Do Over

(Chapter One: Three Little Words)

It had been over two years since Elliot had seen her and nearly that since he had heard her soft voice, but there hadn't been a day go by that Olivia didn't cross his mind. Elliot often wondered about her life as Mrs. Dean Porter. Hours after the wedding the newlyweds boarded a plane and headed off to the home Dean had purchased for her in D.C.

The first few weeks were hell on him learning to live without her. In the eleven years they had been partners, Elliot had never gone more than a day or two without seeing or speaking to his best friend. At first she called him a few times a day, that was soon reduced to once or twice a week. After the baby came, Elliot was lucky to get a call or a two line email every other month or so. He would smile as he opened the annual Porter family Christmas card with the latest family picture of the happy couple and the beautiful baby boy with his mother's eyes.

She was his best friend and the truth was as happy as he was for her, he missed her like crazy. Of course, Elliot would never tell her that. He scrunched his nose up as he stared at the blinking cursor on the computer screen in front of him. He had been thinking about emailing her for weeks and now that he had actually found the time, his mind was completely blank.

He yawned and stretched as he scratched his head. His eyes moved over the room and came to rest on the desk adjacent from his…..the desk that had once been hers. Once decorated with a tidy stack of files and a few antique silver framed pictures, it now had coffee rings in the right hand corner, barbeque corn chips and a half eaten donut on the top and a can of spray cheese and box of Townhouse crackers in the bottom drawer. John Munch may have been a great cop, but he didn't always do so great at cleaning up after himself.

Elliot took the last sip of coffee from his mug as he stood and made his way to the pot across the room.

"Oh come on guys! If you finish off the pot, start another one!" he exclaimed as he dumped out the used grounds and inserted a new filter. "Or at least turn off the machine," he mumbled as he stared into the pot at the thick black goo that had now burned onto the bottom.

Fifteen minutes later he returned to his desk with his fresh cup of coffee. He sat down and propped his feet on the corner of the desk as he studies the slow but steady blink pattern of the cursor once more. He smiled a bit as his mind wondered back to the last time he had seen her.

The day was rainy and gloomy, but her beautiful smile was brighter than sunshine. Olivia was finally about to get her happily ever after and she wasn't going to let a few clouds ruin her perfect wedding day.

The church was decorated with navy blue and white ribbons and a reception dinner prepared for three hundred guests, half of whom she didn't even know. Olivia was sitting in front of a mirror putting on an earring when he opened the door and the very sight of her was enough to take his breath away.

"Hey gorgeous," Elliot whispered as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

"Hey," she said smiling at him in the mirror. "I'm almost ready. I know people are waiting."

"Let them wait," Elliot said and she laughed. "It's your day. And the wedding cannot start without the bride."

"I figured Dean sent you in here to hurry me along," she said turning to look at him.

"Actually, I have not seen him all morning."

"Really?" she asked only half worried. "What if he isn't…."

"Relax," Elliot said cutting her off. "He is here. I saw his car outside. That man isn't crazy enough to stand you up on your wedding day," Elliot joked and she laughed nervously.

"Your tie is crooked," Olivia said with a smile as she untied and then retied it. "There," she replied smoothing it out and tucking it into place, "perfect."

She drew a deep breath as her eyes met his once more and he could see tears starting to rise.

"You look remarkable. I'll bet no other bride has ever looked as beautiful as you on their wedding day."

Olivia laughed.

"Thank you," she whispered as she exhaled softly and bit her lower lip.

"Your nervous?" he asked.

"A little," she confessed.

"Don't be. He loves you. And you love him. I have seen the way the two of you look at each other. This is the real deal," Elliot choked out suddenly feeling a large knot rise in his throat. "You are going to be so happy. You deserve this. It's just a little cold feet. Everyone is nervous on their wedding day."

"Really?"

"Really," he assured her.

Olivia nodded.

"Does everyone feel like they are gonna vomit, too?"

"Well, not everyone."

"I feel sick El," she sighed as she dropped back into her chair. "Maybe this is a sign."

"It is a sign."

"Do you really think so?" she asked staring up at him with worried eyes.

"Yeah, it's a sign that they should turn up the air conditioning. This is a June wedding and it is damn near ninety degrees in this church!"

Elliot stared into her eyes and smiled until she smiled back at him. He knelt in the floor beside her chair and took her hand in his.

"This is a sign," he said raising her left hand to stare at the large diamond that now resided there. "A sign that one very lucky man loves you more than anything else in this world. And that man is standing in the next room waiting…..waiting for you. He is waiting to promise you forever and make you his wife. He loves you, Liv. And I don't think you are doing the right thing."

"You don't?"

"No. I know you are."

Olivia smiled in relief.

"Liv, you have been in love with this man from the first day you met him."

"You're right," she said in confidence as she stood once more. "And today, I make him my husband."

"Oh, I almost forgot," Elliot said as he pulled a jewelry box from his pocket.

"What is this?"

"Just a little something for your big day."

"Oh El, it's beautiful," she said as she pulled a small pendant from the box.

"It's a lotus flower. It's for prosperity and luck. Do you like it?"

"I love it!" she replied holding up her hair for him to fasten it for her.

"You are gonna wear it today?" Elliot asked as her hair fell softly back into place.

"Of course," Olivia replied with a smile. "Who doesn't need a little extra luck on their wedding day? We'd better get going," she said looking up at the clock on the wall. "I'm about to pass fashionably late," she joked.

"Are you ready?" Elliot asked handing her the bouquet.

"I am. How's my hair?"

"Beautiful. Everything about you is absolutely beautiful. And Dean Porter is the luckiest man in the world."

"He is pretty lucky," she giggled. "But I'm a pretty lucky girl," she said holding up her hand to admire her engagement ring.

Olivia slipped her arm into Elliot's and he held his breath as he walked her down the aisle and handed her off to the man who promised to love her for the rest of her life. It killed Elliot to let her go. But the truth was she was never really his in the first place. He loved her, of course. But he wanted what was best for Olivia, whatever made her happy. Dean Porter made her happy.

Twelve hours later Elliot stood alone on the platform and watched her wave to him as she boarded the plane that would take her away to her new life. Six short months later, his own marriage came to an end. And the day Olivia became a mother he knew all of her dreams had now come true.

To this day Elliot kicked himself for not being there when the baby arrived. As her best friend, he really should have been. But he was stuck here in New York, dealing with bad guys and juggling every other weekend arrangements and fighting children with his now ex-wife.

It had been too long, he thought as he turned the picture of her he still kept on his desk and stared at it…..way too damn long. And time had really gotten away from them. Somehow the one person he could always turn to and say anything around had become so hard to talk to. Now as he sat here with the letters of her email address….OliviaPorter08 running through his head, there were so many things he wanted to say to her and he didn't know where to start.

Elliot glanced at her picture once more as he wiped away a tear and smiled as his fingertips began to brush the keyboard in a desperate attempt to relay the importance of his message to her.

Three hours later Olivia had finally gotten her son down for his nap and curled up on the sofa with the laptop to pay a few bills online. There in her email inbox was a message from her oldest and dearest friend. Tears streamed slowly down her face as she read his words to her. There in front of her in black and white were three little words…. "I miss you."