AN: Hello! This is the second in the 'Career Advice' Essays. The first one, My Career Advice Essay Thingy by James Potter is in my profile, be sure to check it if you'd like! I hope you enjoy this fic and that it at least brings a wide smile to your faces!

Oh, and just a little hint to get you ready for the story- this is Sirius after all...:

Definition of Future: The time or a period of time following the moment of speaking or writing; time regarded as still to come (as supplied by Google). Take this definition VERY literally.

Thanks!

What I Want To Do In The Future by Sirius Black, from the Noble (not!) and Ancient (you have no idea!) House of Black (their hearts…)

5th Year, Gryffindor

Dear Professor McGonagall,

I have a few questions to ask about this essay before I start:

1. Are you going to read it?

2. Are you going to send it to my parents?

3. Are you going to mark it?

4. Is it compulsory?

5. … Hi!

Anyways! I've actually thought very long and hard about my future- I know, surprising right? Usually I think up ways to steal the candles in the Great Hall. You know, I always wanted a candle from the Great Hall as a souvenir so when I graduate, grow old and have a kid, I can show it my daring feat! Wait a second… scratch the kid, I want to stay single for life! That way I'll enjoy life to the fullest and no set any child's life in potential danger! I'm so kind that I'm making myself cry!

You know professor, now that I think about it, when you change the words in the sentence 'What do you want to be when you grow up', it actually becomes, 'what do you want to do in the future!' Since it's a very general question I shall answer profusely- Remus taught me that word! It means 'abundantly' which in turn means 'plentifully.' Now that I write down the meanings, I'm not sure that was the word I was looking for… Oh well, it sounds professional. Moving on to the essay, since you are so interested Minerva, I shall tell you what I want to do in the future!

A) I want to finish this essay. No offence, Professor, it's boring and a waste of time.

B) I want to have lunch. I'm very hungry and I hear they're serving mashed potatoes today!

C) I want to sleep. Whoever the genius was who thought it a great and stupendous idea to have three boys in a dorm plus a 'Peter' is surely a bloody idiot! I swear! If there's an earthquake hitting Hogwarts, don't be scared Minnie, because I bet you all my gold, my parent's gold, my aunt's gold, my brother's gold, my cousin's gold, my uncle's gold, Kreacher's head, Gryffindor dorms, the Quidditch Cup, the House Cup, Remus' book, Remus' chocolate, the whole of Hogwarts, James' gold, the Potter's gold, my gold, your gold, Dumbledore's gold and DEFINITELY my whole family that it was Peter's snores. Actually, I bet it wasn't Peter- that way, my whole family goes bankrupt and falls into a pit of shame, abomination and whatever other word my Mum likes to throw around!

D) I want to do my Divinations homework. It's actually quite fun! Professor Melina assigned us 'Predict the future of your family,' it's my favourite homework so far! I am definitely getting an Outstanding on it!

E) I want to sneak out of class. I just have this pump of energy to run out of class, you know? Remus says it's the overdose of caffeine, but I think it's the pudding I had for breakfast today… I think the House-Elves spiked it. You know, there was this one time where I sneaked in Firewhiskey into the dorms- along with James of course, Peter was the lookout and Remus had to stow it all up- and then… uh… what are we talking about?

F) I want to curse Snape. Seeing as he is four feet ahead of me, I really do want to curse him. Have his nose melt off or his hair scourgified… Just a second!

G) I want to kill the Head Boy. Frank Longbottom used to be cool, now he's a rotten spoilsport! He gave me a detention for apparently 'disfiguring fellow students.' That's a bloody lie! I disfigured Snape, and he is definitely not human, therefore making him not a student! He used to be quite fun to hang out with, Frank. He used to tell us which carnivorous plants were ripe enough to ensure drastic chaos and turmoil in the Slytherin common room. Good man, Frank, good man…

H) I want to destroy my family.

I) I want to destroy my mother's portrait. She's so full of herself, I swear! She's a horrible woman, and instead of just seeing one of her, I see TWO! Imagine the pain I go through! Especially when she's standing NEXT to the portrait!

J) I want to cut off Regulus' hair. It's getting too long- it's brushing his bloody collar! I told him off today and he told me to sod off and chop my own hair off! My little brother, badmouthing me? Who the hell does he think he is! Just yesterday he was crawling into my bed wailing about the bloody thunderstorm! Children are so insufferable and so unappreciative!

Tell him something Professor; you're supposed to maintain discipline and honor when the situation comes to the severity of breaking school rules! Just ignore my hair- because without it you wouldn't survive since its beauty provides light in this dark world- and tell him off! A good detention with Hagrid will do- on the day of the Quidditch finals especially. That way, you'll do him a favour, do the school a favour, and do Gryffindor a favour by ensuring a Quidditch Cup victory! Oh, that reminds me, if you want any hints on how to maintain solid coloured hair, you can always ask me in class! I can see your roots are going a bit faded…

K) I want to boil Remus' books. It's the best way to torture him- it's so horrible that it's actually funny! James and I tied him to a chair with a few charms here and there and then dragged him to the bathroom- getting dirty thoughts now are we Professor? Shame on you, you naughty lady! Anyway, we filled the tub with boiling water- courtesy of my amazing magic skills- then got a load of books from the library- smuggled of course, you should really test the night security, it's so bad it's not even a challenge anymore, a bit boring if you ask me- and threw them all in. He wailed like mad when they started simmering! You'd think his Mum was brutally murdered right in front of him by You-Know-Who! But, I guess I have to rethink this point… he did physically damage us quite severely after we let him go. I still have scars. I can show you my 'battle scars' if you want Professor, I know you're curious!

L) I want to burn Evan's hair. It's so red it's not natural! I bet she dyes it every night! Tell her off Professor- it's against school policy, school rules and the student body!

M) I want to throw Peter out the window. He's so thick it's sad… and frustrating!

N) I want to say hello to you Professor, since you're right in front of me as I sit in your wonderful, amazing, beautiful, enlightening and dazzling class!

O) I want to skip the detention you gave me for waving at you. It was just a wave Professor, I mean, sure we were doing a test and I exchanged my answer sheet with James, but, it was just a wave… you're just too harsh! That old age of yours is crawling up your temper!

P) I want to be rich and famous. Oh wait, I already am!

Q) I want to find James. We just finished class and he ran off without me- bloody prick. Usually he waits for me and we leave together… it's all Evans' fault. Tell her off Professor, for the crime of stealing my best mate!

R) I want to ignore Remus' glare. Apparently he thinks I stole his chocolate, which is not in the least true. James stole it. He's such a sticky-fingered thief when you get to know him. I have this special stash of bone-shaped biscuits that I keep next to my bed in a shining bell jar with roses and a basket, ribbons and sparkly colours that go off like miniature fireworks when I lift up the bell jar! One day, as I came back from aimlessly roaming around the school, I found my stash of biscuits GONE! The horror! I went bonkers I tell you Professor! I cursed Peter, ran out the common room, cursed Peter, ran out the common room, cursed Peter, ran out the dorms, cursed Remus, got cursed back by Remus, attacked Remus, got detention, annoyed Evans, said 'Hi' to James, went to the kitchens, had some Treacle Tarts, served detention with stupid Slughorn, cursed Snape, got another detention, cursed Peter, then brushed my teeth, sat on my bed then remembered that I had to find the bloody thief!

So, as I scavenged through the dorm, I found some peculiar looking crumbs on James' bed. Immediately I knew it was him- after all, I am a genius. Don't worry, Professor, I'm a pacifist by nature and I do not entertain violence in anyway. That's why I pounded his head off with my bare fists instead of hexing his bum off! I'm such a kind soul…

S) Ooh look! It's the letter 'S' for 'Sirius!'

T) I want to flirt with someone. I think Madam Pomfrey's in the Hospital Wing. Or should I sneak out to meet Rosemerta? We're on first name basis now!

U) I want to ask Professor Flitwick why is it he's so short. Is he a dwarf? You know, I always thought that dwarves were these little people that take your tooth from under your pillow when you're little. But, Remus told me that was the Tooth Fairy. For a smart person, Remus can be pretty stupid. I mean, everyone knows that the Tooth Fairy puts sand in your eyes to make you sleep and the Sandman is the guy who falls into chimneys when it's Christmas!

V) I want to jump off the Astronomy Tower. It's actually quite fun. I jumped off the tower once, it was a dare James and I cooked up, and I was almost going to get KERSPLATTED before Dumbledore stepped in and broke my fall. He levitated me I think… I was out of it by the time he did it, something about the air and pressure getting to me… good man, Dumbledore, good man. Oh well, it was better than James who broke his arm when he jumped off the moving stairs. It's a good thing Remus was there to stop him from becoming a pancake!

W) I want to eat a lemon sherbet. Think Dumbledore will give me some?

X) I want to grow a beard like Dumbledore! It's so cool! When I first came into Hogwarts and saw his long, trailing, white beard I felt it to be my goal in life to have a beard like that! I was mesmerized, I tell you Professor! In love! Do you think Dumbles would rent it to me for a night?

Y) I want to curse the Fat Lady. She's so bloody annoying! She hates my bloody guts I tell you! Tell her off! Have Dumbledore throw her out the castle! One day, Professor, with Peter as my witness, I shall rip her bloody portrait to shreds with a single, sharp knife!

Z) Oh look, letter 'Z'. I guess this is the end Professor. It has been great knowing you… we've spent a good time together, but alas, you can't have too much of a good thing –Remus just loves that quote, he says it all the time! This one time, James and I started an eating competition on chocolate frogs, since we love chocolate and 'it is the best thing in the world', as Remus says. Then, he said, you can't have too much of a good thing. So, straight after the competition, we got really sick and sat retching for hours… it was weird. Remus eats way more chocolate and never gets sick, heck, he doesn't even gain weight. He doesn't get a bloody pimple! I broke into his chocolate stash one night and the next morning I had a huge boil on my nose! It was horrible! I had to stay with Madam Pomfrey due to the severity of it all, then in my dorm for a whole week missing classes as I wallowed in sadness and grief until it was gone!

Oh yeah, the conclusion. Right. I went a bit off track over there...

It has been great knowing you, Professor. Time will go on, but I will never forget you. You are my one and only Minnie, just you and no one else. As Remus' fancy book says, "A moment lasts all of a second, but the memory lives on forever." And you are that memory Professor. I wish you the best in life- hope you live long- and that you shall see success in all that is to come ahead you.

See you in 5 minutes Professor; I've got detention with you right now!

Disclaimer: the quote: 'A moment lasts all of a second, but the memory lives on forever' is said by Aeschylus, not me :)