Pain Don't Satisfy

"Stabler!"

The shout causes me to jump from my position on the bed and stand, swaying on my feet as I try to orient myself. The first thing I notice is the clothes, then the pain. The head splitting, hand wringing, 'oh sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph I want to crawl into a hole and die' type of pain. The cotton mouth that's more like a paste that's coated my tongue and the nausea all clue me into what the hell happened last night.

Now if I could focus my eyes and figure out who called my name and where in the hell I am, because I know I'm not home, I would be very very happy.

"Get dressed, partner!" Olivia shouts.

I clutch the side of my head and wince at her sharp, loud voice.

Something soft hits the side of my head and nearly knocks me over. I swipe at the item and notice they're my slacks. Falling over onto the mattress, I groan and mumble, "Call Cragen, tell'im I'm dead."

She snorts and smacks my ass, prompting me to roll over. "Can't. He's expecting us in thirty. Be there or be jobless."

I blink up at the ceiling. My eyes scrunch and I finally inspect my surroundings. Through my slit eyelids, I see the décor and know it's not Liv's place. The room here is done in soft earth tones, greens and browns that aren't not my partner, but definitely not her decorating style either. Thickly I manage, "Where're we?"

"Alex's," she answers a little too loudly.

Wait.

That means I'm in Alex's bed…in my underwear. Where's Alex? What happened?

"Come on Stabler, Alex has already left. We need to go." She smacks my chest and saunters out of the room leaving me to finish getting ready. Groaning, I manage to pull on my pants and sit up, scratching my chest.

Shuffling, I go to the open bathroom door and see a new toothbrush and a fresh set of towels sitting on the back of the toilet. Deciding on which need to take care of first, I lift the toilet seat, unzip my pants and relieve my overly full bladder.

Good God, that feels wonderful.

Zipping up, I flush the toilet, lower the seat, wash my hands and brush my teeth. Now, if I could just stop the pain in my head I would be in great shape. I come out of the bathroom and my shirt's on the bed along with the tie that I discarded at some point last night. I manage to get it mostly buttoned and settle for the tie hanging loosely around my neck.

I make my way out of Alex's bedroom and into the living room where Olivia's at. I watch her bobbing her head along to the rock music that's playing as she sips her coffee.

"Aspirin?" I rasp.

Liv looks up at me and smirks. "None. There's some at work though. You ready?"

I swallow hard and nod. She tosses my jacket at me. I just manage to catch it before she moseys off towards what I think is the kitchen area. I listen to her rattle around for a few moments as I scramble to the stereo against the wall, frantically looking for the off switch.

The music suddenly stops and I spin around to see Olivia resting against the archway with a remote in her hand wearing a very evil smirk.

I get the feeling that whatever I did last night I will be paying for for sometime and all of the loud annoying things she's doing are part of repaying my debt.

Questions roll through my mind, why was I in Alex's bed? Why was I in my underwear? Did I talk to Kathy? I struggle for the remnants of last night and start from what I remember clearly as Olivia escorts me out of her girlfriend's apartment, downstairs and into a waiting cab.

Alright, let's start from the beginning…I left the station with Olivia and Alex; we went to The Lantern for drinks. We drank. The images come flashing at me, bits and pieces. Shots one, two and three I remember clearly…the rest is a fuzzy mess.

I remember staggering out of the bar being propped up by Olivia on my left and Alex on my right…and then…total blank.

I look over at Olivia who has her head buried in her cell phone, typing out a message. The cabbie doesn't look like he wants to talk so I let me head fall back against the seat. That prompts another image of me looking between the two women and…

Fuck, what did I say?

I start to shake my head in annoyance, but stop as the action makes my head swim in ways that are unnatural and way too reminiscent of taking a two by four to the side of the head.

Clenching my eyes shut, I feel the cab roll to a stop causing my stomach to pitch. I press my lips together and clutch my gut. This is not gonna end well.

"El!" Olivia shouts in my ear. "Let's go."

My eyes snap open, my head snaps up and I glare. The successive action causes another bout of nausea and blinding pain.

Bitch!

I scoot half out of the cab as she tugs on the sleeve of my jacket. Unthinking I toss a ten at the driver and we head into the station. She signs both of us in and I start for the elevator when her hand stops me. She points to the stairs and grins. My head drops and I follow her.

Church tomorrow and lots and lots of praying.

I trudge up the last few steps and down the hallway as Olivia has already rounded the corner into the bullpen. A few agonizing moments later and I manage to make it to my desk, pull open my top drawer and grab the bottle of Advil in my desk. A half empty bottle of water sits on my desk and I snatch it up, dump four pills into my mouth and chase it with the room temperature liquid.

"Yo!" Fin booms from my left.

I glare at him as he gives me a thorough once over. I slouch in my seat thinking it's better to ignore him and the smirk he's wearing and turn on my computer.

"Hey, Munch, check this out," Fin says, "Ya know, yesterday when we were joking around…"

"I do," his partner chimes in and I cringe.

"You wanna give us a run down and see what they say?" Fin asks as his body hovers on my periphery.

"It would be a miscarriage of justice if I didn't." Munch leans against my desk and his snapping fingers garner my attention. "You, Detective Stabler, are in the same clothes you were yesterday, as is your partner. You both left together and if I'm not mistaken came in together."

I find the nearest object to my right hand and toss the pen at him. He deflects it easily and picks up where he left off, "Now, since Olivia just went into Cragen's office, I think it's time you two come clean."

"Stuff it, John," I manage as the tapping of Fin's foot against the aged linoleum sends a needling pain through my right eye.

Whatever I drank last night, I will never, ever drink again.

I just need to figure out what it was.

My co-workers are about to start up again when our attention shifts to Cragen's door and Alex, my partner and the Captain shuffle out. Olivia offers me a tight smile as she takes her seat and opens up a file from yesterday.

"It break time?" our Captain asks causing John and Fin to go back to their desks to resume their days activities. "Alex," he says turning his attention back to our A.D.A. and the woman I'm currently the most scared of, "if you need anything else, call."

"Thanks, Don," the blonde says earnestly, "Really it means a lot."

I watch them exchange smiles and then he disappears back into his office as Alex turns heel and glares at me. "Elliot, a word!" she barks and I wince.

I look for sympathy from my partner and the only thing I see is a slight smile trying to hide behind the same file folder she's had in her hand for the past few minutes.

Might as well get this over with.

I wonder if Kathy would mind being married to eunuch?

Alex stomps down the hall to the main interview room and I follow behind, shutting the door as I step inside. She's already leaning against the table; her arms folded across her chest and her lips a thin line. "Sit down, detective."

The protest to being ordered around by her dies on my lips at her look.

Right, I'm just gonna cop a squat and deal.

She follows my movements, turning towards me as I sit down. Her hand slips inside the briefcase and pulls out a single rose bundled in baby's breath and green paper. A note is pinned to the top, but I can't make out what it says.

Uh…?

"I won't go over what you did last night. From the looks of it, there's little I could say that would make it worse," she clips as she sets the flower down in front of me. "However, you will give this to your partner with apologies for walking in on us in my bedroom, you will do what she asks the remainder of your work week and you will, above all else, keep your damn hands to yourself."

Alex leans into my personal space, looking me dead in the eye as she finishes, "If you, in an inappropriate fashion, lay your hands on my girlfriend again, I will personally hand your wife your manhood on a gold chain. Are we clear?"

I swallow and nod. Seeing my agreement, she rights herself and smoothes out her suit as she gathers her bag. I stand and grab the flower readying myself to follow her. As we begin to exit she spins to me and pokes a finger in my chest. "By the way, we told Don. The charade ends today." Instead of the glare I expect from her, she winks at me and breezes out of the room.

Okay…well, this should be…I'm not really sure what or how this going to go down, but I will make good on the demands my partner's girlfriend gave.

I hit the floor and Alex is leaning against Fin's desk talking about something as the two laugh. See and that's what's scary about Alex. You don't just threaten a guy's manhood and then go for laughs with coworkers.

She missed her calling in the military.

Pulling at the neck of my shirt, I place the flower on Liv's desk as she looks up to meet my apologetic gaze. "I'm not sure what happened last night, but, uh…" I mumble, "Uh, I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

She looks at me and picks up the rose, bringing it to her nose and inhales. A smile ghosts over her face and she winks at me. A weight that's been sitting on my shoulders since I woke lifts and I know we're okay. I nod and she swats my arm to send me in the direction of my seat.

I breathe in slowly, glad that that's over. A quick glance at Alex and she sends me a small tip of her chin, the only signal I'll get from her, but at least she isn't attacking me with her lover's service weapons either.

With Alex and Olivia sorted, I grab my phone and dial my wife. I need to know how much trouble I'm in with her. "Elliot?" Kathy answers the phone.

"Hi, you." I smile relieved that she doesn't sound angry.

"You know you owe your partner right?" she says not even bothering with the rest of the pleasantries.

"Yeah," I mumble.

"Good, I'll have dinner ready at six tonight." I can hear her smile and I'm a bit more at ease. The head's still killing me, but at least she's not pissed.

"You gonna tell me what she said last night?" I ask hoping to get more information from someone as neither Alex nor Olivia seem forthcoming with information.

"Nope," my wife answers, "We'll talk about it tonight when you get home. Love you and be safe."

"Love you too," I manage before the line goes dead.

Well then…

"Gentleman," Alex says as she looks around the bull pen to see it mostly empty, "I think it's time we laid some rumors to rest."

Oh boy…

I follow her every move as she strolls up to Olivia's desk, pulls my partner up as their hands link together and plants one of the hottest kisses I have ever seen on Liv's lips. I notice the pen go quiet and Fin hiss, "Damn!"

"I think I died and went to Heaven," Munch mumbles and I smirk, shake my head and try to figure out who's luckier, Liv, Alex or those of us that get to witness it.

Finally, they let go of each other. Olivia looks a little dazed while Alex's smile is wider than a Cheshire cats.

"She's with me. Hands off. No speculation or I will have you arrested," Alex states matter of factly and slings her bag over her shoulder and hits the bull pen doors. "Liv, I'll see you tonight, good day, detectives!" she tosses over her shoulder and disappears around the door.

A smile, dreamy in quality, spreads over Liv's face and I wink at her. Her cheeks tint pink and her hair falls over her face. She's happy.

That's the important part.

Well, that and I'm officially off the hook.