Chapter One

"I think you've had enough, princess."

"Shut the fuck up, I'll tell you when I've had enough!"

"Oh, is that so? That's about five beers, one glass of whiskey and seven vodka shots. Don't you think that'll mess up your figure, baby?"

"Bastard pervert, stop looking at me like that!"

"Those eyes, that body, you're just asking to be fucked."

Lu Meng sighed. He held his hand over his forehead and watched the never-ending argument between Gan Ning and Ling Tong. He had only recently found them at the nearby pub, going by Lu Xun's words, and as soon as he walked in, they were screaming over the loud music.

A hand brushed against his frame, and the brunette shouted,"DON'T TOUCH ME!", more like a womanly shriek, that caused Gan Ning to back away, holding his hands up, and Lu Meng to stomp over to them.

"Well...excuse me, princess!" Gan Ning shouted, walking out of the room. He locked eyes with Lu Meng, nodded and said,"Old Man.", walking away, out the door, and back to Sun Manor.

"That scumbag...piece of shit..." Ling Tong snapped, clenching his fist. "Hey. You do anymore of that, and your fingernails'll go through your skin. Now come on, let's get out of here." Lu Meng said, wrapping his arm around Ling Tong's shoulders.

"But what about the tab?" Ling Tong asked. Lu Meng sighed again and went into his pocket, slapping money on the bar,"Now let's go." "I'm fine." Ling Tong said.

But Lu Meng knew better. Allowing Ling Tong to look like a jackass, he watched as the slender form wobbled out of the pub, and into the streets, where he fell over, his face hitting a puddle.

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" he yelled, watching as the elder burst into laughter. But that all stopped, when Lu Meng snapped,"Ling Tong. Drunk or not, you will NOT speak to a superior like that. I ought to beat you up for that remark, but I think this is punishment enough."

He lifted his slim form from the streets, where people pointed and laughed, and began to drag him back to the Manor. "You're an officer to the Lord of Wu, do you want these townsfolk to be seeing you like this?" Lu Meng said.

"No..." Ling Tong said with a frown,"I'm sorry, Lord Meng." Lu Meng nodded and said,"Let's just get you home."

When they finally made it back to the Sun Manor, Ling Tong had thrown up three times; once on the streets, once on the steps of the manor, and lastly, right on Lu Meng's priceless robes.

The elder growled and threw Ling Tong on the floor, demanding the maids wash him, and wash his robes. Shirtless, he walked through the halls, when Lu Xun followed. He suddenly held his nose and yelled,"Master Lu, what is that stench?"

Lu Meng turned around and said,"Ling Tong threw up on me..I need a bath." Lu Xun blushed, looking at his mentor's gorgeous body and asked,"You..um...do not require some company?"

"Umm.." Lu Meng said, scratching the back of his head. He didn't know how he should go about this. Yes, there was the attraction, Lu Xun was very easy on the eyes, but he was only a child. And he was nearly pushing thirty, there wasn't anyway that he could possibly..

But he couldn't say no to those puppy eyes, nor could he say no when Lu Xun began to remove his robe and push his mentor down to the baths.

"God, I hate you..." he groaned.

"You're lonely, I can see it. I'll take care of you." Lu Xun said. Lu Meng's eyes grew wide, Lu Xun had no idea how womanly or how whorish he sounded just now. "I..no. I can take care of myself, kid." Lu Meng said, gently pushing the young boy away.

"But I wanted to show you a new strategic idea I had!" Lu Xun said, his puppy eyes growing again. Lu Meng covered his eyes with his hand and said,"Can't you show me some other time?"

"But Master Lu..." Lu Xun whined.

"No, I will not be responsible for this.." Lu Meng said, running down the hall.

Lu Xun sighed and frowned, looking back at the fleeing older man and said,"One day, he's going to sleep with me, and he's going to love it."

Groaning, Ling Tong fell into his bed, after being all cleaned up. His head spinned, and it felt heavy, his whole body felt heavy, and he collapsed to the floor, face to the boards, body on the boards, ass in the air, when Gan Ning went to check up on him.

"Major props...I heard he totally puked on the Old Man..." he said with a laugh, sliding open the door. His eyes grew wide at the sight of Ling Tong's shapely ass in the air, and the slender man groaning on the floor.

"Oh Tongy.." he said with a smirk, diving at him. He grabbed Ling Tong's hips and pushed him against his groin, thrusting, dry humping him, screaming in delight as Ling Tong opened his eyes and realized what was going on.

"Huh...hum..what the...WHAT THE HELL!" LIng Tong asked, his backside being rammed by a covered-and semi-hard-erection. He quickly spun his head, gasping at a smirking Gan Ning dry humping him.

"GET OFF ME, PERVERT!" he shrieked, shoving Gan Ning to the floor. When the pirate hit the floor, he laughed, looking at Ling Tong's angry red face. "Whoa, calm down, princess!" he said, holding up his hand, when Ling Tong took out his nunchaku.

"Die." the slender man simply said. Despite his now-evident hangover, he was still able to wield his nunchaku with poise and grace, swinging his weapon at the ninja, who tried to escape.

Gan Ning screamed, when the weapon swung over his massive blond hair, slashing through the follicles. He ducked and yelped, the nunchaku hitting the wall behind him, creating a hole, where they should have hit his face.

"Calm down, Tong!" Gan Ning yelled. Ling Tong let out a war cry, and dashed at Gan Ning, when Lu Meng ran into the room, a towel wrapped around his waist, barely tied around the flesh, his ass hanging out, giving Lu Xun behind him a grand view.

Ling Tong was scooped up and slammed down to the floor by Lu Meng, and Lu Xun grabbed a hold of Gan Ning. The towel around Lu Meng's waist fell to the floor, and Gan Ning looked up, seeing the old man naked, and laughed.

"Old Man, what the hell? Why are you naked?" he asked, laughing. Though still trying to shake off the effects of the violent Ling Tong. "I was walking back to my bedroom after my bath when I heard the commotion." he replied.

"But you're naked.." Gan Ning said.

"My towel fell off!" Lu Meng shouted.

"Uh huh...alright. Anyway, just get me away from this psycho freak!" Gan Ning snapped. "Alright, let's go." Lu Meng said, pulling Gan Ning out of Lu Xun's arms, and out the door. He grabbed his towel around wrapped it around his waist again, turning to Gan Ning.

But the pirate didn't want to talk.

The two walked to Gan Ning's bedroom at the other side of the castle, when they both entered. Gan Ning sat on his bed, Lu Meng at the other side of the room, sitting on the rocking chair, looking out the window.

By Lu Meng's position, however, Gan Ning had quite the view. Not one he was particular pleased about, however. "Old Man, that's gross, could you at least put on some underpants, no one wants to see your...you know." he said.

Lu Meng yelped and crossed his legs with a blush and said,"My apologies. I would have changed, but your fight with Ling Tong didn't give me the chance."

"Now...would you mind telling me what happened?" he added, looking deep into his eyes.

Gan Ning sighed and said,"I went to go check up on the princess. You know, I was a bit worried, I figured, I'm gonna be the one to kill him, not some alcohol, because he couldn't control his drinking. But when I saw him face first on the floor with his ass in the air, I couldn't resist jumping on him and riding him like a donkey."

Lu Meng chuckled a bit, but became serious again.

"I wish you'd have a better restraint." he said. "Oh, like you don't with Lu Xun?" Gan Ning asked. "Don't talk back to your superior, Gan Ning. And I haven't touched Lu Xun...someone should have a talk with him, he's becoming more and more persistent, I don't like it." Lu Meng said.

"You should be the one to tell him no. Even if it hurts him." Gan Ning said. "Speak for yourself, you can't keep your hands off Ling Tong." Lu Meng said. "Touche, Old Man." Gan Ning said with a wink,"besides, if you don't tell Lu Xun off, he'll keep coming."

"I mean it's not that he isn't attractive...but..I'm nearly thirty, he's what, seventeen? I couldn't!" Lu Meng said. "Yeah, keep denying it. It only makes it worse." Gan Ning said.

Both men looked out the window, and the elder rose from his seat. "I better go get dressed. I suppose I can't avoid Lu Xun forever." he said. Gan Ning chuckled and said,"Well...good luck with that, Old Man."

"How many times did I say not to call me that?" Lu Meng snapped. Gan Ning shooed the elder man out the door, and sighed, laying on his bed, arms over his head, thinking about Ling Tong.

How perfect. From head to toe, Ling Tong was the picture of perfection. That flowing hair, that gorgeous face, that slender body, Gan Ning couldn't get enough. Sure, he loved messing with him, but..maybe he really did like him.

He knew Ling Tong would never give him a chance, but he was stubborn, and he'd fight for anything and everything he wanted. He'd fight for Ling Tong's heart, he decided, even if it kills him.

Lu Meng walked into his bedroom and began to change, when Lu Xun walked into his bedroom. "You wanted to see me earlier..." Lu Meng said, when the boy entered. He lit a candle to light the room, when Lu Xun said,"Yeah..I..I had a few things I wanted to show you, for the upcoming battle."

He walked closer to his mentor, and placed a few scrolls into his hand. Lu Meng opened them and looked upon the paper, reading everything on it, and smiled. "These look pretty good, kid, you're doing a good job."

Lu Xun's face brightened with a large smile, his puppy eyes wide, and he jumped up and down,"Oh thank you, Master Lu! Thank you!" Lu Meng smiled and ran his hand through his student's hair, as Lu Xun mewed like a satisfied kitten.

Before the young boy could speak again, they heard a crash and shrieks coming from Ling Tong's room. They sighed, and Lu Meng shook his head. "Leave them. They'll eventually wear themselves out."

"We should do something about them." Lu Xun said.

"Something that'll really send a shiver up their spines." Lu Meng said.

"Some kind of nasty surprise.." Lu Xun said.

The two looked at each other, deep in thought, when they shouted,"Fake marriage prank!"

"Good idea, boy!" Lu Meng said, slapping hands with his young mentor. Lu Xun blushed and then said,"Alright, so how are we going to do it?" "Easy. Wait until they both knock each other out, then we take them to a chapel in town.." Lu Meng said with a wink.

Lu Xun giggled and said,"Alright, great idea!"

By nightfall, Ling Tong and Gan Ning had finished their little scuffle. One of many. Gan Ning went back into Ling Tong's room, unable to resist messing with him again, when Ling Tong spotted him and attacked once more.

Despite his hangover, his dizziness and weakness, he was still able to fight as agile as ever, getting a few good hits on his rival, before Gan Ning tackled him to the floor, and spanked him over his knee.

Ling Tong shrieked and hit Gan Ning with a lamp, knocking him out, and he eventually passed out from over-exhaustion. With both men effectively knocked out, Lu Meng and Lu Xun snuck into the bedroom, grabbing Ling Tong and Gan Ning.

"Master Lu, Lord Sun Quan is going to kill us when he finds out!" Lu Xun said worriedly.

"Oh relax, he's too busy sleeping with Zhou Tai to even notice anything." Lu Meng said. Lu Xun tilted his head and asked,"Lord Sun Quan and...Lord Zhou Tai?"

"Of course! Isn't it obvious?" Lu Meng asked with a sigh, rolling his eyes. "I guess you're right." Lu Xun said. He carried Gan Ning over his shoulder, Lu Meng carried Ling Tong over his shoulder, and the two left the Sun Manor, with some minor soldiers watching.

"This'll be so classic! I can't wait to see the looks on their faces once they wake up in the morning!" Lu Xun said with a laugh. Lu Meng looked up at the night sky and looked back, to make sure they weren't followed, when they went into town.

"Are there any wedding chapels open this time?" the young boy asked. Lu Meng looked at him and said,"There should be one." "It's going to be expensive." Lu Xun said. "I took money from Lord Sun Quan, but don't worry, he won't notice." Lu Meng sad.

The young boy gasped and said,"What do you mean he won't notice!" "Shh...keep your voice down. And he's too busy with Zhou Tai to notice anything." Lu Meng said.

When they made it into town, they noticed some homeless people laying on the ground, begging for money, drunk and trying to grab on to Lu Xun. The young boy nearly screamed in fright and nearly dropped Gan Ning, when Lu Meng grabbed his arm and dragged him along, ignoring the people's pleas for help.

They noticed some local prostitutes walking around, winking and waving at the two men, but again, they ignored them and kept walking towards their destination; the well-lit and lively wedding chapel at the beginning of the hill.

"Oh this'll be so much fun." Lu Xun said, when the two walked in. A woman at the desk looked at the two and asked,"Can we help you?" Lu Meng and Lu Xun held Gan Ning and Ling Tong up straight and had them hold hands, with the elder saying,"Yeah, I've decided that I wanted to marry my longtime boyfriend."

The woman at the desk laughed and said,"Ok, that'll be-"

"Any price is fine." 'Gan Ning' said, when Lu Meng placed a large amount of money at the desk. The woman gasped at the amount and said,"Right this way!". Lu Meng and Lu Xun wobbled in back of Gan Ning and Ling Tong into the chapel, where a priest waited for them.

Lu Meng figured they were caught by then, or at least found out by the people working at the chapel, but then again, he did place a large amount of money down, so he figured they just simply didn't care.

The woman led them into the chapel, and then left, back to her job at the desk, when the priest looked at Gan Ning and Ling Tong. Lu Meng and Lu Xun had drawn on their eyes, making them appear awake, and stood them up, as both men said their vows in the most romantic way possible.

When they were finished, the priest watched as the men held hands and said,"I do." "Then I now pronounce you husband and...husband. You may now kiss."

Lu Meng and Lu Xun giggled and forced the two to kiss, when the priest slipped wedding bands on their fingers. He handed the two a wedding certificate, and threw rice on the newly married couple.

Once it was all over, the four began their trek to the Manor, hurrying, in fear of the two waking up. They had gotten Gan Ning and Ling Tong to Ling Tong's bed, laying the two men down, and ran back to Lu Meng's bedroom.

"You know they're going to kill you when they find out, right?" Lu Xun said. "Eh, I'll die soon anyway, so don't worry about me." Lu Meng said, removing his clothing. Lu Xun blushed and watched as a nearly naked Lu Meng got into his bed, and shyly asked,"Master Lu, you look so tired, do you need me to keep you company?"

"No. I'll be fine." Lu Meng said with a smile. "Alright. Goodnight, Master Lu." Lu Xun said, running out of the room. The scholar sighed, and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Lu Xun began walking back to his room, but decided to pass Ling Tong's room, just to check up on the "Newlyweds". He saw both men on their sides, Gan Ning spooning Ling Tong's slender frame, arm wrapped around his thin waist, head on his shoulder, cuddling him tightly.

"Awww.." he said with a giggle, running away.

Morning couldn't come soon enough for Lu Meng. Just when he hit the bed for sleep, the sun's rays shined into his room, waking him up, blinding him.

"Goddamn it.." he groaned. He looked at the sky and said,"It's early...but they want me at that meeting...", crashing back to his pillow. Just before he was about to go back to sleep...

"WHAT THE HELL? GAN NING! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BED!"

"Here we go again.." he sighed.

In Ling Tong's bedroom, Ling Tong shrieked a womanly shriek, when he noticed Gan Ning was not only sleeping in his bed, but SPOONING him. Holding him tightly, with that sickening grin on his face.

Hungover to the max, dizzy and feeling drowsy and heavy, he tried to scream again, but Gan Ning held his hand over his mouth. "Shh...do you want to wake up the whole Manor?" he asked. "MMM!" Ling Tong yelled through a muffled mouth. He tried to kick Gan Ning, and force his arm off his waist, when he noticed a wedding ring on his hand.

"Ning? What is that?" Ling Tong asked. "What is what...huh?" Gan Ning asked, looking at the wedding band. "Hahaha!" Gan Ning said,"looks like you've got one, too!"

Ling Tong looked at his hand and gasped.

This could only mean one thing.

He stopped, his heart sank to his toes.

"Oh god no. God no, god no.." he said, his body shaking, his jaw quivering. "What's a matter, baby?" Gan Ning asked with a smirk. "We both have these rings on.." Ling Tong stammered.

"And?" Gan Ning asked,"'ello, what's this?"

"What's what?" Ling Tong asked, holding his breath.

Gan Ning looked at the paper across from the bed and read it to himself, smirking, his laughter high and loud. "BWAAAHHAA! Looks like we're married, Ling Tong!" he yelled.

"Gimme that!" Ling Tong said, snatching the paper from his rival. He looked at it and said,"This document is to acknowledge the union of Ling Tong and Gan Ning into holy matrimony until death do us-OH MY GOD!"

"HAHA!" Gan Ning yelled.

"NO NO NO NO NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ling Tong yelled.

He tried to rip up the paper, when Gan Ning walked out of the bed and took the paper out of his hand. "You know, baby, we didn't have a first kiss, and I'm sure you looked amazing in a wedding dress.." he said, eyes half lidded, voice dripping in seduction.

"Don't...get away from me!" Ling Tong snapped, getting into a karate stance,"I know kung fu stay back!" "Oh come on, wifey...kiss me." Gan Ning said, puckering up.

"Oh I'll kiss you alright." Ling Tong said, slapping Gan Ning's face. The slap was so hard, it stung Gan Ning's face, turning it red, when he said,"Oh, you dirty little bitch." "I know you liked it." Ling Tong said with a smirk.

"Heh." Gan Ning said, sitting back on Ling Tong's bed,"so we're married.." "Only in your mind!" Ling Tong snapped. "And on this paper, it's legal, baby. You're my wife." Gan Ning said. "Psh, I'm the man here." Ling Tong said,"...if need be."

"Oh please. You know you'd be the one on your hands and knees." Gan Ning said,"the one cooking me dinner, cleaning my clothes.." He began walking back to his new wife and said,"The one screaming my name.."

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Ling Tong shouted.

He screamed and screamed, screaming into the morning.

He couldn't wait to wake up from this nightmare.

Ok, I made Gan Ning call Ling Tong "Princess", but I don't think I'll keep using that nickname. I don't want it to make it sound like I ripped it from "Not Bad At All", which is one of the best GN/LT fics EVAR!

You all MUST read it.

Anyway, my first time diving into this couple, but hell, they're fun! Enjoy!