Chapter 3- deciding fate

I like the thought of fate, and that Connor thinks this is what binds him to what he is about to do. His mother did it so he has to also... Hope you like it

"What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates his fate."

Connor sat in the undergrowth and pulled out his wallet smiling slowly to himself. He took out the picture of Abby which was on the top; underneath he saw another, and another. Maybe he'd never take them out- he'd certainly forgot about them. He looked down at the picture; it was the old ARC like it was before... they were all gone now. All except Abby ... all except Abby and Connor... for now.

Then there was the same kind picture of the huge group on holiday, this time Connor's parents were there already Connor was dripping wet- he remembered in bright flashes being thrown into the luke-warm water...

Connor pushed it back in and tried to catch his breath, he hated having to remember.

Connor held the picture of Abby at arm's length then got out a pen; he had to leave her a message. He had to make sure she didn't blame herself.

He just knew he had to say something to help her; he knew how she'd feel. But it was now or never, he didn't know why he hadn't just run away before. But then, he thought she liked him...

Abby, I knew it would be you but I am so sorry that you didn't give up on me. I'll be fine now. You and everyone else have broken my heart, so I'm already dead .I will wait for you; but you'll probably never come.

I'll see my family, at last. So I will be happy. Don't worry.

I love you so much Abby, please say sorry to everyone. I just didn't want to make a fuss.

Love Connor xx

Connor held the photo and crawled in deeper.

He just didn't know exactly how to do it. He only had that packet in his pocket that would be impossible to use. Still Connor swallowed three at once and felt the sudden rush of nostalgia and memory. He'd done this exactly the same... just years and years ago.

He was terrible trying to swallow without water. It was useless; it'd only make him drowsy in the time it'd take until his throat began to close up against the tablets. That was the problem with his second attempt. He just couldn't swallow them all.

Connor sighed, if they found him in time which he was pretty sure they would, they might be able to pump his stomach. Then everything would be so useless.

He had options, but very few... Connor emptied his pockets all over the leaves, he looked down.

He looked through at all of it... two movie tickets, 36p change, a key, and Abby's sunglasses and there was ... there was a penknife. Connor hiccupped to himself in surprise and a reaction to whatever he was taking. It... it looked like Becker's- why did he have that? Well he knew Becker would kill himself about this...

He sighed; his mum hadn't tried it like this. Maybe it'd work then for him.

Then Connor realised he just couldn't... he swallowed a few more of the tablets and passed out. Maybe they were stronger than they looked. Connor nudged the packet over with his foot. Yeah, it did say one a day.

Connor held the knife up into the glinting brightness and as he lowered it he passed out for the second time.

Matt had no idea where Connor was going to go, he just didn't seem to know him well enough. Of course he'd read his file. But not all of it, like some people always had a closed section in their personals. He just didn't understand how bad it was. They called it a 'crash' but it didn't seem like that in the reports... he'd seen that the mother was the only one uninjured. And Connor had been thrown from the car into some bushes so had survived... There was something not quite right... in the incident someone was definitely at fault and he didn't like the thought of foul- play.

Matt had understood why Abby had told everyone that if they didn't find him soon he'd be dead. She couldn't tell them, she couldn't. Matt understood and made sure nobody else, no matter how suspicious, would ever find out. They didn't need to, and there was no point...

Matt walked over to where the ADD was, Jess was somewhere else and he looked up Connor's credit card. He looked sadly down at it... He'd purchased something in a chemist, which could be used in a lethal dosage if he wanted to. Matt knew then, they'd never find him alive...

Not good.

Connor stood up placing Abby's picture down and the bloodied knife. He decided, he didn't really want this. "We create our fate every day we live" Connor looked up at the now ink black sky, just because his mother did this. Well, it didn't mean he had to.

Connor ran as fast as he could, he had to call Abby. He had to get her here to help him as soon as he could. He didn't want this, he'd settle for what he had before. It was better than he'd thought, it was perfect even.

Abby knelt beside the picture and cried lightly, but where was he? Where had he got to? Abby collected all of his belongings and stuffed them into her pockets.

Then she saw it...

Just lying there in a pool of crimson, a knife that she was sure was actually Becker's. How could Connor have done that to himself? How was that even possible? He wasn't that kind of person, he was innocent. Or at least Abby had thought he was. Maybe that was all a lie, he'd only ever lied to her to protect her. And now was the only time she was really scared about.

Abby knew then, he couldn't have got that far away. She'd find a way to save him. At all costs- whatever she would have to do, she knew she would have to save him.

Connor stumbled through the forest, it was nearly midnight and Connor couldn't find his way out... He was lost and it was so dark. Connor gazed around totally freaked out. He hated all those strange noises. Maybe if he screamed then Abby would come and help, but Connor knew that wouldn't happen. And not here- not now. Connor sobbed quietly and stumbled over the coarse roots.

Connor knew everything was so dark and was surprised to see light off in the distance. Connor stumbled into what seemed like a path. But just guessed it was a road. Connor stood there and frowned, how was he suddenly in the middle of the road? Connor tripped and fell and saw the light suddenly getting ever so close. Connor sprang up and realised...

He had to get out of the road, it just wasn't safe here.

Connor stumbled as far out of the road as he could, but he just couldn't get away fast enough. He just couldn't... Connor heard the screech deafening in that silence, he heard ever tone and every creak. Then screaming just endless screaming deafening and ear breaking, then he realised it wasn't just the driver screaming. Connor was screaming as he fell off to the side of the road.

He just lay there; maybe he'd find a way to get out? Find a way to live through all of this. But what if the driver left him? What if they drove off? Then there would be no chance Connor would be safe.

Connor looked up at the car, somehow he recognised it. Something seemed familiar, oddly familiar. But he just couldn't seem to place it.

Connor tried to look over at the driver, but moving hurt way too much. Connor blacked out; at least it seemed that the car wasn't moving at all. Was that a good or a bad thing?

Then Connor woke up... someone was supporting his head. "Why did you have to go do that, Con," the voice whispered into his ear. Connor recognised it at once and tried to look her in the face. He couldn't see her, his eyes were blurred with tears and he couldn't move without spasming down his neck.

Connor grinned, "I was trying to get help, you were speeding" He chuckled and began to cough. He looked up and he could hear her calling for help. That smile, that blonde hair, his Abby. Here through it all... just there holding him in the darkness. Holding him as the darkness folded into him.

It ended like it had started, but this time it was Abby cradling Connor. It wasn't Connor holding his sister as she died.

But this wasn't the same. It is never the same.

And Abby could feel a pulse...

"Fate chooses our relatives, we choose our friends"

The song that inspired this fanfic was Letters from the sky by civil twilight. It was just such an awesome song and rather fitting for this genre, so I thought I should write a story on it. I hope you liked it and weren't too disappointed by the lame ending :).