What if in 'The Rapture' Castiel had been taken to Heaven WITH his vessel and hadn't returned so soon?

His superiors brought Castiel back to Heaven to make him follow their orders again and abandon his own free will. His only chances to leave are to agree to their terms or fall. What will his decision be and will he make it in time to help the Winchesters who battle with angels and demons to prevent Lucifer from being freed?

AR. Starts with the beginning of 'The Rapture' but changes events from thereon out. Minor spoilers for characters and some things from later episodes.

Warnings: Destiel. Rated M for later chapters, language, torture, sex

At least he is allowed to watch. At first he thought this to be an act of kindness but now he knows that this is actually an extra cruel punishment. He can see everything that happens to the Winchesters but he is not allowed to go to them and help. That is the hardest part really and he wishes he had the strength to just turn his back but he doesn't.

That is the reason that brought him here in the first place, all but imprisoned up in Heaven. His weakness, his emotions. Emotions are doorways to doubt, he has been told more than once and it has proven to be right. But now that he has started to feel and think for himself and to doubt his superiors' orders he can't just stop that anymore even though he very much wishes he could.

His superiors must have been watching his actions on Earth much more closely than he had anticipated. They had also listened in on him and Dean when he visited the hunter in his dream where he was sitting on a pier at a peaceful lake, fishing. Castiel had been afraid that someone might eavesdrop. That was why he had asked Dean to meet him somewhere else and had given him the note with the address. But he hadn't been careful enough. Unfortunately his superiors had been there before the Winchesters, expecting him.

Now Castiel is in Heaven, still wearing his vessel, his powers diminished to barely angelic anymore so there is no reason to really imprison him. He doesn't have enough mojo left to leave Heaven and go back to Earth. Not unless he vows to only follow orders and accept that he doesn't serve Man, especially not Dean Winchester or he rips out his grace and falls entirely. At the moment he isn't ready to do either. He still hopes for the situation to resolve itself.

It is very painful though to watch Sam and Dean search the warehouse where they were supposed to meet him. The place is wrecked, Castiel put up quite the fight, but in the end he had been clearly outnumbered. But the traces of the fight are still very evident and the experienced hunters immediately recognize them for what they are. Watching them search the place with worry on their faces, especially on Dean's face, he wishes nothing more than to be able to tell them that he is fine, well, at least fine considering the circumstances, and that he is just back in Heaven and pretty much powerless.

"He's not here," Sam tells Dean after they have thoroughly searched the place at least twice.

"Yeah, I get that. Fuck," Dean answers, roughly kicking a small piece of wood out of his way in frustration. "What I don't get is why. He sounded like it was important to meet him. He would have shown up if he could. Something must have happened."

The genuine worry in Dean's voice touches Castiel somewhere in the core of his being and although he knows it is futile he tries to gather his remaining strength to get to him.

"Ah, don't overexert yourself, Cas. You won't even leave this very spot right here if I don't want you to," comes Zachariah's sneering voice from right behind him.

Castiel chooses to just ignore him, which might not be the smartest choice considering that Zachariah is his superior and directly responsible for his present predicament. But the trench coat clad angel cannot pry his eyes away from Dean. And it's not like his situation can get much worse anyway.

"You know that you can easily go back there as you obviously wish very much. You only have to remember the true purpose of our mission and what being an angel really means. Just swear to follow all orders without doubts or questions and your powers will be restored and you can put those humans out of their misery of not finding you," he offers, pronouncing the word 'humans' with as much disdain as he can.

"I can't do that. I can't go back to how I was before," Castiel refuses the deal. And he truly believes that he can't. Once those doors have been opened they can't easily be closed again. Pretending would be the only other option but he has never been good at lying so that probably wouldn't work too well. Especially lying to Dean? No, the thought alone almost physically hurts him. He wouldn't be able to do what Zachariah expects him to and that would only result in him being forcefully dragged back to Heaven yet again. And going through that once is quite enough.

"Very well then. Your choice," Zachariah replies indifferently and vanishes, leaving Castiel alone in the small, cold, almost sterile room which he won't leave. He could if he wanted. He is not confined to it even though it would be easy for the other angels to do that to him. But he stays anyway because it's the only place from where he can follow the Winchesters with his powers so weakened.

Slowly it dawns on him how terrible this torture really is as he involuntarily keeps trying to somehow leave Heaven until he is so exhausted that he can hardly move and hurts all over. The pain is emotional as well as physical and there is nothing Castiel can do to ease it or prevent new pain. He can only endure it and everything that is yet to come. And it soon gets worse as he watches events down on Earth unfold.

"Who the hell are you?" Dean demands, gun ready, from the figure that suddenly appears out of nowhere in front of the brothers and Castiel groans softly as he recognizes her.

"Not Hell, Heaven. My name is Rachel," the blond woman calmly corrects him.

"So, you're an angel," Sam concludes and she nods.

"Then you can tell us what happened to Cas. We were supposed to meet him here." Dean sounds hopeful as he says this. But the angel just looks at him coldly and shakes her head.

"Castiel is currently unavailable. I'm his replacement," she states very matter-of-factly and in a voice utterly devoid of emotion. Just like an angel is supposed to sound, Castiel thinks bitterly as he helplessly watches her taking his place on Earth. The brothers don't take these news too well though and he is very pleased to see that.

"Look. No offense but we really don't need a replacement. We were getting along fine with Cas, so if you could just send him back, please?" Dean tells her and hits her with a hard stare.

Rachel is not impressed by this at all. "You have no choice," she informs them and then leaves without further explanations.

At least she kind of told the Winchesters that he is still alive, even if he can't get to them. And the loyalty that Dean has shown towards him makes him feel warm and happy despite his situation. Rachel won't have it easy with the two hunters and Castiel finds that he is actually smiling at this thought.

"You were way too soft on them, Castiel," Rachel says, appearing next to him. "You should have just followed your orders and made sure that their destiny will be fulfilled, not become their friend."

"Yes, Rachel, I know that. But I can't change it and I wouldn't change it, even if I could," he replies slightly annoyed. He knows that she is merely stating the facts and wants him to come to his senses so he can finish the job he started when he pulled the Righteous Man out of hell, but at the moment her presence feels like she is taunting him. It is not a pleasant feeling and he wishes all the other angels would just leave him alone.

But maybe this is all part of the plan, part of the torture they devised for him specifically, to make him realize that allowing oneself to feel can hurt, as well as be pleasant. Right now the hurt outweighs the pleasure by far and maybe the other angels hope that eventually he will have enough of that and decide to rather feel nothing at all to escape the pain. What they haven't considered though is his fondness of Dean Winchester and just how much he is willing to endure for his sake.

"I won't make that mistake," Rachel tells him, startling him out of his thoughts. And as he looks at her and her serene expression he is sure that her assessment is correct.

Rachel has nothing more to say and vanishes soon after and Castiel is once again alone. And since the other angels have forced out Jimmy, the rightful owner of this body he is wearing, he really is utterly alone. Even though Jimmy was mostly dormant in the back of his mind lately, his presence was always comforting but now that presence is gone and Castiel only hopes that Jimmy is in a better place now, his very own heaven.

Night has fallen on Earth by now and the Winchester brothers have found another dingy motel room and are fast asleep in their beds. Castiel spreads out his wings behind him and then draws them close around himself for comfort. Their dark color and soft glow presents a stark contrast to the white walls of the room. He watches the brothers sleep and for the first time since being dragged back up to Heaven and being robbed of most of his powers he feels calm.

For a few hours everything is fine but then Dean starts tossing and turning around in his sleep and the angel immediately knows that the hunter is having a nightmare about his time in Hell. Usually he would have quietly appeared next to Dean to take the nightmare away but he can't do that anymore. He might be an angel watching over Dean but he can do nothing more than watch and his earlier calmness is quickly replacement by the now familiar pain at seeing Dean worry or suffer.

But even though this is hard for him to bear, it is not a dangerous situation. Dean will survive the dream and he has his brother to help him when the memories get too bad. So there is no reason for the rebellious angel to break just yet and accept Zachariah's conditions.