I had to swallow my pride. I was wrong and there was no way to get around it. I'd done exactly what she asked me not to do out of sheer defiance and it blew up in my face. Finding out you were an inconsiderate jerk was a humbling experience. I was a selfish narcissist and because of that fact I was alone, dumped like yesterday's trash by the only girl to love me whole heartedly.

Quinn told me this would happen. She warned me that those people were not my friends. She told me that they couldn't be trusted, that they'd hurt me. I was just too stupid to listen. Lying in bed last night after the fog cleared I finally remembered what happened. Santana. Santana was behind last night. It was her idea for me to go lay down in Puck's room.

No. I couldn't do that. I couldn't blame her. This wasn't her fault. It was mine. I needed to claim my independence, I needed to prove Quinn wrong, Santana was just being Santana. I wasn't even sure what her end game was last night. Sending me to Puck's bedroom to pass out seemed harmless enough. Unfortunately with boys things were never so simple. Once you introduced alcohol to hormones who knows what would happen. Booze made boys stupid.

I pushed all of that out of my mind. My first course of business today had to be to find Quinn and apologize for last night. Despite what she said I didn't want to break up with her. I loved her. I loved her so much that none of that other stuff mattered. The things that made me feel so smothered and terrible before seemed meaningless now. I needed guidance and direction. I was an artist not a shrink. Being free to make my own decisions clearly would only get me into trouble. I needed to focus on the important things in my life, my family, my studies and my future career. Quinn was right, she was good at this, I wasn't.

I camped out at her locker as soon as I got to school and waited for her to show up. I could see eyes taking me in, watching me. Being Quinn's flunky should have fixed all of this, it shouldn't have been a big deal, me being here, the kids shouldn't be thinking twice about this.

I watched a few of the familiar faces go by. Jocks and Cheerio's, people who had seen me yesterday at Puckerman's party. A few of them even offered nods and said hello. I watched as some of the other kids, the non popular kids, gave me tense smiles and did their best to acknowledge me without speaking. It was weird, I was being watched. People who had never spoken to me before were giving me head nods.

It wasn't until Azimo Adams walked passed me and gave me a wink did I realize what was going on. This was it. This is what it felt like to be popular. At least semi-popular. It felt good. It felt like being a star. I leaned against her locker closed my eyes and did my best to enjoy it while I could because if Quinn didn't forgive me it would all be over.

It took a while but she finally showed up. She looked perfect. Flawless. There wasn't a hair out of place, but there was something wrong. She looked tired. Nightmare?

"Rachel what are you doing here?" Was all she asked as she began to fumble with her locker.

"Are you okay? You look tired." I reached out to grab her hand and immediately pulled away remembering we were at school, standing in the middle of the hallway, with a dozen or so pairs of eyes on us.

"I'm fine." She told me. It was a lie.

"No you're not. Did you have a bad dream again?" I asked her. It was more of a whisper.

She didn't take kindly to it. I could see her get defensive. "Rachel go away." She ordered me sternly. She wanted no part of this today. I knew I had struck a nerve.

"I'm not going away. You need to talk to me." I told her. I was back to being defiant. The same defiance that started all this mess.

"Rachel this is not the place." She said. Her anger had evaporated and I realized for the first time that it wasn't meanness that made her snap at me, it was fear. Was it always fear?

"Fine. I want to see you later." I whispered. "Come over tonight so we can talk."

"I don't think that's a good idea." She said.

"No. No excuses. I want to see you. There are things I want to say and if you don't let me say them later I'll have to say them here in the hallways."

I could see her debating it in her head. I wasn't going to let her weasel out of this. She was going to give me my moment. I wasn't dragging her out of class but this was the best I could do. I had to make her understand that my stupid nonsense didn't change anything. I loved her and I wasn't going to let this go without a fight.

"You told me not to throw ten months away. I'm not going to let you do it either. Just give me a chance. Come see me."

Finally I could see her soften. "Okay."

I couldn't bring myself to smile. I hadn't won anything yet. I got her to agree to come over but I still had to convince her to forgive me. I still had a long road to hoe.

"To the moon and back." I said softly.

She finally let a smile crawl across her face. "To the moon and back."

(Home)

I was pacing the floor the second I heard her car in the driveway. This made a lot more sense in the hallway. What was I supposed to say? I knew my objective, win her back. But how was I supposed to do that? She had absolutely no reason to take me back.

The whole thing was humiliating. Not only had I ignored her request that I not go to the party I'd threw her love for me in her face while I did it. She told me that she loved me and that nobody would love me as much and at the restaurant I threw that back at her like a slap to the face. The weird thing was as much as I wanted to deny it I believed every word of it. I knew Quinn loved me more than anyone else. I knew there was nothing that she wouldn't do to make me happy. Besides my parents she was my biggest supporter.

The sound of her knocking on the door snapped me out of my funk. I took a deep breath and pulled the door open. Okay, keep your head up and sound confident.

"Hello." I said firmly.

Quinn stood on the other side of the door dressed in sweat pants and a Cheerio's tee-shirt. Her hair, which was usually pulled back in a ponytail, was flowing loose over her shoulders. She looked, spectacular. My heart began to race when she stepped through the door.

"Hi," She told me. "I'm sorry I'm late."

"It's okay. I've been waiting. Trying to figure out how we got to this point actually." I told her. I pushed the door closed and walked deep into the living room. "I'm sorry about last night." I said as I began to wring my hands. "I know I was wrong. I know you were only looking out for me."

"Rachel I lied to you. About being a virgin. I wasn't." She told me.

It was the absolute last thing I expected her to say. That day in the bathroom when she was pleading for me to give her another chance she told me that she was a virgin before we made love. I didn't believe her, she'd also told me I'd taken advantage of her. I knew for a fact that wasn't true. She was scared and simply grasping at straws. Throwing things at me to see what stuck. I didn't take any of it to heart.

"It's okay Quinn," I told her. "I forgive you."

She began to shake her head. "No, I'm not looking for forgiveness. I want to tell you the truth. My nightmares. When I said I've always had them I was lying. The truth is I didn't start having them until a few years ago." She made her way into the room and sat down on the sofa. I could see her face turning red, her hands were balled into tight fists and she wasn't looking at me.

I stopped wringing my hands and sat down next to her. "Tell me."

"I was with Noah, we were in my parents hot tub. We started drinking. He swore to me it would be okay. But it wasn't. We ended up having sex. I was drunk but it wasn't rape or anything, just stupidity. I got pregnant." She sighed deeply and began to shake her head. "You're the first person I've told. Nobody knows. I didn't tell anybody, not even my parents."

My head was swimming. Quinn got pregnant? When was this? I'm sure I would have remembered a baby.

"What happened to the baby?" I asked.

"I had a procedure." Was all she said. I let the words linger, knowing what kind of procedure she meant. "I've regretted it everyday since. I have these dreams where these babies cry and scream and call me a killer. I can't get it out of my head. It never changes, it's always the same."

I didn't know what to say. An abortion, Quinn had an abortion? Of course it was haunting her. It wasn't like you saw on TV, it was a real thing, a real decision. It wasn't the kind of thing you did and forgot about in a few days. It stuck with you forever. I didn't have a moral problem with the choice, it was her body, her life, but emotionally the weight of the decision was too much for her to bear. People always seemed to forget that part of it when they had their debates on the subject. Having it wasn't the end.

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "Don't be. I made my choices. I made my decisions, I have to live with them. I'm only telling you this because I don't want you to be in the same situation. I love you so much Rachel. I don't want you to have to go through what I went through. Noah isn't a bad guy but he doesn't think about the consequences and if you're drinking neither are you. I'm just trying to keep you safe. And if you have to hate me then so be it. I told you I love you and nobody will love you like I will."

"I love you too and I'm sorry about last night."

She nodded. "I know you are. I know it was Santana. Noah told me she said you wanted to hook up. I know it wasn't you."

Are you kidding? What an evil witch. How could she do something like that?

"What is wrong with her? I never thought in a million years she'd do something like this."

Quinn's eyebrow arched. "Why would you think that? I told you Santana is evil."

It was stupid. "I just figured she had a heart someplace. After the other day with her and Brittany I assumed she couldn't be all bad."

"Of course she is. She's nice and sweet and gentle with Brittany but I told you she's only that way with Britt. She'd do anything for Brittany, Britt's her soul mate. Still, it took her years before she accepted it. She's just now become comfortable with it. The fact that she treats Britt like a queen simply means she understands she needs somebody to come home to at the end of the day. Brittany loves her for who she is, evil and all. She'll never find anybody else like that and she knows it."

I didn't doubt that. "They got engaged the other day. The day we partied at Santana's house. They agreed to move to Boston so Santana could go to Harvard and when they get there they're going to get married."

Her jaw dropped. "Married? What? How do you know this?"

I shrugged. "I heard them."

"You should have told me. That's important Rachel. I could have protected us from her with that." She said.

"How?" It was off topic and hopefully enough to change the subject.

She glared at me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged. Seeing as how I was already in trouble I didn't want to make things worse by telling her the truth. Telling her that I thought she'd find a way to ruin it wasn't exactly endearing.

"I don't know. It was private."

"Why don't you trust me? Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?" She began to shake her head. "I don't get it. I thought you understood, everything I do, I do to make us stronger. Sometimes I have to make you cry so I can protect you. But you understand that now don't you. You see that you've never been safer than when you're with me right Rachel. Your life has never been better."

It was true. I was doing pretty good. "I know."

"So you have to let me do what I do best. You have to let me protect us."

"So we're getting back together?" I asked. I couldn't help the excitement in my voice.

"That depends. Are you going to trust me? Are you going to let me do what I do best."

I nodded. "Of course I will." I had no desire to go against her, not anymore.

She smiled. "Then yes. We're back together. And seeing as how I can be seen with you we can do all the stuff you've wanted to do. Talk at school, and have lunch together. We can go out on dates and I'm even setting it up so we can have another sleepover." She smiled. "Doesn't that sound great. Waking up in each other's arms again."

It did sound good. If Santana and Brittany hadn't ruined our hotel getaway it would have been perfect. "It sounds great baby."

She reached out to me and stroked my cheek. "You are so special Rachel. One day your gonna be a huge Broadway star. I'm always gonna be your biggest fan. It's gonna be you and me."

I nodded. "Until the end of time."

~Quinn~

"I don't know why you had to make me the bad guy. I've got my own shit to deal with Fabray." Santana told me as she primped herself in front of the mirror. She'd been bitching all morning about taking the heat for me with Rachel. I was tired of hearing her bitching.

"Will you shut up already. I said thank you. God." I finally snapped at her.

"Screw you. She's gonna hate me. Not that I particularly care but thinking I'm a bitch and thinking I some date raping freakazoid are two different things."

"She doesn't think that." I told her. It was a lie. She did think that. Mostly because I'd spent all night drilling it into her head. The last thing I wanted was Santana getting close to Rachel. Santana couldn't be trusted with my girlfriend. Nobody could be trusted with my girlfriend.

Santana snickered. "Of course she does. But that doesn't even matter because once she finds out you were behind it instead of me your done."

Was she threatening me? This wasn't going to work for me. Not at all. "You listen to me. If you tell her anything I'll take a visit to the Lopez house and tell your parents about your wedding plans once you get to Boston."

Santana's eyes narrowed into little slits. "Who told you about that?"

I shrugged. "Don't try and keep stuff from me Santana. We're friends, friends are supposed to share everything. Your secrets are my secrets. I'm just upset you didn't tell me yourself. I'm actually happy for you. All you have to do to keep things on track is keep your mouth shut about Rachel."

I could see her doing her best to mask her frustration. She wasn't going to be any more trouble. Her love for Brittany had always been her weakness. It was cute in a way. She was like Achilles, totally unstoppable except for that one thing that could bring her down. "I'm not going to tell on you." She finally said, accepting her defeat with as much grace as she could manage.

I was confident she wouldn't. At least not now. "I know. Besides, it's not like I was going to let Puckerman get into her pants. Rachel belongs to me, she's mine. I'm not gonna let Puck get his dirty penis anywhere near her. Besides, if she had trusted me none of this would have been necessary. I'm doing this for her. Once she realizes she needs me to run things her life will be so much easier."

Santana was back to primping. "You loving her should probably be mentioned at some point."

Bitch. "Of course I love her. I'm doing all this because I love her. I want her to be happy and she can only be happy once she realizes how unhappy she was before I came into her life."

Santana began to laugh. "So technically your job is to get Azimo to slushie her, make her think she's been caught cheating, convince her she's the absolute worst girlfriend in the world by lying to her about being selfish, and just being an all around bitch. And it's all okay because you love her and it's for her own good." She nodded. "Nice. Maybe you can convince her she shot Kennedy."

"Do you think I like doing this to her? Everything I've done has been for the greater good. I'm helping her. I don't take any joy out of making her cry. It's not easy for me to tease her. I want people to like her, I want her to be popular. If she's gonna be a big star one day like I want her to be she has to get used to people loving her. She practically forced me to do this. I had to tear her down to build her up."

"Keep telling yourself that sweetheart." Santana told me.

"Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself." I assured her.

"That I have no doubt of."

~Rachel~

"I'm sorry I ditched you guys the other night Tina." I told her.

Tina wasn't buying. I could tell by the far away look in her eyes that she wanted nothing to do with me or my apology. I was drowning for the second time in two days. Funny how yesterday was all about making up with Quinn. I wasn't even sure if Tina was at school or not. God was I selfish.

"It's okay." Tina said dryly.

Hmm. Interesting response. "It's just I've been dealing with some. Issues." I drug out the word issues for effect, hoping it would get her questioning me. It didn't.

"Really Rach, don't worry about it." She told me.

Before I had a chance to respond I heard my name being called from down the hall. I recognized the voice right away. Noah Puckerman. Great, icing on my cake.

"Berry, you left your sweater at my house last night." Instead of chucking it at my head like I expected him to, he laid it carefully across my shoulder. He lingered shoving both hands in deep pockets. "Look I wanted to say I'm sorry about last night. I got some bad information." He looked around the hallway then turned his attention back to me. "I don't want you to think I'm that kind of guy because I'm not. I know I do dumb stuff but I'm not that guy, really I'm not."

I knew he was telling the truth. The meanest thing Noah had ever done was toss some nerd in a dumpster. And even then he always made sure to do it when the dumpster was filled with mostly paper. I appreciated his apology but it wasn't necessary. I knew he'd never willingly try to hurt somebody, not that way. He may have been a sex crazed bag of teenage hormones but he wasn't a date rapist.

"It's fine Noah." I told him. Quinn had expressly forbid me from speaking to him but I didn't want the boy thinking I was holding some kind of grudge. Hell I wasn't even mad at Santana. Not really. A little freaked out and confused maybe, but not angry. I couldn't really blame her, I'd been warned. I just ignored the warnings.

Noah breathed a sigh of relief. "So we're good?"

I nodded. "Yes but understand Quinn doesn't want me speaking to you. At least not for the immediate future. Don't take my silence as anger, it's just Quinn's my benefactor and I can't disobey her."

Noah nodded. "No I get it. She told me the same thing. Berry's off limits." He leaned into me and whispered lightly. "I just wanted to make sure I apologized in person."

I smiled at him. "I accept your apology."

"Cool." He said as his patented Puckerman smile crawled across his face. He was cute, if I were into guys I would probably definitely be into him. Quinn was right to keep him away. One false move and he surely could get a sexually confused girl toes up in the Puckerman lair.

I suddenly remembered Tina was still standing next to me. This was my problem. Ego and self absorption. I had to learn to be more giving. Ooh, I know.

"Noah, do you know Tina?" I asked.

Tina's eyes widened at the question and I could literally see her freeze up.

Noah tilted his head, just a tad to take her into his sights. "No, I don't think we've been introduced." He extended a hand like a gentleman and shook it when she extended her hand shyly.

"Hello." Was all she could manage to say.

"I'm having another party Berry, really soon, maybe this weekend. You're coming right? Bring Tina and whoever else you want." He said as he began to walk away. "I should introduce Tina to the Chang-ster. It might be time he found himself an old lady anyway."

Tina's face lit up with excitement and her eyes locked in on me with longing. Well she was in, as soon as Noah mentioned Mike Tina forgave me no doubt. Damn this was easy. No wonder Quinn wanted to know everything. Who knows when some random piece of information would come in handy.

"I have to check with Quinn."

Noah simply nodded. "Make her bring you." He turned away from me and walked off down the hall. "Nice to meet you Tina." He called over his shoulder. Tina was too shocked to say anything.

Instead of speaking she grabbed my forearm and began to jump up and down. After nearly a minute of pure unadulterated joy she finally managed to string together a coherent thought.

"Rachel, you have to do this for me. You have to get Quinn to take us. He said he was going to introduce us to Mike."

By us she meant her but I didn't hold it against her. "I'll talk to her, but I can't make any promises."

"Just pout a little. My last boyfriend would do anything I said if I pouted. I'm sure Quinn's the same way."

And there it was, that small acknowledgment that I'd been waiting for that told me Tina had been paying attention all along. She knew Quinn and I were more than just popular girl and flunky.

"About that, it doesn't leave your lips right? She'll be really angry if anybody finds out." I said. I didn't want to have to actually say it and I could tell by the look on her face she didn't either.

Tina chuckled lightly. "She made that perfectly clear after I saw you guys in your driveway. I don't like her but I don't have to. I can see she makes you happy. I won't tell anybody."

It was such a short conversation but it was a huge relief. It was like a thousand pounds were lifted off my back. Finally somebody knew the truth about me besides my parents. I didn't want to overload Tina's brain with my issues so I decided to reward her by talking about Mike.

"So tell me more about this pouting technique of yours. If we're gonna get you this boy I need to hear everything."

She seemed more than happy to oblige.

(Home)

My fathers were downstairs watching Dancing with Stars and Quinn was back in my bedroom. My door was open, per my dad's new rule, but that didn't stop Quinn from shoving her hand down the front of my panties the first chance she got.

My body felt like it was on fire. Only she could make me feel this way. With each rub and gentle push my body seemed to jerk. It didn't help that she was nibbling on my earlobe urging me not to make a sound. The warmth of her breath alone was almost enough to make me scream out her name. To stifle my cries I bit down hard on the knuckle of my hand. It was a poor substitute to screaming out Quinn.

I knew I was being naughty but I couldn't help myself. The girl did something to me. She sent my body into hysterics and every time we were alone I ached for her touch. Longed for it. The thought of my dad's simply walking up the stairs and peeking into my bedroom and catching us made the whole thing more intense.

"There is so much stuff we have to do Rachel. So much fun we can have. I filled out my application for NYU this morning. Imagine us moving to New York together. Me at NYU, you at Juilliard. Your dad's will be okay with it. I'll make sure they are. My parent's don't need to know anything except that we're roommates. My dad will pay half the rent, your dad's can pay the other half. We'll have the rest of our lives together. No more Lima, no more lying, no more secrets. It'll just be you and me forever. Won't that be nice?"

I wasn't sure why it was important that we talk about this right now but I nodded. It was hardly sexy talk. It seemed like the kind of thing that could have waited but Quinn knew best. I wasn't tuned into how her mind worked yet but like she said, we had time for me to learn. Forever actually.

"I love you so much Rachel. I'm never gonna let you go. Your gonna be mine forever."

I didn't want her to let me go. She was it for me. My second half. I realized it when I used Tina's pout to convince her to take me to Noah's party. She agreed to take me immediately, she didn't even fight me on it. One flash of my sad brown eyes and she was agreeing to hang out at a high school party. Something that I knew she'd hate. I didn't even bother mentioning Tina. It occurred to me when she so readily agreed that despite all her complaining she'd never actually said no to me. About anything. She ranted and raved but in the end she always came around to making me happy.

"I want to be yours forever Quinn. Nobody will ever love me more than you."

She kissed my neck gently. "Nobody baby. Nobody will ever make you feel this good again." She arched her wrist and flicked her fingers just enough to send my insides to explosion. I did my best to quietly contain myself until her lips met mine and I released all the buttoned down passion I'd been holding onto. I practically screamed into her mouth.

Once my head stopped spinning and my body stopped jerking I regained my composure. "You're stuck with me Quinn."

"Good." Was what she said. "Because I love you to the moon and back."

"I know." I told her, and I did. I didn't doubt it for a second.

The End...

First off you guys are awesome. Your reaction to the first chapter (hating Quinn) was so important to making this story work. As the story progressed most of you began to see her in a different light and she began to win most of you over. Rachel, poor Rachel, gained less and less credibility as the story went on and by last chapter most of you felt she was actually somewhat to blame for her predicament. Again exactly what I wanted. That's why switching POV to Quinn was saved until the last chapter because it was only then that you realized she was actually (somewhat) a terrible person. Even though she's doing it for the right reason she is still sort of an abusive girlfriend, at least emotionally. By the end of the story poor Rachel is totally brainwashed but somehow she feels better off, and she probably is. Interesting twist that I had to add to show the mentality of someone in one of these situations, how subtle manipulation works. Especially emotional manipulation. Anyway I had fun working through my issues and hopefully you found the whole thing interesting. Like one of the reviewers said, like watching a car wreck.