One handful of brightly-colored pills, maybe twenty-five, maybe thirty; this is what it boils down to. Just one handful of brightly-colored pills, pills that he had, over the course of a month, pushed to the side of his mouth and pretended to swallow in front of his instructors; pills that he had stashed in a nick of his mattress. An old hole that some forgetful, or maybe just careless orderly had long-since forgotten to sew up or even check; one that he's sure has been used for purposes such as this before. Surely he is not the only kid who has ever been stashed away in this makeshift room, been given this squeaky-clean makeshift bed, and been told to take a handful of these makeshift pills in order to find happiness instead of pain.

Surely he is not the only kid who has ever resisted that notion; not the only kid for who pain is worthwhile and happiness is not a blue and white pill administered at the hands of some plump orderly. Surely he is not the only one who has ever looked to the heavens and found hope… surely he is not the only one who has ever done that. Surely he is not the only one to ever look at a handful of blue, white, pink, and orange brightly-colored pills and see, not a quick fix to depression but an eternity with the girl that he loves. Surely he can't be the only one to ever walk into the light and behold, like a siren, the girl of his dreams beckoning to him, walking towards him, all in one piece. Surely he can't be the only one to ever come back from that and view the world through different lenses?

He still has the flock; he still has Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel, maybe even Dylan if he is really pushing it, but somehow that is not enough. Somehow they are not enough. He loves them; there's no question in his mind about that. With the exception of Dylan he would gladly take a bullet for any one of them any day of the week… but it's not enough. They aren't enough to anchor him down; they should be, but they aren't; not when Max is up there. Not when every time he looks at one of them he sees the ghost of what should have been Max; they smile or they extend their wings and all he sees is her. All he can see is her in those movements and even more so in Angel. Angel has been the worst.

Everything the kid does is a direct copy of Max; they look nothing alike but yet they are identical. The way that she moves and the way that her eyes flare… even the way that she talks. Word for word it is almost like watching Max as a kid, and always his hands shake; always his thoughts turn to her. If she could see her now… damn she'd be proud, and she'd have damn-good reason to be proud, too. In all the times that she has visited that little girl has not shed a single tear, has not started rapidly blinking in the way that Nudge so often does; has really not done anything other than come and hold her head high. He has no doubt that she will rise past this; he has no doubt that, with a little time, all of them will get past this. None of them will stand, as he does now, with a handful of brightly-colored pills; none of them will look at that handful as he does now, as if it is the sweetest nectar on earth.

None of them will ever push aside their stash, grab a ballpoint writing utensil, and prepare their suicide note, as he does now.

Dear Flock,

First of all I want to say that I love all of you. More than any of you can ever understand. Second I want to tell you that this isn't your fault, and Angel, I swear to you it isn't. I expect all of you to rise past this, but I don't kid myself that it won't be hard. I don't kid myself that you will not go through pain and that this will not seem like a tragedy to you… and for that I am sorry. I'm sorry, but I swear to you that I will be happier there, wherever there really is. I'm going to be with Max, and I know you all understand that.

Iggy, I'm sorry. For forcing you into this position that you don't even want I am sorry, and I can only hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me for it. You have to lead the flock. Max and I have both tried our hand and even Angel, but you're the next in line, and with you I think we'll have it right. I love you, man, you're a brother to me, sure as hell, and I hate to leave you but I have to. You have Ella now and one day you'll understand where I'm at, that is, if you don't already.

Nudge, this will probably be close to hardest on you and you have to know how sorry I am for that. I love you, just like I love everyone in the flock, you're my sister and that will never change. You have to be strong, though, okay? You will have to help Iggy and you'll have to watch out for Angel, she might not always seem like it, but she's still young and she still needs you.

Gazzy, I know that you'll get through this. You'll get through this just fine and I hope to God that you'll be able to help the others, too. They might rag on you sometimes, but really you are one of the strongest of us; never forget that. Never allow yourself to forget that. Watch out for your sister, she will need you just as she will probably need the others, and Angel if you're listening I'm sorry, but we all know how you are. I love you, Gasman, and I hope that you keep up with what makes you happy. Don't let my death pull you away from it, that would devastate me.

Angel, sweetheart, please don't blame yourself. Don't think that you didn't see this in time, and don't think that about Max either. You have to stop beating yourself up about it because it's not what Max would have wanted and it's not what I want. Do you realize how proud Max would be of you if she could see you now? One day I have no doubt that you'll be a great leader; one day I have no doubt that you'll be the best of them all, but for now try just being a kid. Have fun, fly, mind control some people into buying you a pony… I don't know; just don't waste your time grieving me. Like I said before, there's nothing to grieve. I've seen the other side and it's beautiful there, for me at least I will be happy. I want nothing less for you. I love you, sweetheart.

Fly on,

Fang

A/N: Hey, how do you think I did? I had a little difficulty with the note, but I think that doing the multiple persons was the best, don't you? I feel relatively good about it at least. I hope you all enjoyed it, and if you did I do expect a review especially on this final installment. I think we've had a good ride, and I do want to present the opportunity of an epilogue, that is, if we get enough reviews on this chapter. By enough I mean around ten, so I hope that you can all find it in your heart to write a word or two. This chapter is dedicated to zorua, Raeofmydarkness, TheDarkAngelofAwesome, Maxie89, and JealousMindsThinkAlike.