Heavy

Heart and Soul

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed Destiny, nor the song "Heavy in Your Arms" by Florence + The Machine.

The Battle of Berlin is episode 32, titled Stella, but her "burial" scene actually takes place in the next episode, 33, titled The World Revealed. This songfic focuses on those last moments between Shinn and Stellar, and is a tribute to their love (albeit short lived).One thing that bothers me is, right after this he gets with Luna like Stellar never existed, even after he almost kills her sister. Don't get me wrong, I like the ShinnxLuna pairing as well, but the way they became a couple seemed rather odd in my book. If some dude almost killed my sister I'd slap him not kiss him…just sayin'. For the original pairing, this is my official salute. Hope you enjoy~

It seemed as if everything happened in slow motion, but not to be cliché. Time really seemed to slow, the seconds ticked by grudgingly as every single moment dragged on as if to personally torture him. As Freedom flew toward the monstrosity that he knew held his beloved inside, his legs felt weighted down and his arms were pounds of lead against his controls. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't stop what he knew was about to happen.

It was ironic as he thought of it now, that the Freedom Gundam would be the cause of this great weight in his arms now; it wasn't freeing at all to hold this limp and lifeless body, even though now she was free of the horrors of war.

She was free, but he wasn't. He was anchored down to this world now and could never escape.

Stellar felt so heavy as he carried her to her funeral.

I was a heavy heart to carry

My Beloved was weighed down.

My arms around his neck

My fingers laced to crown.

He wanted to take care of her, even though she was gone. The least he could do was give her a proper burial, one that he knew she would have liked.

Although it really didn't matter now, since she's dead. This was more for him than her, to give him a sense of peace, even though the feeling of her body in his arms would remain until the day that he would join her in the silent abyss.

He found the perfect spot nearby and commenced on his newest mission. He took his Gundam into the water and then exited the cockpit onto the hand, Stellar held bridal style across his open arms; half spilling out of his hold, half clutching him with one arm lying limp around his neck as if she were merely sleeping.

But Shinn knew she wasn't sleeping as he stared down at her pale form, at those eyes that would never again open to sparkle out at him, at those lips that would never turn upwards in a smile, the cheeks that would never blush again. He slowly crouched down on one knee, steadying her and looking at her one last time as the tears poured forth down his face.

Then he held her out slowly over the water and lowered his arms until she dipped into the lake, withdrawing his arms with regret as he watched her slip away beneath the cool surface into the darkness below.

I was a heavy heart to carry

My feet dragged across the ground.

And he took me to the river

Where he slowly let me drown.

Even as she disappeared within the black water he could still feel the weight of her in his arms, like she never left. He couldn't move, was bolted to the spot in the same position as he watched even until he could no longer see her arms floating upwards toward him, as if beckoning him to follow, or waving goodbye for the last time.

He tried to stand but his limbs were shaking, bricks upon the ground, barely able to shuffle his feet. Even his eyes were straining to see her again, locked onto the last spot that her small form was visible. He didn't want to think of what would become of her now.

My love has concrete feet

My love's an iron ball.

Wrapped around your ankles

Over the waterfall…

I'm so heavy, heavy

Heavy in your arms.

I'm so heavy, heavy

Heavy in your arms.

He was angry now. He would avenge her death and hold this sorrow close to his heart, in memory of her. A requiem played in his head, a montage of all their short moments, and a longing for what could have been.

What she must have gone through, what she must have suffered, he would never know. He would never be able to heal the pain that had encased her heart, or give her the love that she had deserved; all she really needed was love, and someone to give it to her.

But now she was cold, and no warmth could cure the ice that was in her veins.

So he would destroy that which had destroyed her, to give himself peace even though it would be hollow. It wouldn't bring her back, but he would feel better knowing that her killer suffered the same fate as her.

He would put her heart behind a caged door with his, harden the shell so that it could in no way be harmed again, solidified in its innocent state where she was still alive and had a world of possibilities before her—and he could give them to her. She would remain this way, locked within his heart, innocent and free.

He stood with a newfound determination, feeling not the weight of the world on his shoulders, but the chains that linked him to the dead girl at the bottom of the lake. Those chains would keep their iron grip until he took his last breath as she did and lay down beside her in the waters.

And is it worth the wait

All this killing time?

Are you strong enough to stand

Protecting both your heart and mine?

He felt hatred for the pilot of the Freedom, but who really was to blame for her death? Was it her fault for consenting to pilot that beast? Was it the Earth Alliance's fault for brainwashing her and breaking her down into something of use to them on the battlefield? Or was it her own parents for birthing her into this world of horror?

Maybe it was none of those things. Maybe it was just Destiny that she die today in this way, by those hands. Maybe all the deaths happened out of circumstance and there were no coincidences, only grinning Fate come to claim its victims. Death has no prejudice, no preference; it will take the willing and the running.

But Shinn didn't care about the phantom Death or the Destiny of Stellar Loussier's final moments, even if it were only Fate picking up the pieces of humanity's cruel combat with each other. He wanted something he could wrap his hands around and strangle the life out of, as Death's icy claws curled around Stellar's neck and wrung the light out of her eyes.

And that would be the accursed one beneath the mask of the Freedom.

Who is the Betrayer?

Who's the Killer in the crowd?

The one who creeps in corridors

And doesn't make a sound.

The war escalates when life is taken. No one cares about the real reason why a loved one died, only that he or she was gone forever due to a careless or purposeful blow, whether it be from a beam cannon, a beam saber, or the steely edge of a military knife; even falling debris is caused by someone. Accidents always happen, but everyone wants someone or something to blame.

Shinn didn't realize the childishness of these thoughts and actions, or that he would never feel at peace or free by killing the one he blamed for Stellar's death. He would forever be burdened by her corpse in his arms. With her death a piece of him died also, and as she fell into the waters she took him down with her.

My love has concrete feet

My love's an iron ball.

Wrapped around your ankles

Over the waterfall…

My love has concrete feet

My love's an iron ball.

Wrapped around your ankles

Over the waterfall…

I'm so heavy, heavy

Heavy in your arms!

I'm so heavy, heavy

So heavy in your arms!

-O-

It wasn't like he really did her any favors. She might have been better off without having ever met him. How would she have died then, had he not interfered? What would their story be like if he wasn't at the cliff that day to see her fall off and drown? Or if she had survived, would she have died in some other battle? Maybe she would have died in the Infirmary of the Minerva, or before he even rescued her.

From the first moment they encountered each other to the last moments in Shinn Asuka's arms, Stellar's life was a whirlwind of confusion, emotions, and the puppetry of conflict. As far as she was concerned, she never had a life—at least not one she could call her own. She was living someone else's life, a life that was controlled by military big wigs who could care less of her statistical casualty on paper.

And yet, with her last breath, she uttered those three words one human can say to another to show that not all of us are doomed. For her final moments she unleashed a confession that would change Shinn's life forever, and that phrase would hang in the air and upon his lips forever.

But was it her only confession?

In death, only she would know.

This will be my last confession

"I love you" never felt like any blessing.

Ohhh

Whispering like it's a secret

Only to condemn the one who hears it

With a heavy heart…

His was a heavy heart, hers a heavy soul.

Heavy, heavy!

I'm so heavy in your arms!

She was heavy when he pulled her from the water, splashing around and almost drowning them both.

(I'm so heavy) Heavy, heavy!

I'm so heavy in your arms!

She was heavy when he carried her from battle to the Minerva and laid her on the sick bed, trying to save what life she had left.

(I'm so heavy) Heavy, heavy!

I'm so heavy in your arms!

She was heavy when she flew off that same bed and pinned him to the ground in an instinctual act of resilience. Her long years of training to be a cold-blooded killer had not prepared her for his instinctual act of caring.

(I'm so heavy) Heavy, heavy!

I'm so heavy in your arms!

And she was heavy when, like they first met, he laid her back in the water so she could finally rest in peace. Only this time she wasn't thrashing about or struggling against him in her confusion, and there was no need to worry about whether she would drown.

I was a heavy heart to carry

My Beloved was weighed down!

My arms around his neck

My fingers laced to crown!

I was a heavy heart to carry

But he never let me down!

When he had me in his arms

My feet never touched the ground!

I'm so heavy, heavy in your arms…

Heavy, I'm so heavy in your arms.

She would join a chorus of angels and sing a lament that would lift the crushing load off her soul, but for Shinn, she would remain heavy in his arms.

-Author's Note: Not sure if you noticed, but there's a recurring theme here…

This was something short and sweet that I wanted to get out before I lost the idea, like with so many others.

I got the inspiration for this fic when listening to this song, and yes it was from the Eclipse soundtrack, but before anyone complains just think of it this way: without my hearing that song this fic would not have been made and I would not have had the pleasure of listening to it over and over again.

The beginning is focused on Shinn, with Stellar more or less singing in the background in concordance with his thoughts. After the -O- symbol ('cause they won't let me put stars or plus signs) are mostly Stellar's focal thoughts, or pertain more to her than Shinn. If you can no longer read the word "heavy" without crossing your eyes and hearing voices, I apologize, but it seemed to fit quite nicely with the situation.

Please review and let me know what you think; questions, comments, etc. are welcome. Any flames about Twilight will be retorted like this: The haters are worse than the crazed fans, so get over it. Peace out.-