Chapter 1: Sidedish friend

Dean's POV

'If you could be anything, what would you be?' Dean asked Castiel. Normal people would have already thought about stuff like that, because it was fun to fantasise about being able to be anything. Then again, Cas wasn't normal by any standards. The angel appeared to ponder the question for a while. Every line in his face stood out; he looked tired. Dean glanced at Sam, but Sam's back was to them, he was rifling through some demon info books. It was strange how nowadays they could at times have entire conversations without even looking at each other. Somehow Dean understood why Sam didn't want to look at him, but he found it strange that Sam wouldn't deign to look at Castiel either.

'I'd not be,' Cas slowly and thoughtfully answered. He looked at Dean as if he was waiting for his approval. Did I get it right? Dean almost told him it hadn't been that kind of question. There was no right or wrong answer. An amused expression flitted across Sam's face as he turned around. Dean was sitting on the bed, while Castiel occupied the only chair in the room.

'I don't think Castiel understands this game,' Sam told his brother, but Dean dismissed that with a hand wave.

'No, I get it,' Dean said. It was not the expected answer; it was not about indulging in pleasure or fulfilling any silly desires, but it was perhaps what Castiel really wanted.

'Alright, as long as you two get it,' Sam scoffed. There was that whiny offended tone to his voice that indicated he felt left out. It was a mystery to Dean why people always thought Sam was the smart one. Castiel could not have been clearer. Granted, he was usually rather vague, but it was typical that the one time Castiel said something simple Sam decided not to follow.

'To be or not to be,' Dean explained and Castiel nodded.

'Ah, he wants to not be on a boat,' Sam added and Dean and Castiel simultaneously looked at him. The angel's face, which was not expressive as a rule, spoke volumes. What are you, an idiot? Sometimes Sam made absolutely no sense at all. On the other hand, it was late and they had had a pretty brutal day.

'You're such a freak,' Dean chuckled. Slightly flushed and embarrassed, Sam turned his back on them again. He mumbled it was just something he'd read. This served to make Dean feel dumb. Undoubtedly, Sam didn't say it to humiliate Dean, but it still felt like a jibe. Yes, Dean didn't read much, but nowadays neither did Sam, unless it concerned their line of work. Demons, hell, heaven, apocalypses; fun stuff like that. There was a side to Dean that felt Sam looked down on him. Castiel shot him a warning glance, but Dean still proceeded to mock Sam.

'Don't go literary on me, Sammy. Don't be that guy.'

'You started,' Sam responded, louder than was necessary as he spun around quickly. Great; they were going to get into one of their late night fights, while Castiel was watching. Worst was perhaps that Dean was a little slow to comprehend what Sam meant and that Sam would use this to his advantage. The angel was regarding both of them curiously.

'You quoted Hamlet?' Sam prodded. Castiel's eyes bounced from one to the other. His presence was soothing in a way and Dean wasn't going to let Sam best him with Cas as a witness.

'First of all, I know that. Secondly, it is not a book reference. Hamlet is a play. Thirdly, I eh, I got it from an Arnold Schwarzenegger film,' Dean summed up and Sam rolled his eyes. Dean realised it was juvenile and stupid, but he couldn't help but be proud of beating Sam at his own game. Hamlet is a play; take that!

'Mine was Hamlet too, well, kind of. What do you even know about Hamlet?' Sam responded and Dean could hear by that triumphant tone of his that he thought Dean knew absolutely nothing about Hamlet. And why should he? It wasn't as if this knowledge was going to save lives. He refused to feel ashamed because the only things he knew about Hamlet were the 'to be or not to be' thing and that Hamlet was an indecisive Danish prince.

'Dude was an epic waffler. 'To be or not to be.' Whatever. Just pick one,' he said and he could swear Castiel almost smiled. Instead of shrugging it off, Sam got that priggish look on his face that signalled he was about to give them a lecture. Dean didn't even try to hide his yawn.

'Actually, his uncle had killed his father and married his mother and he was trying to decide what...'

'Like I said, flakier than dandruff,' Dean interrupted, waltzing right over Sam. His brother huffed and turned around again, focusing his attention back on his precious books. Unperturbed Dean turned towards Cas, 'If I could be anything, I'd be a young, handsome version of Hugh Heffner.'

Suddenly, Sam shut the books and announced he was going to get something from the vending machine and left the room in indignation. Dean shook his head and got up from the bed. He stacked the books and sighed. When he turned around he caught Castiel quickly diverting his gaze.

'What?' he snapped, which he felt bad about. It was easy to be annoyed by Cas, but difficult to stay angry at him.

'Show me a hero and I'll write you a tragedy,' Castiel said and his stare made Dean feel very uncomfortable. Like he was about to burst into flames under Cas' burning eyes at any moment. Or get struck by lightning. It was clear that something needed to happen, because if he was not mistaken Castiel had just called him a hero and his life a tragedy. Well, one of them was true at least.

'What's that? Spiderman?' Dean asked. He knew it wasn't. Spiderman was all about 'with great power comes great responsibility.' That was not like his life. He may shoulder a responsibility that he often felt was too big for him to carry, but where was the power? Where is a radioactive spider when you need one?

'F. Scott Fitzgerald,' Cas said and then, after a beat, 'He's a writer.'

'What did I tell you about that? Don't be a Sam,' Dean joked and Castiel levelled that intense stare at him. There were moments when Dean found it hard to believe that his conversation warranted such intensity, so he imagined Castiel must be listening to something else entirely. Like the dark. Perhaps angels could hear the dark and the light and other shit humans couldn't hear. That would explain why Castiel looked so tired. It would never be quiet. Something would always be whispering. He could probably even hear the silence. Actually hear the silence, not like douche bags who said things like 'the silence is deafening.' No, it isn't. Dean couldn't ask Castiel whether this was true, it seemed like a much too intimate question to ask.

'Here's a quote for you: We don't need another hero,' Dean said and when Castiel looked confused he added, 'Tina Turner.' Technically, that wasn't really a quote, more of a lyrics kind of thing. But hey, it was from Mad Max beyond Thunderdome and that was good enough for Dean. Absentmindedly, Dean rubbed his collarbone. For some reason this always gave Castiel a start. It was barely noticeable, but Dean saw it nonetheless. Even when Sam was in the room with them, Castiel's attention was usually focussed on Dean. Castiel listened to him and stared at him in that flattering, yet unsettling manner of his.

After a while Dean had discovered that he had unconsciously copied his friend's behaviour. Whenever Castiel was in the room Dean found himself trying to read him like a book. It was a curious experience and it had paid off in unexpected ways. That start for example, that tiny crack in Castiel's calm exterior when Dean touched his collarbone, it made Castiel's fingers curl into fists. As if he was trying to control himself from doing something. Doing what? Dean didn't know, but he was confident that as long as he kept watching Castiel he would someday find out.

(***)

Okay, disclaimers:

Sam's weird 'Ah, he wants to not be on a boat' reference stems from the play Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead by Tom Stoppard, particularly this exchange:

Rosencrantz: Do you think Death could possibly be a boat?
Guildenstern: No, no, no...death is not. Death isn't. Take my meaning? Death is the ultimate negative. Not-being. You can't not be on a boat.
Rosencrantz: I've frequently not been on boats.
Guildenstern: No, no...what you've been is not on boats.

The film Dean references is Last Action Hero with Arnold Schwarzenegger, which is pretty bad, except for the Hamlet bit. That is actually hilarious. It's on youtube.

The story title and chapter titles are from Rachael Yamagata's music album.

And obviously, Supernatural is not mine, We don't need another hero is a Tina Turner song, and 'Show me a hero and I'll write you a tragedy' is a quotation by F. Scott Fitgerald.