A/N: it's the ending. thank you in advance to everyone who has reviewed this story or added it to their favorites/alerts list.

"You know," said Kankuro somberly, "even if you make a deal with the Mizukage, you'll never be able to be with Emi publicly."

"I know." Gaara sat in his office, pacing incessantly, trying to keep himself from going to see her. "I don't care."

"They would try to make you resign as Kazekage if they found out." By 'they', he meant the other Kages.

"I know, Kankuro."

"It would be safer if you didn't—"

"I know, Kankuro!"

Kankuro looked at his brother sadly. "You really care about her, don't you?"

"I won't make her go back to the Mist Village. Nothing will deter me. If I can't be with her, at least I can keep her from misery."

Emi woke up and knew immediately what she had to do. Her mind was on the same path as Kankuro's—she knew that if Gaara stuck his neck out for her and anyone found out that they had been…intimate…he would be forced to resign. She would not be the reason these people lost their Kazekage. She would not be the reason that everything Gaara had worked for was destroyed.

So she left.

Gaara saw red. He was in a haze, anger and despair overshadowing any rational part of his mind. She was gone. Again. But this time there were no clues, no kidnappers, nothing. Nothing except a note from her that said, I will not have you destroy your life for me. I wouldn't be able to live with that, Gaara. I'm sorry. You won't be seeing me again.

He crinkled the note in his fist, shaking with barely controlled fury.

Chieri Isoya was on the run yet again, and Emi Kitamura…would never return to Suna again.

A year went by.

The Fifth Kazekage had just arrived back in Suna after a meeting with the Hokage, and seventeen-year-old Gaara had hardly stepped in his office before he felt a familiar presence.

"Emi."

The girl's back was facing him, but she stiffened when he said her name. "Hello."

"Are you still Emi? Or do you go by a different name now?"

She licked her lips, turning to face him. Her hair was now long and braided, but other than that she was the same. Same height. Same eyes. Same eyes. "I tried being Mina for a while."

"What happened to that?"

"Mist ninja started poking around."

"I see."

He was burning to reach for her, touch her, kiss her. He had missed her. "I thought you were never returning to Suna."

"I didn't come for a visit, Gaara."

He sighed as she said his name. It filled a hole within him he didn't realize he had. "What did you come for, Emi?"

She stepped toward him with tears in her eyes, and pressed her lips to his. He clutched at her, but she detangled herself all too soon. "I want you to kill me, Gaara."

"What?"

"The Mist won't stop chasing me. I've been miserable." Her eyes raked over him one last time. His hair was longer, his face leaner, but his eyes were the eyes of the fifteen-year-old from before. "You said once that my life lies in the sand. I want you to kill me, so I can become a part of your sand. I want to protect you like you protected me. I want to be able to protect someone precious to me, always."

"Emi, no. You are my someone precious. I can't do that to you."

"We can't be together. I'm not satisfied with that. I've been denying it for months, Gaara, but the truth is that I…" Her hand touched the kanji on his forehead, and he received what she wanted to say loud and clear.

"Emi, I can't." He grabbed her hand. "Don't make me."

"I've never been able to make you do anything, Gaara. I can't be on the run anymore, don't you understand? And if I'm going to die, I don't want to be hiding from the Mist. I want to choose where and how. I choose here and now and with you." She smiled softly and stepped back from him. "You know, I've always wanted to meet your mother."

He had missed the kunai in her hip pouch. He saw it only now, as it descended and she shoved it deep into her stomach.

"NO!"

He pulled her close to him, shouting for his brother. Kankuro and Temari ran in, accompanied by the guards.

"Emi-chan?" asked Temari, eyes wide as she took in the dying form of the friend who had run away a year ago.

"Damn it, Kankuro, help me!" Gaara yelled.

"Gaara." Emi sighed his name against his chest. "I will protect you…It's the only way I can be near you…"

"You will not die," he snarled. "I won't let you—"

Her laughter was weak. "When have you been able to control me?"

"Emi, don't do this to me." He inhaled the scent of her hair. "Don't…please."

She touched her fingers to his kanji again. "Love, Gaara."

Then she died. His sand wrapped itself around him as he held her body, and he let loose an angry inhuman sound of loss. He was overcome with emotion, tears and anger and fury—he smoothed her hair back and choked, "Love."

Her funeral was secretive—Gaara would not have the Mist Village destroying her body. Temari didn't speak to her brother for a few days out of anger—neither of her brothers had informed her of Emi's past, or told her that Emi and Gaara were essentially in love—but she softened when she saw how Gaara was affected by the young girl's death. She tried to comfort him, but Gaara didn't want soothing words or apologies. He wanted Emi.

Now he stood, perched on the roof of her old apartment building, the place where they'd finally…He stopped his memory there.

His sand rustled within the gourd, then poured itself onto the roof and formed two figures—the figures of the two women whose spirits now resided in his sand.

His mother, who had been there all along, who had always protected him even when most thought it was Shukaku.

His love. She formed more solidly than his mother, the sand hardening and coloring in a similar method to the Sand Armor that covered his body. "Your mother is a beautiful woman," he imagined her saying.

"So are you."

"Flattery will get you everywhere." Her voice, clear as day, but she wasn't really there. He knew she would protect him. He knew she was with him. He also knew that this copy couldn't speak. That he would never hear her voice again. That it was only a trick his mind was playing. The laughter he heard, it wasn't real. The glint of her amber eyes—all in his head. The two sand figures dissolved slowly, sand retreating back into the gourd, and the wind blew some stray grains towards him. He could have sworn they whispered in his ear.

Goodbye, they said, hatsukoi. First love.

He touched the love kanji on his forehead and felt a deep aching within himself.

"Gaara."

The teenager sighed heavily. "I came here to be alone, Kankuro."

There was silence for a while, but his brother didn't leave.

"Have you ever been in love, Kankuro?"

"No," the puppet-master answered with honesty.

"I wouldn't suggest it. Quite painful, actually."

"Gaara—"

"I could have protected her."

"She wanted to protect you. She knew you'd have to give up your position—"

"I would have in a heartbeat. I wanted to be happy, Kankuro. I was finally…I had finally found my reason for existing…and she killed herself."

"She sacrificed herself for you, Gaara. She loved you."

"I know." He lifted his face to the moon. "That doesn't make the pain lessen."

Another bout of silence.

"Kankuro?"

"Yes?"

"I have nothing to remember her," Gaara said suddenly. "She made sure not to leave a trace when she left Suna."

Kankuro put his hand firmly on his brother's shoulder. "I wouldn't say that."

He handed Gaara a photograph. In it, fifteen-year-old Emi was kissing him, the back of his hand lightly brushing her cheek, on this very roof—"Kankuro?"

"Did you know that from your office window, there is a straight view of this roof?"

Gaara knew that, had Kankuro showed him this months before, he would have been angry that his brother had spied. Now, however, he found that he was grateful.

"I know you won't forget her. Just…don't be alone forever, if you can help it. She wouldn't have wanted that."

Gaara supposed he was right. But as it was, it seemed impossible, inconceivable, to ever feel that happiness again. "Thank you, Kankuro." Then, Gaara's face hardened. "Also, first thing tomorrow I want to contact the Mizukage and put in a special request."

"Request, Gaara?"

"If she has no objections, I'd like Hideki Nakano to be executed. Immediately."

The End.

A/N: i'm sorry to have ended it like this, but this story has been finished for weeks before i decided to post it (which is why i was able to update so quickly). for a while, i thought about rewriting certain parts, but the ending has always been this. it seemed fitting. after all, with Emi's past, a 'happy ending' didn't really seem probable.

in the words of Orson Welles, if you want a happy ending, it depends on where you stop the story.

hopefully you've enjoyed reading as much as i've enjoyed writing about Emi and Gaara.

thank you again.