Chapter 5: Broken

She was furious and desperately trying to calm down but to no avail. She had learned so much over the many years but her temper was her biggest problem. Kagome huffed and plopped down in what she was guessing the courtyard. She had been so angry when she stormed out of the meeting and didn't pay attention to her surroundings so now she was lost.

She had only wanted to get away. Away from the scared and curious eyes of everyone around her.

"Dammit" Kagome punched the ground underneath her in frustration.

'How could I lose control like that'

Although it had been 52 years she was still haunted. Haunted by the judging looks, the degrading words. The 'not good enough' feeling.

Closing her eyes and laying on the ground clutching handfuls of the dirt beneath her she began to hum.

Whenever she was angry, hurt, and sad she ran to mother Earth. It was when she was surrounded in her presence is when she felt the safest. The earth always spoke back to her in the way the wind blew making the trees sway. The vibrations in the earth everything around her spoke she only needed to listen.

She didn't know how much time passed before she finally opened her eyes and looked across the courtyard to her father who was simply looking at her with a thoughtful expression.

Turning and facing the other way Kagome closed her eyes because she couldn't bear look into his and see the disappointment.

Huffing in frustration, Daichi (Great, Earth/Wisdom) walked up to his daughter and sat down next to her. After a few moments of silence he reached down and brushed her hair out of her face.

"Kagome, look at me"

Opening her eyes Kagome looked up at her father but not in his eyes.

"I am not angry my dear. I am proud"

Kagome looked at him in shock. "But I lost control"

"That you did but you were strong enough to overcome it without me around. That is progress my dear."

"That's because Rin and Shippou were there." Kagome said ashamed.

Daichi hummed in thought as he looked towards the sky.

"It is because you have people who love you, trust you, and believe in you that you overcome it. You are stronger than you think stop doubting yourself."

Kagome sat up and leaned her head on his shoulder. To most people her father was intimidating but to her he was the light in the dark. He kept her grounded along with many others who were dear to her heart.

Kagome sighed in sadness. Wondering when she would have to stop battling her own demons. Inuyasha had done a number on her. He created wounds so deep she doubted they would ever heal.

She still had dreams of being yelled at, being called second best, weak, useless, but most of all those cold golden eyes wishing death upon her. He broke her down until there was nothing left no confidence or self worth.

Back then she knew she was loved but she also felt as if everyone was much better off without her. How many wounds could everyone have avoided if it wasn't for her. She had been a coward always waiting for someone to protect her.

That wish was supposed to end it all. Instead it was the beginning to everything.

Nothing went the way she planned it in her head.

With her last breath she would give life, love, and happiness to everyone around her.

Everyone but herself.

She would grant them their deepest desires in exchange for her life.

She was supposed to be dead. But she never took into account that one of their deepest desires involved her too it was a loophole Midoriko used to her advantage. She had no intentions on living she had just wanted to die because when Inuyasha said those words to her she honestly believed it would be best for everyone, but she later learned she was meant for so much more.

She would BE so much more.

That loophole was Shippou and Rin.

She believed that Shippou wanted his parents back. She wasn't a demon she couldn't teach him what he needed to know. She didn't want him to watch her age and die centuries before he himself would.

But she had been so wrong. He had long ago found peace with his parents death and had found a mother in her that he wanted forever. To him she was enough she was his mother and no other could take her place.

And Rin, sweet Rin was and had always been a simple child.

She had no parents and endured a harsh childhood. She had found everything she ever wanted in her Lord, savior, and father. Sesshomaru-sama. He was all she wanted he made her happy. He was the family she always wanted along with Jaken and Ah-Un.

She was content.

That is until she seen a woman who smiled at her with love. Talked to her with patience and held her as if she was precious. Kagome had been the first and only mother figure she had ever known. Rin had everything she ever wanted but a mother.

Kagome had been the mother she never had.

As both children watched the woman they loved the most literally begin to die with their very own eyes she became their deepest desires.

The love of a mother is something neither one was willing to let go of.

Their deepest desires was a mother who would never leave them.

Midoriko latched onto those children with everything she had. She was able to alter Kagome's wish just a little. She wouldn't have been able to do it if the wish had been tainted but because it was pure in those moments it tipped the scales of the battle that she herself was fighting.

It was the end of the Shikon Jewel.

Midoriko had won but the demons she faced refuse to die without trying to hurt her in anyway they could. They took all the hate they had all the power they had and forced it into the crying soul Midoriko was trying so desperately to save.

That was the day Kagome became the living embodiment of the Shikon Jewel.

It seemed as if the war between good and evil would never end. Kagome paid the ultimate price.

The evil in the jewel latched onto all the worthlessness she felt. And they fed on it in fact they reveled in it. She lost count on how many times she almost gave in. How many sleepless nights she had forced to listen to the voices in her head. How many times they almost succeeded in tainting her completely. She was half miko and half demon.

A hanyou of the likes the world have never seen before. This wasn't just the beast of a demon taking over like in a normal hanyou case. This was pure evil and darkness taking over. A evil she doubted Naraku was even capable of feeling.

And it terrified her because a part of her liked it. Loved it even.

She was afraid of the part that took joy in the pain of others. The part of her that loved the darkness, the crying, the blood of others. She was terrified because one day she might give in. It was so tempting. Like a sirens song it caller to her and everyday she had to fight it.

It was hard

Kagome was notorious for her temper and every time she felt a surge of anger that darkness latched onto it like a leech. Those were the scariest moments when she could feel it taking over.

How many people had she hurt when she lost control? She would never forget the first time it happened.

That fear and contempt of everyone around her. Those tears in her children eyes had torn her heart apart.

At first she didn't know what was wrong with her. The voices had started off so small but over time they got louder, stronger somehow.

She had been frustrated while training because she was getting her ass handed to her. And then that darkness in her showed her Inuyasha and it was as if he was there with her. Yelling at her. Belittling her. And she completely lost it.

She almost killed her sensei.

Everyone was completely shocked terrified even.

So scared they thought about killing her to contain whatever it was inside of her. It took so many of her people to restrain her they almost died in the process. It was horrifying. Her father appeared to her then he brought her back never had she been so afraid.

He was so sad to have to fight his only daughter and it was a hard fight indeed. She was a force to be reckoned with and at the time she had just began training. Her father had to fight her as if she was an equal to him that day. She was now fully trained and the thought of losing control like that again scared her to death.

Her life had been hell after that there were so many nights she lay in a ball on the ground and cried until she couldn't cry anymore she hated that she was literally always scared. Petrified of losing control again.

It had been her father who brought her back to the light every time.

When she was in doubt he made her believe.

When she felt weak he gave her strength.

When she felt she couldn't go on he carried her until she found strength to stand on her own.

Not only her father but her entire family. They kept her sane.

Madness clawed at her conscious every second of the day but her family became her shield. They held her together at her lowest. They helped her find her strength. Helped her find her self-worth.

Made her believe she was worthy of love and happiness. They gave her back everything Inuyasha tore away from her.

For far too long all she felt was nothing and her family had been her saving grace.

She never did find it in herself to forgive the hanyou who once held her heart. She still loved him but no longer was she in love with him. That part of her had died long ago.

He had been her best friend, protector, and shoulder to cry on. She used to feel that with Inuyasha by her side she could do anything but seeing him with Kikyou had ripped those dreams away.

She never understood how someone could be so sweet one moment and then completely flip in the next. But she had faith that one day he would come around and see the love she had for him. Smiles reserved just for him lips that longed to brush against his. Hands that longed to touch his broad shoulders and tanned skin. She held hope that one day he would see her as more than a clay woman's reincarnation.

She wore her heart on her sleeve because she knew that one day he would look at her and realize she was all he ever needed. She accepted him when no one else would and loved him for who he was. She didn't care that he was a hanyou all she knew is that she loved him and one day he would love her too.

But it was never meant to be and she had accepted that a long time ago. And she was okay with that because she knows that even if Inuyasha somehow did love her he would always see a shadow of Kikyou in her. He could never separate the two.

Forgiveness is a lot harder than acceptance. She didn't know if she could forgive him. She gave him everything and got nothing but a wish of death from his end.

A wish he almost got if not for Midoriko.

The demons in the jewel knew exactly what they were doing when they altered her wish.

Because after all, how else do you hurt someone.

How else do you rip at someone's heart and make them cry in a way cutting them never could.

Through their children.

A mother's love is limitless.

Kagome was a mess of tears and regret when she seen the broken look in her mother's eyes at the end of their training session as she recognized that darkness in her daughter.

Midoriko had been so stunned. So shocked she could barely react when she seen the joy in her daughters eyes. The way her eyes lit up at the sight of her blood. Disgusted as Kagome smiled at her before licking her own mothers blood off her hands. Moaning in delight at the metallic taste as she licked at every last drop on her hands.

Her hair had been blood red with eyes dark as night. Markings as old as time glowing in her skin. For the first time in her life Midoriko felt true fear. She could do nothing as fire licked at her daughters hair and skin. The earth rumbled with each step. The sun blocked by clouds that appeared from no where as the wind blew with a vengeance. She could feel the surge of electricity in the air as she looked death in the eyes.

Kagome was her father's child in every sense of the word. The power she held was nothing short of glorious and terrifying all at the same time.

It was the love of her parents that brought her back the cries of her mother and the arms of her father.

Midoriko had never wanted her daughter to fight her war. Battle her demons.

Never had she felt so hopeless, lost, and broken. How could she fail to protect her daughter. The war of the jewel was supposed to be her burden to bear but as always Kagome's fate had always been tied to her mother's even when she didn't even know her mother was with her every step of the way.

Carried on a chain resting against her heart.

Kagome had been distraught after that afraid to look at or even touch Midoriko but Midoriko loved her children had gotten her soul trapped because she wanted to protect them. And she would do it all over again if that meant they were safe.

When Kagome tried to run from her she held on and never let go. She wouldn't fail her daughter again. Never again.

Kagome learned that day that despite her mistakes despite everything she has ever done she was loved and she was someone. She found her voice that day the strength to stop loving a hanyou who would never see her worth.

Surrounded by her children and parents she vowed to love them and protect them no matter what. When the darkness became too much they reached into her and held on to the light inside her until she found herself again.

Never again would she hurt them again. Never again would she make her mother cry.

How is it that seeing Inuyasha again almost crumbled her resolve she was still vulnerable to him. She never got her closure those golden eyes threw salt on her bleeding heart. She acted tough but when that insufferable cat opened his mouth it's as if she could hear everything he was saying in Inuyasha's voice.

If there's one thing she felt she deserved it was closure. This time Inuyasha was going to shut up and listen to her for once. He owed her that much.

Let me know what you guys think it's been 4 years since I last updated this story I kind of forgot where I was even going with this story. If you guys have any ideas for the story let me know I'm just going with the flow.