A/N: This idea has been clunking around my head for a while now. I finally decided to write it. This is dedicated to all my "Value" readers who were hoping for a proper CroMa kiss. Hopefully, this will make up for it. ^_^ However, this is meant to be a stand-alone, not a sequel to "Value."

Oh, and this is rated M, but it's not an all-out lemon. This is Ambiguous!Crona, after all.

Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Eater or any of its characters. They belong to Atsushi Ohkubo-sama.

Anyway, enjoy~

Maka is giving me that look. We aren't even kissing, and she is giving me that look.

I've seen it many times now, but it still manages to surprise me. We are in the living room of our little apartment, having a word search contest at the coffee table. We each have a copy of the same book. We are on the same page. Whoever finds all the words first wins.

Maka is sitting across from me. The only reason I look up is because I haven't heard her move her pen at all. Not once. I am halfway done, so how could she not have found one single word?

I guess I actually have a right to be surprised this time. The only time she ever looks at me like that is when we kiss.

It's passion. Her eyes are full of longing and need. Hunger. Why now?

I glance down. Her pen isn't even in her hand. Her page is untouched. Not one word is circled.

She has been staring at me the whole time.

The look melts away as her face turns serious. She takes my left hand in both of her own. She peers into my eyes and says my name in a way that tells me she wants to discuss something important.

I know what's coming. Thanks to that look, I know where this is going.

"Chrona…" She says my name again, softer now. "It's almost Valentine's Day."

That's all it takes. I know what she's planning. My other hand tightens around my pen. "I know," I say.

A heavy silence fills the room. My knuckles begin to pale. Maka focuses on our merged hands, her lips frowning. I wait. I don't think we'll be finishing our game tonight. A change is happening. I prepare for it by staying as still as a rock.

Maka loosens her hold on me but doesn't let go. "Have you ever thought about… sex?"

There it is. That word.

I still don't know how to deal with that word.

But that isn't what she asked. Of course I've thought about it. I'm with Maka now, so how could I not.

I can't tell her that, though. It'll sound dirty. I can't lie to her, either. It's wrong to lie.

"Chrona…" Maka's fingers give mine a squeeze. Her voice is very quiet. "Do you know what that is?"

I almost smile. I still don't know very much, but I do know that much at least. My hand relaxes around my pen. The knuckles return to normal. My mouth opens to let out a tiny sigh. "Yes, I know what that is."

"Oh, good." Maka sounds relieved. A glittering light dances in her eyes and she leans a bit forward. "Then maybe we could try it?"

She doesn't mean right now, and that calms me down slightly. Valentine's Day is several days away. Plenty of time. No rush. No pressure.

Still doesn't change the fact that it has to happen.

I'm going to have to show her what I look like. She will be forced to look at me. She will be beautiful, and I won't. It's embarrassing to think that I won't be wearing anything in front of her and she might not like what she sees.

I can't answer her out loud. I just nod, nod, nod. If I speak, I'll stutter. If I stutter now, she'll think that I have doubts. She'll think that I don't want to do it. She'll think that I don't want to touch her. That I don't love her. That I don't want her to be my girlfriend anymore. And then she'll leave me.

"Leave me." That means she will end our relationship.

"Relationship." I still don't really know about that stuff. All I know is that I love Maka, and I want her to be happy.

If doing this will make her happy, then…

"I know it's a little scary the first time, but… We don't have to go that far, if you don't want to. We'll just play around and see what happens."

Maka is smiling gently, using that strong yet soothing voice of hers. She always knows just what to say to make me feel better, even if it's only a little. I'm reminded that I'm not alone. She has never done it before, either. It'll be the first time for both of us.

I still don't speak, though. I barely move. This is big. This is really, really important.

"Hey…" Maka lets go of my hand and I stop staring off into nothingness. I look directly at her. She asks, "Do you remember how many times it took for you to admit that we were dating?"

I put my pen down. Had she been keeping track of those things, too? I didn't know that. I thought I was the only one.

"Nine," I mumble.

"Mm-hmm. And do you remember how many tries it took for you to kiss me?"

"…Four."

"And for you to say you loved me?"

"…Six…"

Maka nods. "I think it would be nice, though, if we could do this on our very first try."

Because this is very important. If I disappoint her, she won't be happy. But I wonder if she realizes just how serious this is.

Or maybe I'm going overboard. Maybe I'm making it more serious than it needs to be. I don't know much, but most people seem to like that word. A lot. Maka seems excited. I'm supposed to be excited too, right? But I'm not. Maybe there's something wrong with me.

Maka stands. Walks around the table. Sits on my lap. Hugs me.

She presses her lips to my neck and says, "Don't worry. You'll like it. You'll see."

I'm nervous. I can't move.

"I love you."

My eyes widen. I've heard her say that many, many times. More times than I can count. But every time she says those words, it feels like she's saying them for the first time.

I know what I'm supposed to say. I can say it easily now, because it's the truth. It isn't weird or awkward to say them out loud anymore. Not when it's just the two of us.

I wrap my arms around her.

"I love you, too."

-xoxo-

I can't sleep. I sit in the middle of my bed, knees drawn up, pillow in my arms. Maka and I have different rooms. We don't sleep in the same bed unless one of us had a nightmare. Or if it's raining or windy outside. Or if one of us can't sleep.

I'm not going to her room tonight. That means I should go to sleep or at least pretend in case Maka comes. If she sees that I'm awake, she'll know that I'm still worrying about what we're going to do on Valentine's Day.

I sit there and wonder when it will end. First, it wasn't enough just to breathe the same air as her. Then it wasn't enough just to watch her from afar. Then it wasn't enough for us to just be friends. It wasn't enough to just hug and hold hands. And now, it's not enough to just kiss and touch and cuddle.

These urges won't go away.

My back stings and Ragnarok flops onto my head.

"So, you and Maka are finally gonna fuck, huh?"

I grimace. Through clenched teeth, I tell him not to call it that.

"Why? That's what it is."

"But it sounds so… brutal. Don't make it sound like it's something someone should have whenever they feel like it."

"Because that's what masturbating's for, right?"

I sigh. I knew he wouldn't understand.

So many names for it. Some sound dirty and vile. Others don't. How can something be bad and good at the same time? It's scary, but I'm still curious.

"She has no idea, does she?"

I don't answer him.

"That's just fucking sad," he says, shaking his head. "She's bold, I'll give her that."

"You have to leave us alone when it happens."

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"Fine then. See if I care. Keep the flat-chested harpy all to yourself. You. Greedy. Dumbass."

"I'm not doing it for myself," I say quietly. "I'm doing it for her."

Everything is about Maka.

Ragnarok shakes his head again. "Y'know, sometimes your stupidity just amazes me. It's unbelievable." He seeps back into my skin.

When I'm finally tired enough, I get under the covers and pull them all the way over my head.

-xoxo-

Now that it's planned, it's all I think about. Part of me never wants the day to arrive and part of me thinks it can't come soon enough.

Is this someone's idea of a joke?

Why do these urges have to be so powerful? I can't look at Maka the same way now. I wish things can go back to the way they were before. It was much simpler then… Wasn't it?

Or maybe it'll be easier to stop fighting these urges. Ragnarok once said if I don't give in, it'll just build and build until I explode and turn into a vicious demonic rapist.

Terrifying.

That word—sex—has a frighteningly strong influence. Once it starts, you can't stop even after it's over. It happens again and again and again for many, many years. It is as addicting as nicotine.

It causes people to become pregnant even if they don't want to.

It causes people to cheat on their spouses.

It involves the exact same place you pee out of.

It makes people like Blair and Spirit act the way they do.

It can spread diseases.

It doesn't have to be two people. It can be one. Or three. Or more.

That thought makes me shudder.

It sounds like something that should be kept private; only the ones involved should know about it. But I know that's not how it is.

One time, Maka and Soul were away on a week-long mission. They missed Black*Star's birthday. As for the rest of us, we went out to celebrate. He wanted to see an action movie that just came out in theaters.

I thought it was rated R because of the language and violence. I was wrong. There was also a sex scene.

When it started, the bucket of popcorn in my hands trembled. I quickly handed it to Liz sitting by me and said to nobody in particular, "T-T-Tell me when it's over!"

I lowered my head, shut my eyes as hard as I could, and covered my ears. I thought about other things. I tried not to think about Maka. I imagined myself somewhere else.

Soon I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up at the screen.

It wasn't over.

I screamed at the same moment Ragnarok burst out laughing. He thought it would've been funny to trick me and see the look on my face. Liz, noticing what happened, shoved the bucket into his mouth to silence him.

I closed my eyes and covered my ears again. I tried to forget what I'd seen. Why would something so personal be exposed like that for all to see? I didn't stop shaking until I felt Liz tap me gently. I squinted. It was done.

That was my first experience at an R-rated movie. I know the people were only acting, but still. It felt like I was invading their privacy by watching.

I feel the same way when it comes to books, too. I remember the first time I read a romance novel. I'd lost my mind for a few minutes. At first it was cheesy. But then it began to describe a sex scene.

In.

Graphic.

Detail.

I closed the book. Our apartment is small, but it's a lot roomier than the one Maka had when she lived with Soul and Blair. We have a fireplace for cold nights. I went to it. Found the lighter normally used on firewood. I lit it and held the book over the flame. I watched it burn. The pages charred black. They curled up into ashes. Maka never knew.

I don't do that anymore, though. Now I just skip ahead.

-xoxo-

Today's the day. Valentine's Day. For this day only, several carnivals will be set up around Death City. Maka and I wake up early so we can be at one when it opens.

The line is long. It seems to be made of nothing but couples, which is to be expected, I guess. Soon, more and more people line up behind us. Maka takes out a pair of skull-shaped headphones from her bag and shares them with me. We listen to music as we wait. Well, Maka listens. I'm more interested in the fact that our heads are so close together.

The first thing we do is ride the merry-go-round. At first I don't want to because I know we're too old for that. But Maka pulls my arm and insists, since it will be my first time. I feel better when I see other people our age get on, too. Some are even older.

We don't stay long because Maka knows I don't like crowds. But we stand in line for just one more ride before we leave: the Ferris wheel.

This line is even longer and is literally made of nothing but couples. When it's our turn, I notice how small the carriage is. There's plenty of room to stretch our arms if we wanted, but when we sit and face each other, our knees are touching. I try not to worry about the ride breaking down.

I look out the window as our cart slowly takes us up higher and higher. I can see the tiny people enjoying the carnival. A few heart-shaped balloons float past us. I can see the endless blue sky and the various structures of the city. There's the cart above ours. The two people in it are making out.

I look down at my lap, where my hands are rolled into tight fists. Maka covers them. I glance up.

She's too beautiful, which makes it hard to look directly at her sometimes. It's still hard to believe that she is mine. Sometimes I wonder why she bothers to bless me with her smiles and deep stares.

She leans forward and closes her eyes. Now she wants to bless me with her lips. I inch closer and stop.

…

…I still can't deal with kissing in public.

It doesn't matter that we're in this little carriage. It's too much. It'd be like walking outside with no clothes on. I can't, I can't, I can't. I want to, but I can't.

"I… I'm sorry." I pull back and wish that I had the strength to scoot away so our knees won't touch anymore. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I repeat it as if saying it more than once will atone for my behavior.

My eyes are locked up tight and there's a lump in my throat. I refused to kiss my girlfriend, so that must mean I'm an awful person. I wish she would let go of my hands.

"It's okay," she says. I open my eyes. She isn't upset at all. How can she be so relaxed? After I just rejected her? I didn't mean to, but—!

"Can we go to a cake shop after this? I feel like cake. I'm sure it won't be crowded." She is talking as if it were no big deal. As if my action was perfectly acceptable.

I stare. She waits.

I swallow the lump and say, "Th-That sounds fine…"

"And can we rent a movie after that?"

"S-Sure." I loosen my fingers so they aren't fists anymore. I slip them between hers.

If it were anyone else, I know they wouldn't be able to put up with me. They would get frustrated. Not Maka. She never seems annoyed with me.

Maka is so… understanding.

…

No, wait. That's not the right word.

Tolerant. I think that's what it is. Maka puts up with me. But I don't think she will ever truly understand what I go through.

She deserves better. She deserves to be kissed whenever she wants. I wish I wasn't shy. It's hurting her. But I don't think anyone can cure me.

-xoxo-

The movie we rented has kissing in it. It makes me uncomfortable, but at least it's not as bad as… that word.

I remind myself that this is different. This is about me and Maka. I take all the negative thoughts—about affairs and threesomes—and seal them away. Focus. Focus only on her.

The credits roll. I stop the movie and put it back in its case.

Maka looks at me. "Ready?"

I take a deep breath and nod.

"Your room? My room? Here?"

"Y-Y-Your room," I say quickly. I like it there. Everything about it reminds me of Maka. The way it looks and smells and feels.

She takes my hand and leads me there. I close the door and lock it.

I turn around. The first thing I see is the window. I can see the setting sun. Its eyes are closed but it can easily open them if I turn my back and it would be the worst if it peeked on us because it has no business to—

Maka closes the blinds and shuts the curtains. "That better?"

"Y-Yes." I realize I've been holding my arm in an iron grip. I let it go.

Maka is sitting on the bed. My legs take me there. I sit in front of her. I stare at her feet.

"Do you want anything else?" she asks. "Like, candles? Music?" A pause. "Whipped cream?"

"…Huh?"

"Just making sure you're listening." She smiles. She waits for my answer.

I twiddle my thumbs. "N-No, it's fine…" My eyes shift, looking everywhere but at her. "But… Um…"

"Yes?"

Another deep breath. "P-P-Please d-don't bite… Or scratch…"

"Okay."

I thought she'd laugh, but she doesn't. I look at her. Maka is unusually still. She doesn't reach for me. She makes no move at all. She just sits there. Waiting.

Oh, no. She wants me to start. I've seen this before. She does this a lot. She gets really close and then she just stops. And waits. Until I can't take it anymore.

It isn't fair. It drives me crazy. Metaphorically.

I lean in and place my mouth over hers.

My eyelids fall. There is only darkness and the feel of Maka's lips.

Both of us remain still for just a few moments. Then I make adjustments so that both our lips can form a perfect fit. She presses back. They roam across each other.

As her hands begin to slide up my arms, I gently poke my tongue out, trying to pry her lips apart. I want in.

She separates them but as soon as I enter, she pulls back. The suddenness spurs me to catch them with my teeth before they go too far. Please. Don't do that. Don't make me beg.

She doesn't. She smiles widely. I think she was teasing.

She lets me in her mouth. I can taste the cake she's had today. The frosting. The texture. The flavor. Soft and sweet.

Maka's arms circle around my neck, tugging myself against her. I slip my arms around her waist, hugging it tightly.

My face is burning and my heartbeat quickens. I can feel Maka's tongue slowly start to move faster. My head is spinning.

We pick up speed but soon settle down again because we need to breathe. All we do is detach our mouths just far enough for them to take in air.

Both of us are panting quietly, staring into each other's eyes. I can see my reflection in hers. She's giving me that look again.

Her thumb and forefinger give the back of my neck a mild pinch. Then they take the nearest lock of hair and twirl it around.

I swallow before lowering my hands just a bit and squeezing her hips.

Maka leans in and we kiss again. Our eyes close.

I cave in to the urges. I lift my hand and rest it on her breast.

The doorbell rings.

I jolt back like I've just been electrocuted. Not watching where I'm going, I immediately fall off the bed with a strangled cry.

Maka swears.

She storms toward the door, unlocks it, and throws it open. She disappears, but I can still hear her stomping.

The corner. I need the corner. Now.

I go to the only corner that isn't blocked by furniture and sit down, facing it. I hug my knees and bury my face in them.

I knew it. I knew it, I knew it. Someone has come to check on us. They've come to punish us for what we were about to do. I tremble. I hate being yelled at, but I hate it a thousand times more when someone yells at Maka.

I listen. I can hear a muffled voice. But it doesn't sound like Maka's in trouble. I wait.

The front door finally closes. Maka's footsteps grow louder. She enters the room. It sounds like she's carrying something. She sets it down and flops onto her bed.

She sighs loudly. "I hate Papa. He did this on purpose."

I freeze. Her father was at the door?-! And he—he—he almost—

I feel faint.

"If he wanted to give me a Valentine's Day gift basket, he should've sent it through the mail like a normal person. Instead he hires some random delivery boy. As if that somehow makes it more special. I bet he couldn't do it himself because he's probably out—"

She stops. I hear a very long, very loud groan of disgust. I turn my head.

Maka is lying on her side, curled into herself, clutching her face. I stand up and crawl onto the bed. I hesitantly touch her shoulder, calling her name and asking if she's okay. She says to give her a minute, so I do.

At last, she takes her hands off her face. But she doesn't look me in the eye. "I'm sorry, Chrona. I know I said I wanted to do this on our first try, but… I don't think I can anymore. He's ruined everything." She seems more disappointed than angry.

I don't know much, but I think I understand what happened. The thought of Spirit has sickened her so much that she is no longer "in the mood." If she tries to force herself when she's not "in the mood," then it won't work. Neither of us will be able to enjoy ourselves.

"M-Maka?"

She meets my eyes.

"C-Can we still c-cuddle?"

She smiles, but it's very, very small. "Of course. But first… Can you hand me the basket? The sooner I open up the cards and candy, the sooner I can throw them away."

There are two heart-shaped balloons tied to the handle, one pink and one red. Everything in the basket is addressed to Maka. There's a letter inside. She opens it and reads it. Her face turns red from anger, embarrassment, or both. She crumples the paper and I know better than to ask. I get the strangest feeling that it had something to do with me.

She opens a box of chocolates and we take turns feeding one another.

I hear a boom outside. I turn my head toward the window. "Did you hear that?"

Another boom.

Maka opens the curtains and lifts the blinds. At first we don't hear or see anything. Then two more booms sound and the sky lights up with colorful sparks.

"Fireworks," Maka breathes. "I forgot the carnivals were going to do this."

They're very pretty, but I wish they didn't make that sound. It's a little scary. Maka lets me cling to her, so I feel safer. We watch them and finish the rest of the candy.

When the night is quiet again, Maka opens the window. She unties the balloons and hands me the red one. We hold them out by the string.

"Three, two, one."

We let them go and watch them float higher and higher until we can't see them anymore. I wonder where they'll end up.

She closes the window and tells me to change into my pajamas so we can snuggle.

When I return, she holds the covers out for me. I climb in and she drapes them over my shoulder. She tucks her head under my chin. I hold her. It doesn't take long for me to realize what I want to do.

"Tomorrow," I say.

"Huh?"

"I… I want to try again tomorrow."

A long pause.

"Are you sure?"

I press my lips to her forehead. "I'm sure."

A short pause. "Okay," she says.

It took me nine times to admit that Maka and I weren't just "hanging out." We were out on a date.

It took me four tries to stop cowering and kiss her when she leaned in.

Maka said "I love you" six times before I finally managed to stutter that I loved her too.

All those numbers, all spread out over days, weeks, months. All that waiting. Maka has always been waiting. She won't have long to wait now.

-xoxo-

The only thing I'm worried about is interruptions. What if the doorbell rings again? Or the phone? I don't want to be distracted. All I can do is hope.

Maka shuts the curtains. I close the door, but I don't lock it. She sits down and looks at me.

I don't make her wait. I take her lips as soon as I'm on the bed. She seems pleasantly surprised.

It becomes an exercise. Kiss. Breathe. Kiss. Breathe. They start to change, turning deeper. More intense. More passionate. They cause Maka to make these muffled "mmm" sounds. She cups my face.

When we stop to breathe again, she lets me take her pigtails out. Her hair falls gracefully past her shoulders. I run my fingers through the fine, sand-colored strands.

She watches as I bring my arms back and fold them in front of myself. I rub them nervously. I glance to the side and bite my lip. Then I take a deep, calming breath. I look at her. I unfold my arms.

My hands fumble with the buttons on her shirt.

I manage to undo all of them without any help. The top slips off to reveal a simple yet frilly white bra.

Maka's cheeks turn red, but she has this determined expression, as though daring me to make fun of her.

At first I just stare, gripping the shirt really tight. I hesitate, confused for a few seconds. Then I remember that I can just drop the shirt onto the floor. So, I do.

Her face softens. I swallow. My fingers twitch before I let them trace the outline of her shoulders. Her eyes close. I lean forward and kiss the base of her neck. She grabs on to the back of my head.

The bra's clasp won't come off. It must be stuck or something. It's starting to annoy me. It's getting hard to think straight. Why won't it unhook? Slow down. I'm not doing it right. There.

I allow myself to look. Then I drop the frilly undergarment on the floor, too. I take my time brushing my thumbs across her breasts.

Maka's hold on me tightens. She moans. I remind myself that it's a good thing. It's a moan of pleasure, not pain.

My hands travel down and soon she is in nothing but her panties. They finally join the others, too.

Maka is practically glowing. She reaches for me, and I brace myself. I try not to whimper as she strips me.

I expect there to be some kind of suspenseful silence when she sees me, but there isn't. She smiles and touches me without hesitation, as if she's known all along.

It isn't awkward at all. I never thought I'd be so comfortable with something like this.

We wrap our arms around each other. I love the feel of her bare skin. She puts her tongue in my mouth and I meet it eagerly. There's something different about this kiss. It's wetter than usual.

We pull back and there's a long string of saliva connected to our bottom lips. This has never happened before.

My eyes don't widen. It isn't gross. It isn't scary.

I lean in and lick the lower half of her lips, then suck on it gently. She gasps when I let go. I gaze into her eyes.

Maka grips my hands. "Don't hold back," she says. "Don't think. Feel."

I take her advice. We lie down and let ourselves become lost.

-xoxo-

Making love with Maka is amazing. The caressing, the moaning, the calling of the other's name, everything.

We lie on our backs, breathing heavily, staring at the ceiling. Maka moves to lie on her side and face me.

"So…" she pants. "How was it?"

I can't speak now, so I make a gesture with my hand to tell her to give me a minute. I wipe the sweat from my forehead and wait for my breath to steady.

At last, I turn to her and say one word. "Incredible."

She grins. "I thought so, too."

I touch her face. Her hair is messy and wild. Mine probably is too. My mind is a little fuzzy. "What now?"

"This is the part where we fall asleep."

That makes sense. It's late. And I'm really tired.

I scoot closer to Maka's body, cuddling up to her. She shuts her eyes.

"Maka?"

"Hm?"

"I… I'd like to do that again sometime. Soon."

She kisses my nose. "Don't worry. We will. We'll have plenty of time."

I have one more thing to say. "Maka?"

"Yes?"

"Um… Next time, you… You can bite and scratch, if you want… Just, not so hard…"

Her smile stretches. I think she's trying not to laugh. "Okay."

There's a very long pause. I think I'm forgetting something. I know she wants to sleep, but it's important. She can't fall asleep until I say this one last thing.

"Maka?"

"Yes, Chrona?"

"I love you."

Her eyes snap open. This is the first time that I've said it. Before now, she'd always be the one to say those three words and then I'd always be the one to answer with those four words. Now it's reversed.

Maka stares at me in shock for a while. Then she relaxes.

"I love you, too."

-xoxo-

"Spooning." I think that's what it's called. I wake up and Maka is still here. The way we're lying, we're cupped together like spoons.

This is not the first time I've woken up naked. But this is different. Maka is here. It feels nice. It's so… intimate.

I wait for her to wake up. I tell her good morning and she yawns out a reply.

We just lie there for a while. Then she asks if we can shower together. I nod.

As the water rains down on us, I decide that I'm going to try something new today. Even if it's short and quick, I will be the one to lean in first and kiss her in public. I think I can handle that now.