of house and home. We understand completely if you want to trade him in, in which case you need only call Customer Services.

End Notes

With enough understanding, care, and patience for bad pop music, you'll find GROVER UNDERWOOD to be a valuable companion. We wish you good luck, and hope you enjoy your unit!

I don't own PJO.